The First Year

Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine.

A couple of things that need to be said before you read this. First, the previous chapter is actually a prologue. Second, from this point on, everything is told from Olivia's point of view, unless otherwise specified. This is Olivia telling the story of her and Elliot, 13 years later. To whom she is revealing all of this to will be revealed at a later part. But for now, just know that this is Olivia finally telling her story. Her story with Elliot.

I've written this in first person and this is my first attempt in a first person fiction. Hopefully I've succeeded. Please enjoy and please do review!

And that was how we were introduced. Boy, talk about awkward. Of all the men I could have picked that night, I had to pick the guy that would be my partner in my new job. But on the other hand, it told me that I'd never be bored with him.

We also knew it could never happen again. Not if we valued our jobs. And we did. We had both volunteered for SVU and we never would want to jeopardize our positions.

After that introduction, he and I had gone to our first lunch ever as partners and once again, it was awkward. What do you say to a man you thought you'd never see again only to find out that you'd probably be spending most of your waking hours with him from now on?

I still remember the first attempts at conversation. At first we didn't speak but we just eyed each other. We were like two caged animals circling each other warily.

During that lunch, after my initial shock had worn off, I was able to see him fully for the first time. Chris – no Elliot. His name was Elliot and he was a handsome man. He exuded raw masculinity and sexuality even dressed in a staid suit and tie. His eyes in the morning light were even more remarkable from what I remembered last night. Though they weren't smoldering with desire anymore, the intense blue of his eyes took my breath away.

I knew underneath those clothes, his body was equally impressive. Especially his…well I didn't really want to think about that then. We were now partners and as much as I enjoyed fucking him, that couldn't happen again. I remember how my stomach fluttered with butterflies especially those first few days at sudden moments when I would have flashbacks of our night together. But then I would have to rein myself in.

When we finally got to actually saying something that first lunch, we said almost the same thing.

"Why did you tell me your name was Grace?" Elliot asked me, looking a bit hurt.

I chuckled, the ice broke a bit then and I returned the question to him. "Why did you tell me your name was Chris?"

At that Elliot actually started to laugh and the next thing we knew we were both laughing, almost hysterically. Later on I would find out that the reason for his hysterical laughter was nervousness. And when I heard that, I had to laugh again. Elliot was nervous? That's definitely hysterical.

After our laughter had died down, Elliot turned to me, his blue eyes gazing straight at me and made a confession. "I'm sorry I lied about my name. I mean I didn't lie. My middle name is Christopher but no one calls me that and I figured, it was one night. Just like you said, so it didn't matter. So there…your turn."

"Wow, it's kind of scary how a man I just met last night could think so similar to me."

"What do you mean?"

I chuckled again as I replied, "My middle name is Grace. I figured I didn't want to lie but at the same time, I just met you and you were clearly married and I didn't want complications."

After he heard what I said, the smile on his face faded and it was replaced by a serious expression. I wondered if he had the guts to ask the obvious next question and to my surprise he did. "Neither do I Olivia. I know today is different from last night but…I need to know if you can handle this being not complicated."

There was a part of me that wanted to get mad. It was irrational because he wasn't anything to me. I just met him officially but a part of me got insulted in a way. It was almost like he was implying that I would not be able to stay away from him. That I would want to continue from last night.

Good thing I realized where my thoughts were going and I put on the brakes. My background hasn't really made me trusting of men and here I was already judging someone I just met. I knew that what he did last night with me was wrong. But to solely judge him based on that would be also wrong. So I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind and just smiled at him. "Elliot, last night was last night. And today, we're no longer Chris and Grace, we're Elliot and Olivia, SVU partners. No, there's not gonna be a problem, El."

The smile came back on his face and he asked me, "Did you just give me a nickname?"

"Huh? What?"

"You just called me El."

"I did?"

Still smiling broadly he had nodded and replied, "Yeah, you did."

"Sorry?"

"Nothing to be sorry about Liv. I like it."

