Author's Note: Sorry the update is short. I promise a much longer one next. Thank you for all of the follows and reviews.
Alex knew she was supposed to be enjoying herself, it was her party after all. Her heart felt like it was going to rupture from beating too hard. She pushed the loose peices of coconut on her plate around, trying to find something else to focus on. She heard someone walk up behind her and she turned. Nichols had her usual smirk on her face. She grabbed Alex in a half hearted, affectionate head lock.
"Lighten up, Vause. It's a party for fuck's sake"
Alex smirked and pushed the wild haired woman off of her.
"I know, I'm just kind of freaked out is all" Alex finally said.
Nikki's usually jovial face suddnely got serious.
"Don't pull this shit, Vause. You know she'll be here. The two of you have been through major shit, but she loves you. Hell, everyone here knows she loves you. She'll be here" Nikki said.
She wouldn't have told anyone, but the conversation she and Vause had the night before had scared her. Dinner was over and Nikki stopped by Alex's cube to check on her. The brunette had been unusually quiet all day. Nichols knew she was nervous about getting out, about moving in with Piper, about what her life would be.
She found her sitting on her bunk, thumbing through a box of letters. She had a blankly absent look on her face that Nikki knew all too well. It was an overload face.
Alex's bunkmate was leading the never ending Bible study tonight.
"Hey, John the Baptist, go shepherd somewhere else, okay?" Nikki said all but shoving the group out. She was oblivious to the protests and grumbles. She ploped herself down next to Alex and bumped her with her shoulder. Alex didn't seem to notice.
Nikki waved her hand in front of Alex's face.
"Hey, Vause, wake up"
Alex finally looked up and the dazed look on her face softened a bit.
"Hey, sorry. I'm just going through some of my stuff before tomorrow" she said absently.
Nikki looked around the cube. Everything except her bedding, shower stuff and the box of letters was already packed up in a cardboard box. Nichols reached over and took the box fom Alex's lap.
"Nichols, what the fuck?" Alex said, finally showing some emotion.
"Good, now I got your attention. Look at me.
You're not going through your shit, you're freaking out about College showing up tomorrow and what you're going to do"
Alex wanted to deny what Nikki was saying, but she knew it was time to quit running from the truth. She took a fw moments to collect her thoughts.
"I was re-reading some of Piper's letters. I got stuck on the one about her mother" Nikki nodded remembering.
"What if she's right? What if I'm not enough for Piper? I have no idea what I'm going to do. All I know how to do is find drug mules and smuggle a shit ton of heroin.
What if Piper decides she doesn't want to deal with all of this? I don't know how to be 'domestic'. I don't know how to have a normal life.
I took so much time from her and lost so much time with her. Maybe I should just let her go." Alex didn't seem to notice the tears that ran down her cheeks.
Nikki felt a flash of anger, but quickly realized that yelling at Vause and shaking her wouldn't help. Maybe she was actually growing up. She draped her arm over the taller woman's shoulders and pulled her close. Crying always made her anxious and she felt this insane need to make it stop.
"Hey, Vause, newsflash. No one knows how to live a 'normal' life and anyone who says they do is full of shit. All you can do is take things one day at a time.
And don't let her mom get to you. Piper's mom doesn't fucking matter. All that matters is that you love her and she loves you. You don't have to think that you're good enough for her. She loves you, and at the end of the day, what the fuck else matters?"
Alex nodded against Nikki's shoulder and tried to make herself believe that.
Bennet's voice snapped Alex out of herself.
"Come on, Vause. You need to do some paperwork before tomorrow".
