Jessica Warren sat on the edge of her bed after her shower late one evening, running a comb her damp hair as she thought over everything that had happened in her life recently. It had been over four months since she'd broken up with James Aubrey, and once again, she wondered if she'd done the right thing. Had she been too hasty? Maybe, as it seemed regrets were still nagging at her. If only she could be completely certain she'd made the right choice...but, she had to admit to herself, it was possible she'd made a terrible mistake instead. She really, really missed him. Picking up her phone, she once again debated with herself about whether or not to call him. Would he even be willing to talk to her now, especially considering how she'd ended things?
Setting her phone aside, she sighed as she brushed a tear away. Her heart was aching as she thought about losing Aubrey…
...and she had no one to blame but herself.
Oooooooooo
Jessica had never met anyone like Agent Aubrey. Smart, funny, intense, attractive...so many different aspects were wrapped up in his cheerful, unassuming manner. She'd decided as soon as she met him that she might like to get to know him better, never once considering that she might actually fall in love with the man. He was supposed to be merely another interesting challenge, not a long term lover.
She had always thought it was so much easier to have casual relationships with no strings attached. She wanted to be the one in control...the one who decided where things were going while she was involved with someone. That was the way she dealt with most of the men in her life, keeping them at arm's length, and then shutting things down when they wanted to get too close.
It was fun to go out to dinner or a movie with one of the guys she knew, and it was great to hang out with a group of them at a bar when there was a ballgame on, but that was all she needed. She rarely wanted more from any of them. She had a plan for her life and for her career, and a committed relationship would only get in the way of what she wanted to accomplish. She didn't need a boyfriend to feel emotionally fulfilled. She was too busy with her internship and her dissertation to worry about someone else's feelings, and she was perfectly happy with the way things were.
It was different with Aubrey, however. Suddenly she felt unsure of herself and about what she wanted from him, and she was beginning to feel dangerously entangled in the ties of a serious relationship. She soon discovered that she wouldn't be satisfied with just a casual acquaintance with the man, and she definitely didn't want him to be romantically involved with anyone other than her. She wanted something more permanent with him. Unaccustomed to these feelings, she had cautiously contemplated what she should do next.
The logical, scientific part of her personality was frightened by these developments. Emotions could be scary things, and as she realized the strength of emotions she felt for Aubrey, it shook her to the core. She was still feeling skittish about being tied down, even with a man who seemed to love her as much as he did. And because of how much as she loved him, logic had very little chance of standing against the flood of love and happiness she felt whenever she was with him. Still, it was enough to make her nervous. There were too many variables in place to conduct that sort of experiment correctly.
The less logical side of her personality was also uneasy. Being in a serious relationship with someone took a lot of effort, and she had been inexperienced when it came to being part of a successful monogamous couple. What she had needed was advice on how to conduct such a relationship successfully. The question was, where to get it…
Oooooooooo
When Karen Delfs had called all those months ago, wondering if Jessica wanted to go for drinks one evening, it seemed like a good idea. Why not go out and have some fun? The profiler had a quirky sense of humor, and she could carry on an intelligent conversation with almost anyone.
They'd decided to hit the Founding Fathers' Ladies Night one Tuesday evening. It was supposed to be a girls' night out for the Jeffersonian crew and the FBI team...no men allowed...but, one by one, almost all of the women who'd been informed of the plans had decided against attending. Still, Jessica didn't mind if it was just her and Karen. Maybe she could get some friendly advice about what to do about Aubrey without having to explain things to everyone else. It would be less embarrassing that way.
The two women sat at the bar and ordered a platter of nachos supreme and a couple of beers. After chatting about nothing of real importance for a few minutes, Karen leaned toward Jessica with a conspiratorial smirk. "So, when are you leaving for Los Angeles? Have you told Dr. Brennan yet? Making that move has got to be really exciting...and maybe a bit scary, too."
