Chapter 2: Steps on broken glass
It was a relief that Terry didn't have to go to the end of the earth for Candy. After sending the cases to the hotel and exchanging good byes and good lucks with his mother he started his searches sticking to the plan he had shared with Eleanor Baker in the train. Finally, he had the Andrew mansion in front of him where according to Dr. Martins report Candy had been living for a year.
Obviously, a reception or party took place in the house this day because a number of cars had been parked at the mansion and servant people were running to and fro, giving each other errands and yelling their lungs out. For a second Terry thought that he would have problems getting into the house without invitation. Yet hardly had he introduced himself at the main entrance as he was politely showed in. Apparently, the manservant believed that such a Broadway celebrity like Terence G. Grandchester just had to be among the guests of the most respected house in Chicago.
Terry tried to stay in shadow and not stand out among the guest. Admiring screams by obsessed fan ladies were the last thing he wanted to deal with this evening. In fact, his precautions were not necessary. The public consisted mostly of elder gentlemen and ladies, whose attention was drawn to a monotonous speech of some woman. Terry followed the stares of the crowd and caught sight of an old woman of grant - in all means of the word - appearance. "The Great Aunt", dawned upon him as he compared Candys descriptions with their incarnation several feet away from him. To all appearance, the party was given in the Aunts honor, since everybody was affectedly eager to congratulate her. Terrys gaze moved around to discover Albert, the Dandy with his shy girlfriend on one side and the devilish dou Neil and Eliza on the other side of the Aunt. He had no reason to be surprised at seeing them here, but his heart skipped a beat on seeing all those familiar faces. Their presence was a sign that Candy, his beloved Freckles, must have been here too. Where could she be if not with the gang by the way?
Terry remembered Candy had told him something of being on rather bad terms with her Aunt and his eyes continued inspecting the reception room. On a spot in the darkest corner of the room his gaze stood still, his heart jumped up, his breathing stopped. There she was, so beautifully alone, standing modestly in shadow, her hands down and clasped together, with a meditative expression on her face and mysterious glitter in her eyes, nearly smiling. As if a muse, invisible for the eyes of average men, honored with her presence this noisy gathering of people. And only he, the uninvited guest was able to see her. Was she another vision like the one he had had in Rockton? No, this time he saw the real Freckles and his intentions were most real as well. Terry took a deep breath and made a step. His first step in his new life. He felt his heart beating faster and faster with every inch he passed. She didn't notice him. How will she react? Therere just a few more steps left
"Candice White Andrew!"
Finally the sounds from the external world reached Terrys ears. And they sounded very much like Alberts voice. "Why is everybody clapping hands?" The crowd parted forming a pass direct from the place where were the Aunt and the gang to Candy. "What the heck is happening here?" Unfortunately Terry failed to get the answer by means of visual perception, because the moving crowd unmercifully pressed the great Broadway actor to the wall and from his observation post he could only observe indifferent backs of Chicagos elite.
Since Terrys eyes were of no more help now he was all ears. He didn't actually have to strain his attention. What followed next he would have heard with plugs in his ears. As much as Terry wished, he had failed to forget this piercing voice. Eliza.
"I wont have this stable girl as my relative! My patience is out! Either me or she! CHOOSE!"
Much to Terry's disappointment he wasn't able to hear what verdict was announced, but obviously things stood not for Elizas benefit as her voice resounded again louder and more hysterical than before.
"You are going to regret it! You don't know what Eliza Reagan is capable of!" Terry heard the sound of footsteps. "Come on, Neil! We have nothing to do with this bunch of people!" Footsteps again and a resonant door bang.
Terry took advantage of the confusion among the guests to get closer to the center of action. However a strong voice that sounded again very much like Albert's voice asked the crowd for silence. The man speaking must have had considerable power in this house for everyone obeyed at once. Finally Terry found a good place from where he could see the whole room. He was astonished to see that the speaker was Albert indeed. "Albert in tuxedo?"
