A/N: this chapter deals with forced anorexia and other hard to swallow content. I have no intentions on making anyone upset. Please if you or a friend is dealing with depression, anorexia, bulimia, obesity and or any other life threatening conditions please seek medical help and counseling. Thank you.
Just Five Pounds: Aphrodite
I'm not perfect
Not yet anyway.
We sat in the doctor's office, my mummy and I waiting for the results. The room was cold and grey, I hated grey and I hated the cold. Most of all though I hated why we were even sitting there, waiting for these ridiculous test results. The door opened and Dr. Hale walked in, he wasn't smiling and he wasn't too perky, probably on the account that his daughter just had a mental breakdown.
"Well I have your results and you are indeed diagnosed as having obesity." He closed the vanilla folder and tried to crack a smile. "However we can devise a diet for you along with medication that'll keep you from getting any heavier than what you are."
"Well you know she goes into the society next week is there any way we could speed up the process?" My mummy asked, worry laced her voice but under that worry was shame. Her oldest daughter was fat and that alone was a disgrace.
"We can see if she will fare well on the newest dietary regime." Dr. Hale smiled.
I stared at the cup in front of me.
It smelt awful.
"You have to drink it Aphrodite, no if ands or buts about it, Dr. Hale said that there will be a few side effects after the first cup but in the long run it'll make you pretty just like your sister." My mummy sat me at our mahogany table in front of the drink that she had our avox mix. The glass was tall, inside was a thick creamy green liquid, there were lumps of pink scattered throughout. It smelt of rotten eggs and hair dye; I gagged at the sight and smell of the concoction.
"I don't want to mummy." I pushed it away in protest.
'Smack'
The back of my head stung as she pointed her wooden spoon to the drink. I sighed heavily and grabbed the chilled cup. I put my lips to the glass and began to slurp down the green menace. It burned and about half way through my stomach began to bubble. I started to dry heave and cough, I spewed the contents out of my mouth.
"QUICK GET HER A BUCKET NETTLEZON!" My mummy shouted with glee, "OH MY BABY IS GONNA LOOK SO AMAZING!"
Nettlezon our avox, rushed in quickly and held a bucket to me. My eyes watered as my body shook violently, I was sure I was going to die. The contents of my stomach spilt in to the bucket, mixtures of pink, green, and what seemed to be chunks of food from tonight's dinner.
My body shook all night
I couldn't sleep for the dry heaves kept me awake.
I laid in my bunk bed, under my perfect size nothing sister. I stared at her blond hair that hung off the sides. I really did honestly hate that girl, she was mummy's and daddy's favorite, always has been always will be.
I sat up and trudged my way to the bathroom, turned on the mirror meds button and began shifting through the images of medication. I had no idea what I was looking for though, cold sweat medicine- no that would heat my body up to much, anxiety pills- no then I'd be up until lord knows when. Then suddenly I stopped at the anorexia pills, a frown spread across my face. I clicked on it and a pink little pill fell out of the dispenser that was located on the side. I tossed it into the toilet, then I repeated the action again, and again and again.
Plop, Plop, Plop, Plop
I kept going until there was not a pink pill left in the mirror. Then I turned off the medication dispenser, sure my sister was going to have a fit, but she'll deal until the next shipment gets here. Suddenly my stomach began to churn, and before I knew it, I was heaving up clear liquid into the bright white toilet. I wiped my mouth, my body heaved back over spilling up more clear liquid. My eyes stung with more tears and my insides began to cook.
"MUM!" I cried between coughing up the clear liquid and sobbing. I could hear her and daddy's footsteps pound down the hallway. The bath room door swung open and mummy knelt down beside me.
"It's fine Aphrodite, it's all just water weight and-" She started, but I cut her off.
"My insides are cook-" I through my head back towards the toilet
"Dr. Hale said that a slight increase in body temperature would happen, it's just that ugly body fat of yours melting way" she smiled, "OH ISN'T THIS JUST EXCITING!"
