Chapter 2
As expected, Alyssa's CT showed no damage, and her x-ray showed 1 broken rib. The porters originally made to take her back to the room they had called 'Resus', but Alyssa spied a vacant cubicle. "I'm really fine. I don't need to be taking up space in your Resus. A cubicle is fine". A very lovely nurse asked if she wanted to change into a gown, but Dr Hardy returned, stating he would keep her in for observation for an hour, to let the pain medication set in, before discharging her. Alyssa removed her hoodie and settled back on the hospital bed to await her discharge.
Several times, the Clinical Lead walked by, and Alyssa kept trying to get her attention. The woman was obviously annoyed that she had not shown up for her shift and had not made the connection between her new employee, and the woman sat in her cubicles. Alyssa also had not seen Dr Keogh again. The doctors had taken a patient into Resus who had been shouting and screaming, and she assumed everyone was busy dealing with him. She had felt sorry for the man – he clearly had not wanted to be treated. She wondered, had the day gone differently and she arrived for her first shift, if she would have been asked to help the man, calm him down.
As she was busy ruminating about the patient in Resus, it caught her completely off guard when Dr Keogh came up beside her. "How are you feeling?" She jumped at the sound of his gravelly voice and blushed under his scrutiny. She was suddenly very aware that she had removed her hoodie. Underneath, all she was wearing were cropped leggings, and a sports bra, her usual running gear. The Doctor hadn't noticed this, as he was busy looking at her chart. "Only one broken rib? Alright then. Do you mind if I just take a look, make sure there is no significant bruising?" Alyssa nodded silently, and he finally looked at her, and her attire. He swallowed, and bit his lip, but proceeded his examination regardless. His touch was very gentle, and his eyes apologetic whenever she winced. "It's still tender. You'll have some bruising, that can take a few hours to develop. Overall, I'd say you were rather lucky." Alyssa noticed he was very careful to avoid her eyes. "Lucky you were there, you mean." In his surprise, he briefly made eye contact, and she couldn't help but smile. "I mean, if you hadn't of been there, I have no idea what would have happened. I'd probably still be lying there."
As Dr Keogh made a few notes on her chart, she saw the woman again. Now that she had been fully cleared, Alyssa meant to apologise and explain why she had not arrived for her first shift. Her body, however, had other ideas. As she moved to get off the bed, the pain in her side caused her to stumble. Without hesitation, Dr Keogh caught her. "I said you were lucky, not clear to leave. The codeine clearly isn't working. I'll find someone to get you some Morphine." He was deceptively strong, her weight seemingly posing no problem at all as he gently laid her back down. "I will be right back with the morphine. You stay still until I am back. Alright? Still." He gave her a stern look, and she nodded solemnly, before smiling. "Thank you, Dr Keogh." He bit his lip again, before disappearing.
A nurse appeared a short time later, with her morphine. She took it without comment, wondering where the doctor had disappeared off to. "Watch yourself, Alyssa. You're going to have to work with this man. Do not let yourself get caught up in this." She silently warned herself. Before this morning, she had had no idea what drew her to running that particular route every day. All she knew was that on those rare days that she did not see him, she was in a weirdly bad mood for the rest of the day. She had wished for some excuse to get closer, to see the details of his face, to hear his voice, to better understand her… attraction. "Be careful what you wish for" she thought to herself. "It'll get easier in time. I'm just feeling stupid because of the medication".
A sudden crash made Alyssa look up. The man from earlier had just burst through the resus doors, scalpel in hand. All thoughts of men immediately vanished from her mind. Several nurses were trying to get close enough to take the scalpel, but the man was having none of it. "Get away from me! I told them I didn't want saving, nobody ever LISTENS, I want it all to be over. GET AWAY!" The last words were a scream, as Dr Hardy made a valiant attempt to sneak up behind the patient. The man was holding the scalpel to his own jugular, hand shaking. If someone didn't calm him down soon, he was going to cut his throat, either accidentally or in a bid to get everyone away.
No hesitation. Alyssa moved off the bed, quickly, and moved further into the ED. She ignored the pain in her side completely. Thankfully, the morphine was starting to kick in, and it had gone down to a throbbing. Unhelpfully, however, the sedative effects were also beginning to kick in. Alyssa had to diffuse this situation, and fast.
"No one ever LISTENS. I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. LIVE. ANYMORE. WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!" His screams were aimed at the well-meaning, but clearly uncertain, nurses. They probably had never dealt with a patient like this before. Thankfully, Alyssa had plenty of experience with this. "I'm listening." She kept her voice low, looking only at the patient. She was vaguely aware of Dr Keogh, immediately at her side. "I told you to stay still. You shouldn't be wandering around in your state…" Alyssa raised a hand to shush him, not looking at him at all. He fell silent, as did the patient. "I am listening to you. I want to listen to you. As do the doctors and nurses here. They want to help you." The patient laughed, a guttural sound that ended in a sob. "Help me? They just want to stick me with their needles, keep me quiet. I'm a failure. Always have been, always will be."
