"If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too"
Chapter One
"Dr. T'Soni?" A voice called, but Liara was far too gone to hear it. She hadn't moved in over an hour, staring off out the window into the mess hall as Dr. Karin Chakwas tended to the open wound on her shoulder.
The ship had made an emergency landing…somewhere on Earth, Liara couldn't remember. It was green, beautiful, but so empty to her. She'd heard the cheers on the CIC when the reports came in. The Reapers had been destroyed. The galaxy was saved.
She let herself smile for a second, to embrace the victory and the knowledge that they'd accomplished their goal. Then she saw everyone hugging and embracing and realized the only person she wanted to share that moment with wasn't on the ship. That she'd been left behind to give them all that moment.
Dr. Chakwas had noticed her, watching at a distance as everyone enjoyed the victory, and guided her to the much quieter med bay and patched up her injuries.
"Liara?" The voice again called, this time grabbing the Asari's attention. "Here," the human doctor offered her a glass filled with a maple colored liquid. "It'll help with the pain."
"My arm doesn't hurt." She whispered.
Chakwas nodded. "I know," and offered the drink anyways.
Liara accepted it and took a long, slow sip before settling the glass down atop the mattress she was sitting on. That was when she realized she was still fully cloaked in armor. It felt heavy all the sudden, restricting and she pushed herself up to a standing position and unlatched the large chest plate and dropped it to the floor with a loud clank.
To her credit, Dr. Chakwas didn't flinch, just watched with a steady eye and finished off her drink.
One piece after another fell to the floor until Liara was left in only the black meshing undercover of her armor. She felt better, as if she could finally breathe again and knelt down to pick up the pieces. She gathered them and put them in a pile under the bed in the med bay before sitting back down and having another drink.
"She was a stubborn girl, wasn't she?" Karin said, looking into the Asari's eyes.
Liara nodded a bit before looking back down at her drink. "She was," there was a catch in her throat. "She knew." Liara said simply and then finished off her drink.
Karin licked her lips and nodded. "I believe she always did, a part of her anyways…had accepted it."
"I don't, I…can't accept it. She should be here."
"Look out there," Dr. Chakwas pointed to the mess where everyone, including now James, Samantha and a few others had joined, were pouring champagne and cheering. "She is in every single one of them. She's touched every life left today and every life that will come after."
Selfishness was overcoming Liara at this point, the sentiment wasn't enough. "I can't see her eyes when I look at any of them, I won't hear her voice when I speak to them. She should be here."
Putting her empty glass down, Liara stood and gathered the pieces of her armor.
"Thank you," she said simply. "I'll be in my cabin if anyone needs me."
And with that, she crossed over to her cabin. Passing by everyone as the screamed and cheered, none of them watching her for too long.
When the door shut behind her, away from it all, she slid to the floor and sat, tears overwhelming her as she cried.
They'd won their freedom.
But Liara felt as if she'd lost everything.
Slowly, Liara opened her eyes and found herself lost. She didn't recognize where she was, but the glow of the mass of monitors in her quarters gave away her location, it was the angle that had changed.
She wasn't in her bed, she was on the floor, curled up next to the door. As soon as she moved, the fault in her evening revealed itself in the tinge of pain in her arm and back. She'd been hurt last night, she remembered now.
And suddenly it all came back, as if she were reliving it all over again. The truck flipping over above her, the moment where she felt Garrus roughly shove her aside. The explosion and that feeling of jagged metal slicing through her skin as it tore at her arm. Her leg was damaged, her head hurt and when she looked up, Shepard was racing to her.
Liara closed her eyes, trying to remember that moment, remember Shepard's face and it came to her. Those bright eyes and that look of determination. How it wavered when their eyes met through the wreckage.
"Anyone awake in there?" A voice called over the com, it was Garrus.
Looking up at the ceiling, Liara rolled onto her back and sighed. "Yes, what is it?" She asked, trying not to sound angry. She wasn't, she just didn't feel like talking, or moving, or even breathing.
"Everyone who can hold a hammer is working on repairs to get us back in the air, it's gonna take some time…we're trying to contact the Alliance but so far we haven't heard anything."
The impact of their crash had been sudden, she felt them preparing to jump through the relay but it was halted and suddenly they were falling. Joker told everyone to brace for impact, EDI mentioned something to the ship about deceleration and then suddenly her voice was gone.
The last communication they'd received was that Reapers were falling in worlds throughout the galaxy.
Everything went silent after that.
That was when she realized they'd left without Shepard. That she was still on the Citadel, or perhaps lying on the ground back in London.
Was she injured? What if she was still alive and suffering, alone and hurt.
"Liara?" Garrus called again.
"I—I'm sorry, Garrus. Not right now, okay?"
A pause, she could hear him hesitating. "EDI's gone, Liara."
Her stomach sank to the floor. "What happened?" She asked, fresh tears building in her eyes. She was so tired of crying.
