Hidan

There was an old friend, if you could call him that, of Kakuzu's that lived deep in the forests of the Land of Fire. All his partner had said was: "He'll be a safe place to stay. Don't make eye contact. Let me do the talking."

Typical. What should I have expected, anyways, not like I'm any good with words. Slicing up and killing people yes, but not words. The Code of Jashin didn't mention talking as a sacred way of murder, so I'll just let Kakuzu do the talking.

The boy, the jinchuuriki who's name was apparently Naruto, moaned lightly on his shoulder. He had been successfully been fed sleeping pills Kakuzu reserved for captured bounties, but he had been visibly resisting the drugs. The kid was fierce for a non believer, and on the inside Hidan felt relieved this was one tailed beast they hadn't had to forcibly bring under.

"How much further, Kakuzu?" he asked. "I really need to get some sacrificing going on soon."

His partner did not reply, but gave him the same cool glare as he had done the past four times he'd been asked. Kakuzu wasn't one for words, especially when it came to his lectures on the beauty of Jashinism. Their journey had therefore been a fairly one-sided conversation, just like every other time. The process repeated itself all to commonly on their missions for Akatsuki. Hidan was the loud aggressive one, of which he was perfectly pleased with, while Kakuzu provided calm and cold strategy. They were a deadly duo, especially since each was virtually impossible to kill.

"You know, I was thinking, you should be a bit more involved and open, Kakuzu," he said off handedly. "I can appreciate you going all monster-mash when you get pissed, but I mean outside of a fight you could be a bit more in tuned, you know?"

Silence. Their footsteps trod along the path. Way behind them, he could hear a trio of travelers walking along the same path.

"I mean, take now for example. You're being dead quiet, when there's no one around. What's up with that, man? Sasori talked, Itachi talks, and you're way cooler than both of them. You have to say something sometime!" Hidan said angrily as his partner continued to ignore him. "Jashin Almighty, you are the most stubborn bastard I've ever known, even more than the Cult Leader before I killed him!"

"Hidan, shut up. We're S-rank missing-nin returning back with a live jinchuuriki, not genin fresh from saving a cat. We may be partners, but we're far from being friends. Just stop talking and let us reach my ally's house professionally."

Hidan shifted the boy to his other shoulder, and the boy smacked noisily against the scythe. "Oh, I get it. Big, tough Kakuzu, to cool to even talk aloud but anything apart from money or a mission. You're lucky we're partners, because my religion states that those selfish like you need to be killed immeaditaly."

"I thought your stupid cult killed anybody anyways."

"Yes, but- wait, how did you know that?"

Kakuzu still didn't turn to face him; he was looking at a shiny kunai knife, ridiculously intent on observing it's gleam. "All you talk about is your cult; no matter how hard I try to ignore you, you just talk so much that eventually I'm forced to memorize things. It's really killing me."

The immortal looked at his counterpart, face slowly breaking out into a wide smile. "Ah ha! So you do listen to me and my rants! Say, you should come to a ceremony sometime, you can be baptized!"

"Don't smile like that, it creeps me out."

He furrowed his brow. "But you aren't even looking at me."

Kakuzu's voice dropped to a rough whisper. "I saw you through the reflection of my kunai knife. By the way, your face is an absolute mess. You're covered in dried blood and dirt."

Hidan tilted his head. "I'll wash my face, but why are you looking at that knife?"

"Those three men behind us have been slowly getting closer. Talk quieter."

With his head tilted, Hidan swiveled his eyes to look behind them. Damn, Kakuzu's got really sharp hearing. I barely heard these guys when it was quiet. But now they're really up close. Are they one of the squads that's been looking for us?

"What should we do?" he whispered, hardly moving his lips.

His partner blinked in surprise. "Are you serious? We kill them, of course. Didn't you just say you couldn't wait for a sacrifice?"

He instantly grinned. "Right."

Kakuzu gave a slight nod of his head. "Now."

They broke apart, Kakuzu going left and Hidan going right. In an instant, Naruto's unconscious body was being tossed aside for Hidan to draw his prized weapon. It was out in his hand before the boy's body had even touched the floor.

The scythe was one of his only possessions, and perhaps the only one he cared about. Like his own body, it was the product of heavy experimentation by the Jashinist cult, with various alloys and metals being employed to create the perfect light weight, but yet strongest weapon for kilometers around. The result had been the beautiful red scythe. They had been slightly unwilling to give it to him at first. But after he had proven his skill with it by killing all of the designers, he had thought it was a well deserved prize. It was simply an extension of his body, of the Will of Jashin. With it, he did his god's justice.

