Jacob
Jacob is not allowed to...
Think about Renesmee in certain... ways. Especially when Edward is around
Speak any profanities in the company of Renesmee
Read anything containing dumb blonde jokes
Talk about vampires in discriminating ways
Answer the phone while at the Cullen mansion with the words, "City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"
Read Dracula at any time or in any place
Say, "My how you've grown." Every time he sees Renesmee
Bathe in car wax to give him a shiny coat
Sell anybody pickles at any time or place (I don't know, he just shouldn't!)
Attempt to sell Seth as a side show act
Get drunk in Santa Barbara
Burn Alice's clothes (No one should attempt to do that at any time)
Kiss Leah Clearwater (It could happen)
Eat a squirrel (I love squirrels so I think eating one would just be wrong)
Watch a Hannah Montana concert
Look at Renesmee's butt
Dress up as a vampire for Halloween
Wear vampire fangs at any time
Wear a bra *Shudders*
Trash Edward's Volvo and say that Renesmee wanted him to do it, he was against it, but she won him over with her cute smile
