p dir="ltr"After calling me 'Kat' a few more times, and trying to escape from his rooms insisting I was a Klingon trying to steal his ship, Lorca fell asleep again. I tried to get comfortable on the sofa, but it was just slightly too hard. Eventually, I drifted off, after twisting and turning on the remarkably uncomfortable cushions./p
p dir="ltr"I was woken by muttering, steadily getting louder. I rushed over to Lorca. He was glistening with sweat, the sheets under him damp. He was mumbling something indistinct. I leaned forward to try and hear what it was. Then his hands were at my throat, and I was pushed up against the wall./p
p dir="ltr"My back slammed into the edge of the window, making me gasp in pain. Lorcas' eyes were mad, filed with anger and sadness. I helplessly kicked his shins and tried to pry his hands off my throat, but emmy god /emwas he strong./p
p dir="ltr"I desperately dug my nails into his arms. It did nothing, of course. Just as I started to hear a sound like taps turned on full in my head, the pressure on my windpipe vanished./p
p dir="ltr"I would've crumpled to the floor, but a pair of overly warm arms caught me. " I'm so, so sorry" I heard his voice as his face drifted into view. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry". I was gasping, slowly regaining my bodily functions. Lorca had his face buried in my hair, and he was whispering ' I'm sorry' over and over again./p
p dir="ltr"He pulled away and looked at my neck. His thumbs grazed the area where I knew there would be red marks. "Quite alright" I managed. " I tried to kill my younger brother with a fork when I got stung. My older brother nearly knocked me out"./p
p dir="ltr"But at the word 'kill' Lorcas' face went blank. I suddenly found myself dropped unceremoniously to the floor. He was standing, staring out of the window. I felt a chill creep over me at the words coming from his mouth, the hate in his voice. The hate for himself. "You tried to kill her, Gabriel." He was whispering, "Just like you killed your crew. Blew them up, didn't you, Gabriel, and now they're dead. You'll kill everyone you care about, you heartless monster. They're dead. That means gone forever, Gabriel. No one will ever care for you". The tone of his voice changed and he turned to face me. " I killed them, just like I tried to kill you. I'm sorry I killed them. Please, I'm sorry." The look of hopelessness on his face made a jolt of sadness run through me. " Help me, please, I'm sorry"/p
p dir="ltr"Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were around his fever-hot form. br / "It's ok, Gabriel, it's going to be ok". We stayed like that for at least three minutes, and I began to feel rather self-conscious. Then I felt him shaking, and heard the sniffling sounds from above my head. This man, this tough, calloused captain, who moments ago had tried to strangle me, was crying. I tightened my arms around him./p
p dir="ltr"He'd fallen asleep again almost as soon as if got him into bed. I felt shaken. Would he have really killed me? Hopefully I would never know. I wondered briefly about calling for Doctor Culber and noping the fuck out of here, but one look at the dark figure on the bed and I decided against it./p
p dir="ltr"Somehow I fell back asleep, and was woken by a call on my padd. It was Doctor Culber. I answered and his tired face appeared on screen. "Is everything ok, nurse? How is our captain" br / "He's fine, well... Definitely hallucinating. Thought I was a Klingon. Keeps calling me Kat" I decided not to mention the strangling, self hate and crying episode./p
p dir="ltr"Culber questioned me about the symptoms for a few minutes longer, then ended the call. A quiet voice shocked me out of my thoughts. "Would you mind getting me a drink?" said Lorca, sounding remarkably lucid. I poured him a glass of water and handed it over. "Thanks" he said. Then his eyes narrowed as he stared at my neck. " Did I do that?" He asked / "Um...no, no...I just...um...slept weirdly...". I nearly laughed at the weakness of my excuse. Slept weirdly? Really?br / Luckily he didn't seem bothered anymore. His eyes were fixed on a point above my / "Don't hurt her. Don't, please. Hurt me, torture me, kill me, but please don't hurt her"br / Once again, I spun round, expecting a madman right behind me. Nothing there. He must be hallucinating again./p
p dir="ltr"Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep. Just as I was about to go and get something to eat, Lorca spoke again. br / " What's your name?" He whispered. br / " Um, Eleanor Ganiford, sir. Most people call me Ellie" br / "Lovely name. Don't call me sir. Not my name. S'gabriel" he said again./p