On the path behind them, the trio of travelers stood in shock. They held kunai knives in their hands, but Hidan could instantly tell that they were not shinobi. Their cloaks were tattered and dirty, and they wore no headband. Just common thieves and criminals. Ha, just what the doctor ordered.

"Were you planning on robbing us?" Kakuzu asked lightly.

The one in the middle, evidently their leader, raised his hands in surrender. "Wait, wait, have mercy! I see now that you're shinobi, we'll let you go on your way. We would never harm our betters! All we heard was that there were valuable targets on the road-"

"Valuable?" Kakuzu's eyes glittered. "What do you mean?"

"T-t-the rumor from Konoha is that two high value criminals were on the path trying to leave, with a reward offered for their capture or whereabouts. But they never told us they would be shinobi, w-w-we would never attack shinobi-"

"Ha ha ha, listen to that! Some commoners that actually know their place in the world!" Hidan scoffed. "Kakuzu, can we just kill them?" He ignored the uncontained gasps of fear from the trio of bandits. "Come on, this is the perfect time for a ritual!"

Kakuzu was again being unresponsive. He was looking at the men oddly, studying their frightened expressions, the quivering kunai in their hands. Oh come onnnnnnnnn. Let's do them already!

The masked Akatsuki reached into his pocket where he had just placed his kunai earlier. Hidan felt adrenaline going through him, and his fingers tingled on the handle of the scythe. Here we go!

A small bundle of paper emerged from Kakuzu's pocket. Silently, he threw it at the man in the middle. In disbelief, the man in the middle caught the wad of ryo. He and his companions and Hidan stared at the money, then they all looked at Kakuzu, as if they had suddenly been thrust into a dream and had just realized they were asleep.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "Get out of here."

Slowly, still lost in reality, the bandits slowly stepped back. Then they scrambled away back down the path, their legs a blur of fear and astonishment.

Hidan slowly clenched his hand around the handle of the scythe until his knuckles were white. "Kakuzu, what the fuck was that! You just let those three go like it was nothing! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"They didn't need to die. If we had killed them, there was a greater chance someone might find the bodies than if the bandits themselves went back to wherever their hideout is and aren't found."

Even Hidan could see through this excuse. "Are you telling me someone is actually going to spend the time looking for three unnamed bandits if we stuffed them away up a tree or something? Kakuzu, what were you thinking, really. We should've just killed them instead of running the risk they'll blab about us to the authorities-"

"Enough, Hidan. It wasn't a necessary action to kill them. Time is money, and it was more profitable to let them go. We no longer have the time for killing randomly, not when it's now clear we're being hunted. End of story."

Hidan recognized the finality of his tone. Grumbling furiously to himself, he sheathed the scythe on his back. I swear to Jashin, when he steals a heart, he takes on their power and their personalities. Bi-polar bastard. He hefted the jinchuuriki's body back onto his shoulder and rejoined Kakuzu on the road. "Ready then?"

"Yes. Almost there."

"How much farther-?"

"Shut up."

XXX

Kakuzu

The bounty hunter's guild had existed for several years, since the end of the First Shinobi World War, when the feudal lords and Kages had sent the first hirelings out on revenge strikes. He had been around since the very beginning, his lust for money and violence finally met in the best possible way. At first he had worked for his village, Takigakure, with pride in his work. But his failure to kill the First Hokage had led to the village ostracizing him, to which he responded by becoming one of the continent's first missing-nin, by killing the elders and stealing their forbidden jutsu, the Earth Grudge Fear Technique. With it, he was a "pioneer of immortality" as Hidan liked to say it.

A pioneer there, yes, but in every other way, I am a master.

His bounty hunting experience had put him in touch with several high ranking members of the Hunter's Guild, who all hunters turned their bounties over to for the reward. One such contact was Kurtz, who had been forced to retire after having bringing home to many dead bodies on "wanted alive" hunts. He lived in seclusion in the Konoha wilderness, but he and Kakuzu had remained in contact, enough so that Kakuzu knew their sudden visit would not be strange.

"When Kurtz's cottage was in view, Kakuzu stopped Hidan. "Leave the jinchuuriki here by this tree." Hidan put the boy down, and Kakuzu allowed some of his wirey tendrils to wrap around the boy, several feet of strong gray wrapping around, securing him to the tree. Best to keep him out of sight, until we have Kurtz's reaction. "Oh, and remember to let me do the talking, and don't do anything stupid."

"Like what?"

He rubbed his chin mockingly as if he was in deep thought as he cut the wire, leaving Naruto tied firmly to the tree. "Hmm, I think being yourself fits into the category. Just follow me and keep your mouth shut."

