A/N: Still don't own it. But I can dream...


Even though he was possessed by a rather violent tannuki, lacked eyebrows, and hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in possibly all of ever, Gaara was by no means ugly or unappealing. He was possibly the most physically attractive man in all of Suna (according to Kankuro, who'd learned as much from a recent magazine poll: he was ranked number one in Sunagakure and number two as a whole after Uchiha Itachi. "Girls have things for violent, legally blind men in uniforms" he'd been told, "just ask Temari.." Kankuro explained). But, being emotionally unavailable and an insomniac of unheard of proportions, this went in one ear canal and was brutally massacred as it attempted further progression. So rather than flaunt his smexiness for all the world to see, Gaara felt he was a hideous, eyebrowless freak with bags the size of the land of earth under his eyes, and a kill list at least twice that size. (Did Kankuro mention that angst and emo in pretty boys was 'in' now too? Not that he read Suna Pop! a teen girls dream magazine, cuz it's not like he's a subscriber or anything. Really.)

Thus, with all of this nonsense on his mind, Gaara set forth to the land of fires Konahagakure to visit with his only real friend, and maybe cry while eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watching an old Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks film, because Naruto's pretty gay and that's about all he owns, movie wise, that isn't rated K+ or XXX for bestiality. Not that Gaara'd ever complain – after all, what are friends for if not to blatantly ignore weird fetishes while supporting the sickening hero-worship of a certain white cat of evil and her ever present and effeminate bow? So after a few days travel through the desert and forests that lay between him and You've got mail, Gaara arrived at the not-so-hidden Hidden Leaf Village (after all, if Orochimarus lackeys could find it…) only to be stopped by the female gate guards.