Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes
Chapter 2 – Strengthening an Existing Bond

A/N: Hey thanks everyone for the awesome response for chapter 1! I have a few things I want this ficlet to cover and its gonna be mostly angsty (as in you might need a Kleenex or two handy-see I warned this time!) but I have a few happy times planned for our boys also so hope you like the rest of this as much as chapter 1!


"You'll never be alone again," Severide whispers as he turns out the light and bathes Casey's frame in darkness. "I promise."

Casey's mind takes much comfort in Severide's whispered words and he tries to tell his brain to hold onto that positive thought throughout the night; he was at his friend's and just needed to rest. But it wasn't long before his nightly ritual starts to manifest itself, Casey's mind replaying the tormented scene of Hallie's burnt and unmoving corpse before his eyes, his eyes shedding hears and his lips begging her over and over to wake up and look at him; his stomach lurching and his watery eyes snapping open as he bolts upright in bed. His hand quickly covers his mouth as he stumbles toward the bathroom, leans over and throws up whatever bits of bile and dinner his stomach hadn't quite disposed of.

"Damn…" Casey whispers in the dimly lit bathroom before he flushes the toilet and tries to stand upright. A sharp pang of agitation grabs a hold of his stomach as his left hand wraps around it, his right hand reaching for the hallway light but then pulling back so as not to awaken the other two in the quiet apartment; his mind reminding him at the last second he's not at home.

Casey manages to get downstairs, heading for the kitchen and wanting something to ease the agitation in his insides. He flips on a small light and then pulls open the fridge, reaching for package of frozen vegetables and holding it up against his enflamed forehead. A few seconds later he puts the bag back into the small freezer portion, closes the door and then looks at the contents of the fridge, his brain urging him to reach for something non acidic.

But as his mind starts to realize the reality of why he's actually staying at Severide's, Casey closes the fridge and allows his eyes to go in search of the last thing he needs. "Whisky," Casey whispers as he takes a few steps to the right, reaches for the bottle and then goes in search of a glass. When he can't find one, he merely pulls off the top and takes a few hearty gulps, lowering the bottle as his stomach instantly rebels and his lips gently sputter.

"This is wrong."

Casey hears the tormented sentiment and turns to see Severide watching him in concern.

"Hasn't hurt me yet," Casey mutters as he turns around to take another swig. But before he can bring the neck of the bottle to his mouth once again, Severide's hands are clamped on the bottle and trying to pry it from his grasp.

"Don't do this to yourself!" Severide growls as he refuses to give up; giving the bottle a good yank. Casey, in his sleep deprived and nutritionally weakened condition doesn't have much fight and easily surrenders the bottle of golden poison and curses his friend. "You curse me? Matt…this…what you're doing to yourself when you think no one is watching is wrong!" Severide gently hisses as he closes the bottle of whiskey; Casey giving him a small glare before he turns to leave.

"Who cares!" Casey bites back.

"I do. Mat…damn it, hold on a sec."

"Everyone grieves in their own way," Casey stammers as he tries to get his coat.

"This isn't a healthy part of the grieving process. I'm not letting you leave like this."

"Not letting me?" Casey arches his weary brows.

"Trust me it wouldn't take much for me to stop you. Just…don't let it come to that," Severide begs in concern. "You're hurting enough."

"Maybe I deserve it…" Casey groans as he turns away, his shoulders slumping and his defeated actions forcing Severide's heart to sink and his brow to furrow heavily. Before Casey's weary frame can escape up the stairs, Severide's hand clamps onto his forearm and gently steers him toward the darkened living room; both of them easing down onto the couch a few feet apart.

"None of this is your fault. We talked about this. They got the man responsible for…"

"Doesn't matter. I did this. I pushed her and…"

"She came back for you," Severide reminds him as Casey's head slightly bows and his eyes gently mist. "You know she'd never blame you."

"I blame me."

