A/n: Thnx sm for the follows and I hope you'll continue to read as the story progresses
(Important) With a person's POV, all thoughts and "quotations" are from them unless stated otherwise.
pls ask if u hv any questions. Thanks!
-Ryan sensei
Lucy's POV
As Natsu carried Lucy back to her house, her mind began to fill with worries. She loved the feeling of being held by Natsu, but she couldn't help feeling like he was doing it out of obligation as a partner, or maybe he just felt sorry for her.
Either way, she felt like a dead weight to him, and he'd probably never admit that to her because she knew Natsu was too kind to do that. Sometimes his kindness killed her.
Out of nowhere he hopped onto the ledge of the stream's cobblestone ledge that she walked on daily. As her eyes widened in surprise, she gripped tighter onto his vest and burrowed herself closer to Natsu.
Lucy's heart wouldn't stop beating fast, she knew that at this rate, Natsu would definitely hear it, but why was it beating this fast in the first place? And why couldn't her heart settle? Questions like these plagued her mind. After a few minutes, she realized how amazing his body heat felt to her. She pressed herself closer, only then she noticed his intoxicating scent.
He smells amazing... Like burnt wood, kinda like a campfire. Just as warm too...
Knocking her out of her thoughts, Natsu reassured her by saying, "I got ya Luce, just hold on a bit we're almost home."
Sometimes, when he's not goofing around or fighting... moments like these, I really begin to think how sweet and amazing he isโฆ Lucy's cheeks reddened at the thought.
"...Kay." Now that I remember, he's still carrying me. God I'm so embarrassed, he's probably dying for an excuse to put me down. I mean, look at me. I'm so fucking fat, and heavy. He really is too nice to be putting up with me...
"Ne... Natsu?"
"Yeah?" He calmly responded.
"A-Aren't I heavy? You know you don't have to carry me, we're almost home. You really don't have to..." Seriously just admit it, you know I'm fat, so please stop forcing yourself to be nice to me out of pity, It's not worth it.
Natsu then stopped walking and glanced at Lucy.
"W-What are you talking about? You're not heavy, but yeah, I guess we are close to your house. I'll put you down..."
See, I knew it. You can just tell how uncomfortable he is by the way he talks... Seriously, you don't have to lie to me, I already know. God I wanna go home before I start crying in front of him. I can't have him see me look any worse...
As Lucy's feet touched the ground, she was somewhat upset that the comfort of Natsu's arms was no longer with her, but knew it was for the best. She didn't want him to ever have to suffer, especially at her expense. She cared too much for him.
Out of nowhere Happy spoke, repeating words that she knew all too well.
"Phft! Lucy is heavy!"
I already know I am! I know I'm not good enough! I know I'm fucking fat! That's why I'm barely eating anything! That's why I'm this fucking way! Saying it aloud just makes it worse...
"Shut it! C'mere you!"
"Phft! Ahh! Save me Natsu, Lucy's gonna eat me!" Happy yelped, hiding behind Natsu.
"Who'd wanna eat you?" Lucy said puffing out her cheeks and looked to the side.
I wouldn't dare eat that much! Much less eat a cat!
Finally at Lucy's front door, Natsu spoke up again.
"Alright Luce, we're here! Can we sleepover?" He asked smiling, ready to enter the stellar mage's home.
"No!" Crap! Crap! Crap! Give an excuse! Anything! Don't make him worry for you! Don't concern him, it'll just trouble him... "I mean... I'm busy sorry. Another time..."
"No, it's all good! Anyways, we'll see you tomorrow for our mission, alright?"
"Y-yea..."
"Yosh! I'm all fired up!"
"Hehe, see ya guys later..."
"Bye Luce!" "Cya Lucy!"
As Lucy watched the the two make their way home, she gave a small genuine smile of relief and waved. Right after, she entered and closed the door behind her. Finally, she was home. The stellar mage slowly slid her back along the door and crouched on the floor.
Lucy gripped her shirt exactly where her heart was located, and a few tears slid down her face.
"It hurts... It really hurts and I don't know why!" She let out a slight whimper before sniffling and wiping her face.
