Ninth Degree
It was all over the place and as usual, so was she.
He came back in a short while later, looking a bit off, weird, worried even and when he looked at her, she thought she saw something in those eyes, a spark of familiar feeling, but it was fleeting, he was speaking the next minute and the flicker had died again.
She hadn't been listening, something happening more and more much to his disapproval, but he made no comment on that either. More than content to keep his mouth shut, for whatever reason. Perhaps they were the same as hers, neither wishing to admit defeat despite the painfully obvious.
"Um sorry?" She asked, too many silent seconds ticking away, finally realising he was saying something that required replying to. She wondered how long he had been waiting, finding that far too funny in a perverse kind of way, a giggle threatened to bubble up into her throat.
"I said," He started again, sounding more than slightly annoyed, "Rose, now, I think it best you stay in here." His mollifying tone and the suggested exclusion immediately made her suspicious.
"Why?"
"Bit dangerous out there, unstable, interdimensional rip in the universe, no small matter you know, nothing to worry about though, you stay here."
"Too dangerous, for me? That's never bothered you before." She stated, and he winced at her accusing inflection.
"Ah well of course it has, just now it's probably best you stay in here, nothing safer than the TARIDS you know, so yes, stay here."
Again, Rose was filled with doubt. He was keeping something from her, had never been great at lying to her, even in this incarnation. She narrowed her eyes and saw him steel himself for a fight. But it never came. She let it go. He looked surprised. She shrugged and turned around, hoping to bluff her way through this and pretend she was a good girl who did as she was told. Well, she'd never responded well to rules, and ones from this Doctor were good for nothing, fit to be broken.
He'd gone back to tweaking machinery, sometimes going out for lengthy periods of time. It was bloody obvious he was talking to whoever was in the other TARDIS, danger, yeah right. Did he think she was stupid?
She said goodnight and carried off all the pretence of going to bed. But she didn't get changed, just sitting by the door, hoping to hear the Doctor withdraw to his room. Though he didn't sleep much he often retreated there for contemplation or meditation. It took a while, but eventually she heard a still achingly unfamiliar tread on the floor and knew when he'd gone. It might only be for a few minutes and possibly her only chance to find out what the hell was going on, why he seemed so keen to keep her from it. It made her heart ache suddenly again, as she thought of just how badly this Doctor knew her, how could he forget her, forget what she was like? But then, how can someone just stop loving another? An equally interesting question, but she knew why, had been told ad-infinitum, he was different, he was changed. And in that moment, when she'd known he really was so very different this time, her heart had broken, and she'd changed too.
She got to the console room and slipped through the TARDIS doors. There was very little to see really. The bare tundra landscape could have been anywhere, even earth, and the planet they were on could have been densely populated or completely barren of all life. No real way to tell, it looked to be the middle of nowhere either way. Very little vegetation and contrary to what her internal clock was telling her the suns were shining a bright cheerful morning light. She blinked against it until her eyes adjusted, enough to see the only thing that was out there. It was an identical TARDIS, stuck chameleon circuit and all. She'd expected that, now all she had to do was go in, and…see? See what exactly? See who it was, came the reply, anything was better than not knowing, she simply wasn't made for sitting around doing nothing. And since he wasn't telling her anything and was in fact most definitely lying to her she had to find out and help if she could. Though that was unlikely, none of the Doctor's had liked her 'helping' with the TARDIS and she was lucky if he let her assist him to fly her occasionally; but she was guessing this wasn't simply a TARDIS problem.
She stepped tentatively towards the other, feeling suddenly very nervous. Pressing forward anyway. The door wasn't locked; no need for it she supposed. And she stepped inside as quietly as she could; clicking it behind her she took in the cavernous interior. Something was very familiar, but then it was the TARDIS, her home for a long time now, would probably be familiar whichever him was within it. But she suddenly had this sick feeling in her gut. A worrying yet bittersweet realisation was dawning on her now, as her eyes lay upon a leather jacket draped across one of the railings. He heart skipped a beat and felt like it was falling, on and on, and she prayed that someone would catch it and her.
"You're back then?" There came a voice from the other side of this console, "You find anything or you too busy lying to your companion?" He sneered, sounding so bitter. She ached at the sound anyway, how long had it been now? Too long, this was all she had thought about for a while, particularly recently.
