There were about three hundred things wrong with my life, the fact I was a part of my life was a huge problem because I had feelings that didn't make sense and my brain liked to shut off when chemicals started whizzing around my body that gave me urges, urges like kissing Damon… urges like kissing Jesse. So there are so many things wrong with my life, like Quinn standing in front of me with a Nikon that could blow my life up in my face and all I could think about was how much her face annoyed me.
"What is it with you and camera's?" Damon demands, taking a subtle step so he was in front of me, effectively being a body between me and the crazy bitch.
"I like to capture the moment, I think that picture will say a thousand words." She says proudly.
"Oh I know you do, but I think it's a bit ambitious to say a thousand, your usual work evokes one train of thought" Damon replies. I've no idea what he's talking about, Quinn the secret photographer with her Nikon and windows live edits. Just thrilling.
I peer over his shoulder and I'm surprised to see Quinn giving him a very dark look and then her gaze switches to me and my shoulders instinctually stiffen.
"I think Jesse would have a few things to say."
"I have a few things to say!" I snap, starting towards and only for Damon to pull me into his side with a stern look.
"Now c'mon, what are we twelve?" Damon says quietly turning back to Quinn who gives him a sarcastic grin.
"I don't know, what could you possibly bribe me with?" she challenges.
Suddenly I really want to leave, like just want to run out and leave them to it. I don't want to hear what comes next, if he started flirting back I may have to hit him and kill her. There we go, feelings being irrational. Damon hand is resting light on my hips but it feels like it weighs a ton, I want to take it mine…so I fold my arms across my chest and glare at Quinn's tag-along.
"I'm getting really sick of this." Damon says, his voice laced with subdued anger. I glance up at him and his face is hard, no smirk, no sarcasm, "Delete the photo."
"I will, after I've shown it to Jesse first. I think he deserves to know. Shows her for what she is"
My heart hits the floor, oh God, he doesn't deserve to find out this. Damon's arm stiffens and his hands formed a fist at my hip.
"Don't push me." He responds dangerously.
She matches his expression and I can practically hear the fuse sizzling, who was going to explode first. The minions looking quite gleeful about the whole damn thing and is holding the camera … maybe I should just run at her.
"What the hell is going on?" Santana demands pushing her way into the room and blocking the doorway.
"None of your damn business" the minion says obnoxiously… is she stupid?
Santana looks her up and down the reaches out and the next thing the camera's hit the wall opposite.
"What the fuck Santana!" Quinn yells.
"Now it's my damn business, you're in my house, in my mama's room, in my neighbourhood, and I want you to get the fuck out!" She yells back, holding onto the dressing table for support as she points at them, "Now!"
The girl scurries out the door after a fraction of hesitation and Quinn follows her slowly, glaring at Santana. She says something to low for us to hear and with a smile on her face walks out, looking back at me and Damon. Obviously it's not over, when will it ever be over.
Santana closes the door after her and rounds on us.
"What's going on?" she says glowering at as both.
With the alcohol, with Quinn, with my fucking feelings, I suddenly feel really tired and sit down on the bed.
"Quinn taking it up a whole other notch or five." Damon mutters.
"I don't care about her" she snaps waving to the door then motioning to us, "but she was obviously kicking of about you two, again, now what's happened to have caused that. What the hells going on with you two?"
Now I definitely don't want to be here.
"What do you mean?"
Oh my God Damon do not play dumb because she will spell it out and I don't want to hear it.
"Back and forth, back and forth, we're all sick of it! All of us, do you think everyone's stupid? Now fucking sort it out!" and with that she slams the door behind her.
I blink, her angry face burned into my mind, what the hell was that about, everyone's sick of it?
I sink down onto her parent's bed and let my fingers dig into my scalp. I was going to have to do something, I was going to have to do something soon before the two parallels lines of Jesse and Damon collided and killed me. The bed dips beside and his arm presses against mine.
"Don't take any notice of her." He says softly.
"Bit hard not to" I scoff and then add quietly, "We need to sort this."
He sighs and I expect him to get up and leave.
"Alright."
My hands slid out of my hair and I clasp them in front of me and sit up. He's watching me intently, waiting for me to start, his face calm but there's something that gives me the feeling he's wary.
He has the longest eyelashes, I hadn't noticed that before, my eyes drift downwards and trace the bow of his lips. How can one guy be so pretty, because he was pretty but he was also handsome, he could be anything.
