So here is the first chapter of 'Seventeen Reasons Why'. I hope you all liked the prologue! Finn receives the CDs in this chapter, and begins listening to the first one, dreading the moment he finds the one with his story and his role in Rachel's life and her decision to commit suicide. Whenever you see large amounts of text written in italics, that means Rachel is talking (in recorded form, of course). So in this chapter, as I mentioned earlier, the first out of seventeen reasons for Rachel's suicide is introduced, and the story is told. Please enjoy! And now, I'm very sure you will be able to guess from the title, this chapter is entitled 'Karofsky'.
The shoebox was propped on its side on Finn's doorstep. With a frown, he picked it up. It was addressed to him, but there was no return address. He sighed, pulled his keys out of his pocket, and unlocked his front door, stepping inside. He tossed the shoebox onto his couch and walked off to his room. He threw his backpack to the floor, grabbed a pair of scissors, and walked back out to the living. He picked up the shoebox and used the scissors to slice through the clear packing tape.
When he finally managed to get rid of all the packing tape, he lifted the lid to find several CD cases. He frowned; they were each labeled with different numbers, from one to seventeen. Finn picked up the box and slowly made his way to his room, rummaging through his piles of random stuff until he finally found his CD player. He plugged it in, opened the lid, and placed the first CD inside. Without hesitation, he closed the lid and sat on his bed, listening to the gentle humming of the CD spinning around in the player.
I don't need to say who I am, do I? He recognized that voice. With wide eyes, he quickly pressed the pause button. There was no way; this wasn't possible. With a shaky hand, he carefully pressed the play button again.
Well, maybe I do, to those of you barely acknowledged me. That's right, Azimo, I'm talking to you. It's me, your former classmate Rachel Berry. Do you miss me? Probably not. Do you even notice that I'm not in class anymore? Once again, probably not. So this confirmation: yes, Rachel Berry is gone. She is dead.
Finn wanted to believe it was all a dream. He remembered when he found out about Rachel's suicide. He wanted to kill himself, too. There was no way he could continue living his life without Rachel. And now, she was talking to him through a CD player.
As you can see, there are seventeen CDs, one for each person on the list. If you're on that list, guess what? You played a role in my life. But don't get too excited; it wasn't a good role. You all are one of the reasons I decided to do what I did.
Finn paused it again, suddenly feeling very angry. What had Rachel been thinking when she recorded herself? Was she doing this for attention? To make everyone feel guilty? It just wasn't right. He picked up the list; each name written on their in Rachel's neat calligraphy had a mailing address. Sure enough, he was on the list. In fact, he was first on the list. He wondered if that meant he was first on the CDs. He sighed and pressed play again.
Included in this amazing anthology of my life is a list of all seventeen of you, complete with mailing addresses, as I mentioned earlier. Your instructions are as followed: to mail them to the next person on the list. Don't give a returning address; just mail them to whoever is next. And I'll know if you don't keep sending them. I have people watching out for me. Besides, they'll make it to you either way; I made back ups.
Now that I'm done giving instructions, we might as well begin. Oh, and before I start, just because your name is one of the firsts on the list, it doesn't mean you're going to be the first one to be given an explanation. It just means that I wanted you to be one of the first to receive my final words. So I'll give you some advice: stick with me and listen to all the CDs.
All right, let's begin. Most of you went to middle school with me, too. So you all knew that Lima Middle School was definitely worse then William McKinley High School. But I wasn't nearly as outspoken as I was in high school. Those of you who knew me probably knew that. As some would say, I became more annoying in high school. Maybe this is true, but I consider it being motivated and working hard to achieve my dreams.
Back to what I was saying, middle school was even worse then high school. Yet, in a way, it was also better. I actually had friends in middle schools. It wasn't just the creeps that agreed with that fact that I was pretty, smart, and talented. But the cute guys agreed, too.
Now we reach our first story. The first time a guy had a crush on me. Though he would never admit it, he was obsessed with me. Sorry, Karofsky, but your secret is about to come out. Yep, he was in L-O-V-E with me. Sadly, though, I didn't reciprocate those feelings. I had my eye on someone else.
It all started in math class…Pre-Algebra, to be exact. Seventh grade. Mr. Robin (does anyone else remember him?) had assigned us new seats, and I was assigned to be Dave Karofsky's table partner. It wasn't that I was against the idea…it was just, well, maybe I was against the idea. I spoke with Mr. Robin after class after ignoring Karofsky throughout the whole class period. I asked him if I could be moved. It wasn't that I didn't like Karofsky; it was just that I had never really gotten to know him. I told Mr. Robin that I would feel much more comfortable if I was sitting with someone I knew better, say, Matt Rutherford (I wouldn't have been too excited to have been sitting next to Matt, either, but I would have taken him any day).
