All in Good Time
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Yana Toboso and Square Enix, Co. Ltd. I don't own them; I just examine all their possibilities.
Part 2
3 October, 1890
Reaper Dispatch Offices - London
10:23 a.m.
The characteristic envelope was on William's desk the moment he walked in his office. He knew exactly what this was. William took a few minutes to get some papers in order before opening it; avoidance, or perhaps wanting to get mentally ready for what he knew the letter would say inside.
At last he unwound the string and opened the envelope, removing the few sheets of impeccably typed papers.
To Mr. William T. Spears,
The Council has conducted a full review if Mr. Grell N. Sutcliff's record and history over the past sixteen months since his return to probationary duty. The Council thanks you for your forthright and honest information and recommendations. Your contributions were carefully considered among many other materials and testimonies.
We conducted a formal review with Mr. Sutcliff on the 1st of October. A full transcript of that meeting is available, though overall the Council was satisfied with the proceedings. The Council by consensus believes that Mr. Sutcliff expressed sincere remorse for the actions that lead to his suspension and has worked diligently to improve his performance.
After much discussion the Councilors voted unanimously in favor of lifting the probationary provisions against Mr. Sutcliff and placing him on regular status.
William looked away from the paper for a moment, letting the words sink in.
In an administrative sense that awful period was officially past tense. Sutcliff was back on regular status and the long list of conditions placed on him were now removed. It was a thought that was both disturbing to a degree and delightful to another. His leash was removed, but only because he was ruled sufficient in behaving himself. William could only admit not having to follow up after him and report on everything he did was freeing.
There was another reality in these words; the fulfillment of Grell's end of the bargain. William put his eyes on the rest of the words, adjusting his glasses.
However, the Council is most aware of Mr. Sutcliff's overall disciplinary history including the serious charges as well as past indiscretions. The Council concurs with your opinion that Mr. Sutcliff needs to be carefully watched. Hopefully he has seen the error of his ways and will continue on this straight path, though his record is against him. We ask that you keep a close eye on him and we may ask for periodic reports. If you have any suspicions of any serious wrongdoing on his part, please do not hesitate to voice your concerns.
William grimaced and nodded, he expected to hear this as well. Thankfully for the Council William had every intention of watching him like a hawk, though had he truly been doing his due diligence? The thought crossed his mind that he had already done one investigation on Sutcliff, one that found something the bosses might potentially frown upon yet he kept his mouth shut. William knew Grell was old chums with a vampire. He found a birthday card in his room from an influential vampire named Victor da Vinci.
Sutcliff was unconscious at the time, but that didn't stop William from investigating. The Council would probably be curious to know about what he found, in fact they probably would not be happy to learn he kept Sutcliff's old friendship with the proprietor of The Shade Garden from them. A few years ago William might have reported the information as he found it. That card was back in Sutcliff's possession, all word of his friendship with Victor da Vinci was still a confidential matter, and Grell still visited his old school chum.
William reminded himself that their version of "friendship" was a bit more intimate than just being old classmates. Grell was open with William about their relationship; once in a while they would meet for a few glasses, a few kisses, and some petting. Grell assured him it went no further; he found the chill of undead flesh downright disgusting. Such intimacies were something these old friends just did, like playing cards.
William wasn't thrilled, though he found he was hardly jealous. For all his talk of romance and true love, Grell Sutcliff would never be nailed down. He was a creature of passion and his affections were fickle. Grell's loyalty could be fierce, though it was given on his own conditions and was often easily swayed. He put more stock into close ties of the heart, ties of the flesh were more in fancy than in principle. William recalled a few times during outings when Grell pointed out some lovely young men to him.
"Don't you think he's handsome?" Grell whispered in his ear on one occasion. "He looks like a professor of some kind, doesn't that make you all hot and bothered?"
William didn't know if this was Grell's own commentary or if he was making suggestions. Either way wouldn't surprise him.
