Thursday
"I know. I know. I'm sorry," Cosima says to her wife, the cell phone sandwiched between her left shoulder and ear as she tries to assemble the papers on the conference table.
Although Delphine tries to conceal it, Cosima can tell that she's pretty frustrated. "Babe, I'm sorry. I'm on my way right now." She hears a sigh on the other end, and then silence. Delphine hung up on her. Cosima lets out a sigh of her own and quickly collects the rest of the paper off of the table.
"Cosima, do you have a minute?" the stocky woman in the grey mannish suit is standing between the clear glass doors of the conference room.
"Jody, I actually don't I'm running late for an appointment."
"Alright, come see me when you get back." The woman's eyes are fixed on Cosima's every move.
Cosima nods and hurries past her.
"What are you still doing here?" her receptionist mouths, spying her through the panoramic glass wall of her office. She stands up at attention from behind her desk in anticipation of her boss' demands.
Cosima opens the door. "Mel, she's going to kill me! I am so late."
"What do you need?" she asks ready to do everything in her power to make it happen.
"Purse. Coat. Keys. Teleportation device."
The woman zooms into her boss' office, her waist length, fiery untamed curls dance behind her like a superhero cape. Almost immediately she returns with the purse, coat, and keys.
"I couldn't locate the teleportation device," she jokes, trying to alleviate her boss' stress.
Cosima grins, "Thanks." She exchanges the papers she is holding for her belongings. Then promptly makes her way down the hallway towards the elevators.
…
Although Delphine is relieved to see Cosima come through the doors, she is still annoyed with her. Cosima can already read the agitation in her wife's body language.
"I'm sorry," she mouths to her, accompanied with an apologetic look.
"Babe, I am so sorry!" She emphasizes when she comes through the doors. "It's been a stupid crazy morning. Jody called an unscheduled meeting in the middle of the morning, which lasted an eternity. Apparently the sky was falling," She says as she unties the belt of her pale blue coat. "So, I had to drop everything I was doing at the lab." She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at the thought. "By the way, I was at the cusp of a break through..." She looks up with the intention of giving her wife a kiss, only to find that Delphine's frustration is amounting to something that resembles anger. "And that doesn't matter now." Cosima stops herself, not wanting to infuriate her wife any further.
Delphine does not say a word; her eyes, dialing orbs of anger transfixed on the talking figure with the brown vines stemming from her head. She can't believe how cavalier her wife is being. She opens her mouth to say something thing, but the words claw at her throat; so she walks away.
"Delphine!" Cosima calls after her, stunned that her wife could be this angry at her for being a few minutes late.
Delphine stops and turns around to look at her. Her angered expression now marred with hurt. "You forgot," She says her tone leveled with a self-imposed restraint.
Cosima's kindling anger is extinguished at the sight of her wife's face. She steps closer to Delphine and takes her hands. "Babe, I didn't forget. I promise I didn't. It really just was a crappy morning." Her eyes plead with Delphine to believe her.
Delphine breaks eye contact with Cosima. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her body releases the anger, but the anxiety she has been fighting with for the past few weeks threatens to overtake her.
Sensing this, Cosima attempts to ease her wife's fears. "Hey babe," she says, shaking her arms slightly to cue her to open her eyes. "Listen, whatever the doctor ends up telling us, we're going to be ok." Delphine nods and takes another deep breath. "Everything is going to be fine," Cosima reiterates.
Delphine's body relaxes and her gaze softens; she leans down to give Cosima a kiss. "Je t'aime," she says looking down at her partner.
"I love you," Cosima responds.
They both walk hand in hand into the Doctor's office.
….
"Dr. Niehaus-Cormier?" The nurse asks scanning the waiting area.
"Oui-Yes," Delphine answers nervously.
"Right this way please." The woman motions them toward the door.
The nurse leads them down a hallway. Delphine finds herself taken by the design of the place. The floor is a beautiful blue green sea glass with specs of indigo, which reflects the light from the clear bubble cluster shaped light fixtures above. It reminds her of the To Sua Ocean Trench in Samoa. Her family had gone there for vacation when she was eight years old. She remembered being too scared to go down the ladder. Her dad had gone down first, and her mom stayed above with her and her older brother Alaska. Soon Alaska made his descent and was swimming happily in the water, beckoning his mother and sister to come down. Her dad was looking up at them with a big reassuring smile, "Vien mon petit Chou. Ne vous inquiétez pas; Papa va vous rattraper," Just like that, he'd made her feel safe to go down the ladder. He always knew how to make her feel safe. Soon they were all in the trench, swimming and laughing.
She trails her fingers along the dark brown wood paneling of the hallway. They are the same shade of brown as her dad's eyes. Delphine is pulled from her remeniscing when they arrive at the doctor's office.
"Good morning Doctors Niehaus-Cormier; please have a seat." The Doctor motions them to the two chairs across his desk.
"Thank you," Delphine answers.
"Please, Cosima and Delphine," Cosima says with a smile.
"Alright, Cosima and Delphine," the man says returning the smile, looking at each woman respectively.
He is quite handsome. His salt and pepper hair is coiffed with a right side part reminiscent of an old Hollywood actor. His ice blue eyes seem to dance against the black long sleeve shirt he is wearing. His face is smooth and chiseled except for a hint of creases on his forehead when he smiles. He is very tall; lean and medium build. His baritone voice is highlighted by a slight Swedish accent, which oddly, Delphine finds calming.
"How are you both?" The question mostly intended for Delphine.
"I've been well," Delphine responds with a smile.
"That's good to hear." He opens the leather portfolio in front of him. "I've taken a look at your scans as well as your lab results. With stage three endometriosis it can be difficult to conceive. I've designed a treatment plan which will improve your chances," he says looking intermittently to Cosima.
The words hit Delphine like a foul ball she saw coming but couldn't get out of the way fast enough. Cosima squeezes her wife's hands slightly. A quick glance exchages between the two.
It's not like she didn't know. She's known of Delphine's endometriosis for years. She knew the possibility of them being able to have a biological child. She knew that...Cosima knew all of that. But it still hurt when doctor Wyss said it out loud. Her heart dropped when he'd said it. The "What if's" began to swarm her brain. She repremends herself harshly. She can't break. It's her trun to anchor their relationship and she will not fail.
Cosima's focus returns to the doctor. She straightens her posture, "So what's the plan?"
Delphine tries to focus on what the doctor is saying, but the thumping of her heart in her ears makes it difficult.
"I never wanted this," she thinks to herself. "I never wanted children. So why is my heart racing?"
It's not like she didn't like kids. She just never factored them in her life's plan. She never felt the ache to have them as most women do. When other women in their late teens and early twenties were fantasizing about having babies, she was mapping out the plan to one day be head of world renowned research institute. She wanted to innovate not be a mommy. "So why is this so hard?"
She looks to her right at Cosima. She has a serious look on her face. Her dreads are up in a bun except for two strands in the front framing her face. They are dancing as she nods her head in response to the doctor's words.
"It's her," Delphine thinks to herself. She remembered seeing her for the first time. Delphine had been sitting in the university's cafe when Cosima walked in with a group of friends. One of them was telling a story, the others were laughing. Aldous had instructed her to observe "the subject" from a distance before she made contact with her. She'd tried stealing looks at the clone, 324B21, in the flesh. She was so beautiful. Everything about her was electric: from her clothes, to her movements, to her laughter. From the beginning, without ever having spoken to her, this woman was making her want things she never knew she wanted. Now she's sitting in an office, her heartbreaking because there's a possibility she won't have the thing she never wanted. All because of her.
"Delphine?" Dr. Wyss says, looking intently at the blond.
"Hm?" she replies, her focus snapping back to the man in front of her.
"Are you open to those options?"
Delphine looks to Cosima; she finds her looking at her worriedly.
"Honey, the laparoscopy procedure," Cosima reminds her.
Delphine nods in approval.
"Great. I've prepared some literature for you; please call me with any and all questions. We can schedule the procedure whenever you're ready." That last part was meant for both of the women equally. "Then later on we can talk about in Vitro Fertilization and Embryo Transfer. It's important that we take this one step at a time. This process can be difficult, especially for first time couples."
"Thank you Dr. Wyss," Cosima says extending her hand to the man.
"Yes, thank you," Delphine adds.
They walk to the lobby together without saying a word. Cosima's mind is working on overdrive, trying to process the information she'd just received, calculating possible solutions the problem, assessing her wife's peculiar behavior, in addition to the thousands of thoughts that race across her mind at any given moment. She wants to ask her what she's thinking, but now is not the right time. So she fiddles for her keys, all the while trying to read her wife. "Hey Babe, do you wanna play hooky for the next couple hours?" she finally asks. She really wants to gauge her wife's thoughts about the matter. "We can go grab lunch at Paradis Des Amis."
"I can't, I have to get back to work," Delphine says, still with the same distant demeanor she had in the doctor's office.
"Ok," she says with a smile trying to mask her disappointment. "Um...I'll see you later then." She's fighting every impulse to ask her wife her thoughts. So she takes a quick breath and smiles instead and says, "I love you."
"Je t'aime aussi," the blonde responds
They exchange a languid kiss and part ways.
…
The aroma of marinara sauce and baked chicken greets her at the door. She deposits her keys in the silver bowl on the table near the entrance; then makes a right to the living area.
"Hey Babe, I didn't hear you come in," Cosima says, halfway turned from the stove.
"It smells good in here," she comments as she takes her coat off and places it on the back of a chair.
Delphine scans the scene. The dining room table is covered with papers. The laptop is humming lazily beside the iPad. An open bottle of red wine is sitting on the island. The pasta is boiling furiously. Cosima is wearing long purple tights and a black tank top with the words "My spidey senses are tingling" written in the front. Her hair is up with two pens holding it in place and another tucked behind her ear.
Delphine walks over to her and places her hands on her waist and plants a kiss on the nook of her neck. Cosima hums at the sweetness of the kiss and turns around for another one on her lips.
