"Whose car is that?" I ask as we pull in next to a pale green Civic.

"I don't know, but at least it's not Hank's," Tony says irritably. Sometimes he worries that Hank will use his visits to the baby as a way to get back with Sam. Tony still wishes the divorce had never happened, but he even more wishes the marriage had never happened. The thing is, then he wouldn't have a granddaughter he adores.

"Maybe it's one of Sam's friends visiting her."
"Yeah, maybe." Tony parks the car, trying to leave space for the visitor's car. I let Mother borrow mine today, but Tony picked me up at the train station, like he used to, only now he's a college professor and my husband, rather than my housekeeper.

We get out and kiss, leaning against the Jeep. With Mother gone on an overnight date, we will have more privacy tonight than we sometimes get, and I know we've both been looking forward to it. We thought about a fancy dinner, out or in, but then we decided we'd just reheat something. After all, tomorrow night we'll have the family dinner, to welcome Jonathan home from college.

We stop kissing and head into the house. We kiss a little in the kitchen and then I say, "I'll go change." Even if we're eating leftovers, I still want to look nice for him, and nice in a different way than business-nice.

But when I enter the living room, I stop dead in my tracks. "Jonathan!"

"Hey, Mom." He comes over and gives me a hug.

Tony comes in from the kitchen. "Jonathan's here?"

"Hey, Tony." They hug, too.

"But, Sweetheart, we were supposed to pick you up at the airport tomorrow!"

"I bought a car."

"Is that yours?" Tony asks. "Nice!"

"Thanks."

"You should've let us know you were coming." I try to keep the So we'd know we wouldn't have a romantic evening tone out of my voice, and add, "So we could've done something special for you tonight."

"That's OK. Besides, um, I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you did!" Tony and I carefully don't look at each other after he says that. Then he adds, "So how's school?"

"Good. Um, I'll tell you more about it later."

I'm starting to get a funny feeling about things. He did call me last week, so maybe this is related to that.

"OK," Tony says slowly. "So what brings you back early?"

"A few things."

"Like what?"

"Well, I was thinking of taking Sam out."

I stare at him. It sounds like some sort of sick joke, but his smile is nervous.

Tony claps him on the back. "Great idea! You two kids could both use some fun. You've probably been studying too hard, and of course she's got Val and her job. I keep telling her she needs to get out with her friends more."

"Well, this wouldn't be as friends."

"Come on, you guys are buddies, even if you are her 'kid brother.' It's not like the old days, when she wouldn't let you sit next to her at the movies."

"Tony," I say hoarsely, "I think he wants to ask her out on a date."

Tony chuckles. "Yeah, sure."

"Mom's right, Tony."

Now Tony stares at him. "You want to date Sam?"

Jonathan nods.

"ARE YOU INSANE?"

"Come on, Sam's not that bad."

"Ha. Ha. There is no way in hell that Sam would ever go out with you."

"Actually, she said she would if you and Mom were OK with it."
"Well, then she must've been letting you down easy, because there is no way that I would ever approve of, of incest!" He shudders.

"It's not incest. Sam and I aren't really related."

"You grew up together!"

"We know it's weird but we have feelings for each other."

"Feelings? Both of you?"

"Well, yeah."

"She told you she has feelings for you? Non-sisterly feelings?"

"Yes."

Tony is struck speechless for a moment and then whispers, "I don't believe this!" Then he storms out the back door, presumably to Sam's apartment.

"Mom?"

"Let me sit down." I stagger over to the couch and sit.

"I know this has caught you off guard," Jonathan says as he takes a chair.

I shake my head. "I feel like I've known this subconsciously for awhile."

"Oh."

"How long have you had 'feelings' for Sam?"

"Since I was 13."

" 'If I were living in the Ozarks, I'd be married to my cousin,' " I murmur.

He laughs in confusion. "What?"

"That's what you said when you were 13 and you thought I was still treating you like a little boy. The time Mother and I got sick and you looked after things, while Tony was away."

"Oh, right. Um, I didn't have feelings for Sam yet. Not till later that year. In Jamaica."

"Oh. But weren't you with that girl Monica?"

"Monique, yeah, but I also looked at Sam one day and, um, saw her as a girl."

"Oh."

"Please don't tell Tony that part!"

I shake my head. "I don't think he would care what you thought six years ago during puberty. His concern is more what you're thinking now. And what she's thinking."

"Sam and I got close last summer, Mom, when you and Tony were away, and she was dealing with the divorce and everything."

"Oh." I honestly don't know what to say beyond that word. I feel both shocked and, not relieved of course, but strangely comforted. I've felt since our return from Italy, and even before that, when we called them from our trip, that something was different, although of course I couldn't have imagined this.