Terry didn't have a chance to give way to this thought. At once he was seized with alarm and sudden anger and the reason for it was none other Albert who impudently placed his arm around Candys waste.
"As I was saying and what I repeat with delight, charming Candice White Andrew has agreed to be my fiancée. I will never be able to thank you enough for it, my love." Albert kissed slightly his fiancée. "I would like to thank also my dear Aunt who kindly gave us her permission to announce officially our engagement on her birthday party."
Somewhere in the middle of Albert's speech Terry's mind freezed refusing to accept further information. He didn't hear that Albert called Elroy his Aunt, that he was grateful to her for kindly giving them her permission, Terry didn't hear how Candy thanked her fiancé and the Aunt. He didn't hear toasts and speeches of guests from which he could have concluded that Albert was the Great Uncle William, the head of the Andrews, that the Aunt had cardinally changed her attitude towards Candice, that Alistear Cornwell had tragically died in the War and that his brother Archibald and Annie Brighton had been happily married for a year. Even the rumors that Neil and Eliza had fallen into the Aunts disgrace didn't reach Terry. He stood in the same corner where Candy had been a few minutes ago, devastated and all alone in the shadow that his life had cast on him.
"Pull yourself together! Engagement isnt a life imprisonment, you saw it yourself." Having convinced himself that Candy had taken this decisive step just because she had no choice and sympathized with Albert, Terry almost decided to stick to his scheme, had not a very meaningful scene caught his eye.
They were dancing. His Freckles and that Albert. The latter leaned over Candys ear and was whispering something. He has such a passionate look that Terry though he was going to roast Candy. But that was half the trouble. Candy didn't seem to feel the least uneasiness in this hot company. She was giggling and looked rather pleased. Of course these details might have been an optical illusion The worst came in the end of the dance. Albert shamelessly covered Candys lips with his and it appeared to Terry that the kiss lasted at least as long as the famous reminiscence from the Scotland summer. With the only difference: The slap, that Terry would so much welcome now, never followed.
Now it was really over. The weak gleams of hope that Terry had managed to save after Alberts speech suddenly died out. Terrys dreams that had been so fresh and alive just an hour ago were shattered at once. As for the pain the latest events caused to him, Terry wondered how he still hadn't fainted from a pain shock. The old wounds opened again. Three years ago he had thought he would never be able to feel again, neither joy nor pain. Hed been mistaken. Hed managed to rise from the dead. What for? To die for the second time?
"Terry. Is it really you?" A low soft voice called him. Oh, this voice! Only this voice could make him shudder by just calling his name. "What a surprise to see you here!" The freckled face in front of his eyes broke into a wide smile.
"Hello Candy. How are you?"
"I'm fine! Oh, Terry I missed you so much!" Candy threw herself joyful around Terrys neck. He hugged her slightly and let go. Though he wanted desperately to hold her in his arms! Yet his sad experience told him that it would change nothing. Why tempt fate?
"I've heard you are the most famous actor of the whole Broadway! I'm so happy for you!" The smile on the beloved face became wider. "What are you doing here?"
A very good question. What was he doing here? He should have left this place with no honor straight after his fiasco just like Eliza had done not long ago. Well, as hed been so careless to stay here he could do nothing but play his part. The part of a friend whod paid a visit to a childhood friend and who was very happy for the latter and for himself as well. Wasnt acting the only thing that hed been doing for years? Its his work after all. And he never neglected his work. It would be his best part.
"I am here to keep company to my mother. She has some acting business to do here and since the director gave me a few days I decided to go with her. With our rehearsals, performances and tours we can never find time to meet in New York." Terry thought the beginning was very good. "And certainly how can I forget that I have a good friend here in Chicago?"
"Thank you Terry. I'm very glad to see you."
"Same for me Freckles." Somehow he was able to tell all this smiling and looking very much at ease. He wasn't called the best Broadway actor for nothing. "I think arrived just in time. Congratulations on your engagement!" Saying it Terry was glad Albert wasnt around. The guy always had seen him through, controlling oneself would be more difficult now that Terry felt like strangling him.
