A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts guys :p I wasn't sure about this fic because self harm isn't something that people really write about, but last week I received some news and it hit me hard, so I really want to raise the awareness of how self harm can be really destructive, especially if no one speaks out.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. grr.
Addison slammed her locker shut, resting her head on the cool metal.
"Hey."
Addison jumped, turning to see Derek. "You really have to stop creeping up on me like that!"
Derek laughed, leaning against the wall of lockers. "What are you up to after school?"
Addison thought for a moment, coming up with nothing of particular importance, "Nothing, why?"
Derek grinned, "Meet me here after the last bell." With that, he walked down the hallway before Addison could say anything. She grinned to herself, shaking her head and walking down to her homeroom before school officially started.
--
Once in homeroom, Addison took her usual seat at the back of the class, taking out her book. She ignored the trickle of students coming into the class, focusing on the words of Danielle Steel. She could hear the snickers of a group of girls, the whispers of the jocks. She knew they weren't talking about her, or laughing at her, but she felt her cheeks burn as she tried to engross herself further into her novel.
"Hey, Red, you hot enough?" Addison looked up to see a group of guys staring at her, confusion etched on her face.
"I mean, it's the hottest day of summer and you look like you're about to melt!"
"Yeah, what's with the cashmere?"
"Freak."
Addison ignored them, bringing the book up in front of her face, elbows on the table. She tried to ignore her thumping heart, concentrating on the words that swam about before her. This time, she knew the giggles, whispers and fingers were pointed at her, but she didn't care. They didn't know.
--
Addison made her way through the crowded halls to her locker at the end of school, relief flooding through her. She dumped all her school books in her locker, slamming it shut. She closed her eyes and leant towards it, thanking whoever was up there that the day ended quickly. She opened her eyes and noticed Derek standing next to her, a smile playing on his lips.
"Didn't make you jump this time, did I?" He smirked.
Addison smiled, shaking her head. "So, where are you planning on taking me?"
"Well, seeing as you're new to Hartford, I thought I'd take you to the most important places."
"Ah, sounds good," Addison grinned, "Sure beats staying home doing nothing."
--
"So then I get home, Nancy is screaming the house down, my mom is running around trying to calm everyone down, and Kathleen is calmly sitting on the couch watching television, giving no indication that she can hear everything going on!"
Addison laughed, "Sounds like Kathleen is the more sensible one!"
"She is, but she can be too sensible, when I went out with Mark one night, I had to sneak out the house and I found Kathleen in front of the door, having just told my mom what I was planning to do." Derek grimaced at the memory, "I was grounded for a month and forced to do all the washing up during that time."
Addison giggled as she pictured it, laying down on the grass. Derek followed suit, staring at the clouds. "So, what about your family?"
Addison stiffened slightly, not knowing what to say, "Well I live with my mom. My dad's away," She replied cryptically, hoping Derek wouldn't push further.
He turned to face her, lifting himself up on his elbow. "You're a mystery, Addison Montgomery."
There are some things I'd rather not say, you wouldn't understand. Besides, I've only just met you.
Addison simply laughed, covering her thoughts. "If you say so."
--
"Dad?" Addison asked timidly, sitting up on her bed. It was hours after the blown out argument had ended, the voices fading from her mind.
"Hey Addi bear," Christopher Montgomery walked into her room, sitting at the edge of her bed.
"Are you and mom going to split up?" The blunt question bubbled on her lips, fading into silence as Chris sat, not knowing what to say.
"It looks that way, sweetie."
"I don't want you to leave."
"I don't want to leave you either," Chris spoke softly, holding her hand from under the covers.
Addison stiffened as he reached for her hand, but relaxed when he grabbed the hand which doesn't lead to the cuts she had given herself a few hours ago.
"I love you dad," Addison tried not to cry, realising she wouldn't be seeing him as often as she wanted to.
"I love you too Addi bear, this doesn't change anything between us, least of all my love for you, okay?"
Addison nodded, not being able to help thinking that this DOES change their relationship. He may still love her, but he'll no longer be around when she needs him, when her mother drives her crazy.
She'll no longer see a father figure in her life, when everyone around her has a happy family, she'll be the one keeping the secrets.
--
In her bedroom, closing the door, Addison took off her sweater and relished in the cool air that hit her arms. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the scars that covered her arms.
Why shouldn't I look? I caused them.
Addison opened her eyes, inspecting her arm. Bile rose in her throat at seeing the cuts, fresh and old. She did this to herself, she caused herself pain, and it made her feel even more ashamed.
Why?
How could she explain herself to someone, when she couldn't explain it to herself? She could, she just couldn't find the words, or maybe they just wouldn't understand. They wouldn't see it as a way of escaping, of not feeling the emotional emptiness inside, a way of feeling alive, by seeing the blood, by feeling the pain.
Who would understand?
A/N: Yeah, chapter 2 done. I didn't really know what to write so this was kind of a filler chapter. Anyway, read and review!