Alyssa raised her arms, to show she had no needles in her hands. To show she wanted to help. The movement caused a sharp jolt of pain in her side, and she winced. Dr Keogh touched her arm tentatively, ready to catch her again if needed. She shrugged him off. "What is going on out here?" The Clinical Lead was back. "What is this patient doing out of bed? Dr Keogh get her back to cubicles." The man never took his eyes from Alyssa. "Please listen to her. I don't want to be responsible for your pain too. I appreciate your help but. I really don't deserve it." Dr Keogh took hold of her arm properly and made to steer her back to bed. Frustrated now, she yanked her arm free and took a step towards the man. The Clinical Lead made to speak again, but Alyssa cut her off. "My name is Alyssa. Alyssa Winters. You are not in any way hurting me. I am a doctor."
Complete silence in the ED. Dr Keogh looked at her in shock. The woman just stared at her, it finally dawning on her that her missing doctor had been sat in cubicles all morning. The man's arm wavered. She was getting through to him. This was a good sign. "Why don't you tell me your name?" Still keeping her voice low, she relaxed her posture. "It's… Daniel. But it won't matter soon because I don't want to live anymore." His grip became defiant again. The nurses and doctors around him glanced between Daniel and Alyssa, waiting to see what would happen. Alyssa fiercely wished her day had started out differently.
"I understand, Daniel. Really, I do. I get how lonely and unbearable it is, when you feel like there is no other option. I bet you have lots of friends, and family, who care. People who would call, and pop round every day when this first started. But you pushed them away, because you just did not know how else to feel, or what else to do, and their visits became fewer and fewer. You pushed them away to protect them, like you are trying to protect them now, but Daniel, I promise you, ending your life will only cause more harm. More pain. It is okay to feel the way you do. But ending your life would not help any of the people you love." Tears welled in Daniel's eyes, and he dropped his arm to his side. "But I don't know what else to do. It will never get better." His arm twitched, as he repeated his own words to himself, getting stronger every time. "it will never get better. IT WILL NEVER EVER GET ANY BETTER!"
Alyssa felt Dr Keogh tense beside her as Daniel went to raise his arm again. "Daniel, it can and does get better. I know you don't feel that way right now, but I can help you. I want to help you. You deserve to let me help you." Alyssa added emphasis on the 'deserve' and watched as Daniel's resolve crumbled. His arm fell, and so did the scalpel. A nurse moved quickly to remove it before Daniel could pick it up again. He began to cry, properly this time, and Alyssa went straight to him. "You're going to be okay. These nurses will take you back to your bed, and they will give you something to help you sleep." Immediately, Daniel's eyes lit up in fear, but Alyssa smiled encouragingly. "It's exhausting, keeping all these feelings inside. You can get some proper sleep, and then we will talk. When you're feeling more rested, and calm. How does that sound?" Alyssa's voice was still low, and very slowly, Daniel nodded. At once, Dr Hardy was there, and swiftly took him back to Resus.
Despite Dr Keogh following and attempting to again take her back to her own cubicle, she followed them into Resus. "You'll feel a small sting, okay, but after that you'll fall into a really deep sleep. I'll get the doctors to let me know when you're awake, and we can talk. Okay?" Daniel smiled up at her, as Dr Hardy administered the drug. "Thank you." He said softly, as he instantly began to tire. She smiled and left the room.
"So, you are my missing doctor? I'm Connie Beauchamp, Clinical Lead for the ED." Alyssa shook her hand and apologised for not explaining sooner. "Oh, that's quite alright. It's perfectly understandable. You did some good work there. I'll admit, I was apprehensive at first, at the proposal from Hansen. But I think you will fit in well here." Connie walked with her, and quickly gathered the staff. "Everyone, this is Dr Winters. She is part of a new initiative to make Emergency Departments more multi-disciplinary and will be acting as our lead on Mental Health whilst she is here. I expect you all to make her feel welcome. Dr Winters take the rest of today to rest up. I will see you tomorrow morning for your first shift." And with that she was gone. The team briefly introduced themselves, before returning to their patients. Alyssa's welcome had taken barely 5 minutes.
"Don't mind them. It's all been a bit of a whirlwind this morning. None of us were expecting our patient to be our new Psychologist." Dr Keogh had followed her back to her cubicle. Carefully avoiding his gaze, she simply nodded. "I'm Dr Keogh. But you already know that." She looked up at him, and he was biting his lip again. Clearly, he had no idea what to say to her. She briefly wondered why he was still stood there, when he probably had other patients to see. "Thank you, Dr Keogh. Again. For everything today. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner about my hidden identity!" She smiled, as he passed her hoodie to her. Keeping her eyes low, she pulled it on, and made to leave. As she was walking away, she heard him turn to face her.
"You're welcome, Dr Winters. And please. Call me Dylan."
"Only if you call me Alyssa."
His low chuckle followed her all the way out of the ED.