"Liv?"

"You know, Liv - short for Olivia."

"You giving me a nickname too, Stabler?"

"I think I like El better. And yeah, I am." His eyes were twinkling now. And I knew then that the discomfort from a few moments before was now gone.

"Liv…Hmmm…" I remember thinking it over saying the name over and over, testing it out. Then finally after I was sure that he had been tortured enough I gave my verdict. "Liv. I like it, El."

"Good."

And thus that was the start of Liv and El, Benson and Stabler, the dynamic duo of SVU. And for nearly the entire next year, we kept our promise. We grew closer and our friendship blossomed. I became his confidant and he became mine. He knew my secrets and I knew his. I even met his wife, Kathy and their four kids, months after we became partners and by then, our one night was practically a non-issue.

We even survived my sleeping with someone else from SVU, Brian Cassidy. Again, it was supposed to be a one night stand but Brian liked me. El convinced me to kill him with kindness. And eventually Brian who couldn't take the kind of victims we get in our job, left SVU.

Thinking back, I often wondered why Elliot wasn't more uncomfortable with that situation. But then again, Stabler can be very cocky. And also I think it's because he knew Brian would never be able to get under my skin. Not in the way he does. Yes, I think even then we knew we were under each other's skin. But we didn't say anything. We just passed it off as deep friendship. And we were able to fool everyone and ourselves that it was all that it was.

There were other unimportant guys after that…guys that I would only mention in passing. Or not at all. And whether he knew about it or not, it didn't seem to matter – after all it shouldn't matter.

A shrink would have probably said that we became co-dependent but whatever. A lot of people began to notice us. They told us we even walked in sync with each other. That we had a way of communicating that they could not understand. But again, we passed it off as the results of spending so much time with each other. I think looking back, we never allowed ourselves to really look for any other meaning to our relationship. I don't think we were ready then. And so, we were able to keep that up façade, we were able to believe that lie for a while until a case nearly a year into our partnership made us need each other again. Until a case so messed up made us turn to each other again that no two people who are only friends should.

You would think it would be a case of rape that would lead us to temptation again. I remember a case earlier on involving a rape victim in the beginning that got to me. Being a product of rape, rape cases tend to get me a lot more than the other people in our unit. But that wasn't it.

Of course, the case I'm talking about still involved rape but it was so much more than that. It disturbed us both a lot. With me again, because it involved rape. As for Elliot it was the fact that the victim was a girl just slightly older than his oldest daughter. We couldn't believe that this well to do couple both of whom seemed so normal could actually be guilty of keeping a young girl imprisoned. Not just imprisoned. But my God, when we finally found her, she was in this made up drawer or box – however you would like to call it that pushes under their bed and that's where they kept her locked and caged like some sort of belonging you store when you don't need it. Before that we found a torture chamber full of S&M gear – the whole gamut of it. And after we found her, we knew what kind of hell she had been through for 3 years. 3 years!

After we made sure she was alright and turned her over to the proper department and we arrested the bastard who instigated the torture on her, we did our paperwork. And it seemed on the surface everything was normal. Well at least, as normal as anything would ever be in our line of work. Only this time it wasn't.

I saw El finish his paperwork and normally once he was done, he would start to pack up and then be on his way home. But that night, he didn't. When he was done and I was finishing up mine, I could see that he was still tense. There was a look on his face that told me that everything wasn't alright with him. His face was distraught, his expression tense and sad and angry all at the same time.

By this time, we had been able to move on from our one night together. I admit from time to time, I would have flashes of that night and how good the sex was, but by this time, it was practically out of our system. Almost like it didn't happen.

A week or so after we were officially partners, he finally told me why he had done what he had done with me that night. He told me he had no excuses. That he had been weak because he had been in a fight with his wife. I didn't really want to hear it. But he was my partner. So I listened.

