A/N: Is it a songfic? No. Am I going to be quoting the entire song at you? No. Well, kind of. What if it's for a purpose? Then, probably, yes. Are they in italics? Hell no. In this part, Puck is pretty much straight. Kurt comes on...way too strong. About the normal content of any unreasonable Puckurt fic, though. And...awkwardness ensues.


Part 1


"Who's next? Right - Puck? Alright, you and Kurt, get up here. What's your song?"

Kurt tilted his head to the side, and looked at Puck, who was carrying his guitar and looking somewhat nervous.

"We're doing Lucky."

Sam covered his face in his hand, and Quinn patted him on the back. "Should've done that-should've done that..."

Kurt positioned himself behind Puck and stretched his hand out over the neck of the guitar. Puck looked even more uncomfortable. He started playing anyway.

"...Do you hear me, I'm talking to you," Puck said, looking out at the audience and determinedly away from Kurt.

"Across the water, across the deep, blue," Puck sang, leaning away as Kurt tried to scoot in a little closer. Kurt smiled at him. Puck didn't smile back.

"Ocean, under the open sky, oh my, babyI'mtr-tr-trying," he forced out, stumbling over the last word. Kurt tilted his head to the side and took in a deep breath.

"Boy, I hear you, in my dreams-" Kurt batted his eyelashes at Puck. Puck shuddered.

Mercedes sighed a deep and low breath. "Boy, you coming on far, far too strong for Puck. It's not going to work, no matter how much you want it. And I know you do."

"I feel you whisper, across the sea," Kurt put his hand on Puck's shoulder. Puck left it there, but bit his lip and stared forward.

Artie cringed and grabbed his head. It was just painful to see it happen.

"I keep you with me, in my heart, you make it easier when life gets hard-"

When Puck swung into the chorus, he mumbled it very, very softly. Kurt easily dominated him, singing loudly over him. "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend-"

Finn winced, tangled his fingers with Rachel, and gripped her tightly. Rachel looked up at him sadly.

"Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh," Kurt blasted, overpowering Puck's embarrassed, unclear singing by several exponential notches. He sneaked a hand down into Puck's pocket. Puck straightened, and pulled Kurt's hand out of his pants.

Brittany leaned over to put her mouth next to Santana's ear. "Is this getting you wet, too?"

Santana raised an eyebrow and grimaced. "No, this is just painful."

Tina rubbed at her eyes, careful about her makeup. "I'm not crying," she whispered to Mike. "It's just that...it's so horrible."

Mike shrugged and nodded, giving his girlfriend a thumbs up.

Mr Schuester closed his eyes and hummed, tapping his foot along to the music.

Sam leaned over to Quinn. "Pinch me," he said. "I've got to make sure this isn't some kind of nightmare. ...Ow!"

"Don't worry," Quinn said, forcing a smile, "This nightmare is real. I'm with you on this one, and I wish I wasn't."

Sam clasped her hand with his. "At least you're with me. That makes it better." Quinn looked as if she wanted to pull away, but didn't, instead squeezing his hand tighter as they continued to watch it.

"They don't-"

"They don't know how long it takes," Puck muttered in a monotone. Kurt drove right over him when he began singing.

"Every time-"

"Every time we say goodbye, Iwishwehadonemorekiss," Puck mumbled quickly in order to get it out of the way.

Kurt pouted at him and kissed him on the cheek. Puck grimaced and used his free hand to wipe it off.

"I think I need to change my underwear," Brittany said, looking down in sadness.

Santana patted her knee absent-mindedly. "I think I need to change mine, too. Out of sheer horror."

"We can change our underwear together?"

"...Sure, why not."

"I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will-"

Mr Schuester hummed harder.

As Kurt swung into the chorus again (Puck having dropped out almost entirely, not that Kurt noticed) Mercedes looked down and bit her lip, shaking her head. "This is embarrassing."

"Agreed," Santana said from below her. "It's embarrassing to us, too, to have to put up with this."

"...I'll put a flower, in your hair," Puck forced out through his teeth, taking steps away from Kurt. Kurt bounced and clapped and looked excited. Puck sidled away further.
Mercedes winced and bit her lip. Quinn winced and squeezed Sam's hand tighter, leaning against his shoulder. Sam smiled softly and stroked her hair.

"You're only getting away with that because this is so horrible, got it?"

"Yep," Sam said. "Got it." He nodded enthusiastically until Quinn made him stop.

"Though the breezes, through the trees, are so pretty, you're all I see-" Kurt sang, and fluttered his hand at Puck. Puck backed away farther. Luckily there was another guitarist, who picked up Puck's slack, because he wasn't even strumming any longer.

"As the world keeps spinning round..." Kurt, grinning, tapped his hip against Puck. Puck did an angular hip-bump, knocking Kurt off-balance. He did it again, looking completely uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Finn scratched the back of his neck and tapped his foot. It felt...wrong. It just felt...wrong.

"Ooh," Brittany said, rubbing her legs together.

Artie closed his eyes and thought of better things. Like Sam and Quinn's upcoming duet. Hell, even Rachel and Finn's, disguised as they were in priests' outfits. Anything. ANYTHING.

"Hold me, right here, right now-"

"It's like watching a slow, derailing, trainwreck," Mike said, making gestures with his hands. Tina began to watch Mike instead. He was both better looking and less uncomfortable than what was going on below. Mike, on the other hand, wasn't even pretending not to stare. "...You just can't. Look. Away."

"Lucky we're in love in every way-"

Finn scratched his arm, almost brutally. Rachel took his wrist and placed his hand in hers, whereupon his grip tightened and he stiffened in his chair. He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and squared his jaw, determined to watch this until the bitter end. Rachel hadn't the heart to tell him that he looked more like he was constipated.

"Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh," Kurt finished. Puck breathed a sigh of relief, and took off the guitar, almost running to his seat. Kurt smiled, and bounced upward to take his chair. Mr Schuester went up to the front. Claps were...scattered.

"Alright," Mr Schuester said. "That was a...unique performance. But, Kurt, duets are about both people, not just one. Next time, make sure that Puck is just as involved in whatever you choose to do, okay?"

Kurt nodded, and blew Puck a kiss.

Puck shuddered.

Finn leaned away from Kurt, subtly.