A.N: This wasn't supposed to exist. Lol. This story defies all logic, damn it! -.-; Oh well. It's done, anyway.
I got this idea for a continuation, and quite frankly, I liked it too much to not write it. You get a sense of… well, the other side of the fence, you can say. Whereas Light has to deal with the ramifications of his actions, this person has to deal with the ramifications of his lack of such action. As you read, you'll get it. Lol.
I feel like if I really wanted to, I could add one more damn chapter. Damn it. But then, I don't know. If you guys want another chappie, let me know. For now, I suppose this is the end. T.T
Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note; there, I said it! Also, the lyrics in between the scene breaks are from a song by Paramore called "When it Rains". I like to keep with themes. XD
Title: Lucent Remembrance
Chapter Two: Falling Over and Over Again
And when it rains...
When you are sitting on the edge of insanity, everything you've ever taken for granted seems just a bit more…
"I like you… I mean, I don't know why, but I really like you." He whispered, dark eyes widening as the man beside him smiled, a familiar emotion lurking within his starry-eyed gaze. "Do you like me?"
The man laughed as he ruffled his hair and closed his eyes in what seemed to be exhaustion, his head lying just a bit above the dirt-encrusted ground.
Illuminated.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't… that I can promise you."
That's what he thought from time to time, when he still had the ability to remember such things.
For some strange reason, the semi-cold response muttered from the light-haired man's lips had made him feel almost… elated.
Closing his own eyes, the dark haired man felt his own lips twitch up into a smile that he could not actually see or feel. Without realizing it, his body began to disintegrate as it lowered down onto the ground and for one split second, became corporeal within the fluttering pieces of grass and icy winds now billowing around his shivering thin frame.
This two-way battle he was still caught in between was wearing him down; and worse yet, he knew he could not give in to either side without destroying himself first.
Eyes fluttering open for a moment, the tangible figure caught sight of the disappearing image of the brunette with a dazzling smile-
For one solitary second, he remembered, and that second had to be the worst, as he knew after that moment flew away-
'No, you can't leave me yet, not when I finally have you; not when I finally remember you, Li-'
The small moment of remembrance disintegrated instantly as his body shone with a dull sheen of light before scattering away in a million particles.
He would once again be trapped within the same void as the day before; caught between what was best for his existence and what was certain for his survival.
The memory of the boy's sad smile and tear-stained cheeks would disappear in a splash of radiant color the instant his own body did as well, but unfortunately for himself, the echo of loneliness that laid in his wake would not.
And each time…
It only made it all the more difficult for him to bear.
On this side of town,
It touches everything.
This place… where was this place?
Opening his eyes, the dark-haired ghoulish figure sighed as he sat up and stared at the empty room.
How he got there, he didn't know.
But…
He wasn't frightened.
Fear was obsolete to him, for some reason.
He was stranded in some strange place he didn't know, yet how was it that he wasn't the least bit perturbed by the fact?
Slowly floating off the bed, the young man didn't even notice the lack of sensation from his limbs and body as he did so. The empty room seemed familiar, but not overly so. It itched at his sub-consciousness in a strange way; like a scab that you wanted to pick at, even when you knew it wasn't the best thing to do for you.
Yet…
Nothing seemed to alarm him or put him in a cautious state.
This was…
He was straddling a line that he could not pinpoint, and that put him on edge even more than his lack of memory did.
Normal.
Why was this normal?
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole-
There was something that itched at his ears; what it was, he didn't yet know.
The room was bland and white.
There was absolutely no furniture except for the bed behind him, and the lain only one door and window within the tiny room; both of which were wide open.
Gazing outside with listless eyes, the man held in a shutter as sunlight filtered in through the open pane and ran through his transparent figure.
Something… beautiful and disturbing all at once.
He had to…
Something so familiar, he could almost taste it.
He had to…
His hands, they were reaching forward-
He had to…
Yet they caught nothing within their grasp.
Find it.
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the Sun anymore.
Figures he didn't know ran past his gaze, and yet he felt strangely content at the scene playing in front of him.
Staring ahead at the open door, a strange surge of fright overcame his deadened senses, freezing his feet right in place.
Tiny children scampered by in scuttles of excitement, and though it was a refreshing breath of fresh air from the brightening white of the room he was still enclosed in, there was something about this brood that set him off.
He tried to keep the happiness within his grip, but soon, it became a melancholic desire for a nostalgia that he could not reach.
Finally, after mere moments (though it felt like a millennia to him), his right foot lifted itself-
But he couldn't keep himself in this room forever; there was something out there waiting for him to come forward.
And float just an inch above the floor in front of him, not quite reaching the ground as he intended it to.
But…
That was to be expected.
Wasn't it?
There were too many common things here that didn't make sense; why was his hand reflecting in such a manner anyway?
It wasn't.