As I got to know him through that first year, I realized what he told me then was true. It WAS the first time he had done anything like that. And even though he did end up cheating on Kathy then, I felt better somewhat that this wasn't something that he usually did. I realized then that maybe he was really just a nice guy, who tried to do the right thing when he married his pregnant high school girlfriend who now years later, had a weak moment.

But I digress, as I said, that night was practically out of our system or so we thought.

After I finished my paperwork, I invited him to go out for a drink. I kept thinking he really needed it. And honestly so did I.

Usually Elliot was quick to say yes or no. But tonight, something seemed to make him hesitate. I heard it in his voice. I could see he was about to say no but then I don't know what, something changed his mind. And he said yes…sort of…that is he told me he didn't really want to go home yet – but he didn't want to go out either. He said, "Liv, you think we could just have a couple of drinks and take out at your place? I'll buy."

That's what he said.

A look in his eye set off alarm bells in my head. But I ignored them. I thought to myself I was being silly. This was Elliot. It wasn't that I thought he was going to hurt me or anything like that at all. But I had the distinct feeling that this night was going to be different from our other nights.

But once more I ignored that intuition and I agreed.

So once we were done packing up, we took a cab to my Upper West Side apartment. Once there, we ordered Chinese food at my favorite place and then I took out my stash of vodka and we started to drink while waiting for the food.

"The case got to you, huh?" It was my first foray into making him admit what was bothering him.

"And it didn't get to you?" He shot back, pain in his eyes. He finished his first glass of vodka quickly and poured himself a second glass right away.

"Maybe you should wait for the food,El. Get something in your stomach before you drink again."

"Fuck that. I want to drink. My God, Liv, did you see where he kept her? That torture chamber?" Elliot took another long sip of his drink, but this time, he did not finish it.

"You were seeing Maureen in her…"

"God damn it, Liv! Of course I did. I can't imagine what sort of depraved person can do such a thing? And for his wife to let him get away with it – keep his secret and go along with it! What kind of people are they! Are they even human?"

I saw unshed tears in his eyes and in order to not let them fall, he finished his drink and poured himself a third drink.

I was about to protest but thankfully my buzzer saved him from my ministrations. "Food's here." I told him.

He nodded and he went to my door to buzz them in. As he waited for the delivery I told him that I was just going to go and change. He nodded again and I went into my room.

When I came back out, the food was already laid out on the table in front of my couch. When I walked in, I suddenly felt goosebumps on my entire body. For the first time since that night, I saw and FELT him rake his eyes over me with lust. Yes, I saw it, I knew it. And suddenly as sure as I had been a year ago, I knew we were going to end up in bed tonight.

Maybe I should have kicked him out then. Nipped it in the bud. But I didn't. In retrospect, I think I thought I could say no to him. That I could resist him. That I was that strong. And well….

But that's getting ahead of myself. I saw that the third drink he had poured himself was nearly halfway done with it. I was about to say something again, but once more I guess even then we had that Benson Stabler way of communication that everyone said we did and without a word, I knew that would be a bad idea. So I didn't say anything. I simply started to eat and so he followed suit.

It was the first time I think that we ate a complete meal in utter silence – well nearly the entire meal. I wanted to draw him out – but I knew him well enough to know that until he was ready, Elliot could not be convinced to do say or do anything he wasn't ready to say or do. So I simply shut up.

Finally when we were down to our last pieces of our General Tso's chicken, he spoke. "Liv, you know I know that girl wasn't Maureen but I kept seeing her face. And it hurts. It hurts a lot to know inspite of all our efforts there are people who get away with these things."

"It wasn't Maureen El."

"I know but, damn it Liv. Days like this I just wanna give up."

"You can't. We can't. Because if we do, then more good for nothings like that would be out on the street."

"I know. God the things we see!"

"Do you ever talk to your kids or Kathy about it?"

"Not my kids. Not ever. I don't want them to see how scared I am for them."

"What about Kathy?"

"I try but I can't. I don't think she can bear it, Liv. Honestly. She's not as strong as you. Plus I don't want her to see my fear either."