"I get that but you can't keep doing this to yourself. Not sleeping, all the drinking…throwing up or not even eating. No wonder you look like you've lost weight."

"Nothing matters right now," Casey states with a frustrated huff as he looks up and absently stares at his glum silhouette on the dark wall before him. "Nothing. I still have her number in my phone…our date outing for next week marked on the calendar on the fridge…I just can't…I can't accept it's real. She came back…she had a plan for our future…and I was…happy. Kelly she's the only one I've wanted," Casey admits in misery as he shakes his head and quickly rubs his eyes. "And now…nothing."

"Matt…"

"I don't care about anything. The house…what I eat…my future…I knew her before and how…how do you let go of almost ten years?" Casey lifts his anguished gaze and looks at Severide just a tear escapes his glistening sapphire pools and runs down his flushed face.

"Here," Severide reaches for the nearby box of Kleenex and hands it to Casey and purses his lips. "You don't let go. Matt why are you trying to force yourself to let go of it so soon?"

"Because then…then it's not real. Then I can tell myself she's just gone away on another trip and…and her death isn't real," Casey looks back down in sorrow. "I know that's stupid."

"No…not stupid…just painful to hear."

"I know she's dead I just can't…"

"Accept it," Severide interjects as Casey nods in confirmation. "I wish I had something better to say…to take away your pain but I don't," Severide huffs as he looks away as he feels his own eyes wanting to water at Casey's defeated posture and soft whimpers. "It hurts me to see you so broken but I know that only time will help you come to terms with it."

"I know," Casey utters in a tone so soft Severide nearly has to lean in closer to hear him. "I loved…love…I still love her."

"And that's normal right? Just because someone dies doesn't mean you stop loving them," Severide reminds Casey of something both of them already know so well.

"I know," Casey repeats in a soft tone as he looks at Severide in misery. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll um…just stay here for a bit and…"

"Want some company?"

Casey hears the sincere pleading request in Severide's tone but pauses before he shoos him away in haste. In reality he didn't want to be alone and deep inside was utterly grateful for Severide's strength; knowing he was the only one that could get him through this and help him remain objective.

"You sure?" Casey asks in wonder.

"Shift's over and we have the next few days off so…" Severide's voice trails off as he reaches for the remote, "we can sleep in and let Shay make us breakfast."

"Kelly…"

"You know duct tape works on mouths too," Severide snickers as Casey merely shakes his head. "You're staying with us and that's final. Besides…" he pauses to exhale heavily, "it'll be a good distraction for us all."

"My misery?"

"Misery loves company right?" Severide quips as he turns to the cartoon channel.

"Cartoons?"

"Should be something non stressful," Severide answers in haste as he looks over at Casey with a small smile. But as he studies Casey's tight jaw and rigid posture he knows that it would take a bit more coaxing before Casey could allow himself the proper mindset to grieve and then work at rebuilding his life – literally from the ashes up.

Severide keeps the volume on low, a few light chuckles accompany the lame antics on the big screen before them; the morose discussion on hold for another time. But it's not long before Severide glances over to see Casey somewhat slumped over and gently removes himself from his end of the couch and heads for the hall closet to get a blanket. As much as he wants to get Casey back upstairs into his temporary bed, he knows that sleep – no matter where, was better than nothing and to disturb him now might defeat the purpose of rest. As carefully as possible, so as not to awaken his sleeping houseguest, Severide gently arranges Casey on the couch in a more comfortable position and covers him with the blanket; Casey's weary frame not putting up much of a protest at all.

But as he turns and heads for the stairs, he pauses and looks at the bottle of whiskey still situated prominently on top of the counter and then turns back to gaze at Casey's sleeping form. What if he gets back up in the middle of the night and drinks? I have to try to curb that bad habit, Severide's mind ponders, forcing his body to change course, go and get the other blanket from the hall closet and head for the adjoining couch. The night's sleep wouldn't be as peaceful as it should be, but it was a sacrifice he's willing to make to keep Casey close.