I hate my mummy
I hate being fat
"You know Aphrodite, once you get down to your healthy BMI, you and I can swap clothes." Irizs smiled at me, flipping her new blond hair over her shoulder. Over the past two years the girl was getting ready to go into the Society, mummy was so proud of her progress.
I on the other hand had taken up a hobby for cooking and unfortunately eating as well. I was five foot eight and two hundred and fifty pounds with a BMI of thirty-eight. I had been diagnosed with obesity, and that was my ticket to a hell of a life as my mummy put it.
We were sitting at the breakfast table, mummy, Irizs and I. Nettlezon had sat down our plates of food, more like half empty plates of food. You see we had a strict diet to follow, for me the diet was even stricter. One egg scrambled, one ounce of bacon (baked not fried), one pancake with two ounces of syrup (sugar free), eight ounces of orange juice, and if it's a special occasion, maybe mummy will allow a blue berry muffin (only one though, because she makes me and Irizs split it).
"Yeah," I said picking at my food as I watched Nettlezon in the kitchen blend together that green sludge.
"I mean, once you get down to an acceptable size you'll be able to fit in those ubber duper cute mini night dresses." Irizs stuffed a bit of bacon in her mouth.
I nodded my head slowly as the drink was sat before me. I was to drink it, twice a day right after breakfast, and right after dinner. It defeated the purpose of eating, it made more since to just not eat at all. I looked up at mummy, she was engrossed in this morning's Tattler issue, and why wouldn't she be it was the Friday before the Socialite Society Inductions Ball. The Tattler was sure to be filled with new trends, a list of girls who were from prominent families, and of course Tattle-Tell's predictions on this seasons drama.
"Drink your medicine Aphrodite." Mummy spoke peeping over her paper at me.
I sighed and slurped down the mess. Without even a second thought I rushed up the steps to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. It didn't burn too much, not like last time. I heaved and my body shook, tears burned my eyes.
"It had to be done" was what a little voice in my thoughts soothed me lightly, "it has to be done."
I hate this.
I hate living this way.
"Alright girls it's time for your weekly weigh in." My mummy called us into the living room. She had the scale set up and was sitting in her chair eagerly waiting to see how much weight we've lost or to see if there needs to be any changes to our strict diet.
I walked down stairs and frowned at my already nude sister who was eagerly awaiting to be weighed and measured. Mummy weighed us once a week, to make sure the scale was right it would be done in the morning when you were your lightest. She'd have us strip naked and have Nettlezon weigh and measure us both. Irizs looked forward to every Saturday morning, I didn't however cause it made me feel like cattle.
Irizs stepped onto the scale and squealed at the numbers. "Mummy I'm only one-forty five!" she jumped off of the scale twirled around.
"That's great hunny." Mummy said writing down the numbers on her floral note pad and she looked at me.
I sighed and took off my robe and stared at my naked self in the front room mirror wall. I was tall, but I wasn't lean, I was thick and the rolls disgusted me. I didn't hate being fat; I just hated the prejudices that came with it.
'No I'm not fat.'
I have to stop thinking that way; I'm pleasantly plump. A plump child is a healthy child, but it stops being cute after age six, then it's just disgusting. It's more than that; it's repulsing, it'll never get you noticed no matter how well you dress yourself or how well you apply your rouge and your glitter lip stick. Unless two of your ribs are visible or unless you meet society's standards of beauty; you'll never be beautiful.
You'll just be…
That's just it you'll be nothing. Nothing that anyone self respecting man will want to be seen with. You'll be the girl, they say that they love and keep you hidden because they're ashamed of what you look like. You'll be there to bear their children and raise a home, and the other girl he has will be his spotlight girl.
That's what happened to my mummy before she became skinny.
That's why I'm standing here being weighed like cattle; so I won't be that girl.
