A/N: I completely forgot to credit my beta for this story (shame on me!). Many thanks to Perspex13 for his kind assistance on this story. Thank you for the follows and favorites but since I'm trying to improve as a writer, I appreciate reviews even more.

You imagine I don't care
You see walls that just aren't there
You think I'm too strong to let you in
Well that's just not fair


Kate was in her bedroom having just finished changing into something warmer. She felt wrung out and just couldn't feel warm no matter what she did. As much as she wanted to get to the bottom of this case, she found herself conflicted about seeing Rick again. She wanted her friend and partner with her on this case as they were better together than separately but she also had no idea what to say to him. Had she finished what she'd tried to say in the freezer? He certainly hadn't acted like she had. She'd just have to hope it all stayed case-related between them, well, until the case was over of course. If they lived through this, then she'd have to act.

She decided to be selfish and take a few moments to talk to Lanie. Maybe that could help clear her head, she wouldn't be at peak efficiency with her thoughts whirling as they were. Her phone connected and she heard a tired greeting. "How is it going Kate?"

"We almost had them but they got away. I think we're finally investigating the right suspects so I'm hopeful."

"Good to hear. You aren't going to tell me where to go too, are you?"

Kate chuckled as Lanie was playful but also sounded a bit irritated. "Let me guess, Espo?"

"Yep. Sometimes he just makes me so mad. At least your doctor friend can't bug you from Haiti."

Oh. There it was. She decided to bite the bullet and bring it up. "About that. He's not in Haiti or at least not yet. He's trying to get another flight." She paused to think of what to say next, which gave Lanie a chance to jump in.

"What happened?" She could tell from her tone that Lanie suspected something. She had to tell her now.

"He decided to stay but then we broke up. When I realized he was still here, I tried to get him to go anyway, not be here for this whole dirty bomb thing but I couldn't tell him that. He took it the wrong way and we had a horrible argument. Well, I just got tired of the whole thing. I've had one foot out the door this whole time so I decided to just step out and be done with it. So, he's on his way to save the world while I try to keep New York safe."

"Oh, honey. I know it probably hurts but you're doing the right thing. This thing wasn't good for either of you." She paused and in a teasing voice continued. "This also gives you a chance to try things out with Writer Boy."

Kate grimaced but decided to only tackle the safe part. "Actually, it's more of a relief. I was starting to feel bad about stringing Josh along. Besides, he's going to be safer in Haiti. Zero hour is 4PM, you should keep that in mind too."

"Don't you start with me, girl. If you're staying I'm staying. I bet Writer Boy is by your side."

"Not at the moment but, yeah, he will be."

"When this case is over, you really need to talk to that man."

She felt a violent shiver come on but wasn't sure if it was caused by the hypothermia she was recovering from or from what her friend had just said. "Listen, I better get going. They're expecting me at the precinct."

"Hunt them down, girl. Give them one for me too."

Kate chuckled and replied, "Bye Lanie."


Rick was surprised to find the loft already empty, his mother and Alexis certainly had taken his instructions seriously. Rick had taken a shower with the water as hot as he could stand for as long as he felt he could risk. He knew Beckett would be back in the precinct soon and he wanted to be there with her. If he waited too long she'd be gone on some lead and he'd be playing catch-up. Besides the countdown was still running. They had hours to figure this out or there'd be a disaster affecting many thousands of people. That was as unacceptable to him as he knew it would be to Beckett.

He still stopped at his favorite coffee shop for his and her favorite drinks. He got an odd look when he asked the woman behind the counter to heat up the bear claws but he left her smiling with the generous tip he left for quick service. Beckett not only needed the sustenance she would most likely skip, he was sure she'd appreciate any warmth she could get.

As he approached the bullpen he saw Beckett dressed more warmly but sitting rather stiffly at her desk. He didn't need to see her face to know that she was uneasy about something. She pulled out of whatever she was contemplating when he placed her coffee in front of her. Her smile was dazzling but morphed into curiosity when he held out a wrapped bear claw to her. She took it and he couldn't help but smile when she cradled it in her hands as if to absorb the heat from it. He knew exactly how she felt.

