Baby Steps

shika hiiragizawa

Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband, Eriol Hiiragizawa, cheating on her, were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through, not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT.

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Shika: Hey ya'll! I decided to post Chapter I on the same day, since I'm not quite busy today, and my fingers are itching to continue this story! I've also changed the summary and the title, because I just thought of some stuff. Alright, alright, since I've updated twice, may I receive the honor of hearing, I mean, reading your lovely comments?

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Chapter I: Embryo

Sakura said she had long, straight red hair that reached her waist. She even remarked that her aura was the opposite of Tomoyo's – whose dark locks, soft, amethyst eyes, and pale, slender figure, made her have an air of softness around her. Her dainty etiquette added to her ethereal, otherworldly beauty. The other woman's existence, on the other hand, screamed blood-red fire, which was barely hidden by her supposedly "sophisticated" gait. Sakura found it hard to believe that a woman who had the tendency to be a mewling tigress could pounce at Eriol with fangs bared, and make him fall for her.

Touya said that her eyes were a piercing crimson, which added to Sakura's "fiery" description. She might look calm and collected at first glance, even with her flaming hair, but the moment one looked at her smoldering eyes, one would wish he would be swallowed by the Earth. She was a different, scarier kind of temptress, he even added while scratching his head apologetically.

Yukito said that when she smiled, the people around her stared and gaped at her, but would not come any closer because she looked like she could burn someone into ashes. In essence, her personality was very, very intimidating. Since Eriol had somewhat a dominant personality, Yukito noted that maybe he was attracted to her because he wanted to tame the very fire she possessed.

Even after three weeks of living alone, Tomoyo could not shake off everything they said, even if they practically begged her to forget Eriol and the… the woman. She didn't even know her name, and yet she wanted to slap her. No, kill her. She didn't want to admit that their descriptions actually scared her a bit, because Tomoyo was a woman who was soft and beautiful and sheltered. She was not used to dealing with people who likened to spitfire because she didn't need to.

Tomoyo was the type of woman whom Eriol wanted because he wanted, no, needed, to have the upper hand in everything. Now he was gone, and whatever shelter she had gotten from his protectiveness was lost in the wind. Whatever strength she had depended on him to give to her was gone. And she had to gain her strength her own way, by her own hands. Moving out was only the first step.

However, her first three weeks were truly hell, yet she had forgiven herself for doing nothing. After moving in to an apartment in another town, she spent her days in bed, crying her eyes out. She barely ate, barely slept, or barely moved from her fetal position. She had forgotten the days of the week, and was thankful her company gave her a long leave of two months, even without asking for any reason. She needed the time.

In order to stand up again, she knew she had to release 7 years worth of feelings. She knew she wasn't the strongest woman on Earth, but she knew she could not deny her feelings; rather, she should accept them first before dealing with them.

What had hurt her most was the fact that she never heard anything from him after she left. He never texted her, called her, or made any move to contact her. She had always strained her ears for the sound of footsteps, thinking it was him bounding towards her door. Her heart leapt at the whistle of the wind because she thought it was his voice calling out for her. But there was nothing. Nada.

It was as if he had accepted her decision wholeheartedly and was even happy about it.

Happy? Tomoyo had forgotten what it felt like. She felt like she was stuck in some dark abyss and she could not claw her way out of her pit of grief. It was worse than someone dying, because you can still talk to the person to fix everything, but no matter how much you want to put together the broken pieces, you can't. If someone died, at least you'd have no choice but to move on. Or maybe that was a really bad analogy. She wouldn't really prefer Eriol's death over this mess. But heck, she was already having a bad morning, so what the hell? She let her logic slide.

That particular morning (Tomoyo didn't know what day, she barely cared), she heard someone knock softly on her door. Her head suddenly shot up from the bed, and she froze.

What do I do if it's Eriol? She thought, her eyes watering again. What do I tell him? What do I –

The knocking continued, and she felt her palms grow slick with sweat. Her heart, which she thought was dead already, seemed to hammer inside her chest like the person outside brought it some new blood. True enough, Eriol could be likened to her blood, because he bought her life, though it seemed like another bad analogy. She told herself to let it slide again.

Eriol… the tears couldn't stop now. Did you come for me?

"It's me, Sakura."

She buried her face into her already wet pillow, feeling the soggy cotton press against her tear-stained cheek. Of course it's Sakura! He would never come barging in! He didn't even care where she was.

"I'm coming in, Tomoyo," she heard her open the door and close it gently.

How the hell did she –

"Thank God you gave me the spare key, Tomoyo. You're a mess." Tomoyo didn't look even look up as she heard Sakura's footsteps getting nearer. She didn't even wince when she felt Sakura peel the blanket off her sweaty body.

"I know you're awake. I swear, Tomoyo, if you don't eat, you'll…"

Oh yeah, now I remember, Tomoyo thought as she tuned out Sakura from her thoughts. Sakura always comes here every day. How could I forget?

She always came everyday to try and persuade her to do something or to eat something. Sometimes she was just was just there beside her as she cried her heart out. Sometimes, her other friends came, but they were silent and careful about discussing the topics around her, taking care not to mention anything about… well, him. Oh, for the love of God, could she stop thinking about him?

"Please, Tomoyo, just this once, please?"

But she did not know any emotion anymore. She barely knew what it felt like to be hungry. All she felt was darkness and the urge to…

"Tomoyo? Tomoyo, where are you going?"

She remembered eating some biscuits at about dawn, not because of hunger, but because of her hyper acidity which, to her utter dismay, was acting up again. She had to eat about three packs of plain crackers before the painful scratching in her stomach faded away. Unfortunately for her, the crackers that saved her went down the toilet bowl. Before she could even register what was happening, she vomited again, and tasted something sour on her tongue. Her throat was burning.

"Tomoyo, Tomoyo!"

Her knees buckled and she sank onto the white bathroom tiles, clutching her stomach. That was when she noticed a pile of napkins neatly stocked on the small shelf beside her. She took one and stared at it. How long was it since her last…?

"What day is it today?" she croaked, feeling her parched mouth as she uttered her first sentence ever since she left.

"It's the 24th," Sakura replied, kneeling beside. "Why?" She suddenly noticed what she was holding. "Are you?"

"I'm delayed."

Thank God Sakura was there for her, for she could have had curled up on the bathroom tiles and let herself die. Sakura heaved her up and tucked her into bed in a new, drier blanket, promising to be back after a few minutes to buy some food, mumbling something about pregnancy tests as she left. True to her word, she came back soon enough with a huge gallon of water and a plastic bag filled with some roast beef, crackers, and yes, a pregnancy test packet.

Sakura had to coax Tomoyo, who was practically boring a hole through the wall, to actually eat. She forced her to drink almost half a gallon of water. It was easier to make her drink up, since something stirred inside Tomoyo as she saw the packet staring at her from across the table. A few minutes later, she headed to the bathroom, clutching the said object with trembling hands.

True enough, the plus sign stared at her.

Tomoyo gasped in shock as she tumbled out of the bathroom, hardly believing what she saw. Sakura looked like she wanted to jump for joy, but she masked it with a look of concern. She wanted to know how her best friend felt about it first.

"E-eriol…" Tomoyo gasped as new tears tricked down her cheeks, but they were not caused by depression or by hurt or by pain. They were caused by genuine happiness.

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Shika: I know it's short, but I didn't want to dwell too much on the drama. The story is about Tomoyo's inner journey, after all - with inner meaning her heart and her womb. Thank you for reading and I appreciate your golden views and comments!