Even though petty revenge was so 2014, Eliza allowed herself a slight loophole the morning of January 1st, 2015. Petty revenge was out of the question, but tweeting hashtag throw-back-to that time when she was voted "Most Butt" in School and tagging corynmcwatters? Well, that was fair game to be witnesses by her well over 300,000 e-followers.
thedoolio: new haircut CHECK IT! #SELFIE #newyrnewme
thedoolio: #TBT I was voted "Most Butt" at school, now look me! ;* #wokeuplikethis
thedoolio: oh look who's next 2 me in the yrbook…anyone recognize corynmcwatters?
thedoolio: funny her bio book flap says SHE was "most butt"...not in my yrbook!
thedoolio: #TBT I was voted "Most Butt" & corynmcwatters was "Most Popular" in school. Talk abt identity theft!
thedoolio: should I feel flattered corynmcwatters stole my jr high identity? LOL.
thedoolio: lesson? There is only ONE eliza dooley. #FLAWLESS
thedoolio: & who knows what else corynmcwatters lies about…if she can't even admit she was pretty much regina george?
thedoolio: igss what they say is true: if they bully u it's bc they wanna b you!
thedoolio: i see you corynmcwatters & u been read. #karma is a #bitch
And Eliza had thought that that tweet chain was truly going to be the highlight of the first week of the New Year. And she was never happier to be totally, completely, wrong.
To her right, Henry stood behind his desk, scowling. To her left, Nega-Henry was smirking. Eliza bit her lip, trying to stifle her awkward giggle that rose in response to the sudden tension in the room as the younger Higgs brother held out his hand to shake hers and introduced himself. His hand was warm, but soft to the touch, like he actually used lotion and didn't think it was weird to clean under his fingernails like Freddy did. Just shaking his hand made Eliza acutely aware of Henry's gaze boring into the side of her head and the vaguely threatening atmosphere he was trying to emanate at his brother.
"I'm Richard," he said, bowing slightly. "Are you also in Henry's department? I was under the impression he didn't believe in favoring female secretaries, and you're far too pretty to be dating him…" Richard asked, raising a brow towards his older brother. On the other side of the desk, Henry leaned forwards, tightly gripping his salad fork until his knuckles began to turn white.
Eliza swallowed. As super nine as Richard ranked on the hottie scale, she also knew Henry was a little sensitive about his game (or lack thereof), and it didn't bode well for his brother to be kicking Henry while he lay like a Julia-less, sad, pathetic puppy on the metaphorical pound-town sidelines. Even Henry's wooing skills seemed to lack a certain something.
"Actually," Eliza managed, quickly pulling back her hand with a forced smile, "Um, I'm the top sales rep, so I'm sort of down the hall…" She winced. Not better.
"Henry's sort of my bestie." Eliza blurted. "Like um, peas in a cod."
"Peas in a pod, Eliza," Henry gently corrected. He sighed, set down his fork and began to rub at his temple. Eliza shot him a look that read as whatever, while Richard watched the two of them with intense amusement, biting his lip to hold back a snerk. Henry slipped his phone from his slacks pocket, and began to slowly text a message.
"…So just friends, then?" Richard surmised.
"It may shock you, Richard," Henry stepped in, "But most often, it is considered in poor taste to ask a complete stranger these kinds of questions—"
Whatever Henry was going to say next was cut off by Eliza's phone as it began to blare out loudly: "Why can't you see? You belong to me," buzzing as Taylor Swift's voice echoed from the depths of her purse. Both Richard and Henry jumped slightly in surprise, turning to look over at Eliza's (apparently singing) studded leather bag. After a moment's pause, her phone repeated its jingle, announcing the arrival of Henry's text.
Eliza tossed her purse onto Henry's desk, face flushing as she began pulling out her new planner, her wallet, her sunglasses, and her Eos lip balm in an effort to find her phone.
"Sorry—" she said, scrambling to unlock her phone. "It's an alarm, totes gotta uhh…grab Saps' mail. Our boss. The singing one?" Eliza declared, as she read Henry's perfectly punctuated:
Henry | My brother has no sense of propriety. I deeply apologize.
Eliza looked up from her phone. You are unbelievable, Henry Higgs, she thought, clicking the top of her phone and winking the text out of sight. He was lucky he was so damn sexy in his rolled up button down that showed off his amazing arms, otherwise she might've rolled her eyes a little harder.
"Actually, Henry has to come with me. Like, right now. Be back in five Richard, nice to meet you—" she began to babble, circling around Henry's desk to forcefully hip check Henry away from his intense glaring contest with his smouldering little brother. Henry gave her an affronted look and began to protest until Eliza turned his glare against him.