Her smile was somewhat shy when she looked at him again and thanked him. Her eyes shot around nervously and she leaned towards him and he leaned over in response. "When we were in the freezer…"

Her phone rang and startled her so badly that she nearly dropped her bear claw. She was blushing as she quickly answered it. She mouthed 'Espo' to him while she listened. They talked briefly about a military connection but then Kate told Javier they'd have Fallon check into it since he should have easier access to military records.

They quickly discovered the real Kevin McCann was buried in Arlington National Cemetery with full honors. When Fallon brought up that a foreign agent could still be involved, Rick assured him that the Kevin McCann that they had met was American with no accent whatsoever but Fallon didn't look convinced. Rick was getting frustrated so he then raised another point, why would someone impersonate a war hero? Wouldn't it be better to be someone more anonymous? Couldn't it be someone who knew him? Someone who would choose the identity to make a point? That finally made Fallon thoughtful. He ordered more records about McCann but when they found out that McCann had a sister in Queens, they all decided to go see her.


She finished the last of her bear claw as she entered her car. She couldn't bear to leave the coffee behind so that went into the holder beside her. She hid a smirk to see Rick still holding his cup in his hands as if to absorb all of the remaining warmth. It was somewhat reassuring that she wasn't the only one craving heat. She was glad that Fallon was taking his own car until she heard Rick ask a question.

"So, what did you want to bring up about the freezer?"

Why on earth did she go against her own decision and bring it up herself? Oh yeah, because she was driving herself crazy with questions. However, this wasn't the time to get into this. She had to delay this again and add one more thing she will eventually have to explain. She was really not looking forward to that.

"I just wanted to make sure I properly thanked you for your help on this case. He'd still have us chasing Jamal if it wasn't for you. Getting through to Fallon isn't easy, you've done much better than I have. As for the freezer itself, well, I'm just grateful for you staying with me even when it's not easy or safe. I'd probably be dead now if you weren't there."

"If I wasn't around, you wouldn't have been there to get trapped."

"And we'd still be chasing a dead man. Castle, you're the best partner I have ever had. I'm very serious here. Just accept the compliment, will you?"

She gave him a mix of a scowl and a smile and he quickly smiled back. "OK, ok. You win. It was my pleasure."

She tried to tell him with her smile what she couldn't say in words. Lanie was right, she really did need to talk with Rick. Nearly freezing to death was forcing her to confront some facts in her life. She owed more than she could admit aloud to the man sitting next to her. It was becoming more and more obvious that Rick was inside her walls and there was no escaping him. The question now when was she finally going to have the courage to tell him and take that risk? She felt uncomfortable as they rode in silence the rest of the way. She knew exactly what it was that she was feeling: guilt.


It didn't take them long to find out that the man they were looking for was Radford Hayes, a man who served in the same unit as McCann. When they found out he was disgusted with how the war was ignored and soldiers were considered as disposable Rick could finally see Fallon realize that it was domestic terrorism. For the first time, he saw Fallon looking pale and affected, his iron façade finally failing him.

As they left, he exchanged glances with Kate, she was obviously thinking the same thing. They both left Fallon to his thoughts and the only exchanged words were when he told them he'd meet them back at the precinct. They remained silent as they entered Kate's car as he could see that his partner was thinking intently about something. Now was not the time to pull pigtails, not only was there a lot at stake but feelings were running high. Prodding her now could lead to something very bad.

Thus, it was a minor surprise when she spoke when they were about halfway back to the precinct. "We broke up." For a moment the context escaped him and she must have seen it in his face as she quickly followed up with, "Josh and I. We broke up."

Part of him wanted to celebrate but the moment was still too tense, he carefully hid that inclination. "I'm sorry to hear that." Ouch. That didn't sound very sincere and from the look in her eyes as she glanced at him, it was obvious she had noticed. Great. They're finally both single and he's managing to dig himself into a hole already. He began to silently berate himself.

About 30 seconds later she broke the silence again. "It's almost a relief to be honest. He's on his way to Haiti where he'll be safe. Now I can concentrate on this case and working with my partner."

His hopes crashed. She'd only been trying to protect Josh and he was still on the outside looking in. He tried to stop the words before they came out of his mouth but he just couldn't do it. "So you might get back together later?"

He was surprised by the look she gave him. Was that shock? "What? No! He and I are done, Castle. I'm sure I'll never see him again and that's fine with me."

She was angry or upset, probably both. It was time to retreat and get his thoughts together. "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

She gave him a searching look and then she seemed to almost deflate a bit. She went back to her deep thoughts and he decided it was best for him to do the same.