XXXXXXXX

Having also spent a restless night, Shay awakens early the next morning, her mind also wondering how Casey had fared after their somewhat strained dinner. But as she ponders her miserable predicament she allows her mind to face the grim reality of what Casey's suffering. She could still try again for a child if she so wanted or even adopt. Hallie was gone and no amount of money or wishful thinking would bring her back and ease Casey's pain and suffering. She slowly gets up and heads into the hallway, her senses begging for some coffee to start the day off right. She nears Kelly's room and frowns at the open door, poking her head inside to see his bed rumpled but him missing. Odd. Odder still is the fact that Casey too is missing from his messy bed.

"Maybe they went for a run," she muses as she lightly pads down the wooden stairs. But as she reaches the bottom she spies the objects of her wonder; Severide's body slightly stirring and his sleepy eyes opening to look at her. His finger races for his lips to give her the 'shhh' sign as both fix their glance on Casey's docile expression as he sleeps; Severide not wanting to wake his sleeping guest just yet. Shay nods before she turns and heads back upstairs, telling herself to take a shower do a few things first and then come down and start breakfast.

Both her and Kelly had agreed the night before that Casey would have to get at least three hearty meals a day or they'd literally watch him waste away to nothing before their eyes and not be able to do anything about it.

Severide looks over at Casey's sleeping form and can't help but offer a tender smile. But once again his mind trails back to when he found Casey nearly slumped over his dinning room table; clouded in misery and sorrow his smile droops and his frown strengthens. Can't let him face that again…not alone like that…he'll self-destruct…his thoughts trail off as he rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling.

Gotta keep him busy for the next few days…good meals…good friends and only positive talk…was the plan he and Shay discussed the night before. Helping Casey rebuild was the only way to help him succeed – something they both want for him. He looks back at Casey to see Casey's warm blue eyes slowly opening and gives him a small good morning nod.

"Morning," Casey yawns as he stretches on the couch and then curls onto his side, looking at Severide with a weary expression. "You slept there?"

"Too tired to climb the stairs," Severide shrugs. "No big deal."

"Do I snore?"

"Not really. You kinda talk in your sleep though."

"What'd I say?"

"Mouch get me a sandwich? I think…or was it Otis?" Severide lightly snickers as Casey's face softens. "Sandwich?"

"Something I told Hallie the day s…before…something I said before," Casey groans as he stretches once more and then slowly uprights himself and rubs his weary face.

"You don't have to get up yet if you don't want to."

"Kelly I appreciate your hospitality last night but I'll be okay," Casey tries as Severide slowly stands up and looks at him with a frown.

"Okay? Matt you're not going home alone yet."

"I'll just keep busy and…"

"Drink only and not eat or sleep?" Severide asks somewhat crossly before he backs down. "I can't let you do that…I won't," he insists as Casey looks at him in frustration.

"You can't stop me," Casey gently hisses back.

"Trust me I will if I have to."

"Really?"

The two of them hear a soft cough and both look up to see Shay watching in wonder.

"When does the angry wrestling match start?" She asks in amusement. "Sorry Matt but my money's on Kelly this time."

"You're staying here and that's final," Severide turns back to Casey with a triumphant grin.

Casey gives Shay a small headshake before he looks at Severide and finally nods in resignation. "Okay…you win."

"Course we win," Shay grins as she heads past them toward the kitchen. She eyes the bottle of whisky on the counter but says nothing, silently putting it away as the two men tidy up the living room and then head upstairs to get ready for the day.

"What happened last night?" Shay asks in an undertone as Severide enters the kitchen; Casey upstairs still getting ready.

"He threw up supper and then went for the bottle," Severide groans as he looks at her in concern. "I'm worried."

"I know you are," she replies as her hand rests on his and gives it a friendly pat. "He looks…weak."

"He sounds so defeated and listening to him…Shay I feel helpless. I don't know what to say and then he pushes my buttons because he knows how to and I get angry and…and it's not fair. But I know we can't let him go back there alone. We can't."

