The Fault in Dying

Yuè Rú stared out of an open window listlessly. Her hands had once clutched at the sheets and left them wrinkled and dishevelled. She cared not. This place was one that she simply had to think about. She had little time left to do that. He would return soon.

"Li Xiāo Yáo…" she sighed. "Li Xiāo Yáo…"

His name sounded lonely as she spoke it. Frail tears cascaded from her weary eyes. Her hands remained clasped as she stared solemnly ahead. The room itself felt constricting. She could easily imagine voices speaking of her in the most disapproving of tones. After all, this is her place…

Her eyelashes fluttered and her vision restored. "Líng'er…"

She spoke nothing of betrayal or isolation to him. He and Líng'er had much together. She felt no rivalry with the young girl who had been such a cherished companion. She came second, she supposed, but it was no cause for anguish. They had love. They were bound by that. Both she and Líng'er had taken place as his wife. Both had raised his child and loved her, bless her dearly departed soul.

Her lips pursed. She frowned as drear thoughts came to mind. This place is Líng'er and Yì Rú's. This is their home, their tragedy. She glances downwards.

She is dying. She has been for some time. The strength that she once had has waned and gone beyond her reach. She recognises how close death stands to her. She would beckon it nearer if not for Xiāo Yáo. He has lost his aunt, Líng'er, killed Xiǎo Mán's father and Yì Rú's lover only to watch as the life drained from her and his grand-daughter profited from stolen strength and fell to deep, terrible grief. He will watch, too, as his dear grand-daughter, Xiǎo Mán, dies. She knows he will.

It would take a fool in the deepest throws of love to marry a woman who must give her strength and life to her daughter, who must sacrifice all that she has to protect the people of the world and who cannot remain so loyally by his side as both wish.

Yuè Rú returned her gaze to the window. She has died before. She died when Líng'er was with child. She died when saving Líng'er from the tower with Xiāo Yáo. The walls collapsed. She remembers it all so vividly. It had caused such blinding pain when the wall had crushed her skull.

If not for his grief, for the grief that has been such a fiercely loyal companion to him, she would accept her fate and have died willingly.

Author's Note: Yuè Rú, don't go! Don't leave him all alone!