Just do what you usually do, and it'll all be better.
The blonde picked herself up and made her way to the bathroom. Removing all of her clothing, she stared at her gorgeous figure in the mirror.
Lucy had become skinnier lately, despite her large bust remaining. No matter how much weight she lost, it wasn't good enough for her. She always assumed she appeared fat, ugly, and undesirable every time she looks into the mirror. I mean, that was just what she was taught to think.
Gritting her teeth upon seeing her figure, she mutters, "why am I so fucking fat? What did I do wrong? I know I'm ugly, but is it wrong that I was happy that it felt like he cared? Even though it's just my wishful thinking, is it wrong to want someone to want me back?"
For a moment, Lucy looked down and didn't flinch as she thought about the feeling she just had when she thought about Natsu. The feeling she had when he carried her, when he spoke those kind words, when it seemed like he cared for her. When he'd protect and save her... Has she always been thinking of him this way? Was what she felt towards Natsu... was that love? Was that what her mother always spoke so fondly of?
Even though I am who I am, and look like I do... I think I li- no.. I'm pretty sure I love him... Is it ok for me to- I mean, is it wrong for me to feel this way towards him? Towards my partner? I mean he makes me feel so special, and so... wanted. I know he doesn't like me, and would never, but is it wrong for me to.. to think, that there'd be a little hopeโฆ?
Lucy shook her head and glanced at her figure again. The reminder of her figure frustrated her. She punched her mirror exactly where her face was reflected; effectively shattering the mirror, and leaving a few of the mirror glass shards embedded in her knuckles.
Glancing at her now bleeding knuckles, she hissed in pain as she unfurled her hand.
Crap, this is gonna leave a mark, I'll have to bandage it later. But first...
The stellar mage picked up a hair elastic that she left on her sink counter earlier that morning and tied up her hair. She leaned over her toilet, her knees hitting the floor. She had her injured hand maintaining her balance on the seat, and the other near her mouth.
Lucy took a few minutes to catch her breath before she pointed and stuck both her index and middle fingers together, the other fingers, gently folded into her palm. Then, without warning, the blonde lunged that hand down her throat, effectively gaining a gagging response. As her fingers ventured further down her throat, her body continued to gag until finally she got the response that she knew too well.
Her body practically screamed as it was forced to vomit the little nutrients it was provided, but she didn't care. Lucy had already been somewhat bulimic for a few months now, minus the over eating. If anything, she'd been under eating.
After the mage emptied her stomach's contents, and flushed the toilet to erase all evidence; Lucy let out a strained smile and shakily made her way to the shower. Suddenly feeling a slight wave of nausea poor over her.
Ignore it, ignore it, you're fine. Beauty hurts, this is nothing.
The stellar mage managed to shakily step into the shower, and turn on the water as cold as possible. Sure, she was already freezing, but nothing felt better than a cold shower after your body was burning on the inside.
Since the mirror glass shards in her knuckles were quite large, she was able to easily pluck out the pieces sticking out from her hand. As blood trickled from the wound down to the drain, relief swept over her when she saw that her hand only appeared to have a few scratches on them, but nothing that would leave a scar.
After completing her shower and getting dressed, Lucy grabbed her med-kit, and took out a roll of white bandages. The slight pressure she put on her hand after applying the cotton caused a few droplets of blood to splash on top of one of the books she'd been reading.
"Shoot!" the stellar mage whined as she began looking around and found her tissue box. Rushinb, she took a tissue and turned back to the black book. Except, she became surprised when she saw that the blood stained book no longer had a single trace of blood on it.
Confused, Lucy picked up the book to further inspect it. But no matter how hard she looked on, around, and even through the book, no blood was spotted anywhere, except for her bandaged hand that is.
"Weird... I could've sworn some landed on this book... What book is this anyways?" Looking at the cover, she noticed the contrasting red letters on the black book cover spell: The Dark Mage Zeref
Oh that's right! I heard somewhere that he associated with stellar spirits, so I wanted to read more about it...
