Author's Note: Not sure if Giovanni is "in character" or not, but I find angry evil bosses to be much more humorous than stoic evil bosses. Besides, this is a remake, and I can mess with characters' personalities if I want to, right? Though, really, I don't want to do that TOO much, especially with main characters – the story needs to still be recognizable. I think Giovanni is just barely mundane enough that I can get creative with him, since I'm not so sure if he even HAS an actual personality besides being the "Big Bad Boss." So, I sincerely apologize if I'm stepping on anyone's hooves (oops, FEET; I've obviously been on My Little Brony reading pony memes for far too long while I should have been fanfic-ing). Oh, and Giovanni MIGHT be a Pokemorph himself, but then again, he might not – as with the early anime, I'm keeping his appearance shrouded in mystery.

In case anyone is wondering, the meaning of the name "Rocket-Dan" will be revealed all in good time. Hint: it's an acronym. Better hint: it's not that horrible nonsense acronym that Pokemon Adventures cruelly bestowed upon us. ("Evil Tusks"? Really?) No, I'm making this acronym up all by myself. Already have, actually. Waiting for when I can fit it into the actual STORY; don't want to be the one that explains everything in the author's notes, because I see that as lazy. (No offense meant to those that do it.)

Speaking of cameos, Fizzy Starburst requested a form to fill out for OC submissions, so I came up with one that will be posted at the end of this chapter, right after the next-chapter teaser. I really wanted to put it BEFORE the next-chapter teaser for stylistic purposes, but I put in at the very bottom so (hopefully) it would be a lot easier to copy/paste without having to worry about missing part of it.

Warning: This fic contains a frank discussion of hormonal teenage stupidity that some may find offensive. In other words, shipping. (Yes, I noticed some of you have already gotten the hint – Fizzy Starburst, for one.) And if you think this instance is bad, you probably won't want to stick around for chapter three, in which we discover a Pokemon with a (heterosexual) crush on a human being... but don't worry, that doesn't end in anything "happening," just... awkwardness. (Some may be able to guess where I'm going with this hint; others may not. But it's based on something actually IN the anime, so happy guessing...)

On the question of if James is gay (asked by supersexyghotmew95), my answer is: it's never been officially stated one way or the other, and my view is that he isn't, but he clearly has no qualms in behaving in a FASHION (pun intended) that might make someone think he was, perhaps in hopes of warding off the fairer sex (specifically, Jessiebelle). He does seem a bit put off by women... I blame Jessiebelle for that. So in my opinion, at this point in his life, James is perfectly happy to consider himself asexual. I personally choose not to cover homosexuality in my stories because doing so is just a big can of worms that could only hurt those on all sides of the issue.

Oh, and this is a songfic; it's got a Toby Mac soundtrack. If you have his CD "Tonight," I highly recommend you use it while reading this story. If not, do yourself a favor and buy one.

Episode 001 pt 2: Young and Stupid

Rocket-Dan Academy – Outdoor Agility Course, 4:39 AM

When Jessie and James finally reached the end of the obstacle course, Viper was there waiting for them, an unreadable expression on his serpentine face. "Excellent work, Jameson; I'm impressed with your tenacity. A lesser trainee would have given up after falling into half a dozen pits..." Viper glared harshly at Jessie. "...or being PUSHED INTO THEM."

"You think I pushed him in on PURPOSE?" Jessie yelped, pretending to be innocent. "It's far too dark out here to see clearly; I couldn't AVOID running into him!"

"Maybe HUMAN eyes can't see so clearly," Viper scolded, "but Seviper morphs such as myself can see a good deal more than you might think. Such as that self-satisfied smirk on your face when you kept ramming yourself against Jameson... while perfectly avoiding the pit traps yourself as you knocked HIM into them."

"Coincidence," Jessie lied. "I was just proud of myself for obviously being the superior athlete, and anyway, I was too focused on avoiding the pits to even THINK about where James was during the test! It's a miracle HE didn't knock ME in!" She glanced at James, who was clearly trying to avoid her gaze; after what had happened the night before, he still wished that the earth would swallow him up, preferably taking Jessie with him.