"Thank you. I suppose you have figured out that Albert turned out to be the Great Uncle William." Oh was he? Well judging by the way Albert behaved, so pompous and impudent, Terry suspected that he was something Great in this house. "But this isn't everything. Can you imagine my surprise when I learned that he was my Prince of the Hill?"
He was her WHO? Prince? It was the hit below the belt. No wonder she ended up with Albert, her Prince, her savior, her shoulder to cry on. Who cares actually? Now matter who this Albert was there were no place for Terry in Candys life anymore.
"Really? I'm glad for you two." Damn. Did he have nothing better to say to the great occasion? He hoped it sounded convincing enough.
"Yes, Albert is a wonderful person. And how is Susanna, Terry?"
Terry looked intently at Candy. Was she only pretending or did she really have merely friendly feelings for him now? He used to read everything on her face but what was going on in her obviously was out of reach to him now. How could she be so calm? What had happened to their love? Shed never been a good actress before before that day Was it the fact that he had let her go so easily that nipped in the bud the chance to start it all over again?
"She feels perfectly well. She parted with her wheelchair two year ago. She can walk now, almost as skilfully as she used to before the accident. The doctor has allowed her to act again and she is going back on stage. I think she finally got back her joy of life." At least he didn't lie about Susanna. She was fine, a way finer than Terry.
"Oh it's a miracle! I'm happy everything is fine with you two." Candy smiled again. Damn his widely praised acting skills if he couldnt make out whether it was a real smile or a fake one.
"Candy! Candy can I have you for a minute please!" Missis Dandy called her friend from the other side of the room. Apparently nobody except Candy noticed Terry. Not that he wished for it. Though Albert must have seen him after the dance.
"Sorry, Annie's calling. Do you want to come with me? I'm sure that everyone will be glad to see you." Well he wasn't sure if he would actually be glad to see everyone. Albert in particular.
"Thank you, but I'd better stay here. I see a lot of young females around your Dandy friend. Believe me, they are the most dangerous creatures when youre a celebrity like me."
Terry winked at Candy and made the best I-am-fine-here smile. She turned around and went away. He was smiling and appeared to be a mischievous boy like he used to be in her company. But why did he feel like reaching out for her and holding her tight against him?
Stepping on broken glass,
On the fragments of broken hearts,
Stepping on broken glass
On this one-way road.
Stepping on broken glass
Following the happiness I lost,
Stepping on broken glass
On the road that doesnt exist.
Song translation from Russian
* * *
Terry was on the terrace carried away by his cheerless thoughts when he heard somebody approaching him.
"I hope you dont mind the company of an old friend." Albert stopped near Terry and leaned on the railing.
"Of course not." Terry felt that Albert hadnt come only to say hi. "I knew you couldn't just neglect an uninvited guest like me."
"That simplifies everything. Let's get down to cases. Why are you here?"
"You think you are the only one whos asking this question?" Terry smirked sadly.
"It's not the best time for jokes Terry." Albert shook his head.
"Why not? Jokes and big occasions like engagement parties go perfectly well together. By the by, my congratulations!" Terry noticed that Albert could be extremely annoying especially with Candy being his fiancée.
"You might fool Candy but your tricks don't work on me. I've seen and heard you two. Great acting! If I didn't know you I wouldve believed in your fairy tale about calling upon a childhood friend."
"What do you want?"
"I want to talk Terry."
"What for Albert? To tell me to go back to New York and go on with my life? Well I'll save you the trouble! I'm taking the first train tomorrow morning. I'm not going the slippery slope again if that's what youre afraid of! Satisfied?"
"Terry you are angry. You are angry at me, because I have something that you couldnt keep. You are angry at Candy, because she displays purely friendly feelings towards you. What's worse you are angry at yourself, because you think you are the one to be to blame for everything and you are so lost that you can not make out where the truth is. If you need to let off steam so I'm here. Come on, punch me, strangle me, do everything you wanted to do with me when you saw us together."
Terry gave Albert a sidelong glance.
"No thanks. I'm kind of too old for those punching games." He paused. "You summed it up quite well. Except one thing. I think I know the truth."
"You think she doesn't love you? Let me correct it. You think shed been over you too easily? Listen, Terry. I am not going to tell you how I fell in love with her but Ill tell you that gaining her love wasn't easy. I'm the only person who knows how many nights she had been crying her eyes out, crying over you Terry! Only I can tell how long it took her to finally be able to hear your name without shuddering and getting deep in thoughts. No one else knows that half a year ago the evening I proposed to her she left the house and didn't go for her night shift in the hospital but walked all night long alone in the streets. She came back with swollen eyes and spent a week in bed with fever. It took her more that five month to say yes. She has been struggling so hard to move on. You see, Terry, after three years were having the same talk."
They stood still for a while. They had both known that this talk wouldn't change much so why they were having the same conversation again?
"Albert you know, this time I was seriously intended to take her back. I thought finally settling my affairs in New York would make my dream come true. I admit, I hadn't taken you into account. Stupid of me. Maybe that's your patience why she fell for you." Terry turned around and made for the reception room.
"This may be not a very pleasent thing to say and hear but... You'd better leave Terry. Not because of me, because of Candy. She must feel very uncomfortable appearing with her fiancé in front of the guy who used to play the same part in her life."
"You could have spared your lines, Albert. One time was enough for me to learn them by heart." Terry answered without turning back to face Albert.
* * *
"You are leaving? So soon? But why?" Candy looked very upset and this time Terry could tell the disappointment was not in any way fake.
"I promised to take my mother from her performance. It's time for me to go. I was happy to see you, Candy. Really happy. And you too, Albert."
"I'll show you to the gate!" Said Candy in a desperate attempt to make Terry stay for a bit longer.
"Thanks but don't trouble yourself. I know the way. Besides your friends are looking for you again." Which was true. Annie and Archie were currently inspecting the opposite side of the room.
"He is right honey. You are in the focus of everyones attention today. The people are rather tired of congratulating the Great Aunt Elroy, now it's our turn." Terry had to admit that Albert had done his best no to display his physical closeness to Candy from the moment he had noticed him.
"Good bye Candy. Thank you for the evening, our meeting means a lot for me."
"Same for me Terry. Good bye. Don't forget to say hi to your mother from me." Candy gifted Terry with a sweet smile, shook hands with him and left. Terry was about to say something like I'll write you from New York but checked himself. He hadn't written her last time. Had anything changed since then?
After saying goodbye to Albert on the doorway Terry cast the last glance at Candy. It was the glance with which he had always wanted too look at her since his arrival but couldn't allow himself. It was the look of a man over head and ears in love. A farewell look.
* * *
He carried their two suitcases in the compartment that Eleanor Baker had reserved in advance last evening. News spreads quickly. Terry was having his talk with Albert when his mother learned about the engagement and it hadn't taken her a lot of efforts to draw up a new plan of actions. She would have preferred to stick to the initial version of it, so did Terry. But that was how things stood. Terrys mother took for him a separate compartment so that she could any moment go to the day coach if her son needed privacy.
Terry didn't stay in the compartment with his mother and went to the carriage door. Now he was leaving Chicago again, but what a smashing difference there was comparing to the last time. And Candy, she must have taken the same train when was going to him. Had she felt the same when she was leaving New-York? Had he made all the way to Chicago again just to revive the bunch of painful memories? To feel himself on the top and then crash down to the bottom again? Life played coarse jokes on him. No, he wasnt an actor; he was a puppet, a life-term prisoner sentenced to serve his time because once he had given his love to duty. He had no duty now; there was nothing to live for either.
The morning train from Chicago to New York was leaving the station. Terence Graham Grandchester was already back in his personal hell.
