Dear Diary,
Forget the garden gnomes. Forget reindeer. Forget world domination, even! THE AWESOME ME KNOWS WHAT THE AWESOME ME WANTS NOW! I was walking by the pet shop today and I saw a TEENSY WEENSY BABY CANARY! Vati let West and I look in the shop and West wanted a puppy but all I care about, even more than the awesome ferrets, which I've always kind of wanted, is THE CANARY! I would take such good care of it and feed it from my plate and name it Gilbird.
I don't think Vati wants me to have a canary. But imagine, I could buy him and he would sing and the house would no longer be too quiet! I hate quietness. I wish I had a bullhorn too, that way I could sing into it to entertain the public domain. Vati asked what if the public domain doesn't want to be entertained? But of course, Diary, you and I both know how silly that is. I mean, who wouldn't want to be entertained by the awesome me? Well, maybe Arthur Kirkland, but then again, if I sang enough, he might surrender his garden gnomes.
Dear Diary,
I have to write another list, apparently. Well, here goes.
I will not shut up Peter Kirkland by putting a potato in his mouth.
I will not waste potatoes by putting them in Peter Kirkland's mouth.
I will remember that Peter Kirkland is a toothless baby who cannot eat potatoes.
I will not let West smoke Vati's pipe.
I will not smoke Vati's pipe.
I will not borrow the little canary from the pet store to take him for a test fly.
If I do borrow the little canary, I have to give him back.
I wonder why I get in trouble so much. Some people are just wimps. Like Roderich. He could've gotten off of the roof. Instead, I get in trouble for putting him on there, but if he hadn't cried so much after I hit him in the glasses with a very hard snowball, I wouldn't have been forced to put him there, now would i?
Dear Diary,
Kill me now. Arthur Kirkland is coming over. And he's bringing stupid baby Peter! Maybe I'll put Peter in the crib with West and shut them both up with potatoes. Also, West is annoying. He keeps following me around and calls me Gee-oo. Vati says he means Gil. West likes to hug my leg and not let go when I try to walk. And then I get in trouble for hitting him over the head with a newspaper! But Vati told me a newspaper is how you kill bugs and West is bugging me immensely!
Dear Diary,
Vati is letting me have Francis and Toni over! Yay! Now we can learn all about how to woo women from Francis. He already knows how babies are made, I think, and he hasn't even had The Talk yet. I think the stork theory is stupid. Obviously, women plant a baby tree and when the baby seeds grow on it she eats one and it grows in her stomach until it is a baby. Francis will be so impressed when he hears all The Awesome Me knows about The Facts of Life.
Dear Diary,
Arthur, Peter, Francis, and Antonio are all over. And guess what? It's gonna snow so much that we're all stuck in this house until Christmas is over! I have my best friends over and there's now four whole people to torture- Arthur, Peter, West, and Vati! I heard the news and me and Toni and Francis ran up and down the stairs singing a "Snowed In" song. And Francis has a bullhorn, so we can entertain the public domain!
I have a feeling that Arthur will be handing over the garden gnomes soon. Just imagine how wonderfully loud that we can be with a canary!