William took a hard breath and pulled himself from these distracting thoughts. This had nothing to do with the matter at hand. Regardless of Grell's predilections, William found no collusion or wrongdoing from these unfortunate relations with that creature Victor da Vinci. By his estimation it was best to leave sleeping dogs lie, though under close watch. No, the Council probably wouldn't like it, though William had no suspicions of immediate misconduct and it was on its head a private matter. He would gladly testify to this, though the only time he would have to was in the case something truly wrong had taken place.
William rested assured on his judgment; he needed to remind himself of this. No amount of personal reassurance, however, could stop him from questioning his own judgment with Sutcliff. This notification only reopened many doubts; he did make Grell an unofficial offer after all. William sighed hard and looked back at the letter; he was allowing himself to get too distracted…again.
We have also reviewed Mr. Sutcliff's request for reinstatement of his Gray Metal Handling Certification. After consulting with the Office of Procurement and the Medical Office, the decision was made that Mr. Sutcliff will go through a recertification process. It has been a year since he last held the certification and updates have been made in the manual and the training program.
The Medical Office has assured us he has made a full recovery from the injuries he received six months ago. However, all the collective offices decided to err on the side of caution in case his injuries hindered some of his memory or finer coordination skills. He will undergo an abridged version of the training program, receiving the normal compensation for professional development and certification on successful completion.
It was a fair decision. Apparently the Council though he could behave himself around scythe materials, though perhaps this recertification would be a reminder of the rules.
Mr. Sutcliff has received formal notice of our decisions and has written us back with full agreement to cooperate with our conditions.
Please contact this office with any questions or concerns and we will do so likewise.
The names and signatures of all the councilors were at the bottom. William stared at the signatures for a moment, then let the letter fall to his desk; emitting a long sigh.
Yes he was indeed happy for Grell, and yes he was indeed mildly worried what lifting the leash would mean for him. The rest was up to Grell, that was the end of it. William repeated the thought over and over, though a little splinter in his mind blocked any satisfaction. The splinter was the thought of his own involvement, his own conflict of interest.
He had been as honest as possible with the Council and the Council acknowledged that. That should have been the end, but it wasn't. No, William just had to give a little hint to Grell that there could be some reward for putting in a good performance at his review. He was careful not to say it, though Grell could assume everything. Yes, Grell could assume much though in the end it would just be an assumption. William never said anything specific and he would defend that to the last.
Grell would need to be reminded of this, end of story. William mentally kicked himself for this thought as soon as he had it.
No, he did give him an informal incentive; the same one he gave himself. The probation was over, William's powers dropped a bit as did his responsibility over Grell. The conflict of interest was there but significantly lessened. He couldn't be bribing a probationary employee for good performance, that good performance was already on record and the probation was gone. They were free to pursue that next step with less fear of professional consequences.
William tucked the letter back in the envelope and shoved it under another stack of papers. He couldn't help but see it as a reminder he had to keep up his end of the bargain, but wasn't that what he wanted? Wasn't it what he wanted last week? William leaned his forehead on his hand, his fingers tapping his scalp. Was this the reason he pushed Grell off him, or was there another reason for that?
There was a reluctance in that moment of some nature that prompted him to throw Grell to the other side of the couch. It was a reluctance that made itself known every time they had been meeting as of late, every time their contact became too intimate. They had an agreement from that first kiss; all in good time, no need to rush, neither wanted another shag-and-bolt relationship. How many times had they discussed this since that day?
Communication was important, yet words became cheaper the more they were used. Words could only dictate passions or actions so much. A light peck on the lips would easily end with someone on top of the other and someone's sudden interruption before hands wandered too much. William did his share of pulling back and adjusting his glasses whilst clearing his throat. He had to remind himself Grell was the one who cut off the moment on many occasions. He would stop what he was doing, stare at William with a sad smirk, then pull away with a kiss on the cheek.
Then another conversation came up over and over again: "Are we ready this time?" They would weigh the pros and cons of taking this further; discussing each others feelings on the matter and any possible time periods. Neither of them were offering any deadlines, neither were expressing any desperation, though William saw the look in Grell's eyes every time one of them stopped their moments. For all Grell's talks about appreciating a measure of chastity, William could see his slightly downcast eyes and the flicker of a frown. These little looks annoyed him, though he wondered if the same expression was on his face as well.
