Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Thank you very much for all those people who left a review. I agree about the whole Edward and Bella bond. They're so perfect for each other awww. On with the story and enjoy.
Smile like you mean it
What was wrong with me? After all he did, and I still loved him. He didn't even love me! Why did this need to be so frustrating. How couldn't I tell that he didn't love me? I mean I never made sense. He was a perfect vampire who could read minds and all I was, was an average human no different from anyone else except for the fact I smelled good. And having people love you for your scent wasn't too flattering. What did I have to offer him, my angel? I was a pathetic excuse for a human as it was. Why couldn't Victoria just kill me and get it over with. Why did I need to wait until Jacob and his pack slipped up and she could get to me? GREAT, JUST GREAT. I'm now a pathetic excuse for a human WITH suicidal thoughts with no extra charge. I've got everything going on tonight I'll tell ya that.
I tilted my head back and squeezed my eyes shut. Hopefully this nightmare would be over soon. But when it did, that pain would be even more unbearable than ever before. And if I was dreaming, why did I feel that tremendous pain just now? Things just seemed to be getting better and better tonight. I opened my eyes expecting him to be long gone and having me be left alone in an empty room on an empty bed. Once more, I was wrong.
I jumped when 2 solid topaz orbs were piercing my heart with their beauty.
"Of course," I sighed. "Next I suppose you'll tell me that you're here to stay?" I said with sarcasm. If I showed even the slightest but of emotion, it would feel more real. And it would be harder for him to leave.
"…Bella…" he whispered with a hurt expression. His face was no more that a few inches away from mine and his scent overwhelmed my mind….WHOA WHOA WHOA, HIS SCENT!!!! YOU DON'T SMELL SCENTS IN DREAMS. ESPECIALLY ONES THAT SEEM SO REAL.
My eyes widened, "Oh dear god, this isn't a dream is it? I'm awake aren't I?" My voice shaky and nervous.
He looked too confused. Perfect but confused, he raised one of his perfect eyebrows in a perfectly confused manner. And this perfect was real. "Of course you're awake. Why would you think that?" he questioned, still just as perfect, still just as confused.
As a response a dry humorless laugh escaped my lips. This was so convincing. He didn't seem to sense the humor though. "Oh crap, you're real! You're not lying!" this was turning out as a very bad night.
My eyes began to sting and salty tears poured down my cheeks uncontrollably. My body rattled with sobs and convulsions. I was going back into shock.
"Bella, maybe I should go. Maybe this was a bad idea." His velvety voice claimed with sorrow and hurt. Maybe he didn't want to go.
"NO… that would just make it worse," I blurted out. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't see my angel for 7 months and if he left now I don't think I would be able to handle it again.
When I said that, I imagined that famous crocked smile that I loved so much appearing for the first time in a very long time, but it didn't. He had the same black expression. Blazing empty eyes, a slightly raised eyebrow out of confusion, and his mouth curved to a small downward angle that said suffering and agony all over it. I couldn't help but feel that that was my fault.
He slowly back away from my face. His dazzling aroma fading with him. He stood up facing me and turned around facing the window. He was going to leave. But he couldn't! I couldn't put Charlie through all that pain again, plus with the recent death of Henry. Not to mention Jacob. He was my best friend and it would kill him to see me like that again.
"Please don't" I whispered as he took his first step towards that window at a human pace. He listened.
He turned around as gracefully as I remembered. But instead of sitting directly in front of me, he sat directly to my left, but still very close.
"What have I done to you?" he said mostly to himself. The confusion was now gone replaced with wide sorrow filled eyes and a mournful gaze.
"What do you mean?" I questioned back, a little hurt by his comment.
"What have I done to you, Bella?! Look at yourself. You thin k this is a dream. You lost every bit of humor in your laugh. When was the last time you even smiled? And I mean smiled like you mean it, not put on a good face for family and friends." He began to raise his voice slightly. And as much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
"7 months and 15 days." I stated.