"We're not sure, she just slumped over in the seat next to Joker. I—we haven't been able to get him to let us move her but…she's gone."
Was anyone safe through this? EDI was so innocent, so new to her own freedom and it was taken from her. Those feelings she was developing. Free will and love, taken from her and for what? For peace? For a life without Reapers?
Cynical as it sounded, in this moment Liara didn't give a damn about future generations, not when her own was suffering so much.
A sudden need to do something washed over her and Liara forced herself to stand. It wasn't easy, her arm was aching and her leg didn't feel like moving, but she managed to find some balance.
"I'll go see him," she said, determined as she moved to her bed and put on a decent pair of clothes.
That was when she saw it, the N7 hooded jacket. Shepard had left it here the last night they stayed in this room together. It was right after the party, they'd held off on doing anything together that night because there were so many people around. But afterwards, they were together…here, and Shepard was wearing this.
Unsure of what else to do, Liara picked up the jacket and unzipped it, she then slowly wrapped it around herself and soaked in it's warmth, it's scent, just like Shepard.
With shaky legs, she finished dressing and made her way to the out into the mess.
It was quiet, empty, a juxtaposition of what it had been the night before, so filled with chaos and rejoicing of victory. Almost instantly the enjoyment was gone, now replaced with the need to fix. A need that might span as long as the actual war had.
After a short ride in the elevator to the CIC, she caught sight of Samantha standing at her usual post. Only, she wasn't doing anything, just standing there, staring at her blank computer screen.
Taking a few steps out, Liara moved up behind Traynor and spoke. "Samantha?" She called. "Are you alright?"
"What?" Sam quickly wiped at her eyes and looked away. "Oh yes, just checking the systems, the computers have been offline all day."
Liara nodded, "I know."
"Everyone is out fixing the ship, working on the exterior damage and I'm in here doing bugger all because all I'm trained to do is diagnostics and useless computer work that I can't even do because the bloody computers are offline! Because—" Her voice broke.
"Can you help me?" The questioned seemed to carry more weight than Liara intended, and it appeared that way to Samantha as well as she looked wide eyed and worried. "Joker…he won't leave the cockpit, he needs food and rest. Will you…help me with him?"
Closing her eyes with a sigh, Sam brushed at her eyes once more and nodded. "Of course,"
Together they made their way up the bridge and Liara bypassed the lock Joker had put on the cockpit.
As it opened, she could see him immediately, his back to the door, facing out as if he were flying. It was strange to see the ship offline like this, the usual orange glow of lights illuminating the dash were gone, this room was dark, save the shimmering light outside coming through the few open shutters.
That was when her gaze shifted to the right, and she saw the metallic body slumped over in the passenger seat. Liara felt her heart sink, who in the hell was she to try and tell Joker anything? Was she handling her loss any better? Curled up on the floor of her room crying all night, wearing this ridiculous human sweatshirt so she could feel like she was wrapped in Shepard's arms?
No, she wasn't.
But…she couldn't leave him like this, her feet wouldn't turn and run away.
"Joker?" She called, her voice soft and careful. "I know I'm no medical doctor but are you certain you didn't fracture anything when we crash landed?"
She heard him scoff. "You mean besides the hull of her ship?"
The term "her ship" rang sharp in Liara's mind. Though she wasn't sure if Joker meant Shepard…or EDI.
"Dr. Chakwas should really look at you. We can help."
Samantha hadn't said a word, she was busy trying her best not to look at EDI.
"I'm not leaving." He said matter-of-factly.
"Why?"
"Because she'll come back online, and I don't want her to not know where we are when she does. So I'm going to wait."
"Joker," this time it was Traynor. "When that explosion went off…that beam of light…it wiped out all synthetic—"
"NO!" He screamed, his voice breaking under the stress of his plea. "She's just offline, she'll come back. She always comes back online. I'm not leaving her!"
Reaching out, Liara touched Sam's shoulder to stop her from moving in closer to the pilot. She smiled as best she could and shook her head. Telling Sam not to try.
"Very well, then I am bringing Dr. Chakwas to you. But we must see if you're injured."
"If anyone touches her—" He started.
"They won't," Liara assured him with a soft touch of his shoulder before turning and leaving with Samantha in tow. "Go get Dr. Chakwas." Liara said, taking a long breath as exhaustion again washed over her.
"Right away…what will you do?"
Liara looked down at herself and slowly unzipped the jacket around her. "I'm going to change, see if there's anything else I can do to help."
"Of course," Samantha started to leave but stopped just before the exit dock. "If I may, Doctor…you're the luckiest woman in the world."
The Asari felt her brow furrow in frustration and disbelief. "How could you possibly say that?"
"There are a billion people in this galaxy that would have killed for the chance to have the love of Commander Shepard. There's a human saying; like catching smoke with your bare hands."
Liara nodded, unsure and heartbroken as Samantha finally made her exit.
In the silence of the CIC, she whispered. "And then I lost it."