"We won't," she tells him firmly. "What's the plan for today?"

"Weather looks good. Thought maybe I'd take him to the golf course to at least hit some balls and just get some of that frustration out. Had suggested working on a boat or something but then not sure he'd want to concentrate on that. I don't know," Severide looks away with a weary sigh. "Just something to keep him busy and away from home for a bit."

"That bad huh?"

"You'll see," Severide huffs as he pulls the spare key Casey had given him and hands it to Shay. "You sure?"

"Like you said…keeps me busy and away from home for a bit," she retorts as Casey finally appears. "Okay so who wants waffles?"

"Waffles?" Casey looks at both of them in surprise.

"New waffle maker. The last ones were…edible."

"The last ones….okay so this batch will be better," Shay insists as Severide chuckles, earning a small swat from his roommate before he heads for the coffee maker.

"Waffles would be great. So uh…anything I can do to help?"

"Fry our bacon," Shay deadpans as she hands him the half used pack of bacon.

"That I can do. Frying pan?"

"Here," Severide gestures with his foot to the bottom pull out drawer of the stove.

Each of them go about their assigned task; Severide and Shay making sure that much like the night before at dinner, the conversation is light and non-confrontational; the TV in the background playing softly and adding some soft background white noise. After breakfast the three of them sit around the table, sipping the remnants of their coffee and talking about the sport highlights on the TV. About half hour later, Shay takes her leave, not making a big fuss in front of either Casey or Severide about taking the spare key to Casey's place so she could do the laundry and just freshen up the place a little bit before Casey's return.

"You know I don't mind just hanging….or whatever," Casey mutters as Severide ushers him into the hallway.

"Trust me you need to let off some steam as well and wrapping your lips around a bottle isn't what I had in mind."

"Better than wrapping my lips around the end of a g…" Casey starts and then stops as Severide looks at him in shock. "Kelly…"

"It will never come to that," Severide tells him in a firm tone. "Never," he shakes his head. "Don't even…it just won't. Come on now," he hands Casey his jacket and waits. As much as he wants to fall back on fatigue or reluctance, for the first time a week or two, he's actually thankful that someone else is taking the reigns in offering something for him to do in his spare time; something he doesn't have to worry about and someone he trusts who actually cares about his wellbeing and only having his best interests at heart.

"Let's go," Severide tells him in a kind tone as they exit the apartment and head for the elevator. Severide directs the bulk of the conversation as they ride down in the elevator; not telling Casey about the two sets of golf clubs already packed into the trunk and waiting to be used.

"So…where are we going?" Casey dares to inquire as they head toward a familiar part of town away from the downtown core.

"Trust me you'll like it," Severide assures him in haste.

Casey can only nod as they near the entrance to the golf course, glancing over at Severide who merely smiles in return. "I'm just not in the mood for…"

"Just the driving range today. Hey wackin' those dang balls releases a lot of tension," Severide tells him seriously as he brings the car to a stop and looks at Casey in concern. "You just need to concentrate on something other than…you today."

"I know," Casey nods as he looks out the window with a stony glace. "Mom called the other day. Just um…said she's sorry and that was about it. She never liked Hallie…Hallie always stood up to her and mom always liked people she could bully or who seemed to just bow to her false charm. Hallie saw through it and…and I loved that about her…really did," Casey admits with a heavy sigh; his mournful sapphire gaze still fixed outside the window. "Made me angry all over again."

"Sorry," Severide offers in remorse as Casey turns and looks back at him in sorrow. "Has Christie called?"

"She has. We met for coffee night before last. Was nice. Unlike mom she always liked Hallie and told me she was worth waiting for. She was right."

"She was," Severide agrees as Casey's eyes slightly widen. "Was always a bit jealous of you two," he confesses with a soft smile. "You had something so special and me…I got a string of one night stands behind me that…alright I did promise no sad stuff today right?"