Mr. Robin explained to me that Karofsky was a struggling student and needed a lot of help. Since I was one of the brightest students in his class, he hoped that maybe I would help him do better. This made me feel a bit better. So the next day, I came into class and sat down next to Dave, pulling out my textbook and opening it to the correct page. He stared at me like I was a freak, and maybe I was, but followed my example.
Mr. Robin explained the new chapter and gave us our assignment. I pulled two pieces of notebook paper, handed one to Dave, and began my own work. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Dave just sitting and staring at the blank piece of paper. I glanced up from my work and asked him a simple question.
"Do you not understand the work?" He flashed me an unsure smile. Please note, this was long before he became the biggest ass in the city. That's right, Karofsky; it was because of you Kurt transferred to Dalton Academy, and you are a reason for my committing suicide. I hope you feel guilty now.
"I'm just not good at math." He replied in a mumble. I sighed and began explaining the process to him, leaning over his shoulder and gently telling him how to solve these types of problems. He nodded, frowning, and began to work. Moments later, he showed be his piece of paper.
"Like this?" He checked. I beamed at him, smiling widely.
"Exactly like that. Great job." I praised him. We continued working separately, me checking his answers every couple of minutes. I was surprised at just how fast he learned. We both finished out class work in minutes and turned it in. At the end of class, Mr. Robin gave us our homework assignment. Then the bell rang, and we all shuffled out of the classroom and started off to lunch.
"Do you think you'll be fine tonight?" I asked him.
"I don't know." He admitted, stopping and staring me at me. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. Even back then, his gaze made me feel wary. "It seems harder then the class work."
It meant nothing to me, but it sure as hell meant something to Dave Karofsky. In a hurried fashion, not wanting to be last in the lunch line (again), I scribbled down my cell phone number on a torn piece of paper and handed it to him.
"Call me or text me if you have any questions." I told him as I hurried away just as the bell rang.
Finn paused the CD, closing his eyes as he began absorbing all the information. He remembered, when the guys were supposed to change in the guy's locker room for P.E., Karofsky telling Finn about a certain girl who was obsessed with him. He didn't know that it was him who was obsessed with this girl, and he certainly didn't know the girl was Rachel.
You texted me later, Dave, remember? I do. I was about to take a shower and you texted me probably the most mundane text I have ever received. It read, 'hey'. I remember thinking back then just how boring and overused the word 'hey' was. I replied, though, with the same simple word. Moments later, I received another text from you. I sighed and put my clothes back on, stepping out of the bathroom as I realized this conversation could go on forever.
'What's up?' read the next text message.
'About to shower.' I replied, hoping you would catch a hint. I should have known you wouldn't.
'That's hot.' I remember reading that message over and over, wondering if you had really just said that. Has anyone ever told you that the mind of a high school boy is probably the most disgusting mind ever? They're right, and the same applies for middle school boys, too.
'Excuse me?' I texted back, still beyond shocked.
'Nothing. I was just messing with you.' He replied. I could almost see his smirk right there.
'Dave, let's get to the point. Why are you really texting me?' I asked him. I was growing tired of waiting and just wanted to get my shower over with. Reruns of 'I Love Lucy' were about to come on and I think, back then, I would've killed myself (no pun intended) if I missed an episode.
'You said I could text you whenever.'
'If you were having trouble with the homework.' I corrected him, rolling my eyes.
'I do need help.' He texted back.
'With what problem?'
'Can you come over to my house and help me?' He texted. My eyes widened at the text. You had quite the nerve, Dave, asking me to your house when I hardly even knew you. Who did you take me for? One of the seventh grade high school wannabes (cough, cough…Santana)? That's not who I am, nor who I was. I'm sure you would disagree with me, Finn, but it's the honest truth. I am not a whore. And I never was.
Finn closed his eyes and hung his head in his hands in despair.
'Excuse me?' I repeated. It seemed to be all I could say.
'My dad isn't home.' He replied. They say that most middle school kids acting like high school kids were girls. But they were wrong. A prime example of a seventh grade high school wannabe was Dave Karofsky. And he was a guy.
'I can't. My dads need me to stay home to look after my little cousin.' Yes, Dave, if you haven't figured it out yet, that was a lie. I don't have any cousins. Well, at least, that I know of. Maybe they'll end up coming to my funeral.
It was a sick joke. Finn thought it was probably one of the worst ones he had ever heard. And that said a lot, as he had heard some pretty bad ones.
'Bummer.' You said.
'Just text me the problem you're having trouble with.' I told you.
'I already figured it out.' I rolled my eyes and closed my phone. Part of me knows now that you never really had a problem. You wanted me to come over to get into my pants. But you learned the hard way, Dave, that Rachel Berry isn't that easy to get a hold of. We didn't text again that night, and I didn't miss my reruns.