People didn't float.
Maybe he was special.
Or maybe…
"… Excuse me?" He whispered to the next person that passed him by, only to have them rush past him in an apathetic manner. Brushing off the rude gesture, he attempted to grab the next person who walked past him-
His fingers, his clothes, his feet; it was all so dull and faded… why?
Only to have his hand faze right through the young man's shoulder.
Why…
Why wasn't he surprised by that?
Why…?
Stoically turning and making his way down the hallway in front of him, he didn't notice as the door he had left open closed in a fitful snap…
And when it rains…
He was in a state of shock; yet not about the lack of feeling coursing through his body or the way he could see the outline of various objects through the random limbs connected to his torso…
Something was missing-
And the sound, it was growing louder.
Louder,
And
Louder.
Why wouldn't it-
The bells, they chimed, and the children, they ran past him and through him and around him from all sides; where was the peace he seemed to achieve in the land of his dreams that he couldn't seem to remember no matter how hard he tried?
Stop?
What was this strange pit growing his chest called, and why couldn't he seem to conjure up any-
"Please… just…"
Holding his hands to his ears, he groaned as something like pain thrashed within his head.
Will to care?
Not able to take the pound against his head, or the ringing bells or the screaming children any longer, he ran through the throngs of miniature-adults and made it to the edge of stairway. Reaching to grab the railing, he almost stumbled as it fazed right through once again.
Chocking down his gasp of astonishment, the dark-haired figment stared down at the foreboding stairs and, after being 'trampled' upon by fleeing children, finally took his first step down.
All he wanted to do… was go.
Will you always find an escape?
The world was bright, and he, as amazing as it was to believe, was washed out by the blinding light.
Dark eyes traced the environment surrounding him, the blurry greens and vivacious darkening blues screaming out against the monotony of the grey buildings just beyond their various horizons. Metal gates stood proudly at the end of the walkway he was standing on, the constant flurry of children finally trickling down into a bare minimum.
Bringing his hand up to his face once more, he stared at the translucent limb in utter disdain.
The ache from before was now evolving into a resounding stab; the pain, nearly unbearable.
He couldn't feel anything except for the burning sensation settled within his chest, and it hurt.
It hurt…
This pain, why was it so familiar…?
His head was a flurry of questions without answers, yet the closer he became to the outside world just beyond those heavy gates, the closer he became to the responses he craved.
Not even pausing to push his way through, the youthful-looking specter sighed as he closed his eyes-
This place, wherever this place was, was nothing to him anymore.
And fell forward.
So you'll sleep till May
And say you don't want to see the Sun anymore.
This place… this new place… this wasn't home either.
Backing away from the assortment of trees and random foliage now encasing his path, he grabbed his head and nearly screamed as the pain-
It didn't stop; it would never stop.
Became all too much to bear.
Dropping to the ground, he could barely keep in the groan of discomfort as bits and pieces of sky fell down upon him…
Still falling through him, as if he meant nothing.
This pain, it wasn't natural, just like he wasn't natural or real or alive; it was all a reminder-
Blacking out became the only option available as the cry within his throat became enclosed within the darkness encasing him within its cage.
If only he could remember what it was he was supposed to not forget to begin with.
Just say it again
And mean it.
Time was no longer an obstacle to him, so what did it matter how long he had laid there in the cold he could not feel?
Opening his eyes with a groan (so reminiscent to his first awakening…), he gazed up at the stormy sky staring down at him, rain still falling through and around him in a messy display of nourishment.
He didn't even wonder where he was.
All he knew…
Was that the pain-
The one constant that had lain with him throughout the day-
Had stopped.
Had finally been laid to rest.
Stumbling forward clumsily, he had to keep himself from falling forward as he squinted his eyes and bit his lip in anxiousness.
There was someone…
It was more of a silhouette, really, but to him, it may have well been the first sign of life he'd seen all day.
Someone there, waiting for something.
Or perhaps someone?
The lone body shimmering lightly under the dim scenery surrounding them laid relaxed on the grass, eyes trained ahead at the heavens above them.
"Hello?" He whispered, eyes dripping with an eclectic mixture of hope and despair.
The man smiled as he leaned forward on his arms and smiled, every part of him glowing with an angelic light that he could not describe.
"… Hello L."
Staring at the man with an imploring gaze, he pointed at himself as the unanswered question hung within the air.
"Is that…?"
"Yes. That's… that's your name." The beautiful man whispered, his body becoming more and more transparent as he spoke and L became all the more closer. "Your name is… L."
His name… he hadn't even known he had had a name.
Keeping to where he was, L (he reveled in the name, knowing that that was something he could at least keep for the moment) trembled from the overload of emotion threatening to eat him alive.
"Do I know you?"
Leaning forward, the beautiful man sighed.
