Rufus and Reno! Anyone who likes Rufus always in control of everything won't like this. I enjoy giving Rufus little challenges - I'm just twisted that way - and it's good for him.
Warnings - m/m. Nothing graphic.
Feathers
Broken Connection
Reno walks home through the streets of Edge, remembering. As he passes the rebuilt Shin-Ra monument, he thinks about the remnant, Yazoo. Yes – it was hard, fighting with him – but not for the reasons Cloud thinks. It was hard because the remnant's otherworldly beauty was Sephiroth's – the green eyes, the long, silver hair, the smile. But Sephiroth after Nibelheim – Sephiroth with his soul gone dark, or maybe just – gone. Reno shivers, remembering Yazoo's blank stare, his wanton, casual cruelty. Is that a true image of Sephiroth now? The demon? The nightmare?
.~~~~~~~~~~.
When he gets back to his apartment Reno wants nothing more than to be alone with his memories. But Rufus is there – again. Reno is irritated by Rufus's assumption that just because he eventually cajoled Reno into giving him a key, it means he can turn up whenever he likes. But then, Rufus never has taken no for an answer, and until recently Reno hasn't tried too hard to make him, because Rufus is strong and wilful and definite. Nearly three years ago now, not long after Meteor, Rufus made it quite clear that he wanted Reno… and Reno? Well, at the time Reno was beyond caring, and it was easier to say yes. Rufus is gorgeous, after all, and distracting enough to make Reno forget, sometimes. But tonight, he'd really rather be alone.
He's not going to get that choice, it seems, because as soon as he's through the door Rufus is on him – hard, and hot, and pretty much irresistible – pretty much. Reno gives his boss a half-hearted kiss and extracts himself from Rufus's eager embrace. Rufus follows him into the lounge, pressing an open bottle of beer into his hand. His tone is a little sharp as he asks, "What's wrong, Reno?"
"Nothin' yo. Only – tired – is all." Reno sits heavily on the couch. Rufus snuggles up close beside him. "Getting old?" Rufus teases. But Reno won't be provoked tonight. He sighs. "Maybe. Feel like, about a thousand…"
"Scared because you're going to turn twenty-nine two weeks before I do?" Rufus tries to joke, but his voice is anxious. Reno's heart sinks. He's let Rufus get too close. Wasn't the plan. How can he help it if he has nothing left to give?
"You'd be better off with Tseng," Reno tells Rufus, not for the first time. Now Rufus sounds really worried. "We've had this conversation! Reno – if you mean you don't want me, say it!"
"No, that's not what…"
"Okay. Then what is it?"
"I was talking to Strife. Just some memories. You don't get to be a Turk as long as I have without a few regrets, yo?"
Rufus sighs, thinking that he understands. He's been there to hold Reno when he's woken shouting and shaking, his mind full of images of bodies being pulled from the ruins of Sector Seven.
"That's what I'm here for," says Rufus, leaning across to kiss his lover, hard. "To make you forget all that. Come on Reno, let me do my job!"
Rufus's kisses are insistent and good, and Reno closes his mind to memories of others, long years ago, that left him speechless. He shuts his eyes and strokes Rufus's short, soft hair, trying not to remember how his fingers used to tangle in longer, softer silver.
After the sex - which is satisfying, if routine - Rufus lies beside Reno who is half asleep, face down on the bed. Rufus runs his fingers over Reno's back, tracing the tattoos scattered in a long S-shaped line down his spine. A trail of black feathers. He's wondered aloud about its meaning often – but Reno's always shrugged and said, "Things you do when you're a kid, yo!" gesturing to the red lines that curve along his cheekbones. The implication is that he got the feathers done at the same time.
Rufus knows that this is a lie, because Shin-Ra has always kept detailed files on every member of its staff, and while Reno's red facial tattoos were done at the age of sixteen, these black feathers appeared two years later. December 2000 to be precise, shortly before the end of the war with Wutai – when Reno was eighteen. "Not quite a kid," thinks Rufus. "Old enough for it to mean…someone…"
Rufus doesn't like people keeping secrets from him.
Leaning over and brushing Reno's long red hair to one side, Rufus licks the curving feather tattoo at the nape of Reno's neck. Usually Reno loves being touched there, but today he doesn't respond. Rufus feels a flash of anger, and changes the kiss he was going to give into a bite that makes Reno gasp and turn over. "What?" he asks, annoyed.
"You're not here!" sulks Rufus.
"I told you – I'm tired."
"Hmph. Tired of me."
"Oh for Gaia's sake, Rufus, stop acting like a kid!"