p dir="ltr"I checked the time. It had been about 14 hours since Lorca had been stung, and I knew that at forty-eight hours, he would start to feel unbelievable pain. The poison would reach the nerves, and his whole body would feel like it was on fire. All I would be able to do would be comfort him. Painkillers would have no effect, and even sedation would leave him in a terrible haze of pain that he couldn't break out of./p
p dir="ltr"That was still 34 hours away, and then I would still have at least two more days here. Of course, I could hand over to another doctor, but I felt a sense of responsibility. Also, all other nurses and doctors would be dealing with the fallout from the mission Lorca had been on. They had succeeded, but with many casualties./p
p dir="ltr"I had several paper books, originally belonging to my grandmother, that I had brought with me to the discovery. I had packed them in the bag that I had brought to Lorcas' quarters, expecting hours of boredom./p
p dir="ltr"I was 56 pages into my first book when I heard Lorca throwing up again. Except this time, it was all over himself. He was still in a world of dreams, however, once again muttering indecipherable sentences./p
p dir="ltr"I would have to change the bedsheets, but that would be the easy part. The hard part was going to be cleaning him. All he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and I was not taking them off. I decided I would have to rinse him off in the shower somehow./p
p dir="ltr"I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and staggered into the bathroom. The problem was, he couldn't stand by himself. I would have to hold him up, but I didn't want to soak my uniform./p
p dir="ltr"I took another look at Lorca. He was nonsensical, and it seemed very unlikely he would become lucid again any time soon. And even if he did, he would forget, right? After a moment's more hesitation, I stripped down to my undershirt and pants/p
p dir="ltr"As I rinsed the vomit off my captain, I thought just how weird this situation was. I should probably have called for a- preferably male- doctor to take over. I tries to keep my eyes fixed on his face, as the water was making his loose boxers cling to his legs and...other things. I reached up to turn off the water when he spoke, his voice lower than normal. br / "Well, this is sexy, isn't it" I jumped so badly I slipped on the wet floor and fell over. That is, until Lorca caught me, meaning my face was about level with his waist. I felt like my face was burning up as I scrambled upright and tried to explain myself. " I'm really sorry sir, it's just you..." I realised he was no longer listening. He was slumped against the wall, mumbling again./p
p dir="ltr"I hoped with all my heart that he would not remember that./p
p dir="ltr"I was woken by muttering, steadily getting louder. I rushed over to Lorca. He was glistening with sweat, the sheets under him damp. He was mumbling something indistinct. I leaned forward to try and hear what it was. Then his hands were at my throat, and I was pushed up against the wall./p
p dir="ltr"My back slammed into the edge of the window, making me gasp in pain. Lorcas' eyes were mad, filed with anger and sadness. I helplessly kicked his shins and tried to pry his hands off my throat, but emmy god /emwas he strong./p
p dir="ltr"I desperately dug my nails into his arms. It did nothing, of course. Just as I started to hear a sound like taps turned on full in my head, the pressure on my windpipe vanished./p
p dir="ltr"I would've crumpled to the floor, but a pair of overly warm arms caught me. " I'm so, so sorry" I heard his voice as his face drifted into view. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry". I was gasping, slowly regaining my bodily functions. Lorca had his face buried in my hair, and he was whispering ' I'm sorry' over and over again./p
p dir="ltr"He pulled away and looked at my neck. His thumbs grazed the area where I knew there would be red marks. "Quite alright" I managed. " I tried to kill my younger brother with a fork when I got stung. My older brother nearly knocked me out"./p
p dir="ltr"But at the word 'kill' Lorcas' face went blank. I suddenly found myself dropped unceremoniously to the floor. He was standing, staring out of the window. I felt a chill creep over me at the words coming from his mouth, the hate in his voice. The hate for himself. "You tried to kill her, Gabriel." He was whispering, "Just like you killed your crew. Blew them up, didn't you, Gabriel, and now they're dead. You'll kill everyone you care about, you heartless monster. They're dead. That means gone forever, Gabriel. No one will ever care for you". The tone of his voice changed and he turned to face me. " I killed them, just like I tried to kill you. I'm sorry I killed them. Please, I'm sorry." The look of hopelessness on his face made a jolt of sadness run through me. " Help me, please, I'm sorry"/p
