title: I just wanna be (by your side)
series: it's all worth the fight (when it's you, dear)
category: vampire diaries (tv)
genre: angst/romance
ship: bonnie/damon
rating: pg-13/teen
word count: 3,051
prompt: "Looks like we'll be trapped for a while…"– absentlyabbie (Tumblr)
summary: [post 1994] Damon is tired of Bonnie avoiding him, but when he finds out why, it leads to a confession of more than friendly feelings.
I just wanna be (by your side)
-1/1-
Damon dragged a hand over the cave wall, waving a flashlight in his free hand and whistling to himself, unperturbed by the situation completely. "Well, looks like we'll be trapped for a while…" He glanced back at her, brows hiked. "I don't know about you, but I didn't exactly leave a 'come look for me in the old, creepy cave in the woods if I'm not back in an hour' note for little brother to find."
Arms crossed, Bonnie glared at him. "Neither did I. Maybe because I wasn't planning on going to the old, creepy cave in the woods and was basically tricked into being here in the first place."
Rolling his eyes, he said, "You know, Bon-Bon, I'm trying not to take it too personally, but you've been avoiding me for weeks now. Can you blame a guy for just trying to spend some time with his former prison mate?"
She laughed incredulously. "I'm sure I can blame him for a lot of things, not the least of which is getting me stuck in this cave!"
"Okay, well, that wasn't what I had planned." He shrugged. "I just thought we could do something together, you know, without the Scooby Gang around."
Kicking at the cave wall irritably, she grumbled, "If you wanted to spend time together, you could've texted me about getting together for brunch. Instead, you told me you needed me to see something and then led me into a trap!" She waved her phone around angrily. "Which, by the way, has literally no cell service."
"I don't eat brunch, Bonnie!" he exclaimed, frowning. "And I didn't know the cave was booby-trapped when I brought you down here. It wasn't like this when we were in 1994, and when I found the way in, I thought it might, I don't knock, kick jump this rescue plan with my mom." He waved his hands around. "If I'd known it had witchy juju all over it, I would've taken a few more precautions. As it is, you are the resident witch, so shouldn't you know a way out for us?"
Bonnie scoffed. "I didn't exactly bring along Grams' grimoire when you called and I haven't been spending a lot of time researching anti-barrier spells. To be honest, I was really hoping to avoid anything like this again. We don't exactly have a good history with caves, Damon!"
Sighing, he tipped his head back and rolled his eyes cross-eyed. "All right, point made. But just so we're clear, we wouldn't be in this situation if a certain little witch would stop avoiding my texts!"
"I started avoiding them because the last three times you said it was an emergency, you were lying."
"Running out of bourbon and pancake mix is an emergency," he defended, his brows furrowed.
"And the third time? When you said you were, and I quote, 'dying of boredom, Bon-Bon, amuse me.'"
He shrugged. "It felt like I was at the time..."
"Ugh. I can't even talk to you right now." Waving a hand, she turned on her heel and marched away from him, using the light of her phone to guide her through the endless tunnels of the cave, all of which would only end up leading her right back to him, as the spell was designed, but as long as he was out of sight for a few minutes, she could find somewhere to hunker down and take a breather.
Of course, she got all of twelve steps from him before he started following.
"Hey, did you ever think maybe those emergency calls were just to get your attention? Something I've been sorely lacking for the last few weeks, might I add…" When she said nothing, he hurried forward to so they were in step with one another. "All right, fine, you want an apology for getting us stuck down here, then yes, sure, I'm deeply sorry that I didn't research the cave before I talked you into coming down here and essentially getting us stuck in the bowels of Mystic Falls hell. Feel better?"
She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. "Slightly."
"Good. Now can we talk about why it takes an emergency text in the first place to get any face time with you?" His brows arched abruptly. "Used to be we couldn't go without texting or calling every few hours, but now it's like you can't get away from me fast enough…" His mouth turned down for a moment before he forced a smirk. His voice, though he tried to disguise it, was layered with hurt. "What happened to missing me?"
Bonnie paused, turning her gaze forward and biting down on her lip. "I've just been busy. It's been… different, trying to get used to things. There's a lot going on and it's been hard and weird and… I don't know."
He hummed, but stayed quiet a long, awkward moment. There was nothing but the dirt and gravel underfoot as they continued to walk endless circles.
"How's that going anyway?" he finally wondered. "Your return to the living, I mean."
Bonnie glanced at him and shrugged. "All right, I guess. Caroline's finally back to normal. If depressed and guilty is really normal…"
"Stefan's pretty much got that handled, I think. He can probably give her a few pointers on how to do it better."
She let out a faint snort, her mouth turning up at the corners. "He's not that bad."
