Author's note:

Even writing this makes me sad.

BLOOD MOON RISING - Ch. 2

I should be on my way to work, but I can't move. I'm staring at the picture of me and Walt outside that motel room in Arizona. The happiest I'd ever been, according to Sean…

I'm lying in my bed. Not technically even my own bed. It's the bed in Cady's spare room and I guess it's my own fault I ended up here, but I never saw this coming. I never saw any of this coming…

One minute, I'm on my way to Walt's. He hadn't been home when I'd called him, so I'd left a message, but then I'd thought, what the hell? – he's probably just outside, doing chores or taking care of Horse, so I'd hopped in my truck. I'd stopped at the liquor store, bought a six-pack of Rainier and headed out to his place.

Giddy as a schoolgirl, nervous as a pronghorn in hunting season, but foolishly somewhat proud of myself for being the one to make the first move. I mean, he asked me to stay. In the end and through it all, he'd wanted me to stay and so I had.

No more Sean to worry about. No more ghost of Martha flitting around the place. I was free and so was Walt, so why the hell not?

God, I worked with the man every day and yet it felt like I was going to see him for the first time. I guess knowing and more importantly, acknowledging that I was in love with him changed everything!

How brightly the sun had shone that day, how sweet the air had been. How wonderful it was to feel in love for the first time in a very long time…maybe for the first time, ever!

I pictured meeting him as I pulled up. Maybe he was chopping wood on this fine day, in a t-shirt or even bare-chested. God, would I be able to handle that? Phew, maybe not!

Okay, go with the t-shirt. Watch his muscles bunch and flow beneath the soft cotton. Watch him straighten up and wipe his brow as he sees me pull up. See that wonderful smile of his as I get out of the truck bearing ice cold beer. I'd be like an angel sent from Rainier heaven to him!

Of course , I wanted to be so much more to him and that's why I'd headed out to his place that sunny, beautiful day, dressed up a bit, shirt provocatively unbuttoned just to the point of barely decent, but hey, it was about time I showed him what lay underneath that damn uniform of mine!

I knew he'd be happy to see me showing up at his place, unexpected. We'd shared so much, had gotten so close. Both of us had survived, made it through Chance Gilbert, David Ridges and even Branch. All the dark times were behind us. The only lingering cloud was Jacob Nighthorse…and we'd get him. Together, Walt and I would bring that bastard down, Martha would finally rest in peace and Walt and I could get on with getting on….

Maybe I should've waited until Nighthorse was behind us, too….but I just couldn't. I'd waited long enough. I wanted to get on with me and Walt. I wanted to know what it was like to kiss him, to have him kiss me. I already knew what it felt like to be in his arms and even in my shock and confusion back there in the hospital with him, I'd still felt the heat of his bare chest against my face while he held me and I cried.

His arms so strong and tight around me, holding me, keeping me safe and I'd felt and heard the beating of his heart and up until that point, I wasn't sure if we'd survived Chance Gilbert, but his heartbeat, his closeness, his arms around me, assured me that we had…

The plain and simple truth that day as I headed towards his place was that I wanted him! I wanted his arms around me again and this time, there'd be no tears. Only the heat of his body against mine. The sound of his heart, beating faster as I ran my hands up his chest. I'd stand on my tiptoe, take that oh, so handsome face of his in my hands, inviting him to bend down just a bit so that at long, sweet last, our lips would meet, and then…

I was thinking those thoughts as I bounded up the stairs to his front door. He hadn't been outside, chopping wood, which had been a shame, but not the end of my fantasy. I could adapt.

What I hadn't expected when the door opened, was to find Henry standing there, that quirky little smile of his greeting me. He'd never been a part of any fantasy I'd had concerning Walt. He was the last thing I expected to see that fine day and his presence was like a bucket of cold water thrown right in my face.

Ahhh, shit!

"Did I miss something while I was in jail?" he'd asked, sounding and looking all innocent, as only Henry could.

I'd hid the beer behind my back.

Didn't know why, but it had seemed the thing to do. Unfortunately, that hasty action of mine had only enhanced the openness of my shirt and I'd known Henry had taken note of that. I was left stumbling and stammering my way through a lame explanation that I'd just happened to stop by to see Walt only to be told by Henry that Walt wasn't home.

Why oh why hadn't I noticed that his truck wasn't around? Because, I'd been blind to everything except the fantasy of finally getting him alone, away from the office, away from anything and anyone that might just keep us apart…

…and I'd really hated Henry at that moment.

His opening that door had killed my fantasy and it all went downhill from there. A few days later, finding Branch dead in the river marked the death of anything that might have been between Walt and I.

It marked the death of EVERYTHING…

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