I do not own any phrase, place, or character from the show Hey Arnold! Craig Bartlett is the creator and deserves full credit for Hey Arnold! I only wrote this story. Enjoy!
"So I don't get it Rhonda. Why were you so against Helga running in the Beauty Pageant?" asked Nadine at lunch that afternoon.
"Look, I know Helga is our friend and I love her with all my heart. I just think it is in her best interest if she would just not run in the pageant. I mean who is she kidding? Does she honestly think that she can win a beauty contest? I'm just so worried that she is going to humiliate herself in front of the whole school," said Rhonda.
Nadine and Lila glanced at each other as if they couldn't believe the bullshit Rhonda just said.
"I don't know Rhonda, I mean Helga might not be the prettiest flower in the bunch but isn't hideous. I think if she tried she could do very well in the pageant," Nadine said.
"I agree with Nadine but how come you want to be in the pageant so badly Rhonda? I'm ever so certain that it can't be because of the grand prize. After all, your family can afford college easily," said Lila politely.
"I know very well that my parents can afford my schooling, but as I said for weeks now it's a beauty contest and the judges deserve to see the prettiest the school has to offer. I mean as we all know that as a Lloyd, looks do run in the family. As for Helga, I know she isn't that hideous but I know that she isn't very feminine either. Plus, she doesn't have the slightest bit of taste when it comes to style. She still wears her hair in pigtails for Christ's sake and we are seniors in high school! You two can't honestly tell me that she can win a beauty contest!"
"Whatever you say Rhonda, we were just saying that Helga might surprise you that's all," said Nadine.
Helga sat at her desk impatiently as she waited for the clock to finally strike 2:30. She had been a nervous wreck all day after she mouthed off to Rhonda that she could beat her in a beauty pageant.
'What the hell am I thinking? Seriously Helga this is going to be another fine mess that you are getting yourself into! What's worse is Arnold is going to witness the whole thing when it comes crashing down all around you. He probably already thinks you are a nut job for even signing up! I mean come on, Helga ole girl you don't look anything like the other girls in the competition! Rhonda has her beautiful raven hair, Nadine has a killer tan, and Lila is just plain pretty! How in the hell am I going to compete with them!'
The bell finally rang and Helga rose to walk out of the classroom. She met up with Phoebe in the hallway.
"So Helga, are you ready to start practicing for the contest?" asked Phoebe with a tone of excitement.
"I don't know Pheebs. Do I honestly have a shot at this? I mean all people see when they see me is a bitchy, pale faced girl who used to have a unibrow! Look what happened to me in the 4th grade, that Johnny Stitches guy wanted me to model for him because I was a bitchy little brat. I'm sick and tired of being thought of like that. For once I just wish I could take the "mask" off and just be me."
"Helga, believe me I honestly think that you can do this. I have seen the real you and I can tell you that with a little practice we can turn you into a beauty queen! Do you think your parents will be excited when you tell them about the contest?"
"I'm not going to tell them just yet. You know how every time I'm in a competition how Big Bob gets. Remember that spelling bee in elementary school? I couldn't even take a shit without spelling it out loud for him. I'm going to wait until the night before the pageant that way this whole ordeal can be a little less stressful on me. That's one reason why I'm glad that Arnold suggested his place," said Helga.
They caught up with the boys in the school parking lot and hoped into Arnold's banged up 93' Civic. When they got to the boarding house, they all said their hellos to Arnold's grandparents and rushed up the stairs to Arnold's room. They all knew they had a lot of work to do and little time to waste. Two weeks to turn Helga into a beauty queen, was just not enough time.
"Ok so what should we plan first?" Arnold asked.
"I don't know Football Head; I have never even watched a beauty pageant. Every time Olga tried to get me to watch one I always feel asleep."
"How about we plan everybody a task that they can work on and then we bring everything together? For instance Gerald here is pretty up to date with what's in style. Do you think you could pick out Helga's outfits Gerald?" asked Phoebe.
"Yea I can do that babe."
"I can help you with your hair, make-up, and with your speech. They will ask you a question and you have to answer it properly for you to get a decent score," said Phoebe.
"What kind of questions Pheebs?"
"Oh you they may ask you a question like, what's your ideal vacation and why? Or they could ask you something about your view on something that is going on in local, national, or global news."
"Criminy! You are definitely going to help me out with that Pheebs."
"Let's see and that leaves Arnold. Hmm…oh wait I know! You can help Helga with her talent!" exclaimed Phoebe.
"Talent? What do you mean talent? I thought this was a beauty contest not a talent show!"
"Well yes Helga, each contestant performs a special talent in one of the competition rounds. You can do a number of things such as dancing, singing, or baton twirling. Just to name a few," said Phoebe.
"God, all I thought you did is dress up in an evening gown and was just judged on beauty! I mean shit, I don't really know what I could do for talent at all," said Helga.
"Yea I know what you mean; all Helga is good at is shaking her fists and yelling at people. HAHAHA! You not allowed to threaten the judges, you know!" laughed Gerald.
"Doi Geraldo! I'm not a complete idiot. Well Arnoldo looks like you have work cut out for you for finding me a talent. It better be a good one too because I will not make a foul out of myself on stage!" Helga snapped. "Is there anything else I need to know before we continue? How many outfits do I need?"
"Well you will need four outfits. You will need one casual, one for your talent, a swim suit, and of course the evening gown," Phoebe answered.
"Whoa hold the phone sister! A bathing suit! Alright now I know you are trying to get me wound up. There is no way I'm going to wear a bathing suit in front of the entire school!"
"Why not Helga?" Arnold asked.
"I'll tell you why not Football Head, for one as my sister tells me I'm the president of the 'Itty Bitty Titty Club'! And everyone knows that if you aren't some bimbo with a big chest, no one finds you attractive in a bathing suit!" Helga snapped.
Arnold's cheeks went a little red after she described her chest, and couldn't help but to look either.
"What are you looking at Arnoldo!"
"Obliviously, not much! 'Itty Bitty Titty Club', oh that's funny!" Gerald was in hysterics.
"Watch it Geraldo! Ole Betsy hasn't slugged anyone lately and she is due for one!"
"Everybody calm down!" Phoebe shouted. "We have a lot of work to do if Helga has any chance at winning this pageant! Gerald quit making fun of Helga's boobs, Arnold quit looking at them, and Helga quit threating people who are trying to help you!"
Arnold's face looked like a giant tomato; it was so red. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to stare Helga."
"It's ok. Just don't do it again."
"Yea and I'm sorry also Helga," Gerald said. "Sorry that you have small tits! HAHAHAHA!"
"Gerald please, just quit," said Phoebe firmly. "Anyway, it's getting late and I should be getting home."
"Yea me too, I can walk you home babe," said Gerald.
"Sure that would nice! Now everyone work on their assignments tonight and we can meet up again tomorrow. Is that ok with everyone?" asked Phoebe.
"Yeah, it's fine with me. We can use my room again too," said Arnold.
Phoebe and Gerald said their goodbyes and turned to leave. Helga got up right after they walked out.
"Would you like for me to walk you home Helga?"
"No that's alright Football Head, I don't want to be stared at the whole way," she said.
Arnold blushed again. Helga looked at him and smiled.
"Thanks for the offer though, and Arnold?"
"Yea?"
"Please think of a good talent for me."
"I will try. I will see you tomorrow Helga."
"You too!"
