Should Have
Summary: What Gwen sees in her child isn't only the genetic inheritance from his parents.
Author's Notes: I couldn't remember what gender Gwen and Rhys' child was, so I assumed he was a he. Extremely short for my taste. ):
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before the song dies
I should tell you, I should tell you
I have always loved you
—Your Eyes from Rent, the Musical
As she holds her baby in her arms, she sees in him her husband—the sole purpose of her living; the love of her life. She sees the great love and affection he had only given to her in spite of what she has done behind his back. She sees the permanent bond between them that can never be broken come what may, be it natural disaster, family reunions and alien invasions (though she may not be responsible for that last bit no more.) She, in total, sees the ending and the beginning: the ending of all sorrows and hurt, and the beginning of their lives as family.
But as her child grew older, she had begun to see something else. Something she wasn't meant to see; wasn't supposed to see.
In her child, she sees Tosh. Whenever he sits quietly on the table; whenever he focuses on his work; whenever he comes home from school with a stamp on his hand saying "I'm a star!" because he had answered the teacher's question. And she smiles at him and tells him how beautiful he is because she should have done the same to her when she still had the chance.
In her child, she sees Owen. Whenever he grimaces when she gives him a small peck on the cheek before letting him out the car; whenever he's too stubborn that it makes her so mad; whenever he's so desperate to have her attention because he had just drawn a family portrait both tad and mam were too busy to look at. And she kisses his cheek and tells him how great he is because she should have done the same to him when she still had the chance.
In her child, she sees Ianto. Whenever he helps her by volunteering to do chores; whenever he knows exactly what to say to make her feel better; whenever he stays quiet instead of talking back at her when she scolds him because he respects her and loves her as his mam. And she hugs him and tells him how much she truly cares for him because she should have done the same to him when she still had the chance.
In her child, she sees Jack. Whenever he scares her because of his being too headstrong at the worst possible cases; whenever she can't understand how he is; whenever he tries running away from her so she could chase him and he runs so fast that she can't keep up and she wants to give up but she can't because she's going to lose him and—
And she holds him close.
Just holds him. Because she doesn't know what to say. Nothing that she hadn't pleaded to him before he left. Before he ran. Before he was as good as gone like the rest of them.
As she holds her child to her arms, she sees in him Torchwood—the life she had led; the thing that changed her completely. She was Torchwood, and Torchwood was she.
In her child, she sees herself.