After a moment, Henry cleared his throat and agreed, "Ah, yes. I'm sorry, Richard. We'll be right back. Bulk mail, you see. Please, have a seat. …I told Saperstein I would give you the tour."
"If you say so," Richard said, looking amused. He set his briefcase down over Henry's things and made himself comfortable on the couch, watching them both carefully as Eliza rushed out of the office.
As soon as the door closed behind them and they'd turned the corner, Henry came to a halt, rounding on Eliza. "What on earth? Do you have my texts set to Taylor Swift? Not even something off of 1989?"
"Okay, you listen to Taylor Swift, which, weird, we're totally reviewing that surprising fact later," Eliza said, shaking her head, "But Henry! You had a brother. And you never told me!" Forget how gorgeous Richard Higgs was, or how hilarious it was to picture Henry casually blasting Shake It Off in his car and grooving along to it - Eliza had totally caught Henry trying to pull one over on her.
"Taylor Swift has catchy melodies and positive and uplifting lyrics," Henry protested. Eliza threw up a hand, stopping him cold.
"No, you – you totally acted like you were appalled I said my family was all lost at sea and today in walks your lawyer -lil'- bro?" It was too good to be true. "Hashtag Hypocrite Henry Higgs – god I love alliterations!" Eliza said, giddiness filling her voice.
"Eliza, it is hardly the same thing to not speak overly much of a sibling who lives on the other side of the country than it is to insinuate they are, in fact, dead." But of course, Eliza caught the guilty shift Henry made in his shoulders, and the less than totally certain way he'd proclaimed how "different" it really was.
"Nah, I can totes never let you live this one down." It, of course, painted a whole new picture of Henry that she'd never entirely placed before. Henry, trying to pretend to be a skater when he had a little brother who knew very well he was terrible at it? Henry, with a younger brother who oozed with blatant charms and flirtatiousness? Henry Higgs, with a little brother he seemed to absolutely and totally resent even existing, just like she felt about her older sister?
"Because for someone who has no Facebook, not calling or emailing someone basically means they're dead to you."
"You don't know who I call or email—" Henry began to protest.
"Whatever. I know your computer password, I figured out your phone lock, aaaandd I totally have a key to your house – you don't talk to him." There had to have been a reason, of course, and Eliza gave Henry an expectant look, hoping he would just come outright and say why this was the case. Instead Henry shook his head.
"No. Eliza, it's long in the past, and now we're just two overly busy adults who live in completely different places. My brother happens to have been an external contracted hire for Kindercare's legal counsel. That's all." Henry said.
"That's totally all I'm getting from you right now, isn't it?" Eliza asked, folding her arms. It wasn't hard to tell that Henry wasn't going to budge, but Eliza felt compelled to ask despite herself. She could see the tension worked into Henry's shoulders under his well-tailored suit, and the slight downwards turn of his bottom lip. Henry's frowns usually flipped between emotionally constipated and a deeper, thoughtful brood that made Eliza want to kiss him until he knocked it off. For the moment, it was hard to place which kind of frown he was working towards, so Eliza silently placed it in the former category, while vowing to figure out what, precisely, was in Henry's past besides siblings she didn't know about.
"Unless you're going to explain why my subtle text message was announced by old-school Taylor Swift…?"
"Not on your life, Higgs." Eliza replied sweetly.
Whatever could be said about Eliza Dooley, she was not a subtle woman. Her line of questioning was, in Henry's mind, half about removing the topic of conversation from herself, and the pop-country ringtone that had played when Henry had texted her. He'd mostly been able to avoid texting Eliza, for as much as she pushed him to explore social media more and more, he had maintained his own limits. No Facebook (too embarrassingly addicting), Instagram to like things and comment only, and when appropriate, the once in awhile text to Eliza.
But what Henry had learned about texting and emojis and even ringtones meant that his heart had leaped just a fraction at the idea that Eliza had customized any of his messages. In Eliza's world, it was as close as Henry could get to a personalized note. Even more thrilling was the blaring hint that maybe, perhaps somewhere still in the back of her mind was the thought that they could work together.
No Fear, Henry reminded himself.
That adage, however, didn't extend to the excruciating task of touring his younger brother throughout the Kindercare building, with Eliza at his side. Eliza was not subtle, and her efforts to nearly throw herself at his brother (quite probably in curiosity, but also due to his ineffable attraction) didn't exactly pass by unnoticed. They hadn't been on Henry's tour for more than two minutes before Henry decided he was right to regret every minute of his brother's presence at Kindercare.
"I'd say that Henry has told me all about you," Eliza began, rolling her eyes his direction, "But he completely failed to mention that you were a lawyer, Richard." A slight edge to her words caused Henry to set his jaw, inwardly cringing at the very idea of how long Eliza was going to hold this information over his head for.