"What?" confusion once more reappearing upon his stunning features.
"It's been 7 months and 15 days since the last time I smiled like I meant it."
He was silent. He left exactly 7 months and 15 days ago. And by the looks on his face, he knew that. He began to mumble something at the speed of a vampire. It sounded like a humming noise that it was so fast. I could not understand what he was trying to say.
"WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU? I COMPLETELY DESTROYED YOUR LIFE. I RUINED EVERYTHING. JUST BY MEETING YOU, JUST BY SEEING YOU, I DESTROYED EVERYHING. WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED MONSTER AM I?!?" I was shocked by the sudden outburst of anger and grief.
"It's not YOUR fault. It's mine. I was the stupid human who had to get involved with the wrong people. NOT YOU. I'm the one who ruined everything. No wonder Rosalie hates the very thought of me. AND DON'T DENY IT. YOU KNOW JUST AS GOOD AS ME THAT SHE DOES." He too became startled. Apparently we both hated ourselves.
"Bella. Please be serious. This has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's not YOUR fault. It's entirely mine. I'm the imperfect pathetic excuse for a creature on this earth." this was beginning to become of fight over who was the most pathetic. I couldn't help but chuckle in my head at the thought of that.
"You're calling yourself imperfect!!!" I screeched back. It was a good thing that Charlie wasn't home yet. Our voices were beginning to become screams of anger and despair.
"THAT'S BECAUSE I AM, BELLA. HOW DO YOU THIN K I'M PERFECT??? HOW?! YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST COMPLICATED PERSON I'VE EVER MET THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, YOU MEET "A LOT" OF PEOPLE IN 100 YEARS!!!" he seemed to emphasize how many people exactly.
'WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH?! AT LEAST YOU'VE TRIED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I STAYED HERE WALKING AROUND LIKE AN EMOTIONLESS ZOMBIE. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT WAKING UP SCREAMING. I DON'T TALK TO ANY ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND THEY ALL AVOID ME. I DO STUPID AND HARMFUL THINGS THAT ARE POSSIBLY SUICIDAL JUST TO HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU HATE YOURSELF?" I don't think I could have screamed any harder.
Suddenly he placed his arms on my shoulders. His grip was tight so I couldn't pull away. The ice temperature from his body sent a chill through mine. "Isabella," he spoke calmly. "Don't you see…? I was the person who caused all that for you. I'm the reason behind your suffering. I'm the reason you're trapped in this dark and damp town. Me, not you. I hate myself because I hurt you. I destroyed you life and crushed every bit of happiness that once flowed freely through you. I'm the reason your always in danger. I hurt you by staying here, even if you didn't realize it. That's why I left, Bella.
"I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. I would have never been able to leave if I didn't think that it would be good for you. I could never stay away from you. You were on my mind every moment of the time I was gone. Please know that I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I had to do it for you. I couldn't do it for anyone else. I love you, Bella."
He then took my speechless face between his cold marble hands and gazed longingly into my eyes. And all this time I've been torturing myself.
"Bella, if you give me another chance. I swear, I will never hurt you again. I love you too much to leave you like that again. I would never be able to do it."
"…Edward…" I whispered his name for the first time in months. It didn't sting or ach. When I spoke his name I didn't cringe and turn away. I didn't clench onto the empty hole arising in my chest. I felt… whole. I felt right. "I love you." I whispered again.
As I finished those last words he closed the space between us and for the longest time, our lips met. For the first time in months I felt like my heart was actually beating. It was racing fast than I could ever imagine.
And for the first time in 7 months and 15 days, I smiled like I meant it.
Now all I had to do was tell Charlie…and Jake.
Hope you liked it. Now why can't that happen to me. Btw, the reason its so mood swingy is because I was watching one of those chick flick movies. It made me cry. So anyway, I hope you liked it. PLEZZ REVIEW. It would make me smile. Thank you!! I shall update so0on.