"Los Angeles? Why on Earth would I go to Los Angeles?" Jessica was shocked as she stared at her companion. "My internship is here...my friends are here...Aubrey is here…"
"Yeah, but Aubrey won't be here for long, right?" Karen giggled happily until she saw Jessica's confused expression. "Oh, my God...he hasn't told you yet, has he?" Biting her lip, the profiler pushed her glasses up on her nose and tried to appear contrite. "It's all over the Hoover now...Aubrey has been offered a big promotion, but it means he'll have to move out to the LA field office within the month…"
"No, he hasn't told me yet." Closing her eyes as she slumped on her barstool, Jessica didn't know if she should laugh or cry. "Well, that's interesting, isn't it? Especially since I talk to him practically every day." Shrugging at Karen's woeful expression, the young woman ran her thumb down the label on her beer bottle. "I wonder when he was going to get around to telling me about that little detail. Maybe he was going to wait until after Dr. Saroyan's wedding so he'd be sure to have a date for the evening…"
"I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Jessica…", Karen began quietly. "He probably hasn't made up his mind about what to do yet. I mean, moving clear across the country is a big deal. Maybe he's not sure he wants to do that."
"And, of course, he couldn't discuss it with me, since I'm just his 'sort of' girlfriend." Gesturing for the bartender to bring them each another beer, Jessica stared at the empty bottle in front of her. "And he's had plenty of opportunity to tell me, right? This whole promotion thing didn't just happen yesterday…"
"Um...no, it didn't. It's been a couple of weeks." Karen picked up a cheese covered chip and popped it into her mouth. "If it was me, I'd be really pissed at the guy. You two are supposed to be an item, too, aren't you?"
"I thought so, but I guess I was wrong." Clearly frustrated, Jessica sighed as she turned to her friend. "What should I do, Karen? I really, really like him, but maybe he doesn't feel the same way about me. I wouldn't want to get out there in a brand new city where I don't know anybody, and then find out he didn't really want me to come with him. Maybe I should just let him go by himself. Maybe I should just tell him I don't care what he does, because I don't want to see him anymore."
"Is that the beer talking, or is that what you really think?" Seeing how upset her companion was, Karen drained her bottle and set it down on the bar with a thud. "Actually, that's exactly what you should do. You're going to have to take charge of your relationship. Tell him you're breaking up with him...that you don't see a future together. That should get his attention. I bet he'll beg you to go to Los Angeles with him…he won't want to lose you."
"So he'd beg me to go with him because I threatened to break up with him? I doubt it. I don't think that's really what he has in mind, or he would've been up front with me about the move to begin with. That's what kind of guy he is." Nervously picking at the label on her beer bottle, Jessica shook her head. "I'm not even sure I would want to go to LA if he asked me. Everything I want is here...my internship...my classes…"
"Maybe if you threaten to break up with him, he'll change his mind and stay…"
"But that isn't fair to him, if he really wants the promotion." Nodding resolutely, Jessica turned to her friend. "I've been thinking a lot about this thing between the two of us anyway...about whether or not we actually belong together." Jessica hesitated slightly, wondering if Karen would believe her, even if it wasn't the truth. "Maybe I really should break up with Aubrey...you know, not just threaten, but really end things completely. That would make things easier for both of us in the long run. That way he wouldn't have to choose between me and his job."
"Well, I wouldn't recommend that you make a hasty decision, but if you're already uncomfortable with how things are between you two, then I think maybe you'd be right to reconsider how much effort you want to put to being with him." Karen took a sip of her beer. "But I bet he'll change his tune about things in a hurry if you tell him you're ending things with."
"Maybe. But I'm not sure I even want to be with him if he won't talk to me about the important things in his life...you know, such as things that have the potential to affect both of us. It's almost like he doesn't really care what I think, you know? I'm not sure I can even trust him any more. Anyway, if I have to threaten to break up with him just to get him to ask me to move across the country with him, I'm not sure it's worth it. I think we'd both end up regretting it."
Karen nodded sympathetically. "I completely understand. Transparency is important in a loving relationship. It makes me wonder how committed he is to you if he doesn't want to talk about those things. I think you should confront him, now that you know, and find out why he didn't tell you what's going on."
Sighing softly, Jessica blinked back her tears. Unfortunately, it seemed that Karen was correct. Aubrey's silence about his promotion and transfer had made it plain that he didn't care for her like she cared for him. "Maybe. We'll see. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that anymore. Let's talk about something else…"
Oooooooooo
Jessica had marched into the Hoover on a mission the morning after the wedding reception fiasco, wanting to get her task over with before she changed her mind. After sitting up all night in Karen's apartment, talking things over with her friend as a drunken Aubrey lay passed out in the guest bedroom, she realized that the profiler was right. It was time to make a clean break with the agent. He'd asked her to move to Los Angeles with him in such a half-hearted manner that she knew he hadn't really meant for her to take him up on it. He'd merely caved in to the awkward peer pressure from Dr. Hodgins and Dr. Delfs. He was just doing what was expected of him, and since that expectation had been fulfilled, they could now go their separate ways. He'd be relieved...he'd be happy that she'd let him off the hook by breaking up with him.