"We decided not to pursue it, with everything else going on. And I tried going out with Susan, but—"

"Is that why you broke up? Because of Sam?"

"Yes. Have you told Tony?"

"No. You said you wanted to." I laugh in disbelief. "And now I know why!"

He smiles sheepishly. "Yeah."

"Jonathan, don't think that because I'm not blowing my stack like Tony, it means I accept this."

"I know. But thank you for letting me talk about it."

I nod. "Sweetheart, maybe you and Sam have mistaken your feelings of friendship for something else."

"We don't think so. But we would like to date and explore this."

"But you're stepbrother and -sister! You can't just casually date!"

"You think I should ask her to go steady?"

"Very funny, Jonathan."

"Look, Mom, I liked Susan but the whole time I was with her, I kept thinking how much more I like Sam. And not as a sister."

"Jonathan Honey, I am trying to be as open-minded about this as I can. But she is your stepsister. Not to mention three and a half years older, and divorced and the mother of a baby."

"Mom, do you love Sam?"

"Do you?" I shoot back.

He blushes. "I feel some kind of love for her. I'm not in love with her, but I could possibly become in love with her. That's one of the things I need to find out."

"Why? Why do you have to explore it? Can't you just accept it's a bad idea?"

"No, Mom, I can't. And I know you love her."
"Yes, like a daughter. Not like a daughter-in-law."

"I'm not asking to marry her. I just want to date her."

"What is the point, Jonathan? To go out, have a few laughs and some fun?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Jonathan, that won't work. She's not an ordinary girl you take out for fun. If you date her, everyone, not just me and Tony, is going to judge you. Why are opening yourself up to that kind of hurt?"

"So if I were in love with her, if it was some grand, operatic kind of tragic love, then I could date her?"

"No, but." I sigh. "Jonathan, you're right. I do love Sam. But, even if she weren't your stepsister, I would know that she's wrong for you."

"How do you know that?"

"How? Jonathan, she is a lovely girl. And smart, funny, good-hearted. But her heart is also incredibly susceptible. She got so attached to her boyfriends in junior high and high school. And then she became engaged to Matt, when it should've been just a summer romance. She eloped with Hank after a couple months of dating. And now you!"

"We're not engaged. We're not eloping. We're hoping to take things slow."

"Oh."

"Mom, I'm 19. I haven't dated much. A lot of this is still new to me. Sam is more experienced, but she's got a child, and that means that she's not going to do anything that would hurt Val. But our relationship isn't by definition bad."

"Val could still be hurt. And so could you two."

He swallows. "I know. But that's part of the risk of life, of caring about people."

I tear up. "How did you get to be so wise and so stupid?"

"I grew up in this family."

I laugh. "Yes." Then I sigh. "Jonathan, is there anything I can say to talk you out of this?"

"You and Tony can refuse your consent or your blessing or whatever you want to call it. Sam and I are of age, but we're not going to pursue it if it hurts the family."

I shake my head. "Then we're the bad guys. Standing in the way of young love."

"No, Mom, I understand. I think most parents would react the way you two did. If not worse. I mean, I half expected Tony to hit me or kick me out."

"Give it time to sink in. And I think right now he's hoping that Sam is going to tell him this is all a crazy prank."

"You knew it wasn't a joke, didn't you?"

"Yes, I knew."

"You're not going to hit Sam or kick her out, are you?"

"No, Jonathan, that's not how I deal with my feelings." Usually.

"Are you mad at either of us? Or disappointed?"

"Oh, Sweetheart, no, of course not!" I don't say that I of all people know what it's like to have "feelings" for your best friend, even when that friend is someone that people think you shouldn't date. Obviously, a housekeeper is less taboo than a step-sibling, but I can understand a little of what they're going through.

He stands up. "Mom, I think I'm gonna head out."

"Back to Cambridge? But you just got here!"

"No, just for tonight. I can stay at my old friend Steven's. He told me he'd be back for the summer, too. It'll give Tony a chance to cool down a little, and you more time to process this. I'll be back for dinner tomorrow, if that's OK."

"Of course it's OK, Darling!" I stand up and hug him. "You are still a part of this family. And you always will be."

"Thanks, Mom." We let go. "See you tomorrow night."
"Take care, Jonathan."

He exits through the kitchen and presumably back to his car. I sink back onto the couch, wondering if I could've handled that better, but this is not something I ever really expected. Oh, there were moments over the last eleven years when I thought Jonathan might have a little crush on Sam, but I figured he'd grow out of it. I never imagined her returning his feelings!

But I do know that he was there for her when she needed him last summer, and that probably changed things. I want to have a talk with her, and not a "You floozy, how dare you corrupt my innocent, young son!" talk. But not tonight, I'm too drained. And the poor girl has to deal with Tony right now.