Hi. Author's Note: I added about 700 words to the first chapter. It's nothing too important, but if you want to go back and reread it that'd be great! It might take a while for the next chapter, but I promise it'll come!
We were walking for about ten minutes when the Doctor stopped abruptly and stood behind us. We hadn't been talking at all. I think he realized that I just needed a few minutes to think. I was coming closer and closer to the realization that this really was him. This really was my Doctor. Everything I remembered when I was with him, he remembered too. He had all the same emotions and feelings. He had the same walk and the same gesture he used to run his hands through his hair, which made it stand up even more. The more he was thinking, the higher his hair would get but it was something I loved about him. And I saw it when we were talking on Bad Wolf Bay. I knew it would take a lot of time, though. And I didn't know if he could be that patient. When we left, Mum hugged both of us, not saying anything except, "You two are going to be absolutely fantastic." Which made the Doctor and I smile, as we both remembered his final words before he regenerated into this version of himself.
Now here we were, stopped along the side of a dirty back road. It was cold out and I was trying really hard to keep my jacket wrapped around me. The wind kept breaking through though, and it wasn't long before we were all absolutely freezing. "Are you okay?" I asked the Doctor now as I turned around to face him. Mum stopped too and turned around with an annoyed expression on her face. I think she was ready to get out of the cold.
"How…" he started as he panted. We had only been walking a short while and he was already out of breath. "How do you humans do this?" He bent over and put his hands on his knees. "One heart can barely do anything. And it is bloody cold out here." I had to smile at this and laugh a little. It was funny to see someone who I looked at as being so strong being defeated by a little bit of cold and a walk. "Was that a smile, Rose Tyler?" he said as he lifted his gaze to meet mine and cracked a smile of his own.
I immediately tried to get back to a straight face. "No," I said, but it wasn't at all convincing.
"I think it was. I think you smiled."
"No I didn't." I let out a smaller one now, but I couldn't help myself. It felt just like old times. This is what happened when he regenerated and I realized that this was the same exact thing. It was just like a new regeneration and I was just going to have to learn how to trust him again.
"Ah! There it is again. That smile, Rose Tyler. I've waited years to see that smile." He stood tall now, with his hands in his pockets and his Converse rocking back and forth across the road. I gave him a real smile then, and he smiled right back.
"Oi! Are you two going to keep flirting or are we going to actually try to get out of this cold?" That was Mum. And it was in that moment that I realized that she and the Doctor were really stuck with each other whether they liked it or not.
"Sorry," said the Doctor as he walked past me, over to her, and linked his arm through hers. "Just having some hearts…well heart…problems. Rose?" He held out his other arm for me to take and I did. And as we strolled down that road again, everything calm and nobody in any kind of danger, it almost felt normal.
We hitchhiked the rest of the way into town and got a hotel with two conjoined rooms when we got there. Mum called Dad and he and Tony were going to come out the next day and pick all of us up. I was changing into pajamas in mine and Mum's room when I looked through the door to the Doctor's room and saw him pacing back and forth, the whole length of his room. I walked over. "Hey," I said and leaned against the doorjamb.
"Hey," he said and kept pacing.
"What're you doing?"
"I'm pacing."
"No, really," I said sarcastically and he shot me a look that said shut up, but in the way he does it when he's trying to flirt with me.
"Okay. So I'm pacing and thinking."
"About."
"Well it just sort of hit me that I only have about seventy years of life left. Like there's no more unlimited time for me and there's so much I want to do. So much. And it all seems a little bit overwhelming and scary but also really exciting and adventurous at the same time. Like there's actually a possibility that I won't be able to do everything. I never thought like that before. And we don't have a TARDIS right now so traveling is going to be out of the question for a little bit but I mean we could always fly, I guess. Like in a plane? I'm not even sure if I know how to get on a plane. How do I get on a plane, Rose? And then once I get to the place I want to go, what if I don't like it? Do I just leave? I can't just hop in the TARDIS and take off. Do I have to buy another plane ticket? Or a train? Oh… a train! Yes! We should take a train. Like the Hogwarts Express. We should take the Hogwarts Express and travel everywhere. Well everywhere on Earth that is, because like I said, we don't have a TARDIS. But we will. And when we do, look out because here comes the Doctor and Rose. The stuff of legend, reunited! Except this time I can't ever die. Like not for a long time at least because I can't regenerate and I want to spend as much time as I can with you. We can go to all sorts of places! And you know more about this universe than I do! Can you imagine? You teaching me about a planet and not the other way around? Well that would certainly be an adventure. Maybe there's a species somewhere out there that I don't even know about. Maybe no Daleks exist here. Ha! Rose! A universe without Daleks? I don't even know if that's possible. The Daleks, always coming back. And yeah I want to go on all of these adventures but I want to do other stuff too. I could live in a house. Like an actual house with a picket fence and a wraparound porch and a little garden in the back and a swimming pool! A swimming pool that you wouldn't have to go looking for every time you want to go for a swim! It's just right there! In your backyard! I could jump from the balcony of our bedroom and into that swimming pool…"
He kept going and going, talking wildly with his hands and pushing his hair as high as I'd ever seen it. He probably didn't even realize he just used the phrase "our room." Eventually I walked over to him and stopped him by putting my hands on either side of his head and making him look at me. "Is someone having a little bit of trouble having a Time Lord brain in a human body?"
"Maybe," he said from between my hands. And then he smiled. "I feel weird."