William gave a hard huff, this whole situation was a mess. He was getting too deep into something he should have avoided like a plague. He was Sutcliff's supervisor, he couldn't afford these personal entanglements. How many times had he given himself this lecture? How many times was he going to find himself back in that same position? How many more times was he going to throw Grell off, and how many more times would he regret it? Though what would happen if he did give in, would he regret that even more? He certainly regretted getting into that situation in the first place…or so he had insisted to himself.
William lifted his head, folding his hands on top of the desk. How much of this was a mess of his own making? He was finally allowing himself to feel emotions for Grell, it was only natural his professional mind would scream in protest. He sat up slightly in his chair, the realization made him slowly wince. Was it indeed just professional concern? The thought he had next would normally have been pushed aside the moment it reared its head, he felt the instinct to just get on with his work and brush off the entire matter. He did lift a file, though resisted the urge to just not think on this one hard question. In the end it was only fair to both Grell and himself to sort out this one thought.
Was "personal entanglements" and "conflict of interest" his inner codewords for intimacies in general. Or rather were they codewords for "intimacies with another man?" He skimmed over the file, his face hot with the full question. Perhaps had a bearing on why he pulled away from Grell in the first place.
Carnal desires were a frivolity; he thought so in his mortal life and such was even truer now.
Yes his fellow sailors had dragged him into a few brothels and showed him a few choice tavern girls at port. Yes he had shared beds with a few of these girls, though he never felt attraction, love, or enjoyment from these distractions. He always thought it was a waste of time and money, not to mention how many diseases these port whores were rumored to carry.
Rumors always spread about below deck sodomy on other ships, though William never saw anything on any of his vessels; or perhaps he refused to see it. Captains were given a directive for dealing with such behavior if found on ship. He had never given out such a punishment though he knew a few colleagues who did.
That was then, the rules were infinitely different here. Here he would come across a creature like Grell Sutcliff. Grell Sutcliff alone was a whole new experience for him; an experience that intrigued and scared him.
William was a hard man of military discipline, Grell was a flamboyant noble who gave into his desires freely. Victor da Vinci was undying proof of this; they were lovers in their mortal lives. It was from him William learned about the string of men Grell had bedded just in grammar school, he couldn't even imagine how many other men there had been.
William could only shake his head in disgust at the word of such lechery, or perhaps Sutcliff's always-open homosexuality appalled him on some level. Perhaps he needed to just admit this to himself once and for all. Perhaps deep down he found it abhorrent for men to be intimate with other men, even though he had done the same himself, perhaps even as he enjoyed it, perhaps even as his heart burned now.
He was guilty of some thought that, despite the seriousness of the circumstances, Angelina Durless indicated a change that would work to William's advantage. Grell's attention was on someone else, a woman no less; maybe his interests are indeed shifting. No, there was nothing advantageous to anyone about that tryst.
William knew what happened between them. Grell testified during his hearings that they had known each other in a Biblical sense, though he said nothing else on the subject. Yes there were more than a few around who said Grell was "becoming normal" or "repenting from his sin." William gave little credence to the idea that was the case. Grell and Mrs. Barnett's relationship was a tidal wave of rage and bloodlust, two things that did stoke the fires of Grell's carnal passions. The fact the body he shared this with was a female one was likely mere details.
Sutcliff never expressed interest in women before and he certainly didn't start after this. In fact his flirtations with other men grew more frequent and more aggressive. Mrs. Barnett was a special situation, maybe an experiment to Grell. William wondered if maybe that's what Grell was to him; a novelty, an experiment, a way to remind himself of what he found appalling. Or maybe he did find something he liked, something his old, rusty conscience found abhorrent.
He said over and over again he bore no judgments. William heard more than a few buzzings around the office about what officer was getting into another officer's bed and remained unphased, more annoyed perhaps at such lack of professionalism. Yes "Lack of professionalism," maybe that's what he called it.
It was the reason he cited over and over for why he ended his previous tryst with Grell, though how much of a real concern was it? The fact he was actually contemplating this and not shoving the entire matter out of his mind was a giant's step forward. It was only now that he allowed himself the memories of his own time in Grell's bed. It was only now when he allowed himself to admit he enjoyed every moment, and there were many moments.
