You Bastard

Time is an incredible thing; it has the innate ability to move either incredibly fast or excruciatingly slow. On a rare occasion time has both the ability to move fast and slow at the same time. For Finn Morgan this was one of those rare occasions. It had been a month since Rory had died and Finn was still in pretty bad shape. Lorelei and Luke had moved in with them to give Finn a hand in raising Annabelle and Victoria because he certainly wasn't able to do it on his own, not now and not in the near future. Finn felt as though this month as a whole went by extremely fast with the fact that he couldn't believe that a month had already past since he last held Rory. But when he looked at the past month day by day it seemed as though it went by excruciatingly slow. He slept all day; that is when he wasn't crying and looking at old photo albums of the two of them. T

The only time he left the house was when he took Annabelle to the Stars Hallow Elementary School but even then he didn't say much more than 'Have a good day kitten,' and 'I love you too' before he was off, his tear stained eyes forever hidden behind the dark curtains of his sun glasses.

One this one particular morning Finn walked downstairs to get some breakfast when he saw Lorelei sitting in the living room playing with Victoria. He quickly turned his head hoping that they wouldn't notice him but his plan back fired when he heard Victoria let out a high pitched squeal at his entrance. "Da Da!" Victoria stated in a fit of giggles as she reached out for Finn. Finn sighed as he hung his head and walked over to her, he knew he couldn't ignore his own daughter forever but the truth was, that he hadn't held her since Rory's funeral, let alone give her a second glance. It's not that he didn't want to be closer to his daughter, let alone his only child, it's just that whenever he looked at her he was reminded of Rory. She was the embodiment of Rory, mind, body and soul. He had to keep himself under control every time he did look at her for fear that if he didn't keep himself under control he would start crying again with no way of stopping.

"You have to hold her sometime Finn…Why not start now?" Lorelei said from her spot holding onto the little child from their place on the sofa. She locked eyes with Finn as she gave him a sympathetic smile letting him know that she knew exactly what he was going through. Sighing as he slumped his shoulders, Finn walked over to them and gave Lorelei a weak smile as he took Victoria from her and placed her in his lap. "Hello little love." Finn said as he kissed Victoria's nosed.

"Da!" The little girl giggled, her blue eyes bright with enthusiasm as she pecked Finn on his nose and then giggled once again as she moved away.

"Yea little love that's me." Finn said with a small smile, he really didn't love his daughter. They sat there for a few more moments just playing with Victoria until Lorelei finally spoke.

"Finn can I ask you something?"

"Sure Lor…what is it." Finn said as he turned his attention away from his daughter and to the woman he considered to be his mother.

"Have you ever thought about writing your feelings down in a journal maybe? You know to get everything that is pent up inside out so that it might not hurt so badly?"

"Yea I have actually, now that you mention it. I just really haven't felt like getting out of bed long enough to go and purchase one."

"Well I was talking to Jess about the journal idea and he says that he has been writing in a journal as well, he secretly always has, but shhh! Don't tell anyone, it might ruin his James Dean wanna be image." Lorelei said in a fake whisper as she and Finn shared a quick laugh, "Anyway Jess thought it was a good idea and told me about this place in Hartford where I could get vintage, leather journals. Anyway I thought you might like this….here you go kid." Lorelei said as she pulled the light brown, faded leather journal from behind the couch and handed it to Finn. Finn just smiled and chuckled a bit as he handed Victoria over to her so that he could take the journal. He smiled bitter sweetly as he ran his hand over the soft cover of the journal. "Thank you Lorelei. You and Luke have been better parents to me then my own and I love you both dearly." Finn said as he got up kissed Victoria on the head, causing her to giggle yet again, and then kissed a smiling Lorelei on the cheek before heading up stairs.

Finn trudged upstairs and into the bedroom that he shared with Rory. Slowly shutting the door, he walked over to his desk and turned the desk lamp on. His eyes began to burn as the lamp light collided with his tears. Rubbing his eyes, he sat down at the desk and opened up with journal to the cover page. What he saw on the page made him smile.

