Homura's Seven Weeks of Hell


Yeah, wrote this before I uploaded the fic.

I wanted to make sure I look promising here and give good stuff, not bad stuff after the promising stuff.

Hopefully.

I'm at the brink of being run out of FF by an angry mob of yuri lovers.

STORY IS NOW.


Homura knew the usual routine after resetting a loop. She buys clothes, forges paperwork, enrolls herself, groceries, etc. Now things were different, a new wildcard played in her quest to save Madoka.

When she meant wildcard, she wasn't exaggerating.

This 'magical boy' otherwise known as a Puerum Magi was more powerful than her by so many levels to the point it was ridiculous. He also has this nerd faze on him, obsessing over various fandoms of all things ever in pop culture.

She wanted to shoot herself (as Yuuta referred, she will shot herself one day or not) so badly. Even when she first started out and meeting Madoka for the first time, she would be annoyed.

Also pokes fun at Madoka's, her's, Sayaka's, Kyoko's and Mami's sexuality a bit too much.

She couldn't say he was wrong though...


Day 1


"Yuuta, I will get-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Homura in a moment of weakness, screamed and covered her eyes, seeing Yuuta doing...something boys should do alone.

"I'm watching porn, what are you talking about, Homura?" Homura frowned underneath her eye covering, as Japanese, it was a bit taboo for a person you barely know call you by your first name also.

"Why are you watching p-porn here?" She finally asked.

"Well, your entire home is a huge white room like every anime ever, everyone's white. The place is a clock also, how can you even refurbish your entire apartment like this?" He closed the computer, "I mean, how do you even sleep in bed?"

"I hunt for witches at night. I don't sleep." Homura stated cooly and to her surprise, Yuuta laughed at that.

"Oh that's rich...HAHAHAHAHA!" He began laughing hysterically, "I can create enough of those seeds to last a lifetime, more than two if I want. Grief Seeds and any seed I mean."

He surprised Homura yet again (at this rate, she's gonna lose her mind) by holding a sack of presumed usable Grief Seeds, "I mean, really. These things are easy to replicate." He took out another sack, "A sack of pure cash also just in case."

He plopped the two sacks onto the table and Homura blinked, "Still, I'm willing to kill a witch and just give Kyoko the goddamn seeds."

"Well, Yuuta..." Homura's eye twitched when she called him by his name, "Kyubey gave me also subsequently gave me the ability to give myself 'charm'?"

Homura blinked, sure he as Kamijo level of handsome and was a bit shorter than most boys, even shorter than Hitomi but, there wasn't much to his looks than that, "I made sure that my handsome levels don't cause the world to try sexually molesting me."

"Is that so?" Homura didn't even bother concealing skepticism, "You sound as if you're full of it."

"I am, maybe not." Yuuta shrugged, "I'm a good-ish man." Suddenly what spawned in front of him were a pair of glasses and Morning Rescue, he out the shades on and drank down the energy drink, "Swag."

Homura groaned, not sure she'll last the week.


Day 2


"Yuuta, I'm back-" She paused when she looked around her apartment, she immediately turned into her magical girl outfit before summoning a pistol, "Where are you?"

"Here!" He sat on the couch, "Like it? Your residence now looks like an actual house!" The entire place around her wasn't a clock-like design anymore but more a western apartment. There was a couch, television, desk, kitchen, everything you would fine in a middle class person's home.

Homura was pissed off.

"Why did you do this to my house?" Homura aimed the gun at him, Yuuta flinching.

"Woah! Woman, I am a man of good taste, clock houses are last season's fashion." He told her with sincerity, "Look, PS3. Wanna play some Black Ops?"

Homura sighed, expelling her magical outfit, "Why am I even bothering to be made at you?" She went down and sat next to him, "Kyubey, why the hell are you here?" She stared at the incubator with disgust.

"Akemi Homura." Kyubey spoke at them through telepathy, "Yuuta, I never suspected you to be with the anomaly."

"Trust me Kyubey. You left me in Syria the last time we met and I got shot by a child then I tripped on a mine." He then smiled, "Ya sneaky bastard." Homura can hear in her head even Kyubey laugh. Yuuta was either simple or complex as fuck.