The next day of school, you were all over me. Don't even try to lie about it; you made it quite obvious. Shall we start from the beginning? I walked in and found you waiting at my locker with that same uncertain smile on your face. I remember stopping midstep before gathering my courage and lifting my head, walking over to my locker and pretending I didn't see you. I opened the door, grabbed my books, and closed it, starting to walk away. But, Dave, you never gave up. And I praise you for that; you fought for what you wanted. And you fought hard. It may be a bit late saying this now, but you were the inspiration for my sudden change in personality. I wanted to be as dedicated to what I wanted as you were. Which is why I fought so hard to become a star.
There was a long pause. Finn wondered if maybe the CD was done, but he heard Rachel's voice again. It came out as a soft whisper.
It was why I fought so hard for you, Finn.
Those words hurt so much. She had fought for him, and when she finally won, he took her down and tossed her aside. Because she had made a mistake. He made several mistakes and she always forgave him.
But your CD comes later, baby. It's Karofsky's turn now, and his story is still unfinished.
So I continued down the hallway, and you followed me, Dave. You followed me at a slow jog, making sure I wouldn't leave your eyesight. And then…you grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. I saw the hurt in your eyes, and I will admit now, I was guilty. I was pushing you aside.
"What's up?" He asked me. And I knew he didn't mean in the 'what are you doing tonight?' sort of way. He meant it in the 'why the cold shoulder?' sort of way. I sighed and said five simple words to you. I understand now that those five simple words must have hurt you, Dave. I thought that you had overreacted, but it wasn't an overreaction.
"I'm not interested in you." I said simply, flipping my hair behind my shoulder. I saw your face, Dave. Though you would never admit it, you were hurt. You were upset. I was your first real crush, and I had rejected you. The look of hurt soon vanished and your face instead contorted into one of rage.
"Yeah, well, I was never interested in you." You dramatically turned away and stormed down the hallway, pushing Kurt into the lockers on your way out of the school. I'm sorry, Kurt, but I think that's how the daily bullying began. I never knew he would take his anger to that level.
Even though Mr. Robin repeatedly threatened you with referrals that would eventually lead to expulsion, you refused to sit with me. Remember that, Dave? And I was stuck sitting alone.
Seventh grade came and went, and eighth grade flew by even faster. Then came high school. Over the summer, I decided that I would spend the rest of my high school career focused on becoming a star. I was motivated, dedicated, and ready.
The first video I posted was on the fourth day of school. I was singing Leona Lewis's 'I Will Be'. Only moments after I posted, I received my first comment. It was from none other then the star of our magnificent little story, Dave Karofsky. And you know what that comment said?
Finn knew what it said. He remembered the Cheerios giggling about it in the halls the next day. Even then, not knowing Karofsky very well, Finn thought that only an ass would have left a comment like that. And he wanted to punch him for doing that to her.
I'm sure you remember, Dave. For your sake, I won't repeat it. I think I've revealed enough about you.
And that, my friends, is the story of Dave Karofsky. Of course, I hadn't even considered suicide at this time. No, I was still happy and optimistic. But two days ago, before I finally made my decision, you and Azimo cruelly and brutally slushied me. I was humiliated. I don't mean to make you feel guilty, hun, but at that moment, as I listened to nearly all of the student body laugh and point at me, I made my choice.
And that brings us to the end of this CD. If you're Dave, you don't have to listen to anymore of the CDs if you don't want to. If you haven't heard your part yet, I encourage you to keep listening.
Ta-ta for now.
The CD stopped spinning in the player, and Finn knew it had ended. With sweaty hands, he carefully opened the lid. He grabbed the CD and carefully placed it back in its case. Then he placed it in the shoebox and grabbed the second case. He missed Rachel. He wished he had been there sooner. He wished he could turn back time and stop these events from happening.
He didn't care how much trouble he would get in. He would make sure to punch Karofsky tomorrow at school.
And the first CD comes to an end. What did you think? Who knew Rachel and Karofsky had such history? I thought that would be an interesting story to tell. And it was perfect in Rachel's situation, in my opinion. So here are three options for the next story to be told. You tell me which one I should do next. Your three options are Tina, Mr. Schuester, and Puck. Before you all start making assumptions, I will warn you now that I won't end this story with a cliché and make Finn's story come last. His will be somewhere in the middle. And it won't be all rainbows and unicorns, either. I will tell you this, though: the last CD will be Emma Pillsbury's CD. You'll see why later on…anyways, please like my Facebook fanpage! Read my other stories! And review! One last thing: those of you who are a fan of my story 'In the End, It's Right', expect an update by Tuesday at the latest!