William could recall so many different scandalous things they did to each other way back when. Back then he allowed himself to be in so many compromising positions, he wanted so any different tastes of every forbidden fruit Grell offered him. Somehow all that changed.
An uncomfortably familiar tightness in his trousers reminded him of his rather inappropriate reverie. He sat up in his chair and closed his legs, a small sheen of sweat over his brow in embarrassment. Thankfully no one else was in this office and a little reading of a few other files could put an end to this nonsense. That's all it was for him, just one series of papers and ledgers after another; a nice cloak to hide his shame.
That's what led to him pulling away so many years ago; that's what led to the wall of ice he put up between them. William gave a deep sigh; just how happy was he to be keeping up this wall? He was now willing to admit he was not all that thrilled. It was a liberating admission. How much time did they lose because of his own denial? How much more time could they afford to lose? He learned from recent events immortality was far from secure.
Immortality was assured until an angel decided to have a say, until some angry subordinate showed him some true feelings at the end of a scythe, perhaps if some soul decided it didn't want to go too easily…perhaps if another soul went haywire on him and he didn't have a savior to keep away the Thorns. It was that same savior who miraculously survived what should have been a death sentence for reaper kind.
Immortality, after all, did not mean absolute permanence. Grell Sutcliff knew that reality all too intimately; William knew his own pride kept him from seeing that obvious fact. The earlier this was rectified the better.
William looked at the stack of papers and pulled out the one he had shoved in, reading over the letter one more time and letting this sink in. William's role as supervisor was a little less focused now, perhaps there would be less of a conflict of interest. Perhaps Grell was due a little reward for passing his review.
6:23 p.m.
Official correspondence from William was always neatly typed, complete with full names and office titles. The envelope Grell pulled out of his mailbox, however, simply bore his first name written in familiar, methodical handwriting. Grell knew exactly who this was from, he had received so many of these types of letters over the course of the past few months.
Grell waited until he was back at his room before opening it. Reapers were worse gossips than old ladies in a sewing circle and they loved to look over shoulders at the mail room. Grell reclined in his chaise-lounge and opened the letter with a bone-handled opener, then removed the letter and folded it open.
Sutcliff,
I received notification from the Council on their decision regarding your discipline review. I assume you have received such notice already and the subsequent instructions for what this means. I would like to discuss these matters with you in private, tonight if possible. If you are agreeable, meet me at my quarters at 8 o'clock. I will provide a light refreshment so we can discuss this issue in comfort.
-Spears
Grell looked at the letter and giggled a little. This was indeed Will's way of asking him on date. The tone was so stuffy and formal yet suggested so much under the surface.
This was indeed William's usual method for asking for some private time, though the timing of this request was more than a little interesting. It could have been intended as just an informational meeting; a way to hammer at him what was still expected of him after the probation had been lifted. Though what William said near the end of their last private visit added a bit more intrigue.
If he didn't know any better, it would seem as if William hinted that he might be willing to engage in more intimate contact if Grell passed his review. Naturally he didn't say anything specific, though Grell had fun guessing this past week.
Grell put the letter on the coffee table in front of him, pondering all the possibilities offered by this note. Truth be told he realized he wasn't waiting on pins and needles for one particular answer, or for any answer at all.
He wanted William; that was a given, though his desire was comfortably restrained. He expected to be anxious for the chance at last, instead he regarded the letter with cautious optimism. The last thing he wanted to do was rush anything, though maybe William had found his heart in the matter. Or maybe he would be an awkward mess, or perhaps he would tell him there was no way in Hades he would ever bed him again.
Grell snickered with one realization; the possibility of that last answer didn't scare him all that much.
Pining for something he would never have was a thrill to him for the longest time, a form of beautiful pain. That kind of passion was gone now. He had known and overcome a far greater pain; the last thing he wanted to do now was waste precious his time with any more.
He still had a nice bath before going to William's. It was best to be clean, fresh, and at the ready for whatever he had in store.
Author's Note: I said this was likely going to be two chapters. That ended up not happening. The saga concludes next chapter.