"Well, my invitation across, twelve galaxies were heard, the Daleks, Devilukes, even Vilgax heard me." Kyubey began sweating profusely, "Wanna see them?"

Homura shot the poor bastard.

"Aw c'mon!" Yuuta glared at her with the pistol, "I wanted to scare him, I'm not stupid enough to call both the Daleks and Vilgax!" Kyubey appeared next to him, "Sorry, she's edgy."

"Well, that's a truth." Kyubey said to him, "Not even I can predict, right, Homura." The Puella Magi glared at the incubator and growled, "I'll take she doesn't like me. Care to tell me why?"

"Not saying." Yuuta zipped his mouth shut, "If you're hungry though, eat your body over there." He pointed at the corpse of his other body, "He's tasting."

Kyubey said no word and began devouring his other body, "So, Yuuta. What are we doing?" Kyubey asked while eating, Yuuta helped himself to some Kyubey corpse much to Homura's shock.

"Gonna watch the first ten minutes of up." For the first time ever, Kyubey had tears streaming down his blank face, "So you watched it." Kyubey nodded and the two ate some of the corpse.

Time to give Homura a feels trip!


Day 3


Homura got depressed after watching Up, enough to send her to bed (they warned her) and Kyubey left to do some Mahou Shoujo hunting after everyone he and Homura in a random moment grieved after watching the movie except Yuuta who enjoyed their suffering even if he was crying unconsciously.

But still holy shit that was a sad movie.

"Eh..." She tried napping some more, "Madoka, don't wake me up." She slapped the hand away from before being woken up by a chuckle, "Oh no."

"Yup, I'm here." She looked up to see Yuuta staring at her, "I mean, it's creepy for me to be here but still." Homura was currently tempted to throw a pillow and smother him with it.

"Why are you in my room. Pervert." Homura looked at him dead in the eye with a cold expression.

"Pervert?!" He looked offended, "Oh no! I'm a pervert if XMinerCobra demands it!"

"Who?"

"The man up there!" He pointed at the ceiling, "The guy who likes dissing people off with sex jokes, fun female characters and sad as fuck endings."

"So...you're blaming God?"

"No! Just...I'll explain everything later." He stretched his arms, "I bet you wanna make love to Madoka so badly." Homura blushed at the statement in denial.

"N-No!" She had this tsundere like posture which made Yuuta laugh even more, "I do not have feelings for Kaname Madoka." Yuuta laughed even harder at her denial.

"Y-Yeah right. Madoka basically made a harem anyway, you'll be loved the most." He wiped the tears of laughter off his face, "Anyway, I brought another guest."

"Who?"

"DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!" A robot or android came marching into the room with Homura's shock escalating again, "SURRENDER AND YOU WOULD NOT PERISH." It spoke in a robotic tone.

"What. Is. That." Homura pointed at the robot, turning into her magical girl outfit, not aiming a gun, knowing she may not stand a chance.

"A Cyberman. I tried replacing his brain with a dog's last night and now I had to hide behind the couch all night." Yuuta took out Ea, "I can dissipate him but that's too easy." He went towards the robot and stabbed him with the sword directly in the chest. The supposed Cyberman dropped dead on it almost instantly.

"Wait a minute." He began pulling out the sword, making the Cyberman fall onto the floor with a gapping hole in his chest, "Most reliable weapon ever!" He threw the sword to Homura who caught it, "Trust me, I can give you ANY weapon ever."

Homura stared at Ea, it was...alien, nonsensical, a weapon not even she felt right, "What does Ea do?"

"Supposedly, it can break down barriers in the universe, rip pocket dimensions apart and if I say a few words, it looks like Mitakihara was hit by a nuclear bomb in WWII more than a Walpurgisnacht." The weapon disintegrated on Homura's lap, "I never trust anyone with such a deadly weapon."

"Is that so?" Homura deadpanned, his sentence being hypocritical since the boy was technically a weapon of pure hell in a nutshell (oh, it rhymes).

"Just go back to sleep." Yuuta told her before walking out of the room.


Day 4


Homura was always a reasonable girl unlike Mami who would shoot a redhead dead.

But this was too ridiculous.

"I HAVE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE AND AMAZING." Yuuta screamed, Homura rushed into the living room to see it was normal, "DO YOU SEE IT?!"