"Yes. But don't strain yourself to remember. Why don't you just come over and lay with me for awhile? My name is Light."
'Light… a beautiful name for a beautiful man.'
Staring in near awe, L felt his fingers twitch against his side as the man then stood up and faced the amnesiac head on and shock him with his next words.
"I… I'm sorry."
L blinked, not sure what to say.
"Huh?"
"I said… I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this to you… or to myself." Light whispered, milk-chocolate eyes now dripping with tears. "Don't you understand? I can't take it anymore, L."
Stepping forward, L began to panic as Light shook his head, wanting to touch him-
"… … Did I-"
"No, you didn't do a thing." Watching his fingertips disintegrate against the force of the wind's push, Light stood up so that he and L stood eye to eye. "And that's the problem. You'll never be able to do a thing."
The pieces, they began to fall, and the truth was unfurling within his own mind.
"No…"
"L-"
"Light… Light. Light, come here. Take my hand. Touch my face. Punch me, hurt me-"
Light's sad eyes magnified the lies he had been spinning around himself, the pain once again crawling over him like a crashing ocean tide.
"Just get over here."
Just running away from all the ones you love;
From everything.
He then wished, without a single shred of doubt, that he could have just forgotten all over again.
"I can't." Light whispered, backing away from the man with heavy steps.
"Stop it, don't say that-"
"But," Dropping onto the ground in a heap of translucent limbs, tears continued to pour down the boy's face in shining rivulets as he shook his head. "It's true."
Light then pointed at him, and smiled.
"Look."
L stared at his now solid hand as Light's figure became more and more transparent, the amount of control held over his limb amazing him more than he would have liked
"No… no, no, no…"
"It's almost time for you to go." Light finished lamely, eyes glistening vibrantly against the dull color of his face. "You don't have to do this anymore."
It wasn't what he wanted, but what he needed; since when did Light ever care about what he needed anyway?
The two men stared at each other, one a bit more solid than other, the other a wreck of involuntary emotion.
Was this what denial felt like?
"I don't want to go."
"But you have to." Light reminded him softly. "I still have so much time left, but you barely have any at all. I can see it. You're here now, but tomorrow, it'll just be the more of the same. And I can't take it anymore, L. I can't."
L knew he was right.
But that didn't matter to him in the least.
"Don't… Just tell me you'll be here tomorrow. I don't care about anything else."
Light closed his eyes and sighed, his image growing less and less visible.
But he knew that that was an impossibility as soon as it had come out of his mouth.
"Will you… at least say…?"
As the last dregs of the boy vanished, he mouthed something at the older man.
L closed his eyes and nodded.
'Me too.'
How could you do it?
I never saw it coming.
He wished he could forget.
L bit his lower lip as he stared up at the plain white ceiling, dark eyes rimmed red.
They were dry and itchy.
He could feel them…
And they were dry and itchy.
Looking down at his hand, however, it was still as translucent as ever.
It had been so long since he had been able to feel anything; this time, he knew it.
Tonight…
He'd see him tonight.
He needed to see him tonight.
I need the ending;
Why can't you stay long enough to explain?
What he would discover, however, would ultimately break what little of him was left-
He strained his vision looking, yet still, no lithe figure covered in shining light appeared before his very eyes.
Piece by piece.
Without realizing it, his fingers began to twitch as they became a bit more tangible.
Was this…?
The whole night, he waited.
He couldn't ever remember leaving in the morning, but…
The whole night, silence was his only companion.
The same room as before, much more familiar to him than the day before, greeted his eyes with the same vintage white coloring and singlet bed.
Was this it?
Take these chances to turn it around;
Just take these chances-
Things didn't change.
Eyes opened.
The same white ceiling.
The same open window.
The same endless landscape.
He didn't want to remember.
He wanted…
He wanted…
Things were better before, and he had never appreciated that fact.
But he couldn't.
Things didn't change.
His fingers, they twitched.
His hand, it grew more solid.
His arms, more corporeal.
Those nights, they were still so lonely.
He was losing more and more control…
He still remembered his name.
And…
'Me too. I do too.'
We'll make it somehow.
This cycle, it was endless.
L knew he wasn't coming back.
But he couldn't seem to break away.
Yet there was something within him that refused to give up.
How long had Light sat here beside him, crying?
Soon after, the nights became days…
And he stayed where he was.
And a new cycle began.
He could see his face now, streaked with never-ending tears and that same sad smile.
Closing his eyes, he gripped the grass underneath him with trembling fingers.
'I do too…'
Those words, they kept him grounded now that Light himself couldn't.
Perhaps he was different.
Or maybe Light was.
Opening his eyes, L wondered.
You can take my time…
When one loses everything, they have everything to gain…
L stared up at the cloud-filled sky, wondering.
Don't they?
Reaching a hand forward, he smiled.
Of course.
Take my time.