The corner of his mouth twitches.
"Keep that up and there will be no talking at all."
He looks amused and I looks away again to my clasped hands.
"Right so…" I begin, but can't continue, I try to think. He floor vibrates slightly to the music from downstairs and I feel too warm.
Nobody would be able to hear us.
"What do you want Niamh?" Damon asks his voice quiet and completely serious.
"What do you want?" I reflect.
He sighs and leans forward with his hands clasped around his beer bottle, "I've already made a proposal, your move."
Oh yeah, the best of both worlds thing. Well it as tempting but I'm not Hannah Montanah, I couldn't keep it up.
"I don't think I can do that."
"Thought not." He replies and he gives me a small smile, "Well it was fun while it lasted."
Oh this was it. This was it ending, completely. The realisation leaves everything in my head screaming no as he stands up. I scramble up after him so I'm between him and the door.
I can't coax him to look at me with my gaze, his head bent slightly, he looks defeated.
I'm not sure what to say or do so I just wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. I've never hugged Damon, maybe no one has and that's why he stands immobile, frozen. Then his shoulders shift and his hands rest lightly on my lower back and we melt into it. I feel like I fit here, like I don't want to leave and I wouldn't but the difference is, I know he would. So I make the most of it and turn my head into his neck, breathing how he smells.
So easily the mood shifts, and he's tugging my head back while his hand splays out over my back pinning me to him.
"Just so you know" he murmurs, "I think your pretty amazing and I'll always be around if you need me."
What can I say?
He presses his lips against mine slowly, and it's a quiet kiss, an intense kiss, a good bye kiss.
One hand finds itself in his hair, fastening to it and whilst the other clings to his shoulder. When we break away I have to fight myself, to let my hand fall from his shoulder and to let go, but I can't leave the room and as usual, Damon walks away first.
I just stand there for a while, feeling like I was losing something and imagining something inside me breaking down with the distance he put between us, something that would finally settle as dust.
Why did I feel like this when I never had anything to begin with?
My eyes glaze over, heavy with tears.
"Niamh?" Santana calls softly from behind me.
I don't have the energy to turn around, so she comes to me and leads me to the bed and puts her arm around me.
"I think you're an idiot just for the record."
"How'd you figure that? He doesn't want the same thing as I do, it's all physical."
Santana's biting her lip and seems to be deciding something, "And you want Jesse? That's what you want."
I think about it.
"No." I sigh and the tears fall.
She tuts, "It's my party, I cry if I want to, not you. You can beat Quinn, that's about it."
I let out a short laugh and wipe my face as Rachel swings the door open.
"What's going on?... and who's camera's that?"
*
Ten minutes later, with freshly applied make-up, Rachel's leading me back downstairs with Santana in tow. I feel slightly better, but that's because they've been distractive but it doesn't matter either way because now I have to find Jesse, and say goodbye to him to.
"Are you okay?" Blaine asks as we reach the kitchen, Rachel already in Jeremy's arms and Santana bitching at Matt about something.
"Not really" I murmur and give a weak smile, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay… well I'm not too good myself, Stefan left."
"Oh?"
"It was weird. He was outside talking to that blonde from earlier and Jesse, then Damon came out of nowhere and things looked to be getting really heated. Then he left and Santana went off with Damon."
"What was it about?"
"No idea, they were out back, I was watching through the window." He says, smirking smugly at his detective work and sticking his thumb over his shoulder to the glass that reflecting the kitchen.
"I'll be right back" I murmur reaching up and kissing his cheek. I turn and make my way to the back garden. Sure enough I find Jesse and a blonde girl, the one that wanted to talk to Stefan earlier. There's a niggling in my head, I'm missing something.
They don't notice me at first, she's sitting on the ground and he's standing looking over her. There's something about it I don't like.
"Talk to me Li" he says softly, it sounds affectionate.
"I have nothing to say." She exhales and after a beat adds, "I don't even hate you anymore, I'm indifferent, I honestly don't care that you exist anymore. You ruined everything."
"But he knows now."
"Doesn't change anything, does it?" she snaps, "Thank god I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Um, Jesse." I call, interrupting the almost pained look he's giving her.
Both their heads snap in my direction. His eyes dart from me to her and he opens his mouth but she cuts him off by standing up and waving him off. She strides past me without and word and disappears into the house while Jesse stares after her.
