Chapter One – First
You think the worst is a broken heart.
He drove her home that night, but they kept quiet all the way to her house. Usually, they would have gone to the Founding Fathers to have a drink and talk about their day, but after what happened that night, they decided that the best think to do was to drive home and spend the rest of the night alone.
He couldn't look at her, because the thought of losing her was something he couldn't bear. He knew that when they'd come back from their year apart, things wouldn't be the same. That they couldn't just come back to the USA and start from where they left, because going to a warzone was always a life changer.
She couldn't look at him either, because she knew that what she said wasn't true. That she didn't mean to say that, but she wasn't ready to spell it out. She knew that going to Maluku Islands was the worst idea ever. That being apart wouldn't simply just make all her feelings disappear. That, probably, going to the other side of the world to be away from him, was even worse than staying right there, struggling with the fact that she truly felt something different for him.
They both were dealing with a broken heart and she was the heart breaker. After getting out of Sweets' office a few days from that night, Brennan shut down Booth's proposal. Being together at that time felt like a utopia. She wasn't ready for a commitment. She wasn't ready for having to deal with the effects that this would cause in their partnership, so she said she couldn't change, that she didn't know how. But, truth be told, all she wanted to say – right there – was: "Yes, let's give it chance."
And now, on that night, after they discussed at the Jeffersonian what would happen when they'd come back from their leave of absence, they both realized what a huge mistake they were making, but none of them had the gut to say it out loud.
So, he just drove her home. No talk, no touching, no comments. Only a plain goodbye when she closed the car's door.
And, for the first time since her parents disappeared, she felt alone again. She closed her apartment's door and slid with her back against it. She stayed there for several minutes, with her hands cupping her face and tears streaming down her cheeks.
But, this time, she wasn't alone. She had a friend, a best friend, someone that would pick up the phone no matter what time it was, not matter what she was doing.
"Angie?" – A weeping voice started talking when Angela picked up the phone.
"Sweetie, what happened? Have you been crying? Is it about Maluku Islands? Because I told you you shouldn't go."
"What do you do when you say something you didn't mean to and might have lost a great opportunity?"
"Is it about Booth? You two were gone all day, I was starting to get worried…".
The line went dead. Brennan was hanging in there, holding her breath trying not to show Angela that she was sobbing.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?"
"I…"- she could barely finish her sentence. "He…".
"Bren, do you want me to come over? I can sleep at your house if you want me to."
Silent spoke for itself. Angela didn't even need to hear Brennan say she wanted her to come over. The simple fact that Brennan was there, on the other side of the line, speechless and sobbing, was proof enough for what her answer would be.
She had a spare key to Brennan's apartment. So, there was no need to ring the bell. She simply got there and put the key in the keyhole. As Angela was opening the door, she could hear that someone was taking a shower, because the water was still running. But, when she got to Brennan's bedroom, she found the scientist lying on the bed. Her hair wrapped in a towel, her body covered with her robe.
"Brennan?"
Brennan suddenly raised and shook her head to move the hair that was covering her face. Her eyes were swollen from all the crying and she seemed to be about to cry again.
Angela got closer, tried to reach her friend's knee and sat down, looking right into Brennan's eyes.
"Do you feel like talking about it yet?"
"Nope."
"Do you wanna talk about something else?"
"I can't just pretend this didn't happen, but I don't wanna talk about it. In fact, I don't know what I wanna do."
"I can't help you, unless you tell me what happened."
Brennan took a deep breath. Despite the fact that she really didn't want to talk about it, she felt like sharing it with someone else, because bearing all of those things on her own was something that would kill her slowly.
"A few days ago, we went to Sweets office to tell him he couldn't publish his book, because my first case with Booth wasn't the one he was describing there. He said something about one of us having to break the stalemate and he looked at Booth and said it should be him, since he is the gambler." – she kept staring at Angela for a while, about to cry. – "Then we left Sweets office and we were going to have something to eat, but Booth stopped me when we were on our way to the Founding Fathers and he said he wanted to give us chance, that we should give it try."
Once again, silence spoke for itself. Brennan didn't even have to finish what she was trying to say. Angela just placed together the sentence that Brennan said a few minutes ago with what she had said now: "What do you do when you say something you didn't meant to and might have lost a great opportunity?"
It was clear now. It was all about Booth and about the fact that she wanted something with him. Everybody knew that.
"Are you admitting something here?"
"No. I'm just saying that I should have thought about what I was going to say to him. I'm just saying that maybe leaving Washington is not a good thing, but I'm gonna do it no matter what, because I can't miss this opportunity. I'm implying that what I did and am about to do is the best thing for me right now, because I love all of you and this whole grave digger case and all these years going after murderers, somehow, affected me and I don't know if I want to keep doing this, so I need a spare time. I need to get away from here."
"Bren, I'm sure Booth already told you that this is who you are. You are his partner and your job is to catch the bad guys. And this is heroic, you know, because if you, if we didn't exist, this place would be a mess. And this, sometimes, is the price you pay for trying to do the right thing. You can't always get what you want, sometimes you save people from murderers, but you also end up killing a little bit of yourself."
"This is neither rational nor logical."
"I'm not trying to get science here. And, I think that the reason for you to be crying like this is because you think you made a mistake and that you are not going to get another chance. And I know you are not going to admit it, because you think you don't love Booth, but – you once told me that infinity goes in both directions, there is no unique event, no singular moment. And when I said I didn't know what that meant, you said that it meant I was going to get another chance. So it is obvious, Bren, no matter what you do, no matter where you try to hide, things will come up to reality. Thinks will happen, because they happen for reasons and even if you try to avoid them, they will hit you and they will prove you wrong. And, yes, you might regret, but we are humans."
As a friend, Angela knew she had played her role that night. She said what she wanted to say, she evoked Brennan to demonstrate her feelings. But she knew that that was a difficult path, since they were talking about Booth and Brennan's partnership.
She could say that Brennan loved him due to all the things that changed in the scientist's life since she started to work with Booth. Everybody could see that they felt something for each other, because solving crimes, like those they are used to solve, takes more than pure chemistry.
And it was hard for Angela to see Brennan suffering. It was hard because she couldn't do anything to change that. She knew that they would end up getting their happily ever after, but – until then – she'd have to deal with the fact that her best friend wasn't ready to commit yet, due to all that happened to her during her adolescence and early adulthood.
