Chapter 2
The following days were really busy and a lot less pleasant than the evening at Tonks' flat. There was one emergency session followed by another in the Auror office and in the headquarters of the Phoenix Order.
The Aurors intensified the tracing of death eaters and accomplished the search for possible traitors with paranoid zeal. Meanwhile, the order focused on finding the remaining three horcruxes.
McGonagall was testing all items in Hogwarts which had already been there 50 years ago, hoping that Voldemort had hidden at least one of the Horcruxes there. Other order members were searching in antiques stores for traces of items which had belonged to the founders of Hogwarts. The remaining members watched the Death Eaters who were still living their normal lives, because nobody had been able to prove yet that they were assisting Voldemort.
Tonks and Lupin barely saw each other during these days. They didn't have the opportunity to speak more than a few sentences to each other until the day of Dumbledore's' funeral. Lupin had picked her up in the morning so that they could pay their last respects to Dumbledore together.
After the ceremony Remus took Tonks aside. "Are you alright?" He asked thoughtfully. "You look a little tired."
"I'm fine," she answered, smiling at his concern. "I just had a busy week with both the work at the office and at the order. There wasn't a lot of time to relax. But I have a free evening tonight. Would you like to come over?" Tonks invited him.
"I would love to, but I don't think that I'll make it. I have the shift at the headquarters tonight.
Someone has to be there in case one of the members has important news or needs help. Kingsley will replace me as soon as he can leave the office, but in these days you can never say how late it will get. And I have the early shift tomorrow, so I have to stop by at the Shrieking Shack to prepare everything for tomorrow night when Kingsley comes. I have to see if the locks are still in good shape and everything."
"Oh Remus, I completely forgot that there is a full moon tomorrow. I'm sorry."
"It's alright Dora. You have enough to think about right now," he said and gave her a gentle kiss.
It was already evening when Kingsley came to replace Remus and he could leave to prepare the Shrieking Shack. The hut was in a terrible state. Lupin had to replace all locks and some rotten boards. When he had nailed the last window it was already past 11 pm. After this hard week she probably is asleep already, Lupin thought. He was missing her and the memory of her lips on his was haunting him. It couldn't hurt to stop by at her apartment to see if she was awake, could it?
Tonks was exhausted but to agitated to sleep. So she was reading a book at her couch, wearing a thin summer night gown. She was really surprised to hear a knock at the door. Who would visit her that late? Tonks thought about putting some proper clothes on, but then decided against it. Maybe it was someone of the order or the ministry and it was about an emergency. In that case, whoever it was would not care about the way she was dressed. And if whoever was out there didn't have a good reason to disturb her she didn't care what this impertinent person thought about her outfit.
Remus knew it had been a mistake to come over as soon as Tonks opened the door. She was wearing nothing but a thin night gown which hid just enough of her body to make Remus' imagination run wild.
Maybe it was because he was too exhausted to control himself, or maybe it was the nearing full moon which caused his animalistic instincts to take over, or maybe it was simply because a stunningly beautiful woman was standing half naked in front of him. Whatever the reason was: Remus Lupin had never found it harder to control himself. Pull yourself together, Remus, he told himself. This was Nymphadora Tonks, the woman of his dreams and she deserved better than being ravished by him in a moment of passion.
"Remus!" Tonks exclaimed. Her joyous smile made her lovely face even more beautiful. "I thought you couldn't come today."
"Yeah... I just got ready with the Shrieking Shack and I thought I could come over. You know... Seeing if you were still awake. And I saw light, so... But I see that you got ready for bed already, so... ." Lupin found it hard to form a coherent sentence and even harder to keep his eyes strictly on Tonks' face.
"No! I can't sleep anyways. Why don't you come in? We could drink a glass of wine or something."
Remus noticed the hopeful expression in her eyes. She would be terribly disappointed if he left now.
"Sounds great," Lupin answered and managed a smile.
Tonks grinned widely. "Great," she said.
Merlin, that expression on her face is making me crazy. Lupininstantly wondered how she looked in the heat of passion.
The young witch laid her arms around Lupin's' neck and gently pulled him in a kiss.
Her lips met his and he could feel her perfect breasts pressed against his chest. Lupin wasn't able to control himself only a minute longer. He kissed Tonks with a passion that left her incapable of action for a moment.
Tonks gasped surprised when Remus started to caress her breasts through the night gown. Before she was able to fully process what was happening, his hands had travelled beneath her night gown and were stroking the quickly hardening peaks of her breasts. Tonks moaned his name and let her hands wander to her lover's hair before she frantically started to undress him.
Lupin was still half clothed when he took the young woman in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. When he let her down she gave him a shy smile and slowly lifted her night gown. Remus took a moment to admire the sight in front of him. "Merlin, you're beautiful!" He sighed and walked over to the beautiful nymph to take her in his arms for another passionate kiss.
Remus only let go of Tonks long enough to remove the
rest of his clothes. He smiled in anticipation and then gently pushed
his young lover onto the bed. Tonks sighed blissfully when Remus
began to leave a trail of kisses all over her body. Lupin could
smell her arousal and the scent made him want his mate even more.
He
took his lover's scent in with his superior senses and knew he
would go crazy if he couldn't have her right now.
Remus gave Tonks another breathtaking kiss and positioned himself above her. Before she could fully process the spiraling sensation of his erection pressed against her entrance, Tonks felt Remus enter her. The pleasant feeling was suddenly replaced by a short, but sharp pain that made her gasp. Lupin felt the woman he loved tense beneath him. The pain he saw in her face and the knowledge that he had caused it broke his heart.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and started to pull out of her.
"It's alright. I'm fine. You don't need to stop." Tonks tried to smile.
"You're in pain, love," Remus said ruefully, lying down next to Tonks and stroking her hair. "I don't want to hurt you further. I'm so incredible sorry. I didn't know... If I had known... . Can I do anything for you? Do you want me to run you a hot bath or something?"
This time her smile was real. "Remus, it's alright, really. It wasn't that bad. It's me who should be sorry. I wanted to be with you, to make love to you. I wanted to make you happy and now I ruined everything."
Lupin looked Tonks in the eyes, gently stroking her cheek. "There is nothing you have to be sorry about, Dora."
He gave Tonks a sad half smile and pulled her in his arms. Remus caressed her and murmured endearments until she fell asleep in his arms. Remus Lupin on the other hand wasn't able to find any sleep that night.
When Tonks awoke late the next morning, she found the other side of the bed empty and a note lying on the nightstand.
My dearest Dora,
I'm
sorry that you have to wake up alone. Remember, I have the early
shift at the headquarters and after that I have to settle in at the
Shrieking Shack. Dora, I'm incredibly sorry for the way I
acted last night. I wished I could tell you that it was because of
the pressure we're under right now, that it won't happen again and
that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But the
truth is: I can't give you such a promise. Last night, my
wolfish nature took over and I hurt the person I love most on earth.
And it might happen again, when a cumbering situation and the wrong
phase of the moon are brought into contact. I'm not always
the friendly and caring man you fell in love with. A part of me is a
beast and I don't want that beast to be able to hurt you again.
Please understand that I can't risk to put you in danger again. I
love you, Dora. I always have and I always will.
Remus