Rory was so proud of you, the way you raised Annabelle and the way you took charge of your life, don't ever doubt that she loved you and that you two were meant to be together. Even though Rory isn't physically here with us, she is here, living in our hearts, especially in yours Finn. Be strong kiddo, I know you'll be okay…I can feel it…. – Lorelei

Finn picked up a pen and began to think about what he was going to write in the journal. He was never good with words, that was certain, but he knew that whatever he wrote had to be meaningful. Then a picture on his desk caught his eye; it was a picture of Rory, Annabelle, Victoria and himself the Christmas be for she died. They were all sitting out in the snow and by the look of the picture you couldn't tell that Finn was worried about her catching a cold or that Rory had tuned him out when he voiced his concern. It was the first snow of the season and her last snowfall ever and Rory was not going to spend it cooped up in the house. Looking at that picture Finn became determined; he was not going to let Annabelle and Victoria grow up only remembering Rory as being sick and weak…no they were going to remember her as being vibrant and full of life. He knew right then and there that if he wasn't around to tell Victoria and Annabelle how he and Rory fell in-love then this journal was going to tell it for him. This journal was going to detail the life and love that Rory and Finn shared so that Victoria and Annabelle would have more than just a couple of pictures and home movies of Rory and him to hold onto.

15 Years Earlier

"Finn Morgan you put me down right now!" 18 year old Rory Gilmore screamed from over the shoulder of her childhood friend Finn Morgan. They were returning from their English Lit. Class at Yale University when Finn decided that they needed a little adventure in their life and unceremoniously picked her up and started to jog past the crowds of smiling students and in the direction of the student center.

"No love! I will not put you down so it is no use screaming your pretty little head off!" Finn smiled as he yelled at the girl currently in his arms. He would never admit this to anyone, but Finn was harboring a secret crush (more like love) for the girl currently in his arms and would use any excuse he could to be able to touch her. "Now just shut your trap, were almost there."

"Finn! That is no way to talk to a lady!" Rory huffed from her perch behind him. She really didn't mind this at all…What could be better then spending the day with her best friend and as an added bonus, Finn had a great ass, so she had no complaints from where she was perched.

"Well the way you are screaming bloody murder, you aren't acting much like a lady. Quite frankly the way you are conducting yourself would have the Queen, let alone the whole Windsor family, shedding tears for days." Finn mocked as he opened the doors to the dining hall, winking and smirking at a couple of professors (some who gave them weird stairs, others, who knew Finn and Rory just smirked knowingly and shook their heads as they passed) as he walked through the dinning hall and to the elevators.

Rory was so shocked by what he said that she was speechless, so she did the only thing she could think to do. She reached into his back pocket where she knew he kept his flask and pour out all of the precious alcohol that Finn loved so dearly onto the cafeteria floor.

Finn stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the sound of his lovely alcohol dispersing from his flask and the faint giggle of one Rory Gilmore coming from behind him.

"Love you better hope for your own sanity as well as mine and the rest of our friends, that you are not doing what I think you are." Finn said as he took a deep sigh, 'I will not hit a woman, I will not hit a woman,' Finn thought as he waited for her answer. The only response he got from Rory was an even louder giggle.

"That's it…I'm cutting you off from sex….I shall not put my exotic body out their for a liquor/ Finn's elixir of life wasting hussy like yourself." Finn said in mock anger.

"Finn…you cant do that!"

"And why the bloody hell not?"

"Because you and I aren't sleeping together." Rory stated a-matter-of-factly.

"Oh well then…" Finn said as he tapped his forefinger on his chin, appearing to be in deep concentration. Suddenly, as if a light bulb had gone off in his head, Finn snapped his fingers and exclaimed loudly, "I'll cut you off from coffee!"

"You bastard!" Rory shrieked.

Scoffing Finn rolled his eyes, "Oh shut up! You'll live and if not I'll be in the front row at your funeral with a cup of coffee for you as a parting gift!" he replied as he pushed the button signaling the elevator.

"That's right because a Gilmore Girl must always be stocked," Rory started.

"Even when their in hell," Finn finished for her.

"Hell?" Rory said as she turned her head, and partially her body to get a good look at him.

"Oh love do you really think that we are going to heaven after all the shit you, Colin, Stephanie, Logan and myself have pulled?"

"Good point," Rory said as she turned back around and stared at the elevator wall.

Soon the elevator doors opened up and Rory realized that they were on the top of the student center.

"Finn…" Rory said as she nervously looked around at her surroundings.

"Yes, love?"

"What are we doing on the roof?"