"You tried."

"Better stick to that or else Shay will kick my…"

"Both our asses," Casey interjects with a small chuckle as they get out of the car and head for the trunk.

"Dad's set," Severide informs Casey as he reaches for the other set of golf clubs but pauses. "He forgot them about a week ago and won't mind. Trust me."

"Okay," Casey nods as he picks up the set and they both head for the entrance to the golf course, stepping into the pro shop to pay for the use of the driving range; casually talking about their last golf outing. Casey slowly mills around the pro shop, aimlessly looking at a few things before he hears his first name being called and turns to follow Severide to where they'd each collect their bucket of balls and head for which ever driving stations were open.

"You paid for one hundred each? You sure I'll get through them all?" Casey chances to ask as he looks down at the somewhat daunting pile.

"Just picture Voight's face on each one and you will," Severide chuckles as Casey looks up in amusement. "I picture Tara's. Trust me it'll work."

"That…I can do," Casey nods in agreement as he arranges his tee and affixes the ball on top. He lines up the swing but can only curse as his tense posture fails to carry through the rest of the shot and the ball doesn't go as far as he'd like. "Damn…" he curses gently, mindful of the handful of other patrons around him who didn't pay to hear him using colorful and unnecessary obscenities. "Isn't working," Casey growls.

"You've only hit one," Severide groans as his large wooden club head cracks the front of the ball, sending it sailing through the air and landing a few hundred meters away. His gaze slightly clouds as he watches Casey's fingers tremble somewhat and the ball fall off the tee, Casey looking up in remorse. "No one's watching," Severide gently reminds him in truth.

The second shot for Casey has a lot more success so with a renewed sense of enthusiasm, Casey lines up another and then another and then another; pausing about half way down the bucket. He slumps down on the small bench and watches Severide hit his 50th ball and then head back and ease himself down onto the other end of the bench.

"Hallie liked golf," Casey mentions with a soft smile. "Remember we came one time and there was only a set of pink clubs left to rent and she thought they would make her stand out on the course."

"Did they?" Severide asks after as few seconds of mounting silence.

"Yeah but in a good way," Casey answers in truth. "She kicked my butt and the two guys behind us," he adds proudly. "After that she bought herself a pink set and that was it. It was fun."

"Sounded fun," Severide agrees; knowing inside that he couldn't do much, other than be a supportive friend and not stop Casey from expression his grief in whichever way he wanted; except if the way was self-destructive – that he was determined to stop no matter the cost.

"It was," Casey whispers as he pushes himself back up, slowly saunters toward the waiting tee, lines up a new ball and lets his club fly. This time all his inner anger and frustration line up on the Voight ball and it sails toward the third marker.

"Nice," Severide grins as he stands up and joins Casey, giving him a friendly pat on the back. "Almost as good as me."

"Almost? Oh that was better."

"Hardly. You're a greenhorn," Severide jokes.

"Friendly wager?" Casey dares.

"Oh you're on. Terms? Can't be dinner, Shay's cooking."

"Kelly…"

"Matt trust me, she offered. It's good for her to keep busy – hey those are her words not mine. I offered to take us out."

"Furthest ball takes the three of us out for dinner tomorrow night," Casey suggests.

More than satisfied with those terms, Severide grins and nods, as they both line up their balls and prepare to hit them at the same time. "Okay on the count of three. One…"

"Three," Casey snickers as he hits the ball, Severide hitting it second before he shoots Casey a mock but warning glance. "I heard three."

"You are such a cheater," Severide shakes his head as they both line up their little white balls once more and prepare to this them – this time hitting them at exactly the same time, on the count of three. "Mine's further."

"Is not, mine is," Casey proudly boasts.

"Just wait until we play an actual round."