"Oh just splendid Aphrodite darling, you are certainly shedding those pounds." Mummy grinned turning me around, "These hideous fat rolls are just melting away."
"Mummy I don't feel well, can we cut this one short?" my vision began to swim.
"No Nettlezon is still measuring you, now hold still." She scolded, "Why yes, yes you are starting look less like a frump and more like a regular person."
Irizs flopped down on the couch drinking a bottle of water, "Yeah pretty soon you'll be pretty like the rest of us."
I already am pretty like the rest of them
Who am I kidding, it's a delusion
"Alright last cup of the day my little model to be." Mummy sat down my medicine at the dinner table.
I looked at it and grimaced; I've been on the stuff for two weeks and progress is amazing, the rolls are almost gone. The burning doesn't bother me as much, and I'm a pro at racing to the bathroom now for when I get random urges to heave. Just five more pounds to go, I can almost feel the acceptance. The awful feeling of not belonging, almost gone.
I began to drink up, my throat lit up for a moment, then became numb to the pain. My eyes fought back the regular tears. It was all routine now. My head began to hurt, a steady pulse picked up out the calamity of the rising pain.
Thump, thump, thump
My heart raced and I lurched forward spewing the contents of my medicine all over the linen cloth. My bones and muscles became jell-o and like an autumn leaf; I crumpled to the ground with a loud thud. Through my water logged hearing, I could barely make out the screams of my family. Suddenly a jolt of electricity shot through my nerve system. I screeched, this pain was the worst of anything I've ever felt.
'Is this how tributes feel when they die?'
My body convulsed rapidly, I couldn't move. The medicine had its control over me and I was its puppet forcibly dancing against my will. My mind was on fire but my body remained cold, foam began to form on my newly Botox injected lips. I just knew that I was dying.
She's beautiful skinny, tall, bronze, bright fruit like colors on her skin
Like a goddess from District Eleven.
"Mummy?" I said blinking bringing the form into view.
"No I'm not your mother. She's talking with the doctor." The woman's voice was low and soft. Her eyes were honey brown and stood out brightly from her dark bronze skin. She had on all black and swirls of rainbow pen markings on her skin.
"Then who-"
"I'm Lilith Natural, but please call me L.N. Miss Aphrodite." She smiled at me.
"How'd you-"
"Your chart darling." She laughed.
"Oh… what happened?"
"The medicine that your unwise doctor put you on, wasn't fully tested or cleared for young minors." She leaned against the wall and looked out into the hall way. "The medicine had high dosages of leptin which tells you that your body is full. The medicine also contained high levels of Hydrochloric acid which already occurs naturally but when there is too much of it, you vomit."
I sat there, "oh.."
"The medicine was to deter you from eating so much, not be used as a weight loss supplement, with high levels of chemicals that built up in your system and not enough glucose in that lovely red blood of yours, it's amazing you aren't in a coma."
I closed my eyes for a moment and just listened to the hum of the room. Peaceful even if it's just for a second. The question is however, did I lose those five pounds, did I achieve perfection?
"OH MY APHRODITE!" My body was engulfed by my mummy. Tears smeared her eyeliner and stuck to my white hospital gown., "I'm so happy, you're okay."
I nodded my head once.
"As soon as the doctor allows you to depart with us we are dumping that awful drink." She pulled back and grinned, "And starting you on something safer."
My eyes shot open, "What- HUH?"
"Yes of course, just because you have a near death experience doesn't excuse you from that last five pounds on you, it still needs to come off." Her eyes were hard and a disappointed scowl crossed her face. "With all that convulsing your body did, I'd thought you lost twenty pounds!" she laughed.
I looked at the wall expecting L.N. but she was gone. On the small table next to me was a little black card with L.N. written in silver script. I picked it up just as the doctor waltzed in and read the back. It was her phone number and under it was scratched out in pen a message that would warm any soul.
Beauty is not society's definition
It is in the eye of the beholder.