Hidan swore under his breath as they began to walk up the lightly sloping hill, upon which the small house rested. Kurtz had chosen to be far from civilization, so as to not draw attention to himself. His letters had grown shorter and weaker in intelligence as time progressed, and Kakuzu could only imagine that being in the wild all alone had not been doing his mental state any good. He had faith that his ally would not go aggressive, but at the same time, it was best if Hidan didn't agitate him.

To his and Hidan's surprise, they saw him tending a small garden to the side of his house. When he saw them, he stood up and went to greet him. He had done a poor shave of his head, and his clothes were equally unclean and wild. When he reached the Akatsuki duo, his voice was incredibly hoarse and rough, though hidden in it, Kakuzu could still hear the original intelligence.

"Kakuzu? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me Kurtz."

"Well I'll be damned. And who's the silver-haired idiot? A new bounty?"

To Hidan's credit, he only bit his lip as a retort. Kakuzu quickly spoke to salvage the situation. "He's my partner, not a bounty. We were hoping we could lodge with you for the night."

Kurtz cocked his head and pointed his gardening tool at Hidan. Kakuzu noted with a sigh that the tool was nothing more than a blunt piece of wood. He's lost it, being out here for all this time.

"I don't remember you being one to like working with others, Kakuzu. You've gone a bit soft."

"Things change as times go on." Just like you, he wanted to say, with some regret in his voice. Yes, he had always hated working with others, including Hidan. He had killed all his previous partners in Akatsuki, and it was Hidan's immortality that had saved him from the same fate. But him and Kurtz had gotten along well enough as to friendly rivals could. It was disappointing to see this was how he had turned out."

The lost Kurtz shrugged his shoulders. "True enough. You and your friend are welcome to stay, then. There's two spare mattresses in the back of the cottage for you to use, as well as some blankets. Cozy up wherever you like."

"We have a boy, a bounty. Any place we can put him?"

"There's a toolshed out back, made out of strong iron. Should be a good container."

Kakuzu nodded his head and reached for the main door, but finally Hidan opened his mouth. "Why are you out here by yourself? Kakuzu told me about how great a killer you were; why'd you stop?"

His hand tightened on the door handle. I said not to talk, and he asks this of all things?

There was a steady pause. The cool air rustled excitedly around them, as if it to were eager for an answer.

"Life is a precious thing," Kurtz said at last. "For the hunted, it's such a short thing. There was never been a bounty I couldn't catch; me and a select few others like Kakuzu were virtually untouchable and undefeatable. With power like that, like a judge or a god... it grew difficult to carry on. So I moved out here to avoid the temptation."

Hidan laughed. "Life is precious? That's a good one!"

Kurtz flashed to quickly for Kakuzu to try and divert the blow. The blunt wooden tool broke the skin above Hidan's heart and buried itself in his body. For a moment, Hidan stood stock still as blood ran from the wound, then with his other hand he grabbed Kurtz by the scruff of his scraggy shirt and threw him away. "What the hell was that?! Kakuzu you didn't say he'd try to fucking do me in if I made a joke!"

The retired hunter drew back, confused. "What? I never miss."

"I'm immortal! You sure didn't miss, but you can't take me out." Hidan drew out the wooden tool with a sickening squelch, then threw it was disdain to the ground. "Damn that hurts."

Kurtz seemed to take this in, and reluctantly calmed down. Well, that certainly could've gone better. "Alright, that's enough Hidan. Go collect the boy and bring him in."

XXX

Hidan

Kakuzu sprinkled the spices onto the cool, motionless surface of the pond. The night air was a cold shroud around them, hiding them in its darkness. A fitting setting, for such a dark organization.

The surface rippled, though no air or object touched it. From within the center of the pond, a shape as dark as their surroundings manifested from nothing. Slowly, its features defined themselves, starting with the sharp spiky hair, slight pronunciations of the piercings, and finally the rippled effects of those odd purple eyes.

"What is there to report?"

Kakuzu spoke up, as he always did. After Hidan had so atrociously toyed with his wording to annoy the Leader after the first report, it had been decided that he would stay off to the side quietly.

Not many like to hear me exercising Jashinism, even if it's part of our damn code. Where's the religious freedom in this place!

"We have the Nine-Tails jinchuuriki in our hands. He's been subdued sufficiently; the mission is a success."

"Excellent work, Kakuzu and Hidan. Deidara will be pleased to know that the jinchuuriki has been apprehended after the beating he received."

Hidan snorted. Poor Deidara had arrived back from his attempt to capture the Nine-Tails in the worst shape possible: not only missing his partner Sasori, but his two arms. It was a sad testimony that had reminded everyone that the power of the Tailed Beasts was not something to be taken lightly. Deidara had held a personal grudge against this particular jinchuuriki, and had warned Kakuzu and Hidan about the boy's strength.