"He's worse." He grinned at her, and then leaned over, bumping her shoulder with his. "C'mon, admit it…"
"What? That Stefan broods?" Her brows raised. "I don't think anybody will argue that."
"No. This. Us. You missed it." He stood a little taller then, his chin raised as he smirked.
Bonnie rolled her eyes, even as her mouth twitched with a smile. "Ask me again when we're not trapped in a cave."
Turning on his heel, Damon started walking backwards, grinning at her. "I dunno, Bon-Bon, you've gotta admit, getting trapped together did wonders for us before."
Bonnie smiled, her mouth parting for a snarky rebuttal. But then she stopped herself, came to a halt, and narrowed her eyes. "Damon…"
He stopped, his face suddenly going blank, as if he knew exactly what her tone meant. "Yeees…?"
One of her hands found her hip. "Did you do this on purpose?"
Brow furrowed, he sucked in a breath and said, "Define 'on purpose.'"
"Damon! Did you bring me down here knowing we wouldn't be able to get out?"
He winced. "Kind of…" he admitted.
Letting out a loud groan, she kicked dirt at him. "You jerk! What were you thinking?"
His face screwed up defensively. "I was thinking you were avoiding me and I didn't like it! Look, you can give all the excuses you want about just adjusting to regular life, but face the facts, you weren't taking my calls or coming over, and last week, when I suggested we play Monopoly, what did you say?"
She shook her head at him, her eyes wide. "I said I was busy, because I was!"
"Exactly!" He pointed at her accusingly. "But Monopoly is your favorite because it's the only one you usually win at. Mostly because I can't sit still for that long."
Crossing her arms over her chest, she scoffed, "More like, because I don't let you be banker anymore."
"See!"
Rolling her eyes, she raised her shoulders. "So what? So I didn't want to play Monopoly one time..."
"It's just one piece in a much bigger puzzle. One that proves you are being an avoid-y avoider!"
"You're being ridiculous!"
"And you're being a shitty friend!"
"Well, maybe I don't want to be your friend!" she exclaimed.
"Well—" He paused, his eyes wide, and then he glanced away, swallowed, and said, "Fine!"
Bonnie closed her eyes as he turned on his heel to walk away. Taking a deep breath, she let it out on a sigh and said, "You're just going to end up right back where you started." Opening her eyes, she started after him, following at a slight distance.
"No, I won't," he muttered, feeling along the wall. "I made Semi-Sane-Parker put a safety measure into the spell. There's a loose rock that will get us out of here."
"A loose rock… in a cave made of rock…" She raised an eyebrow. "That's your way out?"
"Yup," he answered dismissively.
Shaking her head, she watched him reach all over, kneeling and pulling on any loose piece of wall he could find. "Damon…"
He didn't answer.
"Damon, I didn't mean—"
"Not hard to figure out what you meant, Bonnie. You were pretty clear." He offered a humorless smile back at her before continuing to search around.
"No, I really wasn't." She turned her eyes upward, staring at the jagged ceiling and letting the light of her phone bounce around it. "When I said I didn't want to be your friend, I didn't mean I didn't like our friendship or I didn't like you. I just…" She swallowed tightly, blinking as her eyes burned. "I like you."
"Right. Sure. That's what everyone says. I like you, but I don't want to be your friend. That's definitely international BFF-speak. My mistake."
"No, I mean I like you. As… more than a friend. I don't know when it started happening. Maybe back in the prison world, or after, when I was alone and I missed you so much. And when I got back, I just… You were the only person I wanted to see. The only person I could think of." Bonnie forcibly kept her eyes focused above. She didn't want to see his face; not the pity or the smugness or anything. "Then things settled down and we were home, and I thought, if we just spent some time apart, I could, I don't know, make it stop somehow. But then you kept calling and texting and I know this is awkward and weird and… I mean, we're not like Caroline and Stefan. We don't exactly have a great history. And you are completely in love with Elena and I… I would never get in the way of that. Not that I even could. I just… needed some space. I need some time to breathe and get used to life back in the real world where it's not just the two of us and where these stupid feelings can just go away. So yes, I've been avoiding you and I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings, but… I needed to look out for my feelings for once. That's it."
He didn't answer, and she wasn't quite sure if that was a good or a bad sign. But then there was a click and suddenly she was blinking as light spilled forward and a wall that was once there was now gone, revealing the open landscape of the woods in front of her. Apparently he'd found that loose rock.
Turning off the flashlight on her phone, she tucked it back in her pocket and, without looking at him, quickly moved forward, out into the fresh air and light. She breathed in deep and let the sun warm her face. Not bothering to wait for him, she simply walked ahead, making her way down the beaten dirt path to where they'd left his car parked. She knew he was behind her, she could hear his footsteps, but he didn't say anything, and, for that, she was grateful. She didn't want the sarcastic jokes or the awkward let down. She didn't need to see his face as it twisted up with uncomfortable guilt. She just wanted to go home, bury her head in a bucket of ice cream, and forget any of this happened.
