Chapter 2: Lunch- Arthur's Music Class

As Mr Ratburn goes to the Lunch line he is standing next to Eddie Vedder who is Purchasing a brownie and some Fiji Water.

"Um...Mr Vedder...can I ask you a question?" Mr Ratburn asks while grabbing some Vitamin Water from the container.

Eddie Vedder rolls his eyes and tries to keep his cool because he knows he's only going to be at this school for a while. He takes out his spider man wallet and takes out a five dollar bill and pays the lunch lady.

"What kind of question is it?" Eddie responds in an angry voice as he heads back to the farthest section of the teachers table. Mr Ratburn sits down next too him. Eddie Vedder rolls his eyes and begins to unwrap his Brownie.

"Well...I...don't" Mr Ratburn starts to say as he opens his egg salad sandwich and his bag of sour cream and onion chips.

"You don't what?" Eddie Vedder ask's him angrily while taking a sip from his Fiji water.

"Well...I don't and never have had a" Mr Ratburn studies real hard on his egg salad thinking that it's the best thing in the world to eat. Instead of answering the question.

"You've never had what? An STD? I mean cause that's a good thing" Eddie says while stealing some of Mr Ratburn chips while he isn't looking.

Mr Ratburn lowers his voice so that the other teachers don't hear him and then he goes

"Well...I've never had a girl friend and I've never had sex."

Eddie Vedder looks at him

Back at the Kids Lunch Tables

Arthur and his friends where talking about the new teacher.

"I don't think I should be in his class." says George as he lets out a sigh

"Why is that George his class is gonna be fricken awesome!" says Buster

"No it's not!" Argues the Brain while he eats some of his meatloaf sandwich.

"Why not?" Asks Buster while he reads a letter from his dad.

"Well" says the Brain while he takes another bite from his meatloaf "Because I don't think were going to learn anything at all and I need to get into Harvard! And that means actually learning and not fighting with Binky All the time" he then looks over to Binky's table where they are smashing pop cans on their heads.

"Well I think it could be cool." says Arthur who thinks this is one time that when he plays the piano will really pay off.

" I think it would be cooler if some retarded person didn't use my trumpet as a baseball bat" says Fern as she glares at Brain.

"Im sorry about that Fern, But I had to Use something or else that Retard would have own!" says the Brain as he opens his bag of Chips-A-Hoy cookies.

"Well, I don't like him. He looks like a stoner. And he smells like cigarettes" says Muffy who is examine her nail job.

"Well that's just cause you don't like anyone who's not into pop music." says Arthur.

Muffy gets up from the table and let's out a huff

Back at Mr Ratburn's table

"You've Never had Sex?" Eddie asks him.

Mr Ratburn nods with embarrassment at what he just said.

"No I've Never had sex," sighs Mr Ratburn as he throws out his garbage then sits back down.

"How have just like not ever tried to have sex or just...you've got to be at least 28 right?" Eddie says while finishing off his Fiji water.

"I mean I have tried, once...but It didn't work out at all, and I just gave up after that. And for my age im a little bit older then 28."

Eddie Vedder gets up and throws away his Fiji water and sits back down. He doesn't want to talk about this at all. Since he does not want to deal with these freaky talking animals at this weird school any longer then he has too.

"Well how old are you then 30?" Eddie asks

"Well...no.." Mr Ratburn Stutters.

"Then?" says Eddie

"Well im 40.." Mr Ratburn say's.

"Your what?!" Eddie ask him a bit concerned

Mr Ratburn hides his face in embarrassment "yes...im 40." he say's again

"Well then you need some help," Says Eddie

Mr Ratburn nods then heads back to class since lunch is over and he has too teach his least favorite class that includes Binky about Algebra. Which is his favorite subject and now he has to worry about his co workers finding out that he has never had sex. Since these things do spread quickly at El Wood Elementary.