Or so she thought, until she'd seen the stricken look on his face. Clearly very upset at the sudden turn of events, he'd wanted to discuss her decision further, but his phone rang, and he was called away to work on the Kovacs' case.
Things had gone downhill quickly from that point. They hadn't seen each other much after the lab was destroyed by the explosion. Aubrey had taken her at her word. She'd said she didn't want to see him anymore, and he'd complied with her wishes. He had avoided her completely, to the point of only slightly acknowledging her presence if they were at a crime scene together.
That was exactly what Jessica had wanted...until that was what she got. It appeared that Aubrey had moved on quite easily after their break up, and Karen, not wasting any time as soon as Aubrey was available, had swooped in to console him in his time of loss.
Jessica couldn't help but wonder if that had been Karen's plan all along. Karen had been a staunch supporter of the 'make Aubrey beg' plan, encouraging the idea that it was a necessary evil to threaten to break up with Aubrey in order to force his hand. Unfortunately, it had been a spectacular failure as far as Jessica was concerned. The threat became reality, and their relationship had ended.
Karen and Aubrey were now a couple, and Jessica was left alone...again.
Oooooooooo
Thinking back on what had happened a few weeks ago, Jessica closed her eyes as she remembered the struggle to maintain her composure that evening at the Founding Fathers. Of course, the perverse nature of the Universe meant that Aubrey and Karen would show up together while she was there on a date with Scott Milton, and, naturally, they ended up sitting across the aisle from each other in the restaurant.
Scott was a nice looking man, and quite intelligent, but he was severely lacking in the personality department. If their dinner conversation strayed beyond ancient Egypt or lacrosse, he had nothing much to say. He was pleasant, but not very interesting, having few real opinions about anything worthwhile and no real urge to extend himself outside of his comfort zone. It was the third time she'd gone out with him, and she'd already realized that her interest in him had run its course.
As she had glanced wistfully at the table opposite from them, she remembered all the fun she'd had discussing a variety of things with Aubrey, who was a well read man with a wide range of interests. The man was never boring. He could quote both Star Wars movies and the Bible at the drop of the hat, he was well versed in baseball and in politics, and, to top it off, he was an excellent cook as well. Maybe he wasn't a card carrying genius like Scott Milton, but the FBI agent could run intellectual circles around the Egyptologist any day of the week.
Seeing Aubrey and Karen at the restaurant together had probably been unavoidable. The Founding Fathers was a popular place among FBI agents, and Jessica knew she should've anticipated seeing them there. However, listening to Karen gloat as she mentioned their upcoming cruise was extremely aggravating. It was bad enough that Jessica felt like Karen had stolen Aubrey away from her. Having the psychologist flaunt her triumph so brazenly was more than any normal person could bear.
They were all in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and she couldn't get away fast enough.
Oooooooooo
Jessica's phone chimed to remind her that she'd missed another call from Scott. She grimaced as she tossed her phone aside. She wouldn't be going to watch a musical in New York City with him for Valentine's Day. In fact, she wouldn't be going anywhere else with him, either. She wouldn't be seeing Scott again.
Her mind kept replaying the scene as they'd left the restaurant. As she'd turned back to look at Aubrey once again, she couldn't help but smile as she thought about all the fun they'd had together when they were a couple.
And then she'd seen it...the smile he'd given her in return. Her heart had been pounding in her chest as she stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. It was a brilliant, hopeful smile...the smile that normally turned her into a puddle of mush when he flashed it at her. Those dimples were adorable. How could she have let Aubrey go, when he had a charm smile like that?
Suddenly Scott looked like a poor imitation of the man she truly wanted to be with.
She knew then that she wanted Aubrey, and even though he was with Karen that evening, his smile had given her hope. If nothing else, maybe they could be friends again. At least that would be a good place to start…
Picking up her phone, she glanced at the date. Two weeks until Valentine's Day. Two weeks to find out if they could work things out to be on good terms again.
Two weeks...starting tomorrow.
