Fiyero winced as he adjusted his collar. He'd always hated formal wear - it felt like he was being strangled by a series of rather weak little people; at his waist, around his neck, restricting arm and leg movement... Formal wear was less-than-desirable. But tonight was yet another one of Glinda's soirées, and so Fiyero was dressing up.

He looked at himself in the mirror and saw all the things he always tried not to see. He saw that his eyes didn't sparkle like they used to. He saw that his shoulders were broader than they'd been when he'd started at Shiz; yet another reminder of the ways in which he was aging. Fiyero saw that his constant smile was exhausting his face, for when he wasn't parading in front of the crowds, his visage was blank.

Where had the fire gone? He'd been brainlessly dancing through life when he was at Shiz, but at least he'd had zest while doing it.

Shiz had been surreal. Even now, he mostly didn't believe most of the things that had gone on. He'd stuck it out, for one thing. He'd met Glinda, and was still in a relationship with her, four years later. And there'd been Elphaba.

Elphaba.

His face creased into a half smile, one bittersweet in form and restraint. He wished she was here now, to see him as a man, broad shoulders and all. Brain and all. He wished she was here to make his eyes sparkle, as he knew the mere thought of her could. He wished she was here to make him smile a real smile.

He wished she was here at all.

But wishing, he'd found, was useless, and knew that, in the end, wishing only wounded the heart. He reminded himself not to dream too far, that Elphaba, and the leaping she inspired in his chest, was a thing of yesteryear.

It unsettled him, really, the idea that he'd wish things about her at all. He hadn't spent much time with her at Shiz - not alone, anyway. The first time he'd met her, and she'd yelled at him, he knew now that the electricity he'd felt had been... It wasn't a fluke. It was attraction, intrigue. And then, at the Ozdust Ballroom, when Glinda (she'd been Galinda then) had said not to stare at Elphaba, he'd murmured, "How can you help it?" Not because she was green, no. Because he couldn't begin to comprehend ever being able to tear his eyes away from her.

And still he'd fought it, even as she occupied more and more of his thoughts. Then there was the Lion cub incident, at which time the only logical idea had seemed to be to run with her. It hadn't just been because he was the only one not under whatever strange spell it was she'd cast over everyone else. He could have simply run off in the opposite direction. It was because... Well he hadn't known at the time.

Now, he was certain, it was because where Elphaba went, so went his nation.

How stupid he'd been that day. Young and free, really, in age, responsibility and attire, to reach for her hand after she'd pulled away. Linger within her gaze as her hand neared his cheek. All those things seemed so obvious now - in hindsight, he couldn't see how he'd let those moments with her go by as anything but an unending stream of clock ticks in which to hold her, explore kissing her, and see if, maybe, they were meant to be together.

He now suspected that they were soul mates, and, despite relentless pursuit of her, he'd blown his only chance to be with her.

"Sir," he was interrupted by a manservant at the door. "Are you ready to join the festivities?"

Fiyero would never be ready. "Yes, Graic, thank you," he nodded. The older man bowed formally and departed, leaving Fiyero alone with the mirror once more. "Elphaba?" He didn't know why he said it. The name often escaped his lips at times like these, when he would give anything to have her near. He secretly hoped that, one day, he would murmur, "Elphaba?" and she would appear before him, all stunning and so completely what he needed to continue breathing.

"Yes?" She'd sound casual, patient, but pressed for time, as she always had been.

He didn't know what he would say in response. Nothing, probably. He'd probably just take her hand and attempt to lead her somewhere, or pull her to him and just hold her. Or kiss her. Or cry, which would humiliate him, but even humiliation would be worth it just to be near her again. "Oh, Elphaba," he sighed. "You're going to destroy me."