Jacob

Jacob is not allowed to...

Think about Renesmee in certain... ways. Especially when Edward is around

Speak any profanities in the company of Renesmee

Read anything containing dumb blonde jokes

Talk about vampires in discriminating ways

Answer the phone while at the Cullen mansion with the words, "City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

Read Dracula at any time or in any place

Say, "My how you've grown." Every time he sees Renesmee

Bathe in car wax to give him a shiny coat

Sell anybody pickles at any time or place (I don't know, he just shouldn't!)

Attempt to sell Seth as a side show act

Get drunk in Santa Barbara

Burn Alice's clothes (No one should attempt to do that at any time)

Kiss Leah Clearwater (It could happen)

Eat a squirrel (I love squirrels so I think eating one would just be wrong)

Watch a Hannah Montana concert

Look at Renesmee's butt

Dress up as a vampire for Halloween

Wear vampire fangs at any time

Wear a bra *Shudders*

Trash Edward's Volvo and say that Renesmee wanted him to do it, he was against it, but she won him over with her cute smile