"I'm sure he also failed to mention I was taller," Richard said with a well-practiced laugh. Henry bit his bottom lip, keeping his gaze forwards as they rounded a row of cubicles on the way to the break room. Naturally, Richard was never above cheap shots, nor commenting on the most immediately obvious facts about both of the Higgs brothers – that Richard was taller, conventionally handsome, extremely charming to the opposite sex, and all around more fun than Henry appeared to be.
It made being in the same room as his brother insufferable on good days, and unbearable on bad ones.
"He kinda failed to mention you existed," Eliza supplied cheerfully. "Of course, I told him my sister was lost at sea, so I imagine he didn't bring it up because Henry feels bad about bragging…"
"In point of fact," Henry interrupted, spinning on his heel "Eliza's sister is not lost at sea, she is quite firmly on land. And pregnant, last we heard." Henry paused, watching with some satisfaction as Eliza huffed quietly beside his brother. Her warm eyes caught his gaze for a moment, and Henry found himself picturing once again, how they would look accompanied by chubby cheeks and darker hair. Little Red-headed Koreans.
Henry's revelry was quickly interrupted, however. His brother glanced back at Eliza, who continued to appear unaffected, and then back to Henry. For a brief moment, Richard fisted his hand, pressing his thumb to his lips in calculating thought. It was an unsettling move, chiefly because Henry had come to recognize exactly why his brother had adopted it.
While other men leaned their cheeks against their index fingers, Richard had always used the most impossibly male model-esque poses to signify his deep contemplation of his thoughts. It was the move of a preening peacock, one who had, on more than one occasion, spread his feathers in front of any woman that might have otherwise cast a wayward glance at his older brother.
Henry was practical, and Richard craved attention.
"Still looking forwards to your own soccer team, big brother?" Richard asked casually, leaning against the wall of the hallway. "Henry always had aspirations for a cadre of little tykes of his own. As for myself, I'd prefer to go on without the preschool and pudding set."
Yet another dig. Richard had immediately honed in on Eliza's sparkle – the remaining verve of her persona that contrasted with Henry's own outward demeanor. And that glimmer was one that Richard recognized as an opportunity - a means by which he could exploit Eliza's attentions and possibly even distract her. Worse, Henry thought, he'd so casually made all the same assumptions Henry had made after first knowing Eliza – and then compounded it all by assuming that was the extent of her personality.
Eliza gave a tinny laugh in response, something Henry recognized as one of her many fake laughs, but couldn't place its true meaning. He sighed, rolling his shoulders. "Yes, Rich. I do, in fact, intend to continue a legacy of kicking your ass at soccer - football for those abroad – because what else is family for besides a little healthy old school rivalry?"
"Wait, Henry, you play soccer? Like forrealsies?" Eliza asked, before she shook her head and added "I mean I like pudding so now that I know how to keep kids alive for like more than two hours, I dunno. – But seriously? Soccer?"
"I'll have you know, soccer is a perfectly respectable sport as any, albeit less popular than say, basketball—" Henry began, adjusting his cuffs. Soccer was still a gentleman's sport, even if his brother remained less coordinated at it.
"Henry's always been annoyed that instead of following in his merit scholarship footsteps, I received a basketball scholarship to Duke," Richard supplied, pushing himself up off of the wall he'd been leaning against. He gave Henry another insufferable crooked grin, before winking at Eliza.
Henry bit the inside of his cheek, unable to hide the annoyance from his face. Eliza looked from him to his brother, as if calculating the appropriate way to make a sly comment. A smirk crossed her lips, and she tapped her manicured nails against her studded phone case.
"I'd love to watch a game," Eliza said, leaning forwards conspiratorially.
"Of basketball?" Henry asked dubiously. "Or soccer?"
"I haven't decided yet," Eliza said primly. "After the mud run debacle though, I think it'd be totes fun to watch a little brotherly competition."
This transformed Richard's smirk, his eyes widening in slight shock. "A what run? Henry?"
"And over here," Henry continued walking down the hall, pointedly ignoring his overly curious little brother, "is the break room," he said with a hint of smug satisfaction over his brother's surprise.
"Which is not nearly as interesting as Henry wrestling Freddy in a mudpit and ending up with some killer bruises," Eliza added helpfully, low heels clicking across the break room floor.
Eliza could've updated her twitter at least twenty times in the time it took their tour of Kindercare of get from the break room back to Sam Saperstein's emptied office. As tempting as it was, however, she kept her thumb from hovering over the twitter app, choosing instead to watch Richard and Henry glare wildly back and forth at each other. It wasn't until Richard began to pull off his sport coat that Eliza came to a sudden stop, half running into Henry as she narrowly avoided Richard's elbow.
