Burning Serenity: The Wayward Goddess

By Iset Black

Chapter 2: Sleepless

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He snored softly next to her, his chest rising and falling with each breath. She lay awake, her gaze cast upon the hauntingly red-orange cast the alarm clock gave off against the wall. With each of his breaths, Usagi listened to his phone vibrate on the bedside table next to him. It would thrum for thirty seconds and then stop. A minute or two would pass, and then it would start up again. The phone hummed against the faux-wood of the night stand, moving millimeters within falling to the floor with each new text message and call.

She pulled the comforter tight around her neck, trying with all her might to ignore each time his phone thrummed to life. The phone continued to hum next to him. Mamoru was completely unware of the phone and it's activity, lost in a dreamland of his own creation. The thrumming and humming kept on, despite her best efforts to drown it out with counting sheep and singing to herself. The phone lit up one more time. Usagi let out a stifled shriek of frustration as she threw the covers back and dove for his phone.

Her thumb hovered over the lock button, the phone prompting her to enter his passcode or to scan her thumb print. She sat silent for a moment while she thought of what his pass lock could be. Her birthday? She tried that, only to be told it was incorrect. The day of their first date? She entered the numbers, only to have the screen shake violently in protest to the information she submitted. His birthday? She entered the information, the screen unlocking instantly at her command.

Of course, it was his own birthday.

She rolled her eyes and began to scan his text messages and missed calls. She thumbed over to the missed calls and saw he had twenty four missed calls from an American number. It must have been the university, she reasoned. He was one of the top students enrolled in the graduate program for Anthropological Studies, she told herself. Why would they want him to be missing? She smiled stiffly to herself as she moved to read his unopened text messages.

Nora (32)

You never called me back. You better not be with her. You told me it was over!

Usagi's breath caught in her chest as she rapidly scrolled through their chat history. Months and weeks of his daily goings-on filled her eyes. Their log went back eight months. She bit her lip as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She bit her lip and darkened the screen of his phone, tossing it gently back onto the night stand next to her. Usagi slid down the side of the mattress and leaned against the faux-cedar bed-frame, clutching at her sides as she began to sob.

She tried to stay as quiet as she could muster. She didn't want to wake the sleeping beast next to her.

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Everyday it became a little bit easier. She ate a little bit more, she cried a little less. With each day a new dawn was born, along with a growing realization that all of what had happened to her had been real.

And it shocked her to her core.

With each sunrise, Usagi grew a little bit stronger. With each sunset, her tears became less and less until she felt nothing at all. She was comfortably numb, so long as his name wasn't said, so long as his favorite food wasn't mentioned, so long as his image didn't flood her brain.

One could say Usagi was in a living coma of sorts, each day flowing into the next in a blur.

Her dearest of friends, Luna, did her best to comfort her.

Usagi sat at the large wooded table that sat flush in the center of her dining room, several catalogs spread out in a mess before her. She thumbed over the glossy pages, briefly taking in the information they presented to her. One catalog in particular caught her interest, one dedicated to colleges that offered overseas study programs. Usagi took hold of the catalog and drew it closer to her, she began to read over each of the programs. Her eyes flicked over each page, her interesting beginning to grow.

An hour passed without much notice. Luna, who had patiently been watching her from across the room, finally approached the table. With all the grace her feline form could offer, Luna jumped onto the table. Usagi let out a shriek of surprise, the air leaving her lungs in a rush.

"Luna!" Usagi shrieked as the catalog fell from her hands.

Luna said nothing. Without paying any heed to Usagi, she began to examine the catalog. Images of crystal blue water and white sand beaches flooded the feline. With a flick of her paw, Luna flipped to the next page. This had been the portion of the catalog that Usagi had been studying so intently. Images of mid-century architecture and foggy coastlines filled with evergreen trees came one after the next, accompanied by brief summaries of what each foreign study program offered.

"Port-land?" Luna questioned, shock colored her gentle voice.