"Why not? Maybe you're underestimating her."

"No. I'm not. I know her. And besides, I'm not supposed to afraid. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be the one to protect them. And if I talk to them about it, then for it's like bringing the horror to them."

"Okay…but wouldn't you want them to know the dangers out there? So that they can protect themselves?"

"But that's just it, Liv. I don't want to be the one to shatter their innocence. It should be enough that I know. And since I'm the one who knows, it is my duty and obligation to take care of them and protect them."

"But El, you can't be with them all the time. Plus keeping all this to yourself is killing you. I can see it."

"I'm not keeping it all to myself…"

"Oh yeah, you just told me you don't talk to Kathy….so who do you…"

"You Liv. You. I talk to you. I sincerely don't know what I'd do if you weren't here."

"You've had other partners before me, El."

"Yes, but no one quite like you and me. I don't know Liv. Sometimes, I wonder how I survived those years without you as my partner. But somehow I did. But now it's been 5 going on 6 years for me in SVU and maybe I'm tired. My wall is crumbling. And I'm glad I have you and your strength to help me up. And maybe it's because I know you've been through a lot too in your life. You see the same things as I do Liv, but I can see you remain strong and true and etermined to make this world better. And I realize for the past several months that's what's been holding me together."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. People may see me as aggressive, strong, cocky...but in all honesty I think you're so much stronger than I am. And because of that, when I'm with you, I also feel stronger. Is that wrong? Is that too much?"

I don't know what it was but suddenly, we found ourselves just staring at each other. Suddenly we were just quiet. And now, I don't even remember if I reached for him first or if he did. All I know is that the next moment, he was kissing me. Hard. And the very moment our lips touched, we were in trouble. We knew, both of us knew, we weren't stopping not until we made each other cum over and over again.

It was almost a year ago then from that night we first fucked. Chris and Grace. That night had been amazing in the way an encounter you thought you'd have only once could ever be.

But this time, it was different. Chris and Grace were long gone. That night it was Liv and El. Two people who had grown so close.

That night Elliot spent that night in my place. He didn't go home. And he made me cum over and over again. And I did the same for him. I can still remember the way his cock filled me up and the way he made me quiver. The way he made me shout his name over and over. I don't think I've ever so much pleasure before. The more he did to me, and the more I did to him, the more we needed and craved one another. All our pent up emotions from everything in the past year came bubbling up to the surface.

I also remember the way he held me. The way he looked at me. And I remember how he had cried the last time he came that night. He let it all out and I'd like to think afterwards he felt better. And because he felt better, so did I.

We knew that night it wasn't about two people being horny. Or succumbing to temptation. It wasn't about him cheating. It wasn't about me getting my kicks over his wife. It was about comfort and the need to feel safe from all the tragedy that we saw daily. In a way, it was about comfort that only he and I could give each other.

Did I love him then? I don't know. I guess I did. But I don't think I realized the extent of it until later…much later.

This is only the beginning after all.

After we tired ourselves out from making love three times, he and I just laid in bed silent, our arms around each other. It was then that Elliot asked me a question that had anyone else asked of me, I would have surely slapped them. No, he didn't ask me to be his mistress. He didn't ask me to have an affair with him. Not in that sense. But he did ask me something that I said yes to. And to this day, I both revel and regret that fact.

What was it that he asked me?

He and I were face to face in my bed. I could see so much emotion in his face and I know my face held the same kind of expression. He touched my cheek and then kissed me. When he pulled away, that's when he asked it.

"Liv, can I ask you something? And I'm already warning you that it might be the most selfish thing you'll ever hear me ask you. It might even be the most selfish thing that you'll ever hear a man ask of you…but I need to ask it."

My brows furrowed and I grabbed his hand that was on my cheek and held tight in own hand. It was late and after so my whimpers and cries and moans, my voice couldn't manage more than a whisper. "What is it, El?"