…He looks how I felt upstairs.
It just helps me finalise what I'm about to do.
"Who was that?" I ask.
"A friend" he says to the ground.
Yeah right.
"I think that what we should be." I say and watch his head snap up.
"What?" he says face creased with confusion.
I don't have the energy to draw it out with all the sprinkles, its pulling a band aid off. Maybe it's selfish, I don't care.
"We both know this isn't for the long haul" I reason, "You barely get on with my friends and I don't feel as strongly as I should about you. I'm sorry. I am really, really sorry."
"What did he say to you?" Jesse demands taking a step forward, his eyes blazing.
"No one's said anything to me." I defend and wonder if he's a scitzo as well as bi-polar.
"So you just led me on?" he grits.
"No! Oh c'mon Jesse, this can't be just one sided. I mean I seen the way you were looking at her" I gesture to the back door.
He look at it for a minutes before he smiles, "You're absolutely right."
I feel uneasy at the look on his face, there's something menacing hid under that smile.
"I mean, I want to go try my hand in Seattle and this wouldn't work out long term. I mean, your just a kid."
There it is.
He smiles at me, waiting for me to react but I don't bite.
"I had a lot of fun with you, I hope we can still be friends."
"Ofcourse" he smiles walking forward, "See ya around."
He breezes right past my shoulder and disappears.
The music's not as thumpy, someone might have turned it down, mellow classics drifting out of the house, infused with low chatter and laughter.
"Dick." I mutter and shake my head feeling a load lift from my shoulders.
I almost float back into the house. Blaine hands me a drink and puts his arm around me, things might actually be alright.
I have sufficiently reached my limit. I am drinking no more and am in vital need of a gallon of iced water. Something trips me up as I leave the bathroom and I curse it and its stupidity. I glance down the stair case as a few people trickle out the door yelling their goodbyes at the small amount of people left in the hall, it must be at least 3am.
I want to go to bed.
I can't go home like this.
I hold onto the wall for balance as I make my way to the little room I was in earlier. Melancholy stings as I look around and the scene from earlier coming back, what if stupid Crazy Barbie hadn't interrupted, I could have spent the whole night in here with Damon.
.
Stupid bitch, I hate her. She didn't even have the manners to leave after that whole thing; Matt had to have a word with at Tyler to make them go before Santana took her head off. All the while she stood and flirted with Jacob, who is disgusting… how do people end up disgusting, can you be born disgusting? Dunno.
I flop down heavily on to the bed and begin navigation of the shoe straps, fuckers, why did I wear them.
There's a creak at the door and a prickle runs down my spine. I look up blearily to see Jacob at the door.
I blink, surely this isn't real, I've already passed out and this is a bad dream. Why the fuck didn't I lock the door?
"Tired?" he asks, his voice seems to clear cut and makes my hair stand on end.
I exercise my tongue around my mouth and scrape my bottom lip with my teeth, trying to encourage them to work right.
"Yes I am. Please excuse me I want to go to sleep, Bye bye."
I think I've done quite well, no slurring, so why is he still standing there. I glare at him.
"Mmm it's nice and quiet up here, away from all the noise. Wouldn't be disturbed." He said meaningfully and I feel my heart fall through the floor.
"Well if you're looking for some time up you should stay up here, I need to get back to my friends." I say and try to pull myself up.
"I'm your friend" he said shrugging off the wall and pulling the door over, "stay up here with me"
"No you're not." I state clearly as my body will allow, now trying to scurry around the other side of the bed.
"Well let's get to know each other then." He said stalking closer.
"What are doing up here all alone?" he said slowly running his eyes over me in a way that makes me want to vomit.
"I told you! I wanted to go to bed, so will you please go away!" I shout.
He was smirking at me and for the first time I noticed how big he really was, his frame was filling out the whole doorway. I couldn't even find it in myself to shout to the people I could hear on the landing waiting for the bathroom. We started at each other, I felt like a trapped animal waiting for the predator to tear me apart. The fear is like a cold shower, almost sobering me up.
"That's not nice." He says flatly.
"Well I don't like you!" I say nastily but it doesn't seem to have the desired effect. His sneer becomes more pronounced.
He starts walking around the bed, "You don't know me" he protests.
My foot hits the bedside drawers so the lamp shakes, "I don't want to know you."
"You're hurting my feelings" he sounds angry now and he's almost within arms distance.
Fight or flight.
My knees hit the thick duvet and I'm scrambling over the kings sized bed. I get one foot on the floor as his wrist locks around my other ankle and pulls hard so I lose my balance and hit my left shoulder hard on the floor. My voice finally begins to work and I start shouting and scramble to my feet, but he's fast his chest collides with my back and I'm knocked to the floor again with his weight pinning me.
"Help!" I scream, terror running through my veins like liquid and hardening, dread weighing me down.
He flips me around so I'm caught between his knees, his teeth are bared and he slams his meaty palm down over my mouth as I thrash. Finally my fist connects with his Achilles heel, knocking the air out of him so he releases me and I try and crawl out from under him but it just seems to make him angrier.
A resounding crack rings out through the room and the floor and ceiling tip, everything's fuzzy and I can't find the ground.
"That made you shut up." he growls.
I need to find the ground, I need to get away because he's still here, I can smell him and I think I'm about to be sick. I register the rough feel of the carpet against my cheek, it comes into focus and its cream. Callous finger skim over my skin and all the fear rises in my again.
"Please stop." I plea and try and bat him away and cry when his wet mouth fastens under my ear. My eyes are bleary and my hands are pinned under me, so I can't clear them to see who breaks the lock on the door with a loud bang. The room freezes for a second but a sob rushes out my throat into the silence, the gun shot that sets everything off.
Someone's knocked Jacob weight off me and their voice is completely livid and unstable but I need to get out. I scramble to my feet and fall into the dressing table so pain radiates through my arm and I fling myself towards the door where I collide into someone.
I try and run past them but they've lock their arms around me.
"Niamh, Niamh!" Damon's voice cuts through the hysteria and I freeze. He looks bewildered, his eyes trained on me as his head turns and reluctantly his casts a look into the room. Sam has Jacob pinned against the wall, his mouth all bloody as Sam has his forearm against his throat and delivers his other fist into his stomach so he sinks to the floor.
Damon looks back down at me and then back into the room and then his completely closes off, becomes a dark mask with angles and hard eyes. Then it's me holding onto him as he tries to step into the room.
"Damon I just want to go, please can we go." I beg.
"What going on?" Matt demands looking anxious running up the stairs.
"Damon please!" I plead as Jacob moans and starts moving at Sam's feet, who looks beyond fury.
"What the hell." Matt gapes when he reaches the doorway, a few other people are looking curiously up the stairway.
"Damon!" I urge shoving him.
He rips his gaze away from Jacob and down at me, I don't know if he is actually seeing me, he's expressionless, just a mask. I try to push him out of my way put he pulls me under his arm and begins guiding me down the stairs. I cling to him and bury my face in his chest. The cold air rushes over us and he hold me to him tighter, I can't see where were going and I don't care, I'm safe now, Damon's got me and were leaving.
He only lets me go when he puts me into the driver's seat and my chest becomes tight, until he gets in the driver's side and pulls me into his side while he puts the seat belt around me.
I have never been so grateful for anyone in all my life. My fingers trace patterns over his shirt to remind me he's here, that the warmth under his shirt is his, it's him I'm here with now and I'm okay. His arm flexes around me now and I like to think he's reminding himself the same thing.
When the car stops I glance up from my haven, he's driven to his house. Its quiet, his free hand is griping the steering wheel so his knuckles are white. Without a word he unbuckles my seat belt and gets out, I wrap my arms around myself as he comes around the other side of the car and opens the door. He pulls me to him again and leads me inside.
He doesn't turn on any lights and guides me upstairs. When we get to his room he turns on the light and leads me into his bathroom I hadn't realise he had. He makes me sit down at the edge the bath as he starts running water over a flannel in the sink and then crouches down in front of me.
"You're so pale" he murmurs.
I feel numb and watch his face as he carefully put the warm flannel to my face. I flinch from the stinging sensation over my top lip.
He inhales heavily and his jaw tightens.
"Your mad." I breathe.
He eyes flash to mine from the cut I imagine I have, and they harden, "I'm not mad." He says quietly, "I'm furious."
He looks away and then takes a breath to steady himself before taking my chin in one hand and gently prodding the flannel against it again. After a while the sting becomes bearable but I never flinch again, just watch him as he concentrates on what he's doing.
"I thought you'd left." I whisper.
"I left Stefan home." he replies .
"After he talked to that blonde girl and Jesse."
He looks up at me, "Yes."
