Disclaimer is in the prologue.
Kathryn Janeway was furious.
Actually, furious didn't even begin to explain it.
Seething, livid, enraged, was more like it.
"Who does she think she is?" she practically yelled to the empty room. "Miss Marianne Mayberry, the bringer of truth. Ha!" She slammed her fist into the wall, cursing as she made contact.
Mayberry's version of Kathryn's relationship with Chakotay had been scandalous, to say the least. It was a passionate love affair, full of romance and smoldering glances. The way Mayberry explained it made the whole situation seem like a fairytale.
The fair princess falls for a dashing rebel. The rebel becomes a better man by knowing her and finally discovers harmony within himself. He helps lessen the burdens of the princess's title and together they find true happiness.
It was sickening to Kathryn how close the words sounded to a story she had once heard.
An ancient legend…
It was sickening how it could have been the truth.
The whole situation was laughable, really. The undefeatable Captain Kathryn Janeway, who had been through numerous first contacts, negotiations, and loathsome aliens, felt utterly and completely humiliated by a wannabe reporter's gossip.
Who would have guessed?
A nervous giggle escaped her lips, causing her to clamp her hands over her mouth. Surprised and disgusted with herself for losing control, she took a deep, calming breath.
I can do this. I did it for seven years. I can do it for a few more weeks. I can do this.
As she brushed her hair, she studied her surroundings. They were sparse, bare, and unwelcoming, consisting of a bed, a dresser, and a small bathroom. Her quarters on Voyager had been much larger; they had been more like home.
Voyager is my home.
The thought flashed unbidden through her mind and another giggle escaped, followed by a fit of uncontrollable laughter. She collapsed onto the bed, unable to hold herself up any longer, fits of laughter still shaking her body.
Slowly, the laughter turned into sobs, and the tears rolled down her cheeks freely for the first time in years. All of the stress from the last seven years finally surfaced anddemanded to be acknowledged-with interest. She cried until she had no more tears. She sobbed until her muscles ached with exertion. Then, Kathryn Janeway fell asleep.
The next day came much too early and Kathryn felt like she hadn't slept at all. She groggily rubbed her temples, hoping to relieve some of the pressure, and glanced at the clock.
Ah, hell, she thought. Today is not going to be a good day. She jumped off the bed and rushed to the sonic shower.
Her meeting with the admiralty started in fifteen minutes.
Precisely nineteen minutes later, she entered the briefing room, knocked over a chair and almost spilled her coffee on the way to her seat. As she approached, Chakotay gave her the "look": his eyebrow raised slightly while his head tilted to the left.
She sighed and avoided his gaze, not wanting to see the question in his eyes, and mumbled the usual, "I'm fine." She shuffled the papers in front of her and waited for the meeting to begin.
Around noon the conference finished, and after much debating it had been decided that all of the crew would be allowed one-week leave, but first there was to be a welcome home ball the next evening. All of the Starfleet brass would be invited, as well as any of the crew's family that could make it in time.
Starfleet was planning quite the get-together, and Kathryn knew Tom was arranging an after party unlike any ever thrown in the Alpha Quadrant. She hoped to pull some strings so they could have it on Voyager for one last hurrah.
"Kathryn?" The voice startled her out of her thoughts and she glanced up, already knowing who it was.
"Yes, Chakotay?" She sighed, reaching out to grab her cold coffee and noticing that the room was empty except for them.
"Are you all right?" His question was innocent, she knew that, but it didn't stop the anger building in her stomach. "You don't seem yourself today. I mean," he tugged on his ear as he attempted humor, "you knocked over a chair. Not exactly captain-like behavior." He laughed, showing off his dimples.
"Captain-like behavior? Captain-like behavior? I've had it up to here," she held her shaky hand up above her head, "with captain-like behavior!" She pushed past him, hoping he would let her leave. After that terrible woman's report on their 'relationship,' she didn't know if she could face him.
During the meeting she realized why Marianne Mayberry's words upset her. It was simple. She could have had everything that Mayberry said she did. She could have had her soul mate.
She could have had him.
But she didn't. Instead she had behaved like the perfect captain. She sneered as she thought the words to herself. She had tried to be the perfect captain, and look where it had gotten her. Now he was with Seven, and she was alone.
Interrupting her thoughts again, Chakotay reached up and lightly touched her arm. "Kathryn, what is it?"
"I'm fine. I'm doing fine," She shook his hand off of her arm. "I'll be fine." She turned away from him, closed her eyes, and squeezed the bridge of her nose. Taking a deep breath, she faced him, plastering what she hoped was a believable smile on her face.
"I'm going strong, Commander. This whole situation is a little unnerving, but I'm moving on." She smiled more gently this time and placed her hand on his chest. "I'm meeting my mom at 1300 hours for lunch so I must be going. See you at the ball tomorrow."
"Goodbye, Kathryn," he said as she left the room.
The words she had said to him played through her mind as she walked to the transport station. I'm doing fine. I'm going strong. I'm moving on…
I'm all alone.
I don't care…
