This time, we get a glimpse into Neville's reality. I know I just said I'd need review to decide whether or not to continue, but I'm a liar. There, I said it. It's out there. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!
Enjoy, sugar butt!
"Now, Neville, your grandfather passed away quite awhile ago, and I have been alone for a very long time, now."
"Gran, I am not ready for this. Not at all."
Sitting uncomfortably in his grandmother's living room for tea, Hogwarts graduate Neville Longbottom could not help but wonder what could be worse than the conversation they were about to have.
"Neville, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, my Sevvy-poo."
There was a very long horrible moment as Neville watched his former potions professor walk in from his grandmother's bedroom, where he had apparently been napping, and wearing a dressing robe, proof he'd been staying there.
"Gran! You're dating my dead professor!" Neville yelped, sloshing tea down his front and not caring.
"Neville! Careful with my tea cups! They're older than you!"
"And he's younger than you!" Neville pointed out, feeling terrified. "And, oh yeah, he's dead!"
"Longbottom, don't be so dramatic. Next you'll be telling me that Dumbledore died." Snape drawled, looking thoroughly unamused.
"He did! You killed him!"
"Don't believe everything you read, Longbottom!"
"What are you talking about? You killed him then you died and Harry decided you were a good guy after all!" The air hung thick with the awkwardness of this whole situation. Slowly, as if they were hoping Neville wouldn't notice, Snape slid his hand over to Mrs. Longbottom's knee, who stifled a giggle.
"Merlin's sake, Gran! He's old enough to be your son!" Neville finally cried out, unable to take it anymore.
"Your grandmother's young at heart, Longbottom." Snape cooed in a voice that was meant to be silky but struck Neville as just greasy.
"It turns out I'm a cougar!" Neville's grandmother squealed, throwing her hands in the air with excitement.
"A what?" Neville asked, wanting to know what large animals had to do with the whole situation.
"A cougar, an older woman who goes for younger men. Seeing as most of the men in my age are either boring or dying, it makes sense."
"Besides that, she doesn't look a day over 55." Snape purred, Neville gagged, but then took a deep breath and decided to try his best to be civil.
"So, how did you two meet?" he asked, regretting the words as soon as they hit the air.
"Well, I ran into him at the supermarket, as I was making a cashier boy apologize, and Sevvy-poo heard the they boy call me 'Mrs. Longbottom' and asked if I was the Mrs. Longbottom, and I said yes, and he mentioned how in your third year, you made him, my Sevvy-poo, wear my vulture hat in the form of a boggart and we had a good laugh, and haven't stopped having fun since!" Neville's grandmother giggled like a school girl, blushing madly at the whole story.
Neville gaped like a gold fish, not only was his grandmother dating, she was dating a younger man, a younger man who he was almost positive was dead, who had also been his potions master, who had made his life hell for years, and was nibbling on his grandmother's earlobe.
"I have to go." Neville said in a rushed voice, standing up rather suddenly.
"You're not done with tea yet!" his mother objected, looking insulted.
"I have lost my appetite! Good bye to you both! AND I WILL NEVER CALL YOU GRANDPA!" Neville stormed out of the house, positive that no one had ever had a more ridiculous tea time in the history of tea.