"Quit rationalizing, Musashi; you're wasting your breath," snapped Viper. Jessie knew from experience that when her drill instructor started referring to someone by their last name only, they were surely in trouble. This was clearly no exception. "I've been looking over the Red Team recruits' files, and out of all of them, you're the only one who's gotten anywhere near close enough to register as competent... at the expense of your own teammates, I might add."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, don't play innocent, missy. I've seen everything. You're so bent on getting ahead, you're willing to take down anybody who stands in your way, including your assigned partners. I could name a few examples, but Jameson here has taken enough abuse from you already; there's no need to scare him into running like a Rapidash."

"Hey!" James protested. "I've NEVER run away in my life, and I'm sure not starting now!"

"Oh, REALLY?" Jessie snapped, whirling around to face James. "Then what do you call what you did after the sleeping bag incident? Explain THAT!"

(Start song: Hey Devil, track 9 on Toby Mac's "Tonight")

James glared daggers at Jessie, who glared poisoned daggers back. Finally, James spoke in an oddly even tone, clearly putting all his effort into not blowing up:

"Speaking on that subject, I looked up the company guidelines last night, and guess what? In Rocket-Dan, sexual harassment is punishable by NEUTERING."

There was a horrible, deadly silence, followed by a horrible, deadly shouting.

"I'm going to STRANGLE you, you stinking b-d!" Jessie yelled, lunging at James. "You called THAT 'harassment'? You wouldn't even let me TOUCH you! And there I thought we'd committed!"

"By dating for, what, three weeks? We were THIRTEEN YEARS OLD, you slut!"

"I was FOURTEEN, you self-righteous prude!" yelled Jessie, struggling against Viper's long, heavy tail, which had wrapped her tightly enough in its grasp to save James' neck from being wrung clean off. "Every other boy I've ever dated was willing to give me what I wanted!"

"Well, every other boy ran out on you after they'd gotten what THEY wanted from YOU! How's THAT, Ms. FOURTEEN?"

Jessie refused to admit that James had absolutely every right to be appalled at her over this. "You boys are all the same! Terrified of commitment!" she yelled, trying to rationalize herself.

James couldn't believe his own nerve, telling Jessie off. He figured that since she was probably going to kill him anyway, he might as well go out having the last word. "At least I WANT commitment! And maybe YOU should get 'committed,' because I just told you I'm not LIKE those other boys! And if you can't like me for who I am," James continued, raising his voice to an unnaturally high pitch for his gender, "then why should I try to become just like everybody else for you when THEY'VE all let you down as well? I thought I LOVED you back then, but now you DISGUST me!"

"Whoa, WHOA! Is THAT what this is about?" Viper demanded. "An adolescent romance scandal? Musashi, WHAT exactly happened between you and Jameson previously?"

Jessie narrowed her eyes. "Oh, he just sealed himself shut in his sleeping bag because he wanted to 'protect' his precious virginity – I was only TEASING him, after I found out he wasn't interested-"

"And then she threw my sleeping bag into the RIVER and almost drowned me!" James finished for Jessie, glaring icy poisoned daggers at her.

"Well, how was I supposed to know the zipper jammed?"

"It wasn't jammed, I was holding it shut!"

"And you didn't think to let go of it when you started to DROWN, did you?"

"I was more scared of YOU than I was of the water!"

Viper groaned to himself. Forget the vocabulary lesson; now he was getting far too close to receiving a BIOLOGY lesson. He was going to have to go straight to the boss with this one.


Rocket-Dan Academy Headmaster's Office, 5:02 AM

Giovanni sat at his desk, absentmindedly petting his Persian and waiting for his latest and most promising "trainee" to fetch him coffee (at five in the morning, no less; Giovanni believed in being an early riser, thus the strenuous schedules of new Rocket-Dan trainees), when Viper slithered in holding Jessie, James dashed past them both with a hysterical expression on his face, and all Hell broke loose.

After being forced to listen to all three sides of the story AT THE SAME TIME, Giovanni came to an important realization: he needed that coffee sooner than he'd thought he would, because he just had to have something to throw at the lot of them. Instead, he took a few deep breaths, patted his Persian a bit, and only then did he completely lose his temper.

"You called these two in here just to tell me that the woman keeps knocking the guy into pits on the agility course?"

