REMNANT

By Jeremy King

PROLOUGE

The man seemed to be contemplating something so vast and of such great importance it would seem improbable to even possibly conceive the magnitude of the presumably world-shattering pondering this man was currently contemplating, probably. That, or he just had to take a real big crap. He had the face of a man who had such a great deal on his mind that it couldn't possibly all fit in one place, and had thus stretched to other areas of his body and given him a rather odd appearance. The man sat behind a luxurious looking hand-carved table that seemed to shine even in the near absolute darkness, in a chair, or throne, as it would better be termed, so ridiculously grandeur that the table paled in comparison.

An immaculate display of official-looking documents were stacked upon either side of the table, leaving a gap in the middle to reveal the man who seemed to be thinking something important. And that was all there was. There was nothing else here, nothing. And no, I don't mean that the room was empty, though I suppose you could say that, in terms of…well, anything. It was a deeper type of empty.

It was complete and total darkness, not the darkness of night, nor the darkness that may seem to be all-encompassing yet is only made to be so by those who haven't seen total darkness. This was the very definition of darkness and something more.

A door that oddly resembled a salmon in it's design manifested before the desk from out of nowhere, though the presumed-to-be-pondering-something man took little notice of this, hardly reacting at all, save for a quick glance at the door. The door opened with a gooooosh, which didn't sound like the right type of sound for a door to make. A minuscule man with what seemed to be long, pointed whiskers and full, fluffy, white rabbit ears walked out of the odd door and stood before the man, who hadn't moved at all through the duration of these events. The odd door slammed shut with another one of those odd, slightly disturbing sounds and fell to it's side. It remained in this position for a moment before grunting in a manly voice and righting itself up off the ground, suddenly growing wheels and speeding off, making "vroom, vroom" sounds with it's mouth, which it suddenly seemed to have. Neither the man nor the other man seemed to think this was odd, and finally, the one who had just walked out of said door spoke up.

"Lord Fraff, it is I, your humble servant, Majestico El Torra!" The petite, slightly chubby man bounced, striking a pose. The one behind the desk nodded slowly.

"It's good to see you again, Friff. With all that had been going on, I was beginning to doubt your return, though I now see I had no reason to do so. You have always been a great associate, and I shall punish myself for my impudent doubting." The man, or Lord Fraff, as Friff had called him, raised his arm swiftly, quivering in might.

"Oh please, milord, there's no reason for you to…" Lord Fraff cut him off with a disapproving shake of the head, sighing.

"Though you are a valuable and educated, not to mention well-disciplined, man, you fail to understand the necessity of doing what must be done. Now, I shall properly inflict upon myself the consequence of doubting a loyal minion!" He slapped himself very gently on the cheek, so gentle that no sound was made whatsoever. Friff flinched, shuddering at the unbearable sight of his master beating himself to near death. Lord Fraff closed his eyes, took in a deep breathe, and sighed a very long, stressed sigh.

"Lord Fraff! Please, allow me to take you to the medical facility in section 1332 to have your condition checked! We must quickly tend to your life-threatening injuries, we have no sure way to tell the extent of the blow if we remain here!" Friff panicked. Lord Fraff opened his eyes and held a hand before his short servant, ending his protest.

"Alas, Friff, what is done is done, and it is done correctly. I must always punish myself for incorrect actions, no matter how horrid the consequence. Such is the way a leader must act, he must always follow the path that leads to righteousness, strength, and bacon, do you not agree? Friff whimpered slightly but nodded in understanding.

"Very good, my lad. You are starting to see things in a clear, erratic manner as I do." The proclaimed lord spoke in a solemn, deadly serious tone, though he had contradicted himself blatantly. The bunny-eared man rose his head proudly, accepting the praise with dignity.

"Now go, Friffus M. Majestico, Go and do what must be done. Now that you have reported back to me, I know in my warm bosom that you shall be the one who brings hope back into my spinal column. Go and bring me the fried goodness that shall lead to our redemption." Friff nodded curtly, understanding every word his master spoke, though it would sound like complete and utter foolishness to anyone else. Either that, or cause them to file a restraining order.

"I shall make you proud, my lord. Then we shall rest peacefully at last, basking in the golden sunlight of a thousand burning penguins." Friff silently vowed. Lord Fraff nodded, his eyes shimmering at the beautiful picture his associate had painted in his mind.

"Yes, yes, we shall. Oh, and it will be magnificent. Now! Go, Friff, go and seek that which we have sought for so long, seek that which will fill our lives with meaningfulness and all that other stuff."

Friff nodded sharply, and, not wanting to waste any more time, held his hand up in the air, clenching his eyes shut in concentration. Blue energy began forming at his fingertips.

"Door 12-98, I beckon thee!" He commanded, and a moment later, a door appeared before him, one which resembled a happy grizzly bear in farmer's trousers. The door swung open, as Friff took one last look at his lord, his lord took one last look at him, and for a brief moment the camera zoomed in on the stupid expression on the bear's face, ruining the slightly serious mood completely.

"I shall return…and when I do, I shall have them in my possession."

Friff stepped into the swirling masses of many different colors seen beyond the door, and the door closed shut, vanishing. Lord Fraff sighed, picked up a duck's bill, dipped it in ink, grabbed one of the official-looking documents and began writing something on it.

At long last…the prophecy would be fulfilled.