"What?" Yuuta grabbed her and made her look at the TV, "I MADE HISTORY." Homura saw it was the news and wondered what did Yuuta do that was so terrible?

"And today we have news on Tokyo. *toot*." Homura had her jaw drop, while the news anchor was talking, every sentence had a fart noise in the end. Her head turned to him slowly in rage.

"What did you do?"

"Something great." Homura responded by punching him in the face, "Ow. Holy mother of meduka is Gen suffering. That hurt." He rubbed his face as Homura felt like the world's hottest (by both appearance and attitude) volcano. Even though she was a cold ass in the previous timelines, she can be brought to a breaking point.

"Why would you do that?!" Homura yelled at him, enraged, while closing the TV, "I mean, may have traced them back here after your little hack!" Yuuta fanned her face, seeing steam come out of her ears.

"Sheesh, now I know why the fans call you emotionally abusive." Yuuta remarked, "I'm a master of all things Homura, I made sure that nobody would find where the hack came from. I even planted where they're gonna trace the hack."

"Where did you place it?"

"Well, I kinda left it in the parking lot, police will find a bottle of...my essence." Homura immediately puked, "See, most people puke when I mention my essence, handsome levels go below zero after mentioning it."

She seriously wanted to shoot his Soul Gem to bits currently. But she needs him alive for Madoka.

For her.


Day 5


"Homura.' Yuuta spoke with her for the first time seriously while she sat on the couch, "I summoned a few people to ally you if you are not capable. My appearance triggers you cannot predict. Here are your team."

A group of people came out of the hallway and Homura raised an eyebrow.

"Everybody get down." A man wearing shades introduced himself, "PUT THE COOKIE DOWN! PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!" Homura put down the cookie she was eating.

"People die if they are killed." A teenager in red hair told her.

"No shit." Homura replied much to the boy's surprise and offense.

"Y-You've found me!" The white haired girl in a white dress said with tears.

"Yes, I seem to have." Homura turned to Yuuta, "Why do you think I can't rely on myself!" She turned into her Puella Magi outfit and made everyone jump back when she aimed a rocket launcher at them.

"YOU CRAZY!" Yuuta exclaimed, "Put the rocket down please." He made the three in front her evaporate, "Geez, they wanted to help."

"I can help myself, thank you." Homura stood up and poked at his chest with an expressionless face, "I am perfectly capable of-"

"CLANNAD: AFTER STORY!" He suddenly took out an IPood™ and showed her the feels, "FEELS. TASTE THEM!"

"Oh boy-" The house flooded momentarily.


Day 6


Homura today was nervous. In two days she would be forced to enroll him into Mitakihara Middle School. He already had the uniform and he did his own paperwork to get in (his IQ was surprisingly over 9000, seriously, it was incalculable IQ) and he was excited.

Not her, holy shit, she wasn't prepared for anything involving him.

Yuuta, who she just realized had no knowledge of any backstory was unpredictable, the only thing that was predictable was the knowledge how random he was. His power seemed to have reached beyond the skies and hers is an ant!

Now that's saying something.

She wondered if Madoka ever wished to be a goddess, she still thought Yuuta can beat her, heck, if Homura became a devil for some reason that would like affect everything and everyone, she would still be unable to beat him.

Why did she just think that?

Yuuta had some profound effect on her. She was more expressive than she ever felt in many timelines and that his existence entirely alienated her. She even felt Kyubey have some sort of fear of him.

For god's sake, he can alter people's perception of his sexiness! She thinks he altered his higher because she found him a tad bit handsomer.

But she didn't feel attracted to him though.

But she wondered what was his drive? She doesn't know why he never have one simple need for a Grief Seed, she questioned what is in his head. What was his life before that made Kyubey go to him.

"Homura! Stop being deep in your thoughts!" Homura woke from her trance, "You dreaming of making Madoka moan in bed and something that Gen would never do because he loves tragedy?"

"Look, I'm as straight as Kyoko's spear." Homura assured him.

"Kyoko's spear can bend." Homura responded again by kicking his scrotum, "OW...OW!"

Homura proceeded to fulfill her personal enjoyment by beating his baby maker again...again...oh gawd, blood everywhere.