She was actually starting to feel sorry for Fallon after considering him an asshole for so long. She saw Rick was thinking similar thoughts when they exchanged looks. She hid a smile at the thought of how in synch they were and when she allowed herself to think about it, it nearly took her breath away. That was just one of the signs she should have seen earlier that he was her one and done.

Kate thought again of the daunting task ahead of her and then another tack came to her. She should start laying the groundwork now. If she was really lucky, he might even meet her halfway. He didn't know about her breakup with Josh, at the very least she needed to put that out there.

She was a little disappointed when he didn't get it at first but then he wasn't a mind reader. She clarified what she meant and had to hide a smile when he didn't really sound disappointed at all. That was very encouraging. At least is was until she noticed that he seemed to be getting down on himself. Why had she hid her smile? Her natural reticence was an obstacle now, she had to get past that.

She tried to clarify that her breakup wasn't a sad event but it all came crashing down on her when he thought it was some temporary split. Where the hell had that come from? She hurried to correct his impression and she was angrier with herself than anything but his reaction was the opposite of what she'd been hoping for. Where had she gone wrong?

Kate reviewed what she'd said in her mind and it came to her eventually. She must have sounded still concerned about Josh even though she wasn't. Even her attempt at trying to emphasize her intent to focus on them had fallen flat. It had been too impersonal and work related. Josh was a nice guy when he wasn't being jealous but it was over. He was gone and she wasn't sad about it but that wasn't what she'd said. Communication was part of her damn job yet so often she did so horribly at it with Rick. What was wrong with her?

She scoured her mind for a way out of this mess but short range thoughts weren't working for her. She decided to take a mental step back and look at the issue as a whole. She began by coming to a wholly unsatisfactory conclusion. She'd been pushing him away so hard for so long that she had a lot to overcome. Unless she was specific and clear, he could take it the wrong way just as he had so recently done. She had shown him her cop persona so long that he probably thought she was too tough to need anyone, she certainly hadn't needed Josh.

It was her damn walls. Sure they protected her from others but they kept her away from others too. She had to open up to him and convince him this was the new her, her new attitude towards them, towards their future. She didn't have time for being daunted and if she was serious, she had to buckle down and do this right. What hadn't changed though was the poor timing. Their future was cloudy and probably brief if they didn't stop the terrorists. There was no question that the case had to come first. Again.

Their one lead from McCann's sister came through for them when they found Hayes' cell phone by triangulating from cell towers. They finally had something, which was an incredible relief as they were down to just four hours now. They needed Hayes quickly and they needed to break him. The arresting him part went pretty well but the breaking him part was looking bleak as he seemed too committed to talk in what little time they had left.

She tried to look confident as Fallon briefed her on how he wanted to go after him. However, internally she was anything but confident. She'd been watching Hayes and he wasn't some typical lowlife that she encountered in her job. He was a trained soldier and even though he and Esposito had taken very different paths after their military service, he seemed too much like Esposito. There was absolutely no way that this was going to be easy. She glanced towards Rick and saw him giving her a concerned but supportive look. It made her want to smile back at him but all she did was try to give him a confident nod. As grateful as she was for his support, she felt bad that she couldn't express that now. It was yet another thing that would have to wait and there were too many things on that list already. She really wished that Rick would be in there with her rather than Fallon.

Had she tempted fate with her thought of just a few minutes ago? She thought things had been complicated enough but now an enraged federal agent was holding a gun to the head of their only lead. Not only that but she was holding her gun on said federal agent. He may have come in and taken over their case and he may have even obstructed it somewhat with his stubborn fixation on foreign powers but he didn't deserve to die. She also didn't need to be the one who killed him.

She felt like she was in a frozen moment of time where the scales could tip either way in just a split second. She quickly concluded that she wouldn't do anything unless Fallon did. If he did shoot their only lead, she'd be forced to shoot him but only to wound. His death wouldn't solve the problem of them being out of leads. However, pulling the trigger would prove that he was out of control and she'd have to take him down with potentially deadly force. He would have done enough to doom them all, he couldn't be allowed to do any more. Her eyes flicked to the one-way mirror in a futile attempt to get some much-needed support from her partner. All she saw was her semi-crazed look staring back at her. At least Rick was out of the line of fire. She refocused her attention on the Fed who was still pointing his gun at the head of the only man they had identified who knew what the hell was going on.