"I'm sorry about this morning," Delphine says looking down at her bespectacled lover, her hands still on her waist.
"Don't worry about it, it was a hard morning," she replies understandingly. "You seemed distant in the doctor's office though, were you…are you ok?"
Delphine's body tenses up, her gaze falls on the floor; she lets go of Cosima. She reaches in the cupboard for two wine glasses, then turns around to and grabs the open wine bottle sitting on the island, and pours.
All the while, Cosima's gaze never leaves her wife. "Delphine, we need to talk about it."
"I did some research about it: 33%." She says her back still turned to Cosima. "That's our very best odd; 33%" her head hangs low, focusing on nothing in particular.
It's Cosima's turn to move closer now. She put her hands on the blonde's waist and plants a soft kiss on her back. "Babe, look at me."
She turns around, leaning against the island for support. Her eyes glazed with tears. She tries to blink them away.
"We've beaten lesser odds," Cosima says stroking her arms.
Delphine draws in a quick breath and exhales. The nightmares of the past few years play in her head. How she'd watched Cosima die twice. Her body laying lifeless on the hospital bed, pale and emaciated. The team of doctors and nurses shouting orders; each time the paddles jolted electric shocks through her body, she convulsed as if she would break. Then the subsequent phone call she'd received that almost pushed her over the edge. And now this! It seems like the universe has a penchant for causing her and everyone she loves pain. Delphine's body shivers.
Cosima feels the goose bumps on her lover's body. "Hey," she says taking her face in her hands. "What is it?"
A stream of tears glides down Delphine's left cheek. "Kiss me."
"Babe…" Cosima says, her heart breaking for her wife.
"Cosima," Delphine pleads, "Kiss me."
Cosima's Kiss is soft and drawn. She pulls away and looks up at her wife, her eyes gentle and filled with concern. She wipes away the trail of tears. Delphine pulls her in closer and lays a kiss on her lips. The gravitational pull of the kiss transforms Cosima's limbs to liquid and she welcomes the beautiful undertow.
Delphine's kisses get deeper and longer and heavier. She kisses her as if she was trying to merge with her; become one with her. Tongues dance a fierce dance. Delphine's hands find fulfillment under Cosima's shirt. They cup her bare breasts and tease her nipples. Cosima moans a deep and concupiscent moan. With a deft motion Delphine removes Cosima's shirt to reveal her readied breasts. She scoops her up with one hand, places her atop of the island, and takes her right breast into her mouth. Her tongue circles the small pink nipple like a shark circling its prey. Cosima's head plunges back at the pleasurable sensation. Delphine finally takes the nipple between her lips and sucks it slowly.
"Delphine," Cosima moans.
Delphine trails her lips up to the top of her breasts, and then her collar bones. She lingers at the contour of Cosima's neck teasing the erotic spot until another guttural moan escapes her lover's lips. She continues her assent to her jawline, there again lips meet and tongues dance the water dance. Delphine nibbles at her ear and then whispers, "Get on your back."
Cosima obeys the command. Delphine makes her descent down her lover's body with her lips, leaving a rouge trail. Her fingers glide over her lover's body to memorize the landscape. Cosima's body shivers at the touch, her body taught with anticipation. Her lungs ready an arsenal of oxygen.
Delphine removes her tights. Her center is soaked. Delphine slides her fingers up and down between her labia, each time teasing her clit. Each touch magnifies Cosima's pleasure. Finally Delphine enters her; Cosima's body arch at the penetration. Another guttural moan escapes her throat. Delphine thrusts at first slowly, teasing, searching. Then she curls her finger up to find her lover's G-spot. All the while her thumb circumnavigates the surface of her clitoris.
Cosima's hands search frantically for something to grab on to. The pleasure is too much; her body is in frenzy. It trembles and contorts, she wants to scream.
"Holly Shit!" She exclaims.
Delphine continues to thrust deeply into her. She finds her G-Spot and works it mercilessly. Cosima ties to pry her thighs free from her lover's grip, but Delphine holds on.
"Fuck!" Cosima screams between ragged breaths "Right there...don't stop."
Delphine's pleasure rises with every moan and scream. She watches her lover's face fill with life, love, and euphoria; teetering on the edge of ecstasy.
"Baby, I'm gonna cum," she announces.
With no time at all she gushes between her legs. Delphine descends to take every drop of her into her mouth.
Cosima pants for air. The orgasm left her convulsing in its wake. Delphine looks up to take in her masterpiece. Her chest is beginning to rise and fall at a steadier pace. Cosima tries to sit up but she finds her limbs are still recovering from their liquid state. Delphine helps her up. She pulls her lover close to her and embraces her.
"I love you," she whisper's in the blonde's ears, "you'll always have me."
"Je t'aime pour l'eternity," she whispers back.
They pull from their embrace, and give each other one more kiss. Cosima looks at pasta, the water almost too low. "Babe, can you turn off the stove while I look for my clothes?"
Delphine grins delightedly.
FIN...for now
