How is one supposed to act when they find out that their father has died in a car accident? Should they cry? Do they need to cry? Is it bad if they cry? If they cry does everyone feel like their pain means nothing to the person who is crying?

I thought about all of these things and more in the space of a few seconds and then tears were streaming down my face and my shirt was damp and my mouth was trembling and I bet I looked about three years old. Especially when Darry, my 19 year old brother swooped his giganormously strong arm down and brought me up to his chest to cradle against him. I leaned against him and clutched onto his grey shirt and sobbed for all that I was worth.

I think Darry cried a few tears, Pony and Soda hugged mom for a little and cried a bit, but mom and I were the ones that cried the most. Even the others' had tears in their eyes; Two-Bit had a few drain out, Steve and Dally stood strong but looked really... sad? And Johnny gave Pony a hug and sniffled a bit, but mostly he was trying to comfort him.

I couldn't believe it. My daddy, my strong-hold, the only boy, well, man that could call me sweetie-pie and make it sound... well, not sickening and childish... who cares anyway with dad... now he was gone and... and.. what were we going to do? Momma didn't have a job and its not like Darry and Soda and Pony and I could just say, hey and be out of school and have jobs to pay for the house and food and utilities and clothing.

What was gonna happen to us?

I clutched Darry even tighter and squished myself even more into him and tried to calm myself down. I felt someone behind me, and two arms reached out and Darry gave me to them, and I realized it was Sodapop and that I must look real dumb. I wasn't very tall or big or anything, but I was definitely too big to be passed around like a little baby between my brothers'.

I wrapped my arms tight, tight so tight around Soda's neck and I shook and trembled but tried to take deep breaths'. Pony rubbed my back and it was nice and at least this was serious and the boys' wouldn't be making fun of me after all of this was over. It would never be over.

Finally, when it seemed like years had passed, Soda put me down hesitantly and Ponyboy grabbed onto my hand and squeezed it and we all turned and looked at Mother.

She was wiping the tear streaks from her face, and she looked up and said, "Pack your bags. We'll go and see your grandma now."

And it was just so weird and distant, the way mother spoke to us, and then she walked off and Two-Bit, Steve, Dally and Johnny went on home and brought back suitcases. They had decided that they would just tag along since mother didn't care, and we wouldn't be long anyways.

Heck, I didn't even know old grandma was still alive.

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I didn't pack much. Just some clothes changes and my copy of Wuthering Heights since it was my favorite book. I also made sure to pack my diary, which I honestly hadn't been very consistent at writing in, but maybe it would be therapeutic the way some doctors say on TV.

I tucked my little ring into my pocket to keep it safe. It was a nice one, it had a little diamond in it. My daddy had given it to me because it was his mom's engagement ring (he'd given the wedding ring to mom) it was to remind me that I was his special little girl and that I would always be his sweetie-pie (as he would so often say). I sniffled and tried not to cry again, and then I went to the bathroom and washed up, combing my red hair back and clipping it.

When I got to the living room, I saw that everyone else was ready to go, including mom, and everything was silent. And then Darry came and he grabbed my suitcase in his right hand since his left was already carrying his and, usually I would have complained and said I could carry it myself, but this time I kept quiet and just let him.

We all started gravitating towards the door; Two-Bit went out first and held the door for everyone, even though he usually only waited for Mrs. Curtis and I and then tried to shut the door on everyone else's face.

All nine of us piled into the family ford and I had to sit on Pony's lap. Steve offered to sit on the tailgate since there was really no more room and Soda went with him.

I still had to sit on Pony's lap though.

When the truck started bumping along down the pot hole road, Ponyboy strapped his arms so tight around me that I thought I would die. But at least I didn't go flying through the roof. When we reached the train station about an hour out of Tulsa, Mom fished a money stash out from behind the radio and we all piled out to get tickets.

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Two hours and twenty five minutes later and we were still three hours away from grandma's.

"Mom." I finally spoke and everyone looked at me in a surprised kind of way.

"Yes?" Mom answered back in a cold almost robotic tone.

"What's going to happen once we get to grandma's?"

Mom paused for a moment and stared out the window with a blank look in her eyes, "Well, she's got lots of money, she'll help us and I suppose I don't know how long we might be there."

I sighed and leaned my head on Sodapop's shoulder, trying to find a rest that just kept getting away from me.