She caught herself on his blazer's shoulder, fingers digging into the light blue wool. Henry gave her a startled look, catching her elbow in order to steady her. His fingers wrapped around hers briefly, warm grip keeping her from falling. The drumming sensation in her chest sped up, and Eliza swallowed hard as Henry helped her right herself. It was obvious that Richard was staring at them both, but only Henry's gaze got under her skin. Eliza wet her lips unconsciously, before she cleared her throat and gave both Higgs brothers a nervous giggle.
"Whoops." Eliza said belatedly. "Uhhh, my B," she continued, scrambling to brush off Henry's rumpled blazer, picking at invisible lint on his shoulder. Eliza lingered a moment too long, wondering if the electricity she felt was just in her head, or Henry's need for more static-cling. Over Henry's shoulder, Richard cast her another smouldering gaze, one that caused Eliza's stomach to flip.
Was this what unwanted attention felt like?
The exchange of glances wasn't lost on Henry, and Eliza withdrew her hand quickly. She reviewed the facts in her head quickly as both brothers stared at her. She hadn't texted Charmonique yet. There was a Nega-Henry hottie standing with his jacket in hand, next to real this universe Henry. A Henry-lookalike that was arguably taller, with a more angular jaw, equally thick hair and long lashes, pouty lips, and a distinct awareness of how damn attractive he was.
With all of that - he was still like a more sophisticated version of Freddy.
Ugh, Eliza thought, twisting her bracelets around her wrist, she'd learned her lesson about gelled hair and pretty faces already. Even more unsettling – Eliza realized that Henry's sexy younger brother did totally nothing for her. But there was a way to make it happen –
"-Hey, Hens," she said abruptly, breaking the staring contest and silence, "I'm so hungs, and am about to like, um, swoon or whatever it is which is why I tripped—" rambling, ugh, "I'm just gonna borrow Rich here for a sec and run downstairs to grab some noms, kay thanks byeeeeee."
Before Henry could protest, Eliza had grabbed Richard's silk blend sleeve, dragging the taller Higgs away from Saperstein's office and Henry's blissful ignorance of the dullness of his own tour. The twitch in Henry's eyebrow was worth it, although she could have done without Richard's overly pleased look that Eliza was already pawing him.
Gross.
"Eliza—" Henry started, before she tossed her hair over her shoulder to glance back at Henry with a wicked look.
"Don't worry Henry, you can finish showing your brother around Kindercare, but I can show Richard the eats."
Given enough time, she could probably also corner Richard and get what she really wanted from him. The fact was that while Richard had utterly kissable lips and to-die-for broad shoulders, Eliza saw him and saw an unfortunate six foot two version of her sister, but Henryfied. It was time to dig in and fish for dirt.
Richard stumbled for the first two steps, but he caught himself quickly. When he managed to catch up with her stride, long legs catching up to her fast pace, Eliza let go of his sleeve. She didn't need to look over at him to realize that Richard was trailing too closely, in a manner which was obviously supposed to be flirtatious. If Henry was a tied up and buttoned down sparkler, his brother was overly eager and unbuttoned like the front cover of a trashy romance. It was hot, but too attentive, too polished, and too expectant. Richard was the right well-dressed man for a club grind, but he was half a Henry.
Love was so complicated.
Seeing as how she hadn't abandoned her other New Year's resolutions, Richard was the perfect secret weapon for prying into Henry's locked mind.
"I'm starved." Richard said amicably, "You wouldn't believe how many lectures Henry has run over-time on growing up," he said, bowing slightly to speak closer to Eliza's ear. His voice carried a slight lilt to it as he spoke, a shimmer of amusement lacing his words.
"See, I need to know everything about growing up with Henry," Eliza replied as she fought back rolling her eyes. "But first, we're ditching the company halls and heading straight for the place across the street."
"You want to know about Henry?" Richard said, a puzzled look crossing over his chiseled features. "You can't be serious, can you?"
"God does every Higgs have that judgey face?" Eliza huffed, pushing open the front glass doors.
The instant she did, Eliza regretted it. Before the locked doors to Kindercare stood Freddy in his funeral attire, arms outstretched above his head holding up his iphone and collapsible speakers. Eliza's hands flew up to her mouth as she stood beside Richard in the doors. Freddy's swoop was ungelled, his shoulders dropped, and his John Cusack theme song soared up over his rumpled figure.
"—Eliza!" Freddy cried, lifting his speakers higher. "Baby, come back!"
"Aw shit—ake mushrooms." Eliza hissed, elbowing Henry's little brother at her side without a second thought.