Rufus is stung. Reno is normally so much more relaxed than he is – laid back to the point of making Rufus question whether he takes anything seriously. He does have a temper though – and Rufus has seen Reno angry plenty of times - but never like this – irritable and distant.
"Maybe I should go home, then!" snaps Rufus, hoping to provoke Reno into something more heated – an apology, or an outburst – anything to connect. But Reno's eyes are on the ceiling, and his expression is just weary. "Maybe you should."
Rufus's heart lurches and he feels something like fear for the first time in this three-year relationship, but he's Rufus Shinra, and he will not back down. "Right," he says tersely, getting out of bed and starting to dress. He hopes Reno will tell him to stay, but Reno's not even looking at him. Rufus heads for the door. Reno sighs and sits up. "Wait. You can't go traipsing through Edge on your own at this time. It's still not safe round here."
"Like you care!" This time even Rufus acknowledges that he sounds like a child, but he can't seem to help himself. He's disorientated by how much Reno's coldness is hurting him. He hasn't admitted to himself until now how much he's come to feel for the wild red-haired Turk.
Reno doesn't respond well to emotional blackmail, especially when he's already feeling guilty – because Rufus is right, he's really not here tonight. He looks at Rufus with frank distaste and snarls, "Of course I care. It's my fucking job." Rufus stares at him as though Reno's just punched him in the face. Reno grabs his PHS and calls Elena, who's on duty back at H.Q. "Boss needs a car," Reno tells her. "At mine. Now."
Rufus looks murder at Reno, because it's easier for him than showing the pain he feels. Reno glares right back. Rufus heads for the door again, but Reno growls, "You wait for the damn car."
Rufus waits, facing the door. Reno gets out of bed and drags on some jeans and nothing else. The other Turks have known for two years that he's with Rufus. When Elena calls out her ID and knocks, Reno pushes past Rufus to shoot the bolts. "Take him home," Reno tells Elena, as if Rufus is some kind of lost puppy. Rufus walks past Reno without acknowledging him; head high, furious.
But when he's in the back of the car, and Elena's eyes are fixed on the road ahead, Rufus lets out a long, shaky breath. He doesn't understand what's just happened.
Everyone in Edge knows the legends – Rufus Shinra never bleeds; never cries. But in the darkness, behind tinted glass, Rufus presses his fingers to his eyes, and when he takes them away, they're wet.
Reno knows he's hurt Rufus, and he feels as much self-loathing as even Rufus could wish him to, because he does care for his boss – his lover – and always has, even before they became whatever the hell it is that they are to each other now. But Rufus is not Sephiroth, and, cruelly irrational as it may be, Reno can't forgive him for that.
At the back of the wardrobe, Reno keeps the wooden box containing all he has left of his dark-winged angel – his obsession – the only person he has ever loved in this intense, consuming way. His feelings for Rufus are different in quality. Maybe it's a kind of love? But not love like he felt for the one he lost. Reno sighs. He can't think about Rufus now.
Reverently, Reno opens the box and takes out a feather – just one. He knows he should destroy these relics. Keeping them goes beyond mourning, beyond grief. It's a dark form of worship.
Reno has never believed in gods. He put all his faith in Sephiroth - his only religion.
The feather gleams blue-black in the soft light of Reno's bedroom. Sighing, Reno runs a gentle finger along its glossy length; strokes it against his cheek and over his lips. He catches the faintest trace of the smell, the taste of his lover, and it makes him moan aloud; a sound of pure longing.
Reno wishes he could cry, half laughing at himself for the thought. He's a Turk – a killer – what use are tears to him? Even when he first heard the news about Nibelheim – the official lies that had Sephiroth listed as killed in action – he hadn't been able to cry. Part of him never believed that Sephiroth was dead even after he was sent to Nibelheim himself as part of the operation to cover up Sephiroth's crimes – even after he read the reports detailing Cloud Strife's actions and the description – burned into Reno's memory – of Cloud throwing Sephiroth into the pit of mako inside the reactor.
Reno knows he should try to forget about Sephiroth. Rufus cares for him, possibly even loves him. The last time he saw Sephiroth was on a warm evening in early autumn back in 2002 – nine years ago. So much has happened since – it was so long ago - that surely he should have moved on?
But he can't move on, because with Sephiroth you can never be sure that he's not coming back. I will never be a memory. Or never only a memory. For Reno, Sephiroth is a thousand memories – the most important of his life.
Holding the feather carefully in his open palm, Reno recalls one of those memories – one of the sweetest, and, after everything that happened later, one of the most painful: the day Sephiroth first revealed his wing.
Next - memories.