Giving up her efforts, she placed the book on her desk and got under the covers. For some reason, an unsettling wave rushed over her, so she glanced towards her window. The night sky filled with constellations reminded her of her beloved spirits, and she smiled, letting a few sudden tears roll down. Why she was crying? Lucy herself didn't know, but the sudden tears were starting to become a habit.
With that, Lucy drifted off into one of her first of many more to come nightmares.
Within Lucy's dream
"Kill me" cried an unknown voice.
Everywhere she looked was pitch black, there was nothing, except for the young man's voice.
"Hello? Who's there?"
"I don't wanna kill anymore, so kill me," the voice pleaded again.
"What are you talking about? Hello?"
"NATSU!" The man's scream was the last voice spoken.
Confused, Lucy continued searching for the source of the voice, only to be further engulfed in never ending darkness.
(End of Dream)
Lucy woke up in tears. Unlike most of her dreams, she remembered the whole thing; start to finish. It was a few hours before she and Natsu would have to meet up at the train station, but for some reason, no matter how much Lucy wanted to go back to enjoy whatever sleep she could get, her body wouldn't let her. She was shaking uncontrollably, still recalling the terror of the darkness and the painful voice clearly.
Unable to sleep, but not wanting to move, Lucy sat there until her tears dried, until minutes changed into an hour. Then finally she got up, got changed into some pink sweatpants and a matching colored zip up jacket, and went for a jog.
Lately, Lucy had felt the excessive need to not only watch her food, but to exercise as well. Then after her jog, she'd look at the newest Sorcerer's Weekly edition, just to compare how much better the models were compared to her in multiple ways. She'd start by 'purging', shower, get dressed for the day, then would write a little in her book -there had to be some truth to what she told her guild mates- and would leave the house. The usual routine lately. The only difference being a newly bandaged hand.
The busty mage locked the door behind her and placed a hand to her side, confirming her keys' presence, before heading to the meeting spot. While the blonde was walking, her vision would get blurry here and there followed by a slight wave of dizziness.
Jeez, I wish I had healing magic like Wendy at times like these... I know it might be making it worse, but just so I won't have to walk for a bit...
"Gate of the clock, I open thee! Horologium!" She shouted, slicing said key through the air. Upon the arrival of the clock spirit, Lucy crouched and slept inside the spirit after telling him that she had to meet Natsu at the train station.
Natsu's POV
"I still don't see why we have to take a train there, we can walk just fine..."
"Natsu, stop being such a scaredy cat, plus Lucy would hate walking that far!" exclaimed Happy, sitting on one of the train station benches.
"Yea you're right... OI! Who're you calling scaredy cat?! If anything that's you!"
"Hehe! Ne, Natsu, is Lucy here yet? The train's gonna be here in 5 minutes..."
"Hrm... well *sniffs air* I think I smell her nearby, but it's kinda light, like something's blocking it..."
"Aye... oh, look Natsu! It's Lucy! She's inside her clock spirit. We haven't even started the mission yet and she's already too tired to walk," the cat says giggling.
Horologium stopped right infront of Natsu, and assuming the agile slayer would take her, he jumped a few feet in the air shouting from above, "times up!" Before poofing back to the spirit world. With the clock's sudden disappearance, Lucy was seconds away from landing on the ground, when the pink haired slayer caught her with both hands.
"Geez! That was close..."
"Aye! Oh, she's sleeping. Should we wake her up?"
"Na, it's fine, let her sleep."
I know she doesn't like it when I hold her, but just for a little bit before she wakes up...
Natsu adjusted the sleeping stellar mage into the same position as yesterday, and boarded the train along with Happy. The pinkette placed his partner across from him in the booth, and Happy nestled on top of her stomach.
This was a heartwarming picture for Natsu, at least until the train began moving that is.
Dear God, I knew I should've walked! I just hope we get to Oshibana Town soon... I think I'm gonna be sick...
With that last thought, the fearsome dragon slayer's face shifted into a dark shade of green. They'd arrive at their destination around 2 hours later. Their mission: Destroy the under ground den, infested with lizards who're terrorizing nearby stores and people.
A/n: so the mission begins!... in the next chapter ๐๐๐
Thnx for reading, review!
-Ryan sensei