Fallon finally pulled up his gun and let go of Hayes. Kate suppressed her sigh of relief and put away her own gun. The adrenaline crash came sooner and faster than she would have ever expected. She was trying to control her trembling as the others hurried into the room. She looked at Rick and time seemed to stand still once again. Her tremors eased and her mood lifted immediately. She had this overwhelming urge to go to him and hug him but she just couldn't. She tried to reassure him with her eyes while also begging him not to get too close to her. She really wasn't sure what she'd do if he got within reach of her at this moment.

Fortunately, Rick kept his distance until he had to help her pour her own coffee. The shaking of the coffeepot in her hand was a little embarrassing for her. She probably shouldn't drink caffeine when she was already a bit strung out but she felt she needed it anyway. She was pretty much on autopilot talking about the case with Rick while part of her was screaming for her to talk about them. It wouldn't have mattered as they were interrupted by Fallon.

She felt very bitter when he told them his gun had been empty. He'd planned the whole thing and never bothered to warn her. She felt betrayed and angry and if the case wasn't so important she'd be tempted to throw her coffee in his face. As it was, she gave him a stoic 'Yes, Sir' when he asked for their continued help on the case. When she found out about how Fallon had lost his wife, she felt a little more conflicted. He was still too reluctant to give up his first theory on a case, she'd never back off on that.

Then she asked herself how she would have behaved if Hayes was a suspect in her mother's murder. Would she have threatened him with a gun? She would have liked to reject the notion out of hand but her own abysmal behavior with Vulcan Simmons stopped that reaction. She remembered the disappointment in her captain's face after that debacle. If she lived in a glass house, she shouldn't throw stones.

When Rick brought up the fact that Hayes was so sure they'd 'find their terrorist' she was happy to accept the task of re-interviewing Nazihah Alhabi. It got her away from Fallon and gave her something to do to distract her from her own conscience. Once in her car and on their way, she glanced at Rick who seemed lost in thought, she decided to do some thinking of her own. Could she really commit to him with her mother's case casting a shadow over her life? It wouldn't be fair to Rick to start something with him while she was still susceptible to her obsession. Why couldn't things be simpler?

She was still so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize that anything was amiss until Rick got her attention. They hurried over to the surveillance car and found the FBI agent dead. All that was in the Alhabi apartment was a note that indicated that Nazihah was going to carry out an attack. Neither of them believed it for a moment. Kate called Fallon but Nazihah's car was still there so they had nothing to go on. She tried to canvas neighbors but nobody knew anything. Even the obviously dead man in the car had not caught anyone's attention.

They hurried back to the precinct, hoping that there was a lead from what they were doing but they had nothing either. While Fallon was on a call talking about 'NEST teams' Kate tried to come up with a new lead, anything else to try but she was coming up with nothing. They were down to two hours and they had nothing!

Her heart leapt when she heard that two members of Hayes' unit were supposedly fishing. Her heart sank again when Fallon brought up that they'd be trained soldiers just like Hayes and not broken any more easily than Hayes who had already stymied them. She felt her heartbeat rise and her breathing quicken and she tried to calm herself. Her eyes sought Castle, who seemed lost in thought. She'd always thought there was more time but that no longer seemed true anymore. Their hours were numbered and that number was only two.

Her thoughts went to her father, hopefully safe in the Hamptons. Castle's mother and daughter would be with him and maybe if the worst happened, they'd be able to help each other through their grief. They'd certainly have resources from Castle's estate. That thought made her eyes flick to him again. She had regrets in her life, who didn't? However, her biggest regret was sitting there – wait, he was getting up and approaching Fallon.

Did he have another idea? Was he going to break this case? She had been cognizant of his contributions to their cases more and more as time went on and if he was going to pull another surprise with his out-of-the-box thinking, now was the time!

It turned out to be not quite as out-of-the-box as she had been thinking and she held her breath as Fallon flicked the business card with his finger as he contemplated it. After a grimace and a huff, Fallon handed the card back to Rick and told him to make the call. She knew that this didn't necessarily mean a new break in the case but she had something to hope for now and she had to resist an urge to hug Castle in sheer gratitude. She began to think that this whole 'be professional' thing might be overrated.