I'm gonna wipe that arrogant smirk right off his face.

"Yes, everything is in order," Kakuzu replied steadily. "However, we've reached a slight snag."

The Leader immediately shifted from content to annoyance. "What?"

"We didn't come away clean; we have reason to believe we're being tracked by Konoha-nin: we encountered a trio of robbers on the road that had been told we were trying to leave the country. They've placed a reward on us, and no doubt there are trackers. We cannot return to base with these assumptions."

"But they are assumptions. These robbers may have simply found you by chance. Did you kill them to cover your tracks?"

Hidan rolled his eyes as he saw Kakuzu throw him a glance. He knew that look. "Yeah, yeah, they're dead. Don't worry about them anymore." I still want to know why he spared them, and getting him in trouble with the Leader isn't the way to go about that.

"Good. Then just return home with the jinchuuriki."

Kakuzu looked back, this time a different look in his eye apparent, another very familiar one. "Then there is the matter of Asuma Sarutobi."

"Yes, I heard about your engagement with them, and swift dispatch of the Guardian. Another good job; he was a powerful shinobi that undoubtedly gotten in the way in the future." The Leader cocked his head, the purple eyes trained on Kakuzu's green ones. "How is this a problem?"

"His bounty is 35,000,000 million ryo," Kakuzu said smartly. "If we get him, in addition to monk's bounty, we'll have quite the sum of money. His bounty is very valuable-"

"It's uncessary," The Leader said with calm command. "Money will not become a thing we need once we have all the jinchuuriki. It helped us in the beginning, but now we are approaching our real goal. When that is met, money will have no use."

Hidan frowned. Again with the "true objective" business. None of them knew what it was, but it was another thing he was dying to find out. In good time, it'll probably turn useful for the Cult as well.

Kakuzu's voice went up an octave, a sign he was displeased. "This is one of the largest bounties in the entire continent, and you want to just blow it off? WHY!?"

"We cannot risk loosing the Nine-Tails jinchuuriki when he's in our hands. Next to the Eight-Tales, they are the hardest to procure because they still retain ties to their villages. In other words, their villages will be actively trying to reclaim their jinchuuriki. Now that you have one of these prime-security vessels, we cannot allow them to be lost."

A thick silence mixed in with the night air. Hidan shrugged uncofrtably as he felt the tension between Kakuzu and the Leader mount as their argument continued on. Kakuzu was determined to not let the cash-cow slip through their grip, but the Leader was adamant. Personally, Hidan didn't care. It had been a while since he'd eaten, and the smell of the stew Kurtz had promised was becoming harder and harder to ignore.

When the argument had grown heated enough that the Leader's form was becoming fuzzy with his concentration being so loosened, Hidan finally butted in. "Look, just let us get this Asuma-guy's corpse and cash it in! Think about it: if we take his corpse right from under their noses, it'll be a double smack in their face. Not only will it give us money we need right now, not in the future, you're right, but now, but it'll also show the Akatsuki isn't scared of any shinobi village."

The two stopped argueing to listen to him, and when he was done they were looking at him with raised eyebrows. He glared at each of them in turn. "What? I can't say something smart every now and then?"

"Your argument brings up some valuable points,Hidan," The Leader said after some moments of thinking. "Very well; secure the jinchuuriki somewhere safe and secure Sarutobi. Once you've collected his bounty, we will gather once more and seal the Nine-Tails long distance." He gave them each a cool glance, the purple eyes studying them intently. "You have a week to meet at these coordinates. If you're not there by that time, I will send Deidara and Tobi to get you."

Hidan groaned. "Oh yeah, my favorite duo ever." That blonde loudmouth talks more about his blasted art than I do about Jashinism. How is that even possible? And my Jashin, Tobi… "Don't worry, we'll be at the location in a week."

"Good. Then good luck to the duo with you." The Leader's image flickered once, twice, then vanished. The water surface rumbled as the dark presence suddenly disappeared, but it instantly stilled, until there was just calm blue water.

"Why did you side with me?" Kakuzu questioned. "You never side with me."

He shrugged. "I'm hungry, and I can smell Kurtz's food. Hunger beats delayed argument with the Leader."

Kakuzu glowered at him from behind his mask. "Of course. Not siding with your teammate, but with your stomach. Let's get back to the cottage, then."

"Oh, you filthy hypocrite! You say that now, when I've been trying to talk to you all day to strengthen this partnership?"

Kakuzu shook his head. "Forget I brought it up. Let's just go eat."

Again, just brushing it off. Self- centered atheist. "Fine. When you get in a tight spot, don't look to your teammate for help then."

"I try not to look at you at all."

"Prick."

"Fanatic."

That's more I like it.