"I love my wife, but when it comes to getting comfort from all the tragedy we see, she can't give that to me. Only you can give that to me. I was thinking…as selfish and wrong as this may come out – God, how do I ask this?"

I gave him a little smile then and replied, "Just ask."

"Okay…well, have you ever watched a movie called "Same Time, Next Year?"

When he said that my first thought was, 'what the fuck', because I had no idea where he was going with this. But all at once I remembered the movie. I was quite young when it came out but I remember watching it years later.

"Yes, I think so. Isn't it about two people who were married to other people but after a chance encounter one night, they agree to meet the same time every year? And during that one day or was it one weekend a year, they would be with each other and only each other?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"What about it?" My heart was pounding already at that moment. I knew what he was going to ask.

"Liv, can we meet like them, like this once a year? Once a year – where we can let everything out to each other. Comfort each other, listen to each other. One day or one weekend, whichever is okay for you, once a year where we can just talk, argue, fight, joke, eat, sleep, make love and just release every hurt and sorrow and tension we built over the year? I think I need that to survive this job. I know, I know why not just quit. Because I can't quit. With all that we see, how can I quit?"

My mouth had fallen open amidst his speech and I thought 'No, no way. Is he for real?' But then he wasn't finished. It was what he said after all that got to me.

"And Liv...I...I think I need it to survive you."

He needed it to survive me.

"What do you mean?" I asked him. Yes, I asked him.

And he replied, "Because Liv, we've been together twice and as banal as it may sound, I've never felt with someone the way I feel when I'm with you. That has been in the back of my mind since I found out we were partners. And I can't do it anymore. But I can't leave my family. I'm not asking you to be my mistress or to have an affair with me. But as selfish as I may sound right now, I am asking you to be with me once a year, just like that movie. And the rest of the year, we can be just Benson and Stabler."

"What if I get involved with someone?" I could not believe I was even considering it. But the moment that question was out of my mouth, I knew I was considering it. In fact, I was more than halfway to saying yes.

"That's not part of the equation. It's once a year until…until we no longer need it."

I know he probably didn't realize it but basically he had put me on the same boat as him. He never asked me though. He just assumed. And amazingly he was right. I had no one to comfort me whenever anything I encountered bothered me. I didn't have an outlet to let it all out when it got too much. And too much was always part of our job. And not that I would have told him then, but he was right. Like him I have never felt anything in my life with anyone else, the way I felt when I was with him. But he didn't need to know that. Not right now.

I didn't realize that I had remained quiet for so long until I heard him say my name again. "Liv?"

I looked at him as he finished saying my name and even before I said the words, I had already agreed with him. "Yes."

"Yes what?" Elliot asked, needing confirmation.

"Once a year – the two of us – one weekend, no matter what. Until we no longer need it or each other." My voice hitched at the end.

"Are you sure?"

He gazed at me, his expression serious and earnest. I paused for a moment and then I replied softly, tenderly, "Yes, El, I'm sure."

He groaned then and the next thing I knew we were making love again. And we made love well into the dawn.

When we finally stopped making love, the first light of the next day was already peeking through the dawn sky. I asked him if he was going to go home or sleep there.

He never replied, instead he just wrapped his arms around me and for the first time, we fell asleep together.

When my alarm clock buzzed a few hours later, I found Elliot still there and just before we got up to go to work again, he made love to me once more.

A couple of hours later, we were at work. And we reverted to Benson Stabler mode. Until next year.

And that was the first year. We were partners for 12.

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TBC…

What do you all think so far? Up next, we find out about their second year together. So yeah this is going to be more than the 5 chapters I mentioned. Most probably 13 or 14 chapters.

By the way, "Same Time, Next Year" is a real movie. It came out in 1978 and it starred Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn. Ellyn Burstyn if you all recall actually played Bernie Stabler in the series. And no the movie also does not belong to me. I put the disclaimer here because I didn't want to give away the plot in the beginning.

Again, I hope you enjoyed reading! Again, please review! Here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista