I don't own Naruto

Ino was facing a dilemma. Looking into the mirror, Ino liked what she saw when she let her hair down. Ino originally intended to go to the festival with her hair down; however, as she remembered certain comments made about her hair from another blonde, Ino let out a frustrated sigh. Naruto was literally popping up everywhere. Oh, he kept his word when he said he wouldn't bother her; all he was doing was saying hi whenever their paths crossed, which seemed like every ten minutes or so. Being the master of a certain forbidden jutsu, Ino suspected Naruto was using Kage Bunshin to greet Ino at every turn of the corner. In fact, after seeing Naruto magically pop up in front of her when she went to do her laundry, she immediately attacked Naruto. But instead of poofing away like she expected, Naruto yelled out in pain and started rubbing his head asking why the hell she hit him. Ino, who was surprised at the outcome, since she seriously thought it was a bunshin, apologized while being grateful that she didn't use a kunai to attack.

So while he kept his side of the bargain and didn't bother Ino too much, the fact of the matter was completely opposite. Not only did she see him everywhere, but in her private time as well she couldn't help but think about the energetic blonde, like right now. It was starting to aggravate her to the point where she felt she didn't have a moment's peace. But she didn't blame Naruto; after all, it would be petty to blame this on him. But who could she blame it on?

Ino just shook her head, and started to do her hair up the normal way she always has it. No need to give Naruto incentive to try harder. Plus, every time she let her hair down, she seemed to gain unwanted admirers, and having Naruto being an admirer proved to be one too many fans for her to handle. While she dealt with admirers fairly quickly, Naruto proved to be much more diligent in following Ino around. 'It has to be karma. After rejecting a numerous amount of guys, Kami-sama sent the one guy who does not give up in anything. Not to mention this guy can multiply himself into the thousands making it that much harder to avoid him.'

Finishing up with her hair, Ino dressed in her yukata and set off to the designated meeting place. Walking towards the bridge that everyone agreed to meet at, she was fairly embarrassed seeing how she was the last one to get there.

"Oh, I see Princess Ino finally decided to grace us with her presence." Sarcasm was dripping from Kiba's voice much to the aggravation of Ino.

"Stop it Kiba, you should know that girls take a longer time to get ready." Ah, good ole Sakura. Ino gently smiled at her childhood friend, appreciating the support she was receiving. "Plus, being a blonde requires her to take twice as long to figure things out. So you should have been expecting this." Ah, good ole forehead girl. Ino started to scowl at her childhood rival with her hands itching to strangle the pink-haired bitch.

However, before Ino could attempt murder, Naruto jumped in and saved his teammate from a horrendous death. "Don't sweat it Ino, Sakura-chan and Kiba are just jealous cuz us blondes are the superior race."

Snorting back a retort, Kiba responded with, "Superior race my ass. Everyone knows blondes are idiots and bimbos."

"I'd like to see you say that to the Hokage in her face." This immediately shut up Kiba, and everyone that snickered about the blonde comment winced and looked around, seeing if their leader with a gambling problem was around. Kiba on the other hand recovered from the momentary scare and just laughed it off and came back with a blonde joke. "Hah….don't try to scare me by using the Hokage. Blondes are the inferior race. I mean c'mon, do you know what the difference between a blonde and a mosquito is? No? Well, the mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!"

After making the joke, Kiba started laughing like a maniac thinking, 'Oh yeah. I bet Hinata and Shino thinks I look cool right now. And I ain't even done yet.' "Do you know how to confuse a blonde…..you tell the blonde to go pee in the corner of a circular room. Do you know how a blonde confuses you; the blonde comes back and says she did."

By now, Ino was furious. Sure, it didn't really hurt her feelings or anything about the blonde jokes, but she had her pride, and she couldn't let Kiba dog on blondes like that. Once again ready to commit a capital offense, Ino prepared to serve divine justice for all blondes when Naruto stopped her. Naruto had a smirk on his face and just pointed behind Kiba's back. The laughing Kiba paused in his laughing to see what Naruto was pointing at……….only to see the Godaime standing there giving Kiba the standard S-Class glare that only females seem capable of giving.

Now at this point, I want to tell everyone that dogs are man's best friend. They are loyal to a fault, and nin-dogs such as Pakkuen and Akamaru are no different. However, smelling the waste-products that exited out of his master and seeing the only person that has repeatedly beat the shit out of the legendary Toad Sennin looking ready to do the same to his master, Akamaru made a hasty escape and prayed his master would forgive him.

"Kiba, come here." The tone of voice almost sounded warm and inviting. Frozen, Kiba could do nothing but tremble. "NOW!" Kiba just yelped and slowly walked towards Tsunade. Seeing his life flash before his eyes, Kiba began to mumble incoherently. "I-I-I-I w-was just j-j-joking. I-I-I didn't really mean any of it. A-and n-none of it was directed towards you." At this point, Kiba began whimpering and sniffling. "Oh Kami-sama, I swear I won't do it again. Puh-PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T NEUTER ME!"

With a fox-smirk, the Godaime suddenly transformed into a Naruto. After the smoke cleared, both Narutos fell on the ground laughing, holding their stomach. The Naruto that was located in the same place where the Hokage was standing suddenly poofed out of existence and left one Naruto laughing and wheezing. "BWA-HAHAAHAHA……YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE KIBA!" With a high-pitched voice, Naruto attempted to imitate the petrified Kiba. "Oh Hokage-sama, please don't neuter me!"

This is when Kiba knew he was duped. Growling out of anger and embarrassment, Kiba yelled at the laughing prankster, "NARUTO, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!"

Thus Naruto started to run away from an enraged Kiba while laughing at Kiba. "Oi dog-breath, you're not gonna catch me with all that junk in your pants weighing you down!"

The scene brought a smile to everyone's face. Seeing one of Naruto's pranks was always a site to behold. But none of the smiles seemed as bright as the one Ino was wearing. Even though she wasn't the one that administered punishment to Kiba, she was ecstatic that such a fitting humiliation befell Kiba. She was also impressed at the way Naruto handled the situation. Instead of anger showing up, the hyperactive blonde managed to create a clone in the presence of everyone and not alert any attention to the bunshin; he then administered the much deserved prank. Also, whether he knew it or not, Naruto came to her defense. Of course she would never admit it out loud, but she mentally acknowledged it, and had a warm and fuzzy feeling; which of course was brutally killed as Ino mentally squashed the unwanted feelings.

As the riot was coming to an end, Naruto looked over and saw a smiling Ino. Happy that he calmed her down and avenged her, Naruto recalled all he was doing on behalf of the platinum blonde. Instead of declaring his newfound love for Ino, Naruto took a different approach. After all, it didn't seem to work with Sakura-chan very well, and it was a path filled with much heartache and pain. A lot of pain. More pain than he could remember. The beatings he received could have stunted him and prematurely end his ninja career if it wasn't for Kyuubi. So, not wanting a repeat, he kept quiet on his feelings, and Ino did the same. Happy that she wasn't annoyed at him and acknowledging him whenever he was around to say hi, Naruto felt he was making grounds with Ino. Even though this outing to the festival wasn't a date, he was going to make sure Ino knew what Naruto really wanted it to be while making sure no one had a clue of what was really going on.

The group of ninja's made their way to the festival, submerging themselves to the joys that only festivals can bring. Visiting all the different booths of games, food, and shows, the gang spent the evening enjoying themselves and not worrying about the stressful ninja missions that everyone either had, was in, or is going to have. As the group prepared for the fireworks that occur at night, everyone smiled happily from having a good time, except one. Actually, Ino enjoyed her time at the festival, but every time she caught herself having a good time because of Naruto, her spirits would dampen. Every game booth they visited, Naruto would win all the girls dolls and prizes, but made sure to give Ino the biggest one. Every food booth they visited, Naruto would buy all the girls snacks and treats, but he would personally pick out the tastiest and more expensive items for Ino. Every nice thing that a guy could do for a girl, Naruto did. It was not a date, but Ino couldn't help but feel that this was by far much better than all the dates she has ever been on.

'Okay, focus Ino. I don't want to give off the wrong signals to Naruto and encourage him, only to let him down in the end. That would be wrong, so I can't treat him like all the other stalkers…..errr…..admirers I get. He's a friend, and he deserves better.' Too bad for Ino that she was sending off all the right signals and was encouraging Naruto to continue with his stalking……err……admiring.

'Hehehe, I think Ino is about to crack. Now all I have to do is keep up the work for the rest of the night and not screw up. Hehehe, piece of cake.' Naruto cackled evilly within himself, determined to win Ino's feelings. Too bad for Naruto that Fate decided to screw with Naruto since he was born. After all, he was born with a demon sealed within him, he's short, and he loves the color orange. And Fate would once again interfere with Naruto.

"BEHOLD THE GREAT TOAD HERMIT. I am the one who has trained under the wise Sandaime Hokage. I am the one who has trained the mighty Yondaime Hokage. I am the greatest of the Legendary Sannin of Konoha. I am a hero for all the lonely men with no love lives. I make all beautiful women even more beautiful. I bring destruction to all injustice and I am the foundation to all things good. I AM THE ONE, THE ONLY…….JIRAIYA-SAMA!"

The insanely long and preposterous introduction caught the attention of Naruto and gang. As they looked to the side to see what the commotion was about, they saw on stage Jiraiya finishing his ridiculous dance he does every time he gives a self-introduction. The crowd gave a round of loud cheers and hoots. Jiraiya received the ovation with a bow and poofed away into cloud of smoke. He then reappeared into existence beside Naruto.

"NARUTO, what's the big idea coming to the end of my play. The least you could have done was show up in the beginning to watch your sensei perform!"

"Gomen, I didn't even know you were performing. Besides, what were you performing?"

Giving a huge smile and pointing one finger off into the distance, the Toad Sennin replied, "I was just performing a narration of my latest best-seller. I was a hit!"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at his beloved sensei and spoke with a dead voice, "Ah that would explain why your entire audience is male. No wonder they're drooling over themselves."

With a confused look on her face, Hinata asked, "What do you mean Naruto-kun?"

"Ero-sennin's latest book is the same book Kakashi-sensei always reads." Naruto's response sparked a blush on Hinata's face.

"NARUTO, STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Stop calling you what Ero-Sennin?"

"THAT!"

"But that's your name. What else would I call you?"

An angered Jiraiya then smacked Naruto in the back of his head. "Well for one, you can call me Jiraiya-sensei, but it would be nice if you referred to me the same way everyone else does: Jiraiya-sama."

"OW! THAT HURT! Why the hell did you hit me for?!?"

"It was to teach you to respect your betters. After all, I can still tan your scrawny ass any time of the day. So stop acting all bad and tough like you think you can take me."

"Whatever Ero-Sennin. I can take you on anytime I wanted to if I got serious."

"Oh, big words coming from the brat who screamed like a girl while running away from your precious Sakura-chan."

"I do not scream like a girl! Plus you have no right saying that when you scream even louder like a girl whenever you deal with Tsunade-baasan." Right after this, Naruto's eyes widened as he looked behind Jiraiya and stumbled out a, "Obaa-chan, what are you doing here?"

Jiraiya spun around quickly and held his hands up in a warding manner while screaming in a pitch no one thought he was capable of producing. "I swear this isn't what you think this is Tsunade……" Jiraiya didn't finish as he saw that his former teammate wasn't here.

"HAH, see you do squeal like a girl!"

Jiraiya quickly turned back around and yelled, "Well you would squeal like a little girl too if Sakura-chan was capable of performing a sex change with a flick of her wrist."

Caught up in the heat of the argument, neither of the two arguing noticed the crowd forming around them. Most of the crowd was from the audience that Jiraiya performed to, and they assumed all of the arguing was part of Jiraiya's performance. The rest of the crowd was Naruto's friends and they knew it wasn't a performance, but they still stood back and enjoyed the show. Jiraiya's audience backed Jiraiya, while Naruto's friends rooted enthusiastically for Naruto.

After a few more back and forth spats and insults, Naruto bellowed out a loud, "THAT'S IT. You're going down for good ERO-SENNIN!"

Jiraiya in response shifted into a defensive stance, ready for any incoming attacks. "BRING IT ON BRAT"

Naruto immediately made hand seals in response to Jiraiya and yelled out, "Oroike no Jutsu!" Now many of you remember that when Naruto first pulled this jutsu on Ero-Sennin, Jiraiya remained standing and mostly unaffected. However, it has been four years since he created this jutsu, and traveling with Ero-Sennin, Naruto accumulated a numerous amount of……knowledge……from Ero-Sennin. So after the long training trip, one can say that Naruto has mastered and perfected his jutsu to the point where Ero-Sennin declared it forbidden in battle. But whether or not it's forbidden didn't matter to Naruto. Armed with the mental mantra of 'must defeat super pervert', Naruto threw all caution to the wind in favor of defeating his teacher.

Jiraiya stiffened slightly when he heard Naruto cry out his jutsu. After the transformation, Jiraiya was privileged to see a voluptuous female posing with clouds covering her body tastefully. While all of his fans passed out due to blood loss, Jiraiya and Naruto's friends remained standing. The female ninjas looked peeved at the blatant display of female degradation, and the male shinobis remained steadfast. After all, they were friends of Naruto and this wasn't a new site for them.

Of course, that was until Naruto's improvements came into play. Naruto sensually caressed his currently female body and when his fingers brushed along parts hidden in smoke, Naruto threw back his/her head back and moaned with ecstasy. Immediately, most of Naruto's friends passed out while those in Jiraiya's fanclub who recovered once again passed out and most probably died of blood loss. The only ones that managed to remain standing were Rock Lee, Neji, and Shikamaru.

'How troublesome, there's no way I can be affected by this. With Temari showing me more provocative gestures, this is easy to withstand.' Everyone who's reading this should know who this is, if you don't, well…………I don't know.

'What an unbelievable display of strategy. But I am a Hyuuga, and I must stay stoic and poised. After all, if I falter, my image of a cool and sophisticated bishonen (cold-hearted stuck-up bastard) will be destroyed and my chances with Tenten may no longer exist.' Neji redoubled his efforts to maintain his reputation.

Seeing most of the boy's reaction, Tenten glanced over to see how Neji was faring. To Tenten it seemed as if he remained completely unaffected, much to her disdain. 'Oh my FREAKING goodness. Is he gay?!?!?! I'm rather proud of what I got, but if he can't get turned on by what's happening in front of us, how the hell am I supposed to get his boat to float?!?!' While Tenten was frustrated, the rest of the girls were flustered. Right as the girls were prepared to launch a verbal tirade on Naruto for the disrespect he displayed for all women everywhere, the girls were shocked stiff as they saw Naruto touch himself/herself. Hinata, who was already blushing, managed to pass out not because of blood loss, but pass out due to an overabundance of blood in her system. Slowly recovering, Sakura and Ino composed themselves to once again renew their efforts to chew out Naruto only to be interrupted by Jiraiya. "I see you're playing dirty. But as you can see, it has no affect on me; after all, I AM THE GREAT JIRAIYA!"

"OH YEAH! You haven't seen anything yet! Prepare yourself: Harem no Jutsu!" Suddenly two pairs of female Narutos appeared and engaged themselves in light petting and tongue massage, while six more female Narutos started belly dancing in the background. Immediately, Shikamaru fell and mentally prepared his excuse for his KO. 'I've never seen Temari tongue herself. That wouldn't be so troublesome.' A sturdy Neji, who was proud of his resilience, also fell immediately as well. 'Shit, now I'm a stiff in another way.'

Jiraiya stumbled back from the devastating attack Naruto applied and fought to regain his balance. "What a dreadful attack Naruto, but you haven't won yet."

While Jiraiya suffered from the overwhelming effects of Naruto's attack, Rock Lee stood proud and tall. "YOSH, I HAVE MANAGED TO STAY STANDING WHILE MY ETERNAL RIVAL, NEJI, HAS FALLEN. NARUTO'S ATTACK IS USELESS AGAINST MY ETERNAL YOUTHFULNESS."

Hearing his attack being called useless, Naruto turned and frowned at Lee. Staring at one of his bunshins belly dancing, Naruto issued a mental command. The clone received its orders and turned to face Lee. Seeing he was being confronted, Lee fell into his normal stance and declared, "Naruto-kun, I will not fall for such unyouthful tactics. Come, I will defeat anything you send me."

Smirking, the clone then yelled out henge and transformed into…………a naked Gai with a ring of smoke covering the waist area. Gai had his thumb up and smiled with his sparkling teeth. "LEE, I AM THE GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA, MAITO GAI!" A tantalized Lee stood only to watch Gai start doing exercises. As Gai started to do push-ups, Lee started breathing hard. After his set of push-ups was done, Gai began sit-ups. By the time he has done with sit-ups, Lee was slightly moaning and was out of breath. Then Gai finished with his Konoha Senpuu, causing Lee to faint from sensory overload.

Now that the distraction was taken care of, Naruto dismissed the Gai bunshin and returned his focus onto Jiraiya. By this time, Jiraiya recovered from the dangerous attack Naruto delivered. Also seeing a prancing nude Gai helped Jiraiya recover faster. Jiraiya spoke first, "That friend of yours with the spandex helped me out a bit. Now I can counter with one of my own attacks. It's time you go down boy." Jiraiya first did a hand seal and then stuck his hand out. In his hand, a huge bowl of ramen appeared.

Naruto gasped at the new turn of events. Now having the advantage, Jiraiya started to sway the bowl of ramen back and forth. Naruto was helpless as his eyes followed the bowl. Hypnotizing Naruto with each revolution, Jiraiya then stopped the swaying and slowly started to rotate the bowl. As the bowl rotated, the front of the bowl showed in huge letters, "ICHIRAKU RAMEN." Seeing the name of his favorite ramen stand, Naruto gasped in surprise. 'I must stay strong. Don't let Ero-Sennin win, focus! FOCUS! FOCUS!'

However, Naruto was losing a futile battle. Naruto's eyes widened in horror as the Toad Hermit tilted the bowl. Naruto let out a faint, "No." 'No, don't do it. For the love of the Ramen Megami, please don't do it.'

"This is the end Naruto, you fought well, but it's over." As Jiraiya finished his statement, he dumped the contents of the bowl onto the ground.

In what seemed like slow motion, Naruto watched as the steamy soup cascade to the unworthy ground. Naruto cried in misery as the delectable noodles reached the unforgiving dirt. Then, all the clones vanished as Naruto saw fishcakes, eggs, and various type of meats follow after its fellow ramen brethren. While looking at the ground, Naruto sunk to his knees and let out a barely heard, "no….no….how could you?" He then threw his head back and wailed out a thunderous, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Then, as if all of his chakra was expended, Naruto slumped forward in agonizing defeat.

Jiraiya wiped the sweat off his brow after he dispelled his jutsu. Taking a deep breath, Jiraiya commended Naruto for a valiant effort. "You did well boy, but now I hope you know who is stronger." Walking towards the fallen blonde, the perverted hermit suddenly stopped dead in his track.

"Unforgivable….," barely spoken words reached the perverted hermit's ears. "For the crimes committed against all things good and just," standing up, Naruto continued with his accusations, "for your sins against Ichiraku Ramen," by now, a backing Jiraiya could only watch in horror, "you will pay." Naruto then reared back his head and let out a primal rage. "YOU……WILL…..PAY!!!!!!!"

Red chakra surrounded Naruto as he performed hand seals at an alarming rate. "TAJUU HAREM NO JUTSU!" Suddenly, any open area near Naruto was filled with several female Narutos. Each group was doing various acts of eroticism, ranging from cosplaying, tickling, pillow fighting, and playing tonsil tag. And in the middle of all the different harems, in front of Jiraiya, a lone female Naruto clone laid on its side with an orange book. Looking straight into Jiraiya's eyes, the clone opened the book and started to quote scenes from the book. A devastated Icha Icha author could do nothing as each line was read out loud by the clone. The bunshin increased its volume after every finished line causing Jiraiya's body to spasm. And with every increase in volume, Jiraiya's body would spasm a little bit harder than before. When the clone reached the climax scene, the clone itself faked its own climaxes which subsequently lead to a geyser shooting out of the Toad Hermit's nose.

A triumphant Naruto dispelled his jutsu, while showing fatigue from performing waves after waves of forbidden jutsus. Naruto looked over his sensei's twitching body to see his teacher unconscious. 'I won. I beat you Ero-Sennin. This was by far my toughest battle yet in my life, but I still prevailed. Hah, I knew I could beat you. Take that, you perverted hermit.'

After checking and making sure Jiraiya will be okay, Naruto turned around and gave a 'V' sign to compliment the victorious smile on his face. "So girls, what did you think about my complete domination over Konoha's supposedly strongest ninja?" The response was followed by super-powered slap to the left cheek (Tenten) and super-powered slap to the right cheek (Sakura) and then a super-powered bop to the top of his head (Ino). After fighting a titanic battle and since he had his eyes closed while smiling, he avoided each hit with near imperfection. So in other words he got bitch-slapped unconscious.

In the background, fireworks exploded over Konoha.

Author's Note: Thanks for all reviews. This is my first attempt at writing anything, except school reports, but everyone knows that those are always plagiarized. But everyone has been pretty supportive, so I'll keep trying to update as quick as possible. Oh, btw, I also responded to some of the reviews, but I'm not sure if you guys replied back, because I don't know how the review and reply system works. So if you replied to my reply, sorry, I didn't get it.