The chirping of birds and the rustling of foliage was all that surrounded them as Bonnie walked ahead, arms wrapped tight around herself, eyes burning as she blinked quickly, refusing to let him see her cry. God, this was so stupid. She never should have said anything. She never should've come along on this dumb expedition. She should have ignored his phone call just like all the others. But despite everything, despite knowing it would be so much better, and easier, for her if she would just stop feeling this way about him, she read all of his texts and listened to all of his exasperated, snarky messages, and she answered entirely too many of his phone calls. She let herself hold on to that feeling in the pit of her stomach and that warmth that spread over her chest and that easy, giddy way she smiled when she so much as heard his voice. And she knew it was a no-win situation, that he would never feel that way about her, especially when the competition was his epic love with Elena. And ugh, she wasn't even trying to make him choose or hoping that he would, because she would never, ever do anything that would hurt Elena. Not on purpose. But… she couldn't change her heart. She couldn't force it to stop caring about him. All she could do was put some space between them, and maybe now that he understood why, he would let her.
When she finally reached his car, she let out a little sigh of relief and tucked her fingers under the handle of the passenger door. But just as she was about to pull it open, she was turned around, her back against the cold metal door and his body just inches from hers. He stared at her searchingly, his expression unusually serious. She waited for the characteristic smirk to break out and the 'of course you like me, who wouldn't?' to follow, but it didn't. Instead, he just stared, that intense look on his face, like he was trying to crack some huge mystery. And then he leaned down, his face so close that her heart started pounding in her chest. His nose brushed against hers and his mouth hovered so close she could feel it like a shadow on her skin.
"For the record… I don't chase down just anybody when they're avoiding me."
She stared up at him, letting out a faint squeak of a hum in reply.
"I don't know what this is. I don't know what it means that I miss you all the time. And at first… At first, I could chalk it up to what happened in '94, you know? It was just us, and not having you around felt… off and weird. But now… Even when we do spend time together, I want more." His hand raised, palm cupped over her cheek. "I don't know where this is going. I have no idea what happens after this. For all I know, it blows up in our faces. And for the first time in my life, the idea that I might screw up is something I'm thinking about before I jump into it." He smiled faintly. "Because it's important, Bonnie, all right? You are important to me. And if we did this, if we went there, and it went wrong…"
She nodded, her eyes closed tight. "No. You're right. We shouldn't. We can't risk…"
When his lips touched her, rational thought sifted away. There were no 'what if's' or worries or fears. There was just the smooth touch of his mouth slanting over hers, the flick of his tongue over the seam, the cool graze of his fingers sliding down her cheek and along the side of her neck. She shivered, her mouth parting on a sigh, her brow knotted tightly as she leaned up, reaching for the cradle his mouth made. One of his hands buried at the nape of her neck while the fingertips of the other pressed lightly against the line of her jaw. The kiss was slow, searching, a careful and deliberately gentle exploration of what could be.
When it ended, he rested his forehead against hers, cool skin against warm, and the world around them went completely silent. For a moment, it was like they were back there, in their own private world, just the two of them. She could feel his breath bursting over her lips, his fingers tightening and loosening at her nape, and her heart beating quick and unsteady in her chest. She kept her eyes closed for a long, desperate minute, trying to hold on to the feeling of complete and utter contentment, and then she opened them, slowly, raising her gaze up to meet his.
She stared up into his eyes, bright and blue, and she waited, wondered, heart lodged in her throat. It could end here, right in this moment. They could get into his car and drive back to town, get something to eat, bury it all under snark and pointless arguments about nothing in particular. He could go back to Elena and she could spend some time on her own, figuring herself out, find out what she wanted with this new her. Or they could take that risk, want for more, see where this could take them, together.
When his mouth slowly curved up in an artless grin, she answered with a smile of her own.
"I know it's not fair, maybe it's not even right, and down the line, yes, we could absolutely screw it up and completely and totally regret it…" she admitted, nodding. "But I want this. I want you. And if you say no, if it's not what you want, I'll get it. It'll hurt, but I'll get it. And maybe in a few weeks we can go back to friendship, no questions asked, and hope for the best." Of course, it wouldn't be that simple; in fact, it would be hard and awkward and they may never be the same, but it was somewhere to start. "So I guess it's up to you. Probably the one and only time I leave something this big solely in your hands."
He laughed under his breath at that and stared down at her, his smile softening as he tucked her hair behind her ear affectionately. When he opened his mouth to answer her, she knew her life would never quite be the same. And she was okay with that.
[end.]
