Chapter 2 - Dumped into a new World

Nice and easy, no dead parents, don't have to talk to people, and nobody close knows I'm alive, perfect for a new world! Seriously not everyone who reads/writes fanfiction have to be a friendless NEET hated by society who needs self-fulfillment.

"Done, now fuck off." As soon as I saw him snap his fingers, I began spinning out of control like I was being flushed down a toilet.

Then everything went white.

...Wait, I forgot to ask for eternal mangekyou when I asked for Kamui, NOOO!


"AHHH," I screamed, waking up violently in a prickly straw bed.

Was that a dream?

No seriously though, did I just dream of everything because that totally could happen right? I mean the god is fat and all but he still could be…what the hell was with this uncomfortable ass bed? Seriously I feel like I'm sleeping in a cardboard box used as a toilet by some homeless drug user!

Screw it, I'm getting up. It's not like people need sleep anyways. Reminds me of finals season where instead of studying I just read fanfiction then telling all my readers that I couldn't update because I had to study for finals. Hehe, suckers. That's trademarked by the way only I am allowed to use family members dying as an excuse to not take ten minutes out of a week to update.

ANYWAY, it's time to go outside!

This doesn't look like my house

"Well looks like we're not in Kansas- the fuck am I saying I don't even live in the US what type of autistic shithead will actually say that seriously."

Everything looks like…lord of the rings. All the twigs and shit all looks like what you would find in the LOTR series. Wow, am I actually in Earthland?

Fuck I'm already high as hell might as well enjoy it.

"KAMUI!"

"…"

'Why isn't anything happening?'

What the fuck I thought shouting out names was how anime magic worked.

Hmmm…wait…

Oh my fucking god, If I have to be super angry to unlock shit like those cancerous underdog OC's random unoriginal power boosts I'm going to kill myself. Well, time to call up fat and ugly Mr. God of all fanfiction again, not going to go through some montage training chapter that is obviously under written.

Why don't I learn fucking twelve other elemental magics, gain the Rinnegan and the ARC of BLOW EVERYTHING THE FUCK UP in a single sentence. Maybe I should cut off an arm or a leg or gouge my eyes out for a 'WHOOPS I made him too powerful let's give him an unnecessary disability' tactic. Nah that's only Mary Sue territory…wait even worse, that's HORRIBLE OC FANFICTION AUTHOR TERRITORY…NOOOO get me away from there!

Shit.

Only one thing to do.

"HEY FAT GUY!"

No answer.

"HEY FANFICTION GUY!"

NO answer.

"IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF AND RUIN YOUR FUN!"

"NO ANSWER!"

"WOW THIS CLIFF LOOKS AWFULLY HIGH, WOULD BE A SHAME IF I TRIPPED AND F-"

"ALRIGHT, I'M HERE!" The familiar form of the fat and pompous miscreant finally popped into existence. "WHAT. DO YOU WANT?!"

"Mind giving me an instruction manual on this shit? 'Open sesame' doesn't exactly work on the Gates of Babylon you know."

"INSTRUCTION MANU- okay you know what? Here, take this encyclopedia on EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW JUST ASK IT LIKE A SEARCH ENGINE AND IT WILL TELL YOU!"

"Wow thanks that's pretty usef-"

"GOOD. FUCKING. BYE."

As soon as the god finished shouting his farewell, he simply vanished into the air.

First guy successfully trolled! He's probably banging his head on Critics United's door to try and get my story reported! Not going to happen cause I'm a good boy.

Anyways, let's have a look of this book.

The book was…okay it's just a fucking book. Like what type of autistic dipshit doesn't know what a book looks like? I don't need like ten paragraphs describing this either so just go google 'mystical spell tome' and there you have it.

I'm not even going to say what I'm wearing either because I don't give a fuck.

Regardless, the book had all blank pages despite being thicker than your mother. Which was completely pointless because the fat ass could have just given me a freaking piece of paper instead of this unnecessarily large piece of horse-smegma.

Sigh…let's try this.

"Book, how do I use Kamui?"

In response to my command, the book simply made this black rippling effect before coalescing into…cursive. Seriously?

"Book, give me the instructions in English print…and not in 'Comic Sans' please."

To use Kamui: simply think on its effects, and it shall happen.

Mental commands huh? That makes a lot more sense. Goku will probably win magical fights if overall strength was determined by volume. Okay, let's try this.

'Kamui - intangible!'

Instantly I felt a little 'ting' in my body. Cool. I'm going to kick this tree to see if my foot goes through it!

Come on, come on…YES!

As my foot made contact, it…didn't. It was as if the tree wasn't there.

'BUT WHAT IF YOU FALL THROUGH THE GROUND - no shut the fuck up with your plot hole bullshit and just imagine that I wrote ten paragraphs of unrecyclable human waste explaining why I didn't.'

Considering my other foot was still on solid ground, there must have been some subconscious defense against having dumb shit happen with Kamui, nice! - Hah

If I can put my foot up a tree, then I can shove it up someone's ass if they piss me off! I could use Kamui - get it in, then use it again to get it stuck there! Okay that's a horrible idea why would I even want my foot up someone's ass wow that is disturbing.

Okay so Kamui is pretty simple, literally just think it and it happens.

Hmm…what about teleporting?

I remember that Kamui had this blocky landscape if you actually suck yourself in. Maybe I can skip that cause I don't want to go to some creepy New Jersey place and get stuck there.

Wait, speaking of Kamui, do I even have a Sharingan? It's not like I specifically asked for one anyway. How do I even check? Okay I need a mirror.

Gates of Babylon, get me a god damned mirror.

Thankfully, a rippling portal appeared and with it, a gigantic fully vanity set just popped out and fell onto the ground. It's like I need to give this some specific commands like some sort of subpar 1st year university programing class.

Get me a god damned handheld mirror.

As soon as I thought it, the giant vanity set disappeared back into a rippling portal, instead where a regular head sized mirror took its place.

Let's see…

Activating Kamui, I didn't notice my eyes become red and any comma's appear - yes I called them comma's if you're triggered then go fuck off to your safe space you donkey!

A huge smile gradually spread along my face. No sharingan, no blindness! Easy peazy lemon squeezy hehe XD.

Oh boy! All the weapons of Gilgamesh, now that's going to be fun. Firing an entire salvo of swords while shoving Ea straight up their ass. I can just think of the possibilities.

Come forth! Ea!

Nothing happened.

The fuck?

That should have worked? Where's my spinning playground tic tac toe weapon of death? Where's the red labyrinth thunder thing that appears?

Oh wait, Gilgamesh had this weird key thing that he had to turn to take Ea out. Okay let's try that.

Ea key!

A rippling portal appeared, and with it, the exact key that Gilgamesh used in Fate Zero on the bridge with rider and completely donkey-dumpstered the guy into next year!

Gripping the golden handle, I turned it, the anticipation began filling me. Various emotions, excitement, fear, nervousness, began filling my body. It was only matched in intensity by the rigorous beating of my heart and the constant convulsions of my veins due to the massive doses of adrenalin. This was it, everything came up to this moment. Closer and closer, the key turned towards all the way. As soon as I heard the resounding clang, I knew it was happening. I shall achieve what I could have never achieved…Ea.

BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

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Chapter 2 Done! Next Chapter: Screw Grinding!

Yes that's actually the chapter end, don't like it? Submit a complaint and I'll read it on February 30th :)

Make sure you guys check out my other stories!

Read my profile and join my Trope discussion forums!

[ROTLB: The Birth of the Light Bringer]

[ROTLB: Light of Fairies]

[Chef Ramsay]

[A God's Redemption]

[Minipa's Trope Discussions and How to not Suck Shit at Writing]

Minipa, out!