"You are weird." He smiled again.
"No, I mean like I need to sit down and stay still for a bit. I don't know why. We didn't even do anything today."
"That's called being tired. Very human. You'll get used to it." I smiled at the fact that he was created, committed genocide, and saved the world and "we didn't even do anything today." He sat down on the bed but I stayed standing beside him. "I think you just need some sleep. Calm that racing mind of yours."
"Yeah, I think you're right." I stood there in front of him not really knowing what to do next because this was still really new. Even though I spent years with him, it was never like this. I mean, I did just make out with him for the first time on a beach a few hours earlier. So how did we say goodnight? And I wasn't exactly ready for all of that physical stuff yet. We still had a lot to figure out. I wasn't even sure I could be with him. "Well… I'm going to go over and…"
"Yeah, yeah of course." I started to walk back into my room but he stood up and came closer, pulling me into a hug. "Goodnight, Rose Tyler," he whispered into my ear.
"Goodnight, Doctor," I whispered back. I fell asleep while still picturing his arms around me and wishing that it wasn't so complicated. I replayed the other Doctor leaving, how I just let him walk right out of my life. I made the decision. If I hadn't kissed this Doctor, it could be different. Or maybe it was always supposed to end up like this. I know that my Doctor didn't believe in fate or destiny. But I did. And I think that I had every right to. We had been pulled apart and brought together so many times at exactly the right moment. There had to be something controlling it. I decided that night that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, lying in my bed, thoughts swirling around my head and a half-stranger half-friend lying in the other room.
I woke up a few hours later screaming. It wasn't unusual. I did it a lot ever since the Doctor left. I'd have dreams about Daleks and Cybermen and voids and death. Me dying. Him dying. Everyone dying. I'd always wake up in a cold sweat. Sometimes I'd be crying, sometimes I'd be shaking, but I always woke up screaming. This one was particularly bad where I lost the Doctor. This Doctor, my doctor. And I was under the impression that I didn't have to worry about that anymore.
"Rose. Rose. Hey, it's okay. You're okay." He was there even before Mum could lift her head from her pillow. I suspected that he had already been awake. He had come to the rescue a lot on the TARDIS when I had bad dreams, and it felt amazing to have him there again when my terror struck in the middle of the night, even if it wasn't exactly him.
"Rose? You okay?" mumbled Mum, as she dug herself out from underneath her covers.
"I think she's okay," said the Doctor as he ran his hand across my back, trying to comfort me. "Go back to sleep, Jackie. I got this one." I don't even know if she heard him. She just lay back down and was snoring the next second. "So, Rose Tyler, are you okay?" he whispered to me. I nodded, still a little shell shock. He looked over at Mum and then back at me. "C'mere." He grabbed my hand and led me into his room. I sat down on the edge of the bed and he went to the other side, laying down and waiting for me down beside him. We both lay down on our backs, his hands propped behind his head as if we were star gazing. "So, do you want to tell me what that was about?"
"It was just a nightmare," I stated, still staring up at that ceiling, glad that he was beside me and not gone. I could feel the weight of the bed shifting with every breath he took. And it was nice to know that for the first time in a long time, I wasn't alone. He looked over at me waiting for me to elaborate. Gosh, I missed him. "I'm fine, I swear." I smiled at him and he rolled over on his side, head propped up. He just looked at me, that doubting look on his face. "Okay, fine. I had a dream that we were together again, on the TARDIS, and we were fighting Daleks but one shot you, like it did when we were on the street. But this time, you couldn't regenerate. And you died. You couldn't come back. You left me there by myself, the only companion a TARDIS that I didn't know how to fly."
"I don't even know how to fly that thing," he said and I rolled over on my side too, facing him. We smiled at each other. "And I am making you a promise right now that we're not doing anything nearly as dangerous as we used to. It's too risky. I can't lose you again, Rose Tyler." He took a piece of hair and tucked it behind my ear.
"I'm sorry that I kind of freaked out earlier."
"It's okay," he started. "I think freaking out is kind of to be expected. We're in a weird situation." I nodded and he reached out an arm and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
"Wait," I said and he stopped.
"I'm sorry," he stated with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. I started to back away to my side of the bed.
"No. Don't be sorry. It's just that…" Just that what? You aren't you? I don't know you? No. Because he was him and I did know him. I was just scared. He had gotten close to me before and then left so who was to say he wasn't going to do it again. "I just need a little time." I finished and he nodded.
"I know it's going to be hard," he said, looking a little bit hurt. But, I still think we can do it. It's going to take some time, but I'd wait an eternity for you if I had to." He put his face closer to mine has he said the last few words and then pulled back a little bit. We both lay down completely, still facing each other.
"We have so much we need to figure out. It feels a bit overwhelming. Like we've fought all kinds of aliens together but…"
"This is a very different kind of adventure," he cut in. I nodded and he continued. "Let's save all of that stuff for tomorrow, okay? I haven't seen you in a long time Rose Tyler. It seems as if we have a bit of catching up to do."
So we lay there like that and talked for over two hours. He told me about Martha and Donna and how he met them. He told me about a few of the adventures he had with them, saving the world with someone else. I wasn't jealous. I was just glad that he had someone to keep him company, someone to stop him from doing something crazy. He reached over and grabbed my hand at one point, lacing his fingers in mine. And there it was again, that promise that I wasn't alone, that he was going through this too and we were in it together. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, I thought as I slowly drifted off to sleep.