To say that James was absolutely appalled would have been the understatement of the millennium. "That wasn't the point at ALL! We were talking about-"

"What happened between you and Jessie BEFORE you signed up for Rocket-Dan is of no consequence to me," Giovanni snarled, keeping his voice as even as possible, which wasn't as much as he would have liked but was still significantly better than if he hadn't tried at all, in which case Jessie and James would have been flying straight through the walls by that point. "You two are teammates, you were assigned to be teammates before ANY of us heard about your little scandal, and doggone it, you two are going to STAY teammates even if it kills you. And for Arceus' sake," (his tone got darker) "after what you've just put me through in the last five minutes, I hope it does."

"Trust me, it will," Jessie muttered under her breath, glaring at James.

James had evidently come to the same conclusion; once again, he was staring at the floor and hoping it would swallow him up into oblivion before Jessie turned around and did that herself. Viper was still restraining her, but only by the arm; one good wrench and James was sure that Jessie could break free, then break HIM. To be honest, James (as a virgin) still didn't understand what Jessie's big deal about this whole thing was, unless it was being kicked out of the bike gang, which James didn't even understand. Then again, he'd ditched the bike gang right after his discovery that Jessie was The Woman His Mother Warned Him About.

"However, MUSASHI," Giovanni continued, winding down a tad bit, "I cannot ignore your injuring your own partner half a dozen times or so on the agility course. From now on, you two are going to have to be more closely supervised for Kojiro's safety, and your supervisor will report directly to me via intercom should ANYTHING go wrong." He glared past the open door behind them, wondering if that dang-blasted trainee was ever going to show up with that coffee. Were those footsteps he heard, or pawsteps? "Ironically, I was about to call you two in anyway to assign you your partner Pokemon, which means I can now kill two heads on one Doduo."

Jessie snorted. "Oh, with what? You're going to assign us a talking Chatot?"

There was a sudden crash in the hallway behind them, followed by an immediate blast of electricity coupled with the shattering of glass. James jumped back from the open doorway, and Viper swiftly slithered backwards, still holding Jessie by the arm (tripping her up, no less, which was actually completely unintentional this time around). At the exact moment of the electric blast, a loud, unearthly screech burst through the hallway, sounding very much like a cat being electrocuted, which was very nearly what it was. A swear word followed in a similar voice, and without further warning, a wet empty bucket rolled into Giovanni's office, followed by an extremely disheveled, soaking wet, and thoroughly toasted creature that might have been a Meowth walking on its hind legs. It had soapsuds and coffee in its fur (which was all standing on end), its charm was missing, and it was holding a broken coffee cup that seemed to be half-full of a mixture of coffee and mop water.

"Gotcha coffee, Boss," said the thing that resembled both a Meowth and a walking disaster. "Um, ya gotta watch where ya put dem mop buckets, jus' so ya know. Not so close ta dem lights, ya dig?"

Viper took the cup from the unfortunate one, plucked out a coffee-coated amulet coin, and wordlessly handed it to the victim, who licked it clean with its sandpaper tongue and gingerly placed it back on its head. The Seviper morph then handed the cup to Giovanni, who gave it a distasteful look and placed it on the far corner of his desk. Then, strange to say, the boss actually smiled, although his smile could have curdled MooMoo milk.

"The Doduo is officially dead."

"Great," Meowth muttered, not knowing what the conversation was about or what the two human trainees suddenly seemed so horrified about. "Save sum fo' me, cuz Oi'm starvin'."


Author's Note: Whoa, Jessie, just... WHOA. You're waaaaaaay too young for that sort of drama. I almost felt guilty just writing this, but this is how Jessie IS in my mind. To me, James is a virgin by choice; after the Jessiebelle incident, I almost believe that he considers himself asexual, except for the fact that by his own admission he's placed multiple personals ads (referenced in the third movie in a quite funny comment that I can't reproduce here because I've already spoiled the punchline).

Next chapter: Setting out on their next training exercise for Rocket-Dan with their new supervisor Meowth, who will break down first, Jessie or James? Will Meowth be able to deal with them both? And which other Pokemon will the human trainees bring with them on their journey?

Am I forgetting something? Ah, yes! The form for submitting OC's... Here we go!

Name of Team Rocket member/trainee:

Age:

Gender:

Appearance (includes type of Pokemorph, if any):

Personality (likes/dislikes, character traits, and so on):

Reason for signing up for Rocket-Dan:

Pokemon (up to six; provide information on each one such as gender, moveset, personality, and ability):

Anything else you'd like me to know: