Things To Make Sonic (And Why You Shouldn't)

Chapter 2

Written by The Bubbles

A/N- Ch1 was the longest chapter I've ever written for a chapter story that I actually bothered to post. It surprised me.

Disclaimer- Doctor Who and all related titles are the subsequent property of the people lucky enough to own them. I.e., not me. And I never would have thought of this story without the help of Captain Wolfpaw. Here's to you, Wolfy!

Anyone wanna play spot the irony? It won't be hard if you know your Doctors.

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(Begin Chapter)

"Ok, lets see what's next!" Rose said loudly, hoping to distract them. The Doctor batted her hand away from the box.

"Its my turn, Rose. You can wait."

"All right, all right. Ya big baby."

"Thank you."

He reached into the box and grabbed the first thing he laid his hand on. He pulled it out and looked at it. Suddenly he screamed and dropped it back into the box.

"Doctor, was that-?" Rose asked, horror plastered on her face.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. It was." He looked up dramatically. "The sonic tape measurer."

"I never thought I'd see that again," Jack said slowly. "It still haunts my dreams sometimes."

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(Flashback)

A small child had made it onto the TARDIS. No one was really sure how, or why, or when, but he had. He had also found the sonic tape measurer that the Doctor had just finished making.

Have you ever been snapped by a tape measurer? If you haven't, you are living the life. That said…

"I'll get you for that, you little brat!" Jack chased the grinning child through the TARDIS hallways. "Just wait'll your mother hears about this!"

The boy ran into the console room, right into the Doctor's awaiting arms. He pinned the kid's arms to his side.

"All right, you little stowaway," he said quietly. "I agreed not to throw you in the brig, but I might just change my mind if you don't stop terrorizing my crew. Agreed?"

"Yes…" the little monster, I mean, active young boy, hung his head in shame.

And he almost fooled them.

"Oh, no you don't, Twerp. Hand it over." Jack held out his hand for the small irritant's weapon.

"Aww…." He handed the casing to Jack.

"Good." Jack squatted to eye level with the little terror. "Now, I'm going to put this away. Somewhere high, so you can't reach it."

He took off, annoyed, in the direction of his room.

"Hold on, Jack, don't-!"

The Doctor wasn't able to warn Jack before the pest let go of the end of the tape measurer, which he had still been holding. Jack yelped as it slammed into his hand, rather painfully, actually. The kid giggled and grabbed the tape measurer and ran off.

"Little brat!" Jack was about to give chase when the Doctor stopped him.

"Ignore him, Jack," he instructed. "C'mere and give me a hand with this. I need to land right after he left so his parents don't have my head for kidnapping."

Jack scowled, but obeyed. "Ya know, Doctor, I've been thing about that. What if his parents put him up to this? He's a right little monster, that one. If I were his folks, I'd send him off with the first time traveler I could find."

"Yeah, but parents don't do that to their kids, no matter how annoying they are."

"Like you're the big expert."

"You ever had kids?"

"None that I know of. And I suppose you have?"

"Actually, yeah. And a granddaughter, to."

"Oh."

There was then an awkward silence, followed by a scream of pain and anger from Rose's room. She stormed in, holding up the small child by the back of his shirt. He was kicking and struggling to get free.

"We're taking him home, now," Rose said irritably.

"Working on it." The Doctor pushed a button. "Aha, there we go. Just a few seconds after we left." He smiled at her happily.

They opened the door and peered outside.

"Oh good. My aim's better than it is when I bring you home. All right, Rose, hand over the twerp."

"With a will!" She handed him the midget.

"Right then, squirt, off you go!" He chucked the kid out and closed the door. "Hold on." He opened the door again. "Gimme back the sonic tape measurer! OW!" The tape measurer bounced off of his head and landed on the floor of the TARDIS. "Little monster."

(End Flashback)

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"Y'know," Jack said, "come to think of it, the tape measurer wasn't scary, it was the kid."

"Well, I still don't want it anywhere near me," The Doctor shuddered. "Well, Rose, I think it's your turn to reach into the box."

"All right, let's see…" She reached in and made a great show of taking her time to find just the right thing. "Ah… what is… this?" She pulled out what appeared to be a sonic remote control.

It appeared to be a sonic remote control because it was, in fact, a sonic remote control.

"That would be my sonic remote," the Doctor said.

"Doctor, why in the world did you make a sonic remote?" Jack asked.

"Well, there's a very good explanation for that."

"Which is..?"

"Well isn't it obvious?"

Blank stares all around.

"Well, it was before Gallifrey was destroyed that I made it. See, I would be away from home all the time, and I didn't want to miss my favorite soap opera's. So I programmed the remote to work over time and space."

"You zapped it like you did my phone, right?" Rose asked.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"You and your gadgets…" Jack pulled out a pair of glasses. "Sonic glasses. Right."

He put them on and put them on setting one. They glowed and whirred in much the manner of other sonic items. He grinned.

"Well heyheyhey!" He said. "Am I seeing double, Doc, or do you have two hearts beating in there? Not the only thing you have two of, I see."

"Do you mind not looking into my body? Makes me a bit uncomfortable, it does. No wonder Romana didn't like them."

"Doctor, you're a fox! I had no idea, c'mon, tell!"

"All right…"

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(Flashback)

"Well, that's my sonic gerbils defeated. What to make sonic next?" The Doctor turned to the tin dog on the floor next to the console f his TARDIS. "Any ideas, K-9?"

"Affirmative, Master. Sonic glasses would be quite useful."

"Sonic glasses?" He pondered the idea for a minute. "Quite useful indeed, let's get to it, shall we?"

Several hours later, and they were through. Romana wondered in, yawning.

"Enjoy your nap, Romana?"

"Yes, very much. What have you two been doing in here?"

"Making sonic glasses."

"Yes, of course, I must have been a fool to think you would have learned your lesson after the gerbils."

"I did learn my lesson. No more sonic animals."

Romana sighed. Nope, he hadn't learned and he probably never would. She watched as he put on the glasses and switched them on. They looked harmless enough, at any rate.

"Really, Romana, a tattoo? That's a bit 20th century Earth, isn't it? When did you get it, anyway?"

Her jaw dropped. She kept that tattoo in a rather private place (lower back, in case you're wondering) and he had just looked through not only her clothes but also her body to see it. She walked over to him so that she was standing barely an inch from him.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Roma- Ow! What was- Why did you slap me?"

"You know good and well why! Now get rid of them." She turned and stormed out.

"You never answered my question!" He called after her. He turned to K-9. "I wonder what's wrong with her?"

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"Ouch!" Jack reached over and patted the Doctor sympathetically before taking off the glasses.

"Wait, I thought you told me you'd never been slapped before?"

"Not by someone's mother, no. Far as I know, Romana was childless."

"You're so gay, you know that?"

"Funny, that's not what Romana said…" He reached into the box. "Ah. Sonic hair dyer."

This statement was greeted by a blank stare from both companions. It was Jack who finally spoke.

"Doctor, why do you have a hair dryer? You don't have hair, not enough for a hairdryer, that is."

He gave him a look that said something like 'do not defy my logic, puny human type thing, or I'll chuck you out into the time vortex next chance I get.' What he actually said was, "I had hair once. Lot's of hair. Big, big hair. Curly hair. Frizzy hair. The biggest, curliest, frizziest hair of anyone you've ever seen."

"So what happened?" Rose asked.

"Whaddya think happened?" He waved the hair dryer around. "Actually, the hair dryer never worked." He turned to Rose. "Your turn, I think?"

"I don't know if I want to stick my hand in that box again, I might pull out a sonic squirrel."

"No squirrels. But if you want take your turn then that means Jack will."

"All right, let's see…" He dug around for several minutes before pulling out a very, very, very large gun that was several times larger than the box he'd just pulled it out of. He stared.

"All right, Doc, I've got two questions for you. One, I thought you said that this was a normal cardboard box, and two, what happened to not carrying weapons?"

"In answer to your questions, Jack, that is a normal Gallifreyan cardboard box, and two, I may be pacifist, but that doesn't mean I don't like to be prepared in the instance that sonic gerbils try to take over New Zealand."

"That's so demented."

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The Doctor landed the TARDIS expertly in his haste.

"Come along, Romana. We've got to stop those gerbils before they take down the whole of New Zealand!"

"Really, Doctor," Romana complained. "Do we have to? Couldn't we just let Tom and Mary tire themselves out destroying New Zealand and then grab them then?"

"As much as I'd love to, that sort of thing is frowned upon. So come on!"

He stepped out of the TARDIS after her, carrying a very large and very sonic looking gun."

"Will it work?"

"It better."

Twenty minutes later, Romana was sitting against the TARDIS laughing, the Doctor leaning against it next to her. He was looking over the disarray of New Zealand with delight. In truth, it had taken only a few minutes to dispatch the gerbils, but the Doctor had had so much fun blasting them that he had taken off, blasting everything in sight, with Romana close on his heels, trying to stop him. Not trying hard, but such was the case. He'd finally stopped when his batteries died.

"Doctor," Romana said breathlessly, "You'll be putting that into the box when we get back inside."

"You're right of course, Romana. It was fun while it lasted, but all good things. Yep."

They laughed and slipped into the TARDIS.

(No gerbils were harmed in the making of this flashback. Several New Zealanders were badly maimed, but they were wearing red, so it was their own fault.)

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"You destroyed New Zealand." It was a statement; Jack was merely looking for clarification

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Don't know really. But at least now you know why no one's ever given me a weapon."

"Huh. I guess."

The Doctor grinned.

"Well, that's the last of my sonic stuff. You two wanna go have some fun now?"

"Oh, you bet! Where we off to?" Rose weedled.

"You'll see. Come on then, time to go."

He closed up the box and followed the two headed out the door. Reminiscing was fun, but real adventures were funner.

XooXXXooX

A/N- Righto, that's done. I hope ya'll like it; I worked really hard on it.(Is lying through her teeth.) Kudos to Wolfy, for helping me on the story in the first place, and to the following people for suggesting some of the devices mentioned in this chapter: Doctored, for the sonic glasses, The Invisible Penguin, for the squirrels, and montypython203 for the sonic hat, even though I didn't use it. (Sorry.)

A/N 2- No offense to any New Zealanders or fans of New Zealand.

A/N 3- I have an interesting request for my reviewers. I need someone to teach me about British slang (like French fries being chips and such). This is so I can write accurate dialect in my Doctor Who fics, and so I can confuse the people I call my peers. So, any of my reviewers from the UK feel like it? I've managed to pick up a bit, but I get the distinct impression that it's not much. If you think you're up for it, just send me a message.

Thanks in advance,

The Bubbles