What had he been saying then? No doubt some stupid crap about interference and not knowing too much about the future or whatever other nonsense he was so fond of spouting. But then, that couldn't have been right, there was no future here with this one, her Doctor, so it begged the question, where was she? Was another Rose somewhere in this TARDIS completely oblivious to what was going on? She didn't remember being stuck still for very long when with him, so maybe he hadn't met her yet. She didn't know whether that idea was more or less painful than the simple act of standing in his presence.
This Doctor, not having heard a reply paused in his tinkering.
"Come one then; spit it out, anymore bright ideas?" Silence.
She couldn't seem to move, was stuck there, knowing nothing good would come from this meeting, and that she'd probably finish up heartbroken all over again.
"I…" She couldn't say it, whatever had been stuck in her throat. The noises he had resumed making under the console stopped with the loud clatter of some instrument dropping to the floor.
There was a scrambling noise and his face appeared on the other side of the room, peering at her in a mixture of amazement and, she wasn't sure if that look was abject joy or horror.
"Rose?"
"god, Rose." He breathed her name, softly, still staring at her. She struggled to control the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
"I'm sorry." She said, her voice cracking with the effort to not start crying. "I…"
"Rose."
She smiled at him then, "Yeah, you said that already."
He looked slightly abashed. "I'm sorry, you okay?" He looked concerned but was still staring at her in that deconstructive disconcerting way. As it was her heart banged rapidly within her as he came forward. He looked so cautious, like he didn't want to scare her away.
"Would you like to sit, you sure you okay?"
"I didn't say did I, I dunno, I'm okay," She caught sight of her hands which were shaking and immediately folded them underneath her. He must have noted this too; his eyes did not rise to meet hers for a few more seconds.
She looked at him; their bodies so close; she could feel the heat emanating through his jumper and just ached to bury her head in his chest and have him hold her like old times.
She finally found her tongue again,
"Sorry, I know I'm not meant to be in here? He said anyway," She inclined her head and her tone must have told him a lot. He raised an eyebrow,
"You didn't listen," She smiled cheekily and inclined her head to consider his expression, he didn't look annoyed, more amused.
"No, I didn't listen, me and rules…" She smirked and shrugged,
"I remember." He replied quietly, her heart plummeted.
"So, um, you know me then yes?" Please let it be yes. He was completely taken aback.
"Of course I do." She seemed almost to breathe a sigh of relief as he stood up to face her, looking a bit puzzled.
"You thought I wouldn't know you?"
"I wondered yeah, I suppose you never know with time, in time, whatever. I just, had to see you; that's all, sorry."
"Why you saying sorry? I'm not bothered, I mean, I'm glad you did."
"I didn't know who was out here, he wouldn't tell me anything, knew something was up though cos he's, well you've always been a terrible liar, to me anyway." She bit her lip, those hadn't been easy times either but at least they'd had each other.
"Oi, who says I'm a terrible liar, I'm brilliant at poker me."
"Poker, yeah right." She nudged him slightly, it seemed such an automatic and natural movement, it was only a second later that she realised something was weird. He wasn't moving again and was staring at her strangely. Something was most definitely going on.
She looked her him, her head tilted sideways, considering him; her expression let him know exactly what she was wondering.
"Nothing," He said quickly, too quickly.
"What?" She asked, still wondering, he looked guilty, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.
"Nothing," He repeated.
"Nothing what? Don't give me that, like I said, terrible liar, terrible bluffer, out with it." He looked at her then, so directly into her eyes, so intense and deep a look that she shivered, an utterly amazing feeling making its way down her spine. He looked so sad and vulnerable, and seemed to be looking at her with something akin to awe and reverence. It scared her a little, but that incredible feeling, my word she wanted more of that.
She stood up abruptly and moved to stand opposite him, looking him up and down. Trying to figure out what was going on.
It was then that it happened, she realised what it meant to be standing there looking at him again. And it was too much. She really hadn't been prepared. Maybe this hadn't been her brightest idea, she couldn't deal with this.
Her legs gave way as her face crumpled, despite trying to stop the tears, it didn't work. The next second she was kneeling on the grating and sobbing. The Doctor had never been able to deal with seeing Rose so upset, he was almost immediately upon her, crouching down and taking her in her arms, which alarmingly only served to increase her upset. Savouring how wonderful she felt against him, how amazing it was to hold her at all. Until slowly, her sobs diminished and gave way to a calmer few moments where she seemed to cling onto him for dear life.