Day 7


Homura was overall displeased. Tomorrow is school and she found out Yuuta wrote his first name at the forgery paperwork, he would literally be called Yuuta, that's it. Nothing suspicious about it, just Yuuta.

JUST FUCKING YUUTA.

"Why, I could have written you as my distant relative?" Homura questioned his logic, currently he wore his own underwear on his head, "Would it be suspicious if the school found out there is this student with only a single name?"

"We Japanese folk are complicated. Yuuta isn't even my real name." With that, Homura's eyes twitched.

"What?"

"Japanese folk are complicated?"

"No, the other one."

"Yuuta ain't my new name-" He was suddenly grabbed by his fancy Puerum Magi suit and pinned to the wall by the ravenette, "Oh foreplay!"

"Why in the world, would you call yourself Yuuta?"

"Hey, in this place, we all look the same. Not in a racist way. I've got many names." Yuuta began explaining, "I was stuffed a condom in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction, shot Bambi's mom. I was Hoodini at some point." Homura let go of him after seeing her attempts in interrogation failing.

"Then what is your real name?" She finally looked at him, confused more than ever than she ever been. That's saying a lot.

"Not saying." His face was now a target from a pistol, "Woah woman, I know your stability is not the best but jeez!" She finally let the gun down, "See Homura? Guns don't solve problems. Morning Rescue does!"

He handed her bottle of Morning Rescue but she pushed it away from her, "WHAT, WHO DENIES MORNING RESCUE?!" He screamed in horror and disbelief, "THE MOST ORANGE OF BEVERAGES."

"Okay, first off. Don't do crazy things at school." He shook his head, "Do not blurt out crazy things in school." He shook his head, "And do not shake your head every time you answer me." He shook his head.

"Sometimes you can't force nature to change itself." He spoke in an American accent, "Sometimes you gotta make nature wait it out-" He was kicked in the crotch, "You damaged it so much, my resistance levels on my groin increased."

"Just who are you?" Homura asked him in the most serious tone ever, "You are an anomaly, a pure anomaly that nobody can comprehend, not even the person who gave you your powers (Kyubey) is nervous around your presence."

"Well, nature itself considers me wrong!" He answered in the most unorthodox way that mankind is ashamed he was born human, "I can guess your brain is telling me that I'm too dangerous for my own good."

Homura was a bit silent, his logic didn't make sense but was the only explanation. She felt like his mind was in another plane of existence.

"A-Alright." She was honestly confused, the past week, her emotions juggled around by him, "You are aware you are a terrible person, right?"

"I know." He beamed at her, "But really, I won't bother you if you make love to Madoka, or Kyoko to an extent."

"I really wanna shoot your Soul Gem right now and end you." Homura stated, taking out a pistol.

"Okay, I'll shut up!" Yuuta exclaimed, walking away while adjusting his stupid tie, "Bah. Wonder why I colored it like this. Mami gets to look like a medieval prostitute and Madoka looks like a princess but I get to look like a sophisticated asshole."

He began muttering away as Homura was ready to shoot herself.

Not yet though.

"See, now let's watch Up again." Homura began bawling again, "Oh shit, triggered it."


Yuuta's Shelter-Ep 2

"I cried like a bitch in Up." Yuuta greeted the readers in sobs, "I'll pull myself together, we have a special guest today and it is..."

"XMINERCOBRA!" The undisclosed author came out of nowhere, "Hiya Yuuta."

"Hey." Yuuta sat next to him in the radiation free couch, "A lot of people ask, why the fuck you would make this if you knew yuri loves will run you outta this place?"

"Well, I wanna explore new deeps in FF. This fandom loves yuri so much to the point any mention of males would be illegal. I wanted a fic that doesn't offend the fanbase but still has a male character."

"Well, you're fucked!" Yuuta stood up and had a hat, "News says that yuri lovers found where you are."

"THEY FOUND ME?! CUT THE PROGRAM-OH GAWD, THEY'RE COMING IN! FACK!"


HEY GUYS!

Yuuta is especially random, a bit of a pervert also but it is in his nature. Also if you think Homura is going tsundere on him, who wouldn't? Remember, no romance but I would tease you guys once in awhile.

Review! Yuuta will get Arnold, Shirou and Menma to get you ass if ya don't.

STAY TUNED.