I wait for him to go on but he doesn't.
"I broke up with Jesse." I mumble.
"Good" he sighs simply and throws the flannel behind him, "I'm going to go get you water and some pain killers."
His gently pulls my chin up so I'm not staring at the floor, "Are you okay?"
I just stare at him, "I don't know."
"What can I do?"
"Can I stay here?"
He frowns, "Of course."
"Can I take a shower, I feel…wrong." I mumble and look away.
"Of course" he repeats and I nod, "I'll get you some things to change into."
He stares at me for a moment and reaches out an runs his finger lightly over where it hurts and exhales heavily again.
"I'm okay." I mutter and he nods.
He turns the shower on for me and says he'll be right outside and pulls the door over gently behind him leaving me alone.
I strip off and get in the shower, none of this seems real. Damon then Jesse then Jacob…Sam bursting, what if Sam hadn't burst in and completely come to my rescue and what was happening now, we just left. Santana and Rachel must be freaking out. What about Jacob…what would they do about him…what if Sam hadn't got there…
I can't breathe and the rooms too big, I feel too exposed. I wrap my arms around myself and sink to the floor. There's a gentle knocking on the door before it crack open a fraction and Damon's arm delivers some folded clothes through.
"Damon"
"Yeah?" I can see his reflection in the mirror, he has his head bent behind the door to give me my privacy. I almost don't ask because I don't want to make him uncomfortable but I really need this.
"Can you come in here please?" My voice is so small I don't know how he hears over the water.
I see him frown through the mirror.
"What do you mean?" He asks slowly.
I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, "I don't want to be on my own."
He pauses before coming in, head still bent and closing the door behind him. The room immediately feels more balanced. He undresses without looking at me, facing the door, when he finally glances over at me in just his boxers his face crumples with concern.
I stare at him from the floor. I glance down at my arm am stunned, I hadn't realised I was shaking.
Then he'd crouching beside me, pulling me to my feet and folding me into his arms and I never want to leave. I can finally feel how warm the water is. Damon kisses my forehead and smoothes a hand over my hair and out of nowhere, everything catches up with me and I can't stop crying.
There's no inhibitions or embarrassment, I feel strange yes, almost on auto-pilot but him near me, or I'll feel uneasy, to the point I almost panic. I can't let go of him the whole time in the shower, and he holds me to his chest while his other hand runs the soapy scrunchie over my back, keeping safe areas. We don't speak. When I'm all cried out and content against his should he turns the water off and reaches for a towel that he wraps around me, it's huge.
"There" he murmurs softly.
"What happened to your hand?" I ask trying to reach for it through the thick towel. His knuckles are an irritated red around raw skin.
"I punched the wall."
I immediately want to start crying again but he rests his forehead against mine, "Don't worry about it."
"What do I do?" I' m really lost, do I phone Santana, do I phone the police, do I phone my mom?
"Worry about it tomorrow morning, you've nothing to worry about right now. " he says firmly, "Do you want anything to eat or tea?"
I shake my head.
"Painkillers then bed" he says and kiss my head softly, "I'll let you get dressed."
He leaves and I dress quickly, when I leave the bathroom he's already changed out of his wet boxer shorts to black sweat pants and his chest bare.
"I can sleep in another room if you want."
"No" I say quickly, "please."
He hands me a pain killer, my face doesn't feel that bad but I take it anyway with the water he's holding before climbing into his bed. He turns out the light and gets in with me, but we're not touching and I don't like it.
"You're too far away" I mutter and he shifts, closing the 30 centimetres between us. Lying on his side he drapes his arm over me.
I feel very tired, and safe, and warm and I exhale. He draws little patterns between my shoulder blades.
"Thank you." I murmur after a while.
"For what?" I can hear him frowning, I think he's frowned more tonight than I've ever seen. Giving the smirk a run for its money.
"For taking care of me."
He takes in a deep breath and I know he's annoyed, "What else would I do."
"I could have just gone home…"
He sighs, "I didn't mean it like that, I mean it's the least I could have done. Besides I wouldn't have let you go home…I need you here."
"Why." I mumble, I'm so tired.
"I need to know your okay…and partly so I don't do anything stupid."
I try to say something like 'what' but it comes out a mumbled sigh.
"Go to sleep. I'm here." He whispers and his breath tickles my cheek.
I own nothing expect for Niamh
oh there will be revenge….