"Kelly…"

"Hey I promised cigars and golfing right? Can't smoke in here so we'll do it out there. Now hush and practice. You need it," he snickers as he hits one out of turn, earning a small headshake from Casey in return. The two of them continue for another hour, both of them pretty even until Severide notices Casey starting to tire and starts to pull back on his swings a little; not wanting to make him feel more defeated than he fears he still feels inside. The purpose of the outing was to naturally tire Casey out but also to come away feeling refreshed and upbuilt a little; blowing him away each turn wouldn't bolster self confidence in any way.

"True," Casey concedes as he pulls back on his last tired swing and allows the club in his arm to slide to the ground, his hand wrapping around the end of the handle to keep it from falling to the floor entirely. "I know you said Shay went…Kelly…" Casey's lips mutter incoherently as he takes a deep breath and frowns.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just…"

"Small panic attack?"

"Memories," Casey confesses in a small voice as they head for Severide's car, stowing the clubs in the trunk and then getting into the cabin of the waiting vehicle.

"Okay," Severide nods as he starts up his car and they pull away. On the way back to the loft, Casey falls into a somber silence; Severide's mind racing to come up with something to distract him with. He finally settles back on something humorous Pouch did, the lovable pooch a neutral topic to discuss but Casey's tone still tight and thick with growing emotion. During the day he was fine, it was heading into the nighttime hour, when he was used to being alone that Severide fears his friend will withdraw into his emotional cave of despair and wither away.

"Hey we're home!" Severide calls out as they enter the aromatic smelling apartment.

"Smells…good," Casey is forced to comment with a friendly smile as he and Severide hang up their coats in the closet and head into the kitchen area.

"Its…stew," Shay tells them with a smile. "How'd you do?"

"I won."

"You did not," Casey lightly argues back.

"Thought it was a friendly outing?" Shay arches her brows in wonder.

"It was and Casey won," Severide grins. "Just means he gets to buy dinner for us all tomorrow night."

"He's making you buy dinner?"

"I agreed to the terms fair and square," Casey replies with a small shrug as he pulls away and heads for the stairs; Shay looking at Severide in haste.

"He did agree. It was a fun outing. Had its tense moments but um…but I think night is the worst for him."

"So dinner…movie…"

"We just gotta keep him busy until he gets tired on his own. I don't know Shay, I've never seen him this…this broken. It's hard. I don't know what to say half the time so just sit there and listen."

"Am sure just having you there is enough. He needs you right now. Your only agenda is to be his friend and get him back on his feet. His place was a mess."

"I know. Thanks for doing that."

"I didn't mind. I went on to LavaLife during the wash cycles to see what I could find," she grins.

"And?" He asks with a smile.

"A few potentials. Okay go have a shower and then…we'll eat."

"Okay."

Severide pulls away and heads for stairs, pausing at the top as he hears Casey rummaging around in the spare room and offering a small curse. His lips purse but he fights back the instinct to push the door open and ask if he was okay; reminding himself that he's not Casey's babysitter, but caring friend and maybe right now protective guardian but that didn't mean smothering him or suffocating him; that could have the opposite effect of what he wants for his friend. So with a heavy sigh, he heads for his bedroom, to have a quick shower and then rejoin Shay and Casey for supper and then just relax.

About twenty minutes later he reemerges into the quiet hallway and heads downstairs. But as he gets lower his mind starts to wonder about the silence that now greets him.

"Shay?" Severide calls out with a frown as he pulls back from the empty living room.

"Hey you two ready…what?" She asks in concern as Severide takes a cue from that and turns and hurries back up the stairs. "Kelly, what's going on?" Shay inquires as she follows after Severide; both heading for the spare bedroom.

"Damn it Shay!" Severide curses as he turns back with a heavy frown. "Matt's gone."


A/N: so yeah lots of angst in here for our boys but did interject a few humorous bits in there and hope you all liked it. how'd you like their first outing? The second actual game will be coming also but any thoughts as to where Casey's gone? And what condition will Severide finally find him in? Would so love your thoughts on this so please do review before you go and thanks so much!