Usagi grimaced and yanked the catalog from beneath her feline companion. "It's something I've thought about for so long." She offered only a brief explanation, her mind still reeling over the sudden intrusion Luna caused.

Luna sat silently, sensing that Usagi had more to say. She sat quiet, intently gazing at her mistress. Luna would wait until Usagi finally had to say what consumed her. She watched Usagi day in and day out, simply living and going through the motions of the day without her normal enthusiasm. It was like Usagi had died, only to be replaced by an empty shell of herself.

"I have to do something." Usagi said flatly. Slow, fat tears began to trickle down her cheeks. She bit her bottom lip as she ran her finger tips over the smooth pages of the catalog. She had been strong for as long as she possibly could. All of the emotions that she had kept pent up finally began to flow from her. Usagi closed her eyes tightly as if to quell the torrent of emotion she had tried to bury for so long. With a deep inhale, Usagi finally let out a sob so filled with sadness it absolutely broke Luna's heart. If Luna could cry, she would have. Luna lunged toward her human companion and began to rub her head against Usagi's cheek. Lune began to purr, trying her best to comfort Usagi in any way she could.

'Be damned, this feline form!' Luna thought. She so wished she had arms she could wrap around her mistress. The limitations of her current physical form could be so trying at times.

Without saying another word, Usagi wrapped her arms around the small form of Luna. The cat began to purr loudly, signaling her bond with her mistress. Together they sat like this for several minutes, until Usagi's tears finally began to subside. Her waves of sadness had finally began to pass, the emptiness she constantly felt finally beginning to settle back in.

"I might apply to study overseas. I can't stay here anymore." Usagi offered a brief explanation of why she had the catalogs.

"This place has nothing for me. I'm no longer a senshi, we haven't had an enemy for a long while now." She said sadly, her tone slightly wistful. With a loud sigh, Usagi slowly closed the catalog and looked up at Luna. Her face was red from crying, her hair slightly ruffled. She truly looked pathetic.

"I can't sit here and wish that Mamoru will come back and that suddenly everything will be OK again. It will never be the same."

Luna considered Usagi's words silently. There wasn't much she could say. Usagi was absolutely right. Even if their destinies were forever intertwined, what he had done had been too much. It had been betrayal in the ultimate form. To take another woman to his bed was unforgivable. To many times had he turned on her, even if they hadn't been of his own volition. Perhaps they weren't destined for each other, perhaps at some point their love and selfless dedication would fade. Perhaps it had already faded on his part. Perhaps his misgivings had simply been brought on by a weakness on his end, maybe by too many drinks and a warm body too close to him one night. Only Mamoru could truly say what had happened.

"I couldn't take you with me, Luna. But I've already talked to Rei-chan. She would go with me." Usagi's soft pink lips turned upwards in a small smile. The Solider of Fire was truly a good friend.

"Her father does business in America. He has a small apartment we could stay at. She's even convinced him to pay for her and I. It would be like a scholarship of sorts." Rei had managed to convince her father to fund their stay, with the agreement that she would join his firm at the end of their stay.

"A scholarship?" Luna questioned, her gaze focused intently on Usagi.

"Rei agreed to join his firm and to become a part of their 'family business'. We just have to apply to the programs and he will pay." Usagi's smile grew wider as she continued to explain her plans to Luna.

"But what of your English? It isn't your strongest suit." Luna questioned, amusement sparkling in her eyes.

"It would be completely immersive, obviously. What better way to improve my horrible English other than to go to America?" Usagi offered a small laugh. As she laughed at her own folly, the mood in the room began to grow lighter.

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Author's Note:

Dear Reader,

Welcome to Summer 2017. I am out of school until August and this is a result of that free time. I realize this isn't much of an addition... but I've added to how Usagi found out about Mamoru and his extracurricular activities. I've also changed the location in which Usagi travels too. No more London... I didn't feel much for that location, and I feel I can do much with the Pacific North West atmosphere.

Feel free to leave those thoughts and comments as always...

I love you to bits.

Kind Regards,

Iset Black & Co.