p dir="ltr"Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were around his fever-hot form. br / "It's ok, Gabriel, it's going to be ok". We stayed like that for at least three minutes, and I began to feel rather self-conscious. Then I felt him shaking, and heard the sniffling sounds from above my head. This man, this tough, calloused captain, who moments ago had tried to strangle me, was crying. I tightened my arms around him./p
p dir="ltr"He'd fallen asleep again almost as soon as if got him into bed. I felt shaken. Would he have really killed me? Hopefully I would never know. I wondered briefly about calling for Doctor Culber and noping the fuck out of here, but one look at the dark figure on the bed and I decided against it./p
p dir="ltr"Somehow I fell back asleep, and was woken by a call on my padd. It was Doctor Culber. I answered and his tired face appeared on screen. "Is everything ok, nurse? How is our captain" br / "He's fine, well... Definitely hallucinating. Thought I was a Klingon. Keeps calling me Kat" I decided not to mention the strangling, self hate and crying episode./p
p dir="ltr"Culber questioned me about the symptoms for a few minutes longer, then ended the call. A quiet voice shocked me out of my thoughts. "Would you mind getting me a drink?" said Lorca, sounding remarkably lucid. I poured him a glass of water and handed it over. "Thanks" he said. Then his eyes narrowed as he stared at my neck. " Did I do that?" He asked / "Um...no, no...I just...um...slept weirdly...". I nearly laughed at the weakness of my excuse. Slept weirdly? Really?br / Luckily he didn't seem bothered anymore. His eyes were fixed on a point above my / "Don't hurt her. Don't, please. Hurt me, torture me, kill me, but please don't hurt her"br / Once again, I spun round, expecting a madman right behind me. Nothing there. He must be hallucinating again./p
p dir="ltr"Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep. Just as I was about to go and get something to eat, Lorca spoke again. br / " What's your name?" He whispered. br / " Um, Eleanor Ganiford, sir. Most people call me Ellie" br / "Lovely name. Don't call me sir. Not my name. S'gabriel" he said again./p
p dir="ltr"I checked the time. It had been about 14 hours since Lorca had been stung, and I knew that at forty-eight hours, he would start to feel unbelievable pain. The poison would reach the nerves, and his whole body would feel like it was on fire. All I would be able to do would be comfort him. Painkillers would have no effect, and even sedation would leave him in a terrible haze of pain that he couldn't break out of./p
p dir="ltr"That was still 34 hours away, and then I would still have at least two more days here. Of course, I could hand over to another doctor, but I felt a sense of responsibility. Also, all other nurses and doctors would be dealing with the fallout from the mission Lorca had been on. They had succeeded, but with many casualties./p
p dir="ltr"I had several paper books, originally belonging to my grandmother, that I had brought with me to the discovery. I had packed them in the bag that I had brought to Lorcas' quarters, expecting hours of boredom./p
p dir="ltr"I was 56 pages into my first book when I heard Lorca throwing up again. Except this time, it was all over himself. He was still in a world of dreams, however, once again muttering indecipherable sentences./p
p dir="ltr"I would have to change the bedsheets, but that would be the easy part. The hard part was going to be cleaning him. All he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and I was not taking them off. I decided I would have to rinse him off in the shower somehow./p
p dir="ltr"I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and staggered into the bathroom. The problem was, he couldn't stand by himself. I would have to hold him up, but I didn't want to soak my uniform./p
p dir="ltr"I took another look at Lorca. He was nonsensical, and it seemed very unlikely he would become lucid again any time soon. And even if he did, he would forget, right? After a moment's more hesitation, I stripped down to my undershirt and pants/p
p dir="ltr"As I rinsed the vomit off my captain, I thought just how weird this situation was. I should probably have called for a- preferably male- doctor to take over. I tries to keep my eyes fixed on his face, as the water was making his loose boxers cling to his legs and...other things. I reached up to turn off the water when he spoke, his voice lower than normal. br / "Well, this is sexy, isn't it" I jumped so badly I slipped on the wet floor and fell over. That is, until Lorca caught me, meaning my face was about level with his waist. I felt like my face was burning up as I scrambled upright and tried to explain myself. " I'm really sorry sir, it's just you..." I realised he was no longer listening. He was slumped against the wall, mumbling again./p
p dir="ltr"I hoped with all my heart that he would not remember that./p
