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Darkest Dungeon belongs to Red Hook Studios and Zootopia belongs to Disney

A Life of Larceny

Maybe I will start with my life before the night howler incident. You know what, I'm just gonna call it the N.H.I. Anyways, Upon my arrival, I decided I needed to set up a nest. Of course, heights would be wonderful, so to the skys I took. Somehow, my take off wasn't seen by the crowds of people in the station. They probably need to up security.

The nesting spot I chose was a skyscraper. No one had a claim to the roof and so, I settled there. Of course, with a nesting spot chosen, I just needed a nest. There were construction yards nearby and a rainforest area, ripe with wood, twigs and a city full of shinies. The first thing I did was repurpose some of the wood from a nearby construction yard, and take some branches and ropes that no one was using in the rainforest area...at least, I don't think anybody was using them. Oh, I also found an old unpatterned quilt. It made a nice cover so that I wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb.

With a nest built, a disguise ready and city to explore, I took off again. The alleys of this city made for great landing spots, you know. On my walk around, i saw so many things. Vehicles and mammals in them, stoplights, shinies, food, apartments, shinies, different biomes, museums, more food, and shinies. That night was my first night of prowling. I acquired so many shinies that night, it was glorious.

HEY! That shiny is mine! Put it down and leave it there or I'll gouge your eyes out!

Sorry, old habits die hard you know. I'm warning you!

What? My criminal record? Why would you want more information on that? Eh, seems harmless enough to tell.

Throughout the years, I kept up my repurposing of shinies. They ranged from simple things like keys and coins, to more complicated things, like jewelry, to even some rather odd things like a car wheel, and an old shiny vase.

However, I, was never seen. Yes, believe it or not, prior to the start of the N.H.I., i was pretty sneaky. Still am, might I add. Of course, that was not to last. Anyway, despite no one ever actually seeing me, I did build up quite the criminal profile.

Of course the cops never actually imprisoned me, but...they did hunt me. It is not hard to figure out how they were able to tell all my crimes were committed by me. First, I was not registered as a citizen, in any database. Second, I would leave behind feathers whenever I took off. Of course, being the quote unquote "Eldritch Abomination" that I am, those feathers would grow back almost instantaneously. You see, whenever I would take off, some of my feathers decided to not take off with me, thus I would leave feathers behind everywhere I repurposed a shiny.

So, with the seemingly random nature of my takings, the police were never really able to find me. Honestly, I wasn't a very high priority until I started taking more valuable shinies. That vase I mentioned earlier, yeah that made me a higher priority. Apparently, it was an ancient human vase that was valued at several hundred million of whatever currency that this city uses. I never bothered to learn what it was, and still don't care. With the lifting of that vase, security of high value shinies increased.

Now, I don't claim to be a master thief, but when you can fly, it does make entering and exiting very easy. It wasn't until my fourth high value shiny that the police really started to focus on my case. They even gave me a name. It was and still is a pretty pathetic name, but it is what they called me, since they had no clue who I was. Get this, they named me the black feather thief. I know, ridiculous right? I would have called myself the shrieker. Wait, no that's my name. Maybe I wouldn't call myself that.

What, I just told about how I got a criminal record. Oh, you want to know what was on my record. Well fine, if you shut up about, I will tell you.

Over the five-ish years I was in Zootopia, I performed several tens...of...thousands accounts of petty larceny, about two hundred accounts of grand larceny, and seventeen accounts of "HOLY CRAP GET THAT BACK NOW OR I WILL PERSONALLY MURDER EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU LOWLIFES" larceny. Yeah, those were terrifying. I also had about one hundred accounts of fresh grave robbery, enough accounts of shoplifting to open my own supermarket, one account of grand theft auto, and theft of seven parking tickets.

Those I got from the car. It was a small car, and the tickets were not on that car. I honestly don't know why I took the parking tickets. But the car was shiny. Maybe the tickets were as well when I took them.

That is my entire criminal record, and I have been pardoned for all of them. Well...most of them. Okay fine, I admit it, I never paid the parking tickets, though I did return the car and the tickets to the weasel who owned them. Ok he didn't own the tickets, I just didn't want them. I am not being racist, he was a literal weasel. And he may or may not now owe a lot of money in parking tickets. What? I'm flat broke, despite my job, and the fact that I live on rather not so insignificant fortune.

NO, I am not a kleptomaniac. I think I said this already, but I am a collector of rare and valuable antiques, despite the fact that most of things that I collected were neither rare, nor valuable...nor antique.

Back to the story. So after a few years of repurposing unwanted trinkets and shinies, I decided I could do something for this city, besides relieving the citizens of their unwanted possessions. So I thought, and though...and thought, and thought, and thought some more. After thinking, I came to three conclusions. First, I am good at thinking. Second, I am good at repurposing objects. Third, I think out loud.

With those three conclusions I decided on three things. First, despite being good at thinking I wasn't going to be a scientist. A politician was a viable option...possibly. Second, thievery wasn't a self sustaining job. Finally, I had good eyes. I know, strange conclusions, but conclusions nonetheless. That third conclusion gave me pause.

I realized I was actually pretty obser-

HEY! I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THAT SHINY ALONE! WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR LEFT EYE!

-ant. I could put that to use and stop other criminals. Of course, it wouldn't be to help the cops. Why would I do that? No it would help me. Less thieves to thief and burglars to burgle...yeah burgle, I could acquire more for myself. That is how I became on both sides of the law. Strange situation huh.

As an informant for the cops, larcenists started disappearing from the street. Of course, I left the notes anonymously signed as Corvid Shrieker. What do you mean that word doesn't mean what I think it means? It means whatever I want it to mean, dad blast it. I don't tell you what to say, do I?

Actually that is a legitimate question, can I tell you what to say? Yes? No? No. dang. You really had me going there.

So, I now had an indirect line, directly into the ZPD. It proved to be very useful. You see, not many know this, but my job as an informant was a two way streak. I gave them information, they gave me information. I was actually able to track the movements of the accursed.

Yes, those mammals from before. They were in the cities system. Hey, I may not have cared much about the people, and I most definitely not a hero, but if the curse became as widespread as it once was, then I was as good as dead.

I don't think I said this, but I do carry the curse. It doesn't affect me like it does mammals. The last countess just wanted me dead, and that strange hatred for me spread to other countesses. So, I am an informant for the cops by day, a high profile thief by night, and a raven all the time. A lot of my time was spent simply watching, things were getting boring. Then I heard something that made me laugh. A rabbit was going through the police academy. Of course, I didn't know her name at the time, but it still made me laugh.

No, I don't eat rabbits. Not a big fan of the taste. Also, not enough meat on the bones. Anyway, I later found out her name to be the famous Judy Hopps. She was actually the first mammal in the city to meet me personally.

Hey, I just had a thought. This city is a utopia for mammals right? So why are there no birds, reptiles or amphibians? Do they have their own versions of Zootopia elsewhere? Actually, for that matter, why are there no bats? They are flying mammals after all. Yes I would know if there were other flying animals, I take to the skies often. Yes I do like that phrase.

HEY! THAT'S MY SHINY BLAST IT! GET BACK HERE!

!#!$% *&Q$ ^&)